Thursday, July 21, 2011

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Four

Hee Hee.  Evil Twin and I pulled it off.  That's right.  We pulled one over on the humans.  Somehow, Evil Twin rigged the smoke alarm outside their bedroom to howl its impending death at 3:00 am.  YIKES!  You should have heard what that male human said.  I'll admit I was a bit startled myself as I wasn't sure if Evil Twin could pull off the trick.  I accidentally clawed the female.  She forgave me quickly, though, with a nice little head rub once I returned to the den.

A few times lately, I have tested my reign as king cat around here.  The two-legged cats raised their voices at me.  I relented, fooling them into thinking they are in charge.  I am patient.  I know that in just a short time, I will be taking the female human for walkies complete with a collar and leash.... ON HER!

The female human has found an evil device that I'm sure will bring about excruciating pain if it gets anywhere near me.  She called it a "little slinky" and kept asking me what was scaring me so much.  I noticed that it rhymes with "wittle stinky" which is what I've heard her call me after I've visited my box and deposited a huge pile of...


Oh, ok.  I guess I should be more polite.  I have to take dumps, periodically, 'K?  My favorite time for stinky deposits is immediately after the female cleans my box.  I think I'm getting the hang of this "evil" stuff.

Those idiots threw away my cardboard scratching post, replacing it with some ugly monstrosity they said would be much less messy.  As usual, I have no idea what that means but I pouted for days.  Finally, the female, showing a slight hint of intelligence, retrieved my favorite toy from the trash.   Ahhhh, it feels so good to have sharp instruments of death again.   

 Ferocious beast activities will resume
after my nap and my noon sustenance.

I can do so much more damage now.

Friday, July 15, 2011

This Ranting Geek May Need Medication!

Where am I?  Is this the same earth that brought me snow and below-freezing temperatures last winter?  My brain is boiling from these triple-digit days, about 12 in a row now.  Thanks much for bringing on the brown season here in north Texas.  

I'd like to crawl into a hole and emerge sometime this fall or in time for summer vacation to a cooler place.

Strange things are happening....

We visited New Mexico where at least we had cooler nights but the fires burned turning the horizon into a smoky haze.  

Pink sun.  Is this Mars or maybe Venus?

Los Alamos was evacuated.  When people returned to their homes, they were warned that displaced bears may be visiting looking for food.    Oh, my.  Be careful Goldilocks. 

 Ahs.  So sweet of the two-legs to leave me some treats.

We are headed to the land of Jellystone in late August.  Yellowstone, that is.  No fires there this year but there is an oil spill in the Yellowstone River.   Ew. So all the bears are now black bears?

Snort.  I just can't help myself today.

Bear activity is on the rise as the poor creatures can't find enough food at higher elevations.  A beetle is destroying pine trees limiting the pine nuts available to hungry grizzlies.   Hubby says we are wearing bells while hiking so we lessen our chance of startling Mama and Cubs.

It's not surprising that many Americans are obese.  Hubby and I were rolling our eyes at how many able-bodied people we see that push the button to have doors open automatically.  What?  So your arms don't work?  They're not full.  You don't have kids with you.  You're not in a wheelchair or using a walker or cane.  Sheesh.  USE YOUR ARMS! 

Ok.  Ok.  Maybe you're having a bad day.    I think I'll head to the kitchen for a fattening snack.  

What is it with Texas?  Casey Anthony moving here.  Seriously?    Glenn Beck wants to hang his hat here, too?  Wow.   I'm not standing here with open arms, 'K?  How about North Dakota or Kansas or maybe New Jersey?  Yeah, that works.  Adios. 

That's enough ranting for today.  Have a great weekend.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Three

The saga of the cat known as Oreo continues...

The humans left me for what felt like years.  They said they went to the desert for a few days.  I don't get it.  It's hot here.  Why go to a hotter place?  They explained that the temperatures get down into the 50's at night in the desert.  I could handle that.  I would like to feel cool.  Snuggling up against these warm creatures all the time is tough work. To cool off around here, I have to turn over on my back and spread my legs.

Um, Oreo?  Don't talk like that.  The humans won't like it.

Sheesh.  I'm always in trouble.

They told me they went on a lake trail famous for rattlesnakes.  Oh!  Oh!  Now THAT sounds fun.  I love snakes.

Your shoe string isn't really a snake, Silly.

Other humans stopped by.  They played with me and fed me.  They called me a cat orb.

No, Goofball.  They said you were a "cat whore".  You'll go with anybody.

I'm not sure what that means.  I'm sure they were just talking sweet to me like all humans do. 

The female human is not tolerant of me once she returned.  She said something about having to re-train me because I've forgotten things I'm not supposed to do.  I have no idea what she is talking about.  I just want to be close to her.....on the toilet, putting on her shoes and clothes, taking off her shoes and clothes, preparing her food on the countertop, reading her books and emails...  She keeps telling me that she doesn't need my help.


The humans gave me this giant contraption that dispenses my food at regular intervals.  Ha!  That thing is useless.  It never provides enough of those ugly dry morsels and I have to wrestle with it to get it to spit out some more.  I was very excited when that silly female human spilled the container one day.  She and the male tried to get all the food back into the bin but I quickly swept a few under a rug for later.  Hee Hee.

Reffie told me to tell you that she won a blog contest hosted by Unfinished Person.  I've heard of unfinished meals, although I've never experienced one, but a person being unfinished?  I'm very confused.  Anyway, Reffie won a collection of personalized items.  She got running books, a cookbook, and a couple of country music CD's.  She sounds excited.  She likes running and cooking and music.  I like running, eating, and mice so I guess we have lots in common.


Whoa!  Sorry about that folks.  Oreo's food dispenser just dumped and he stomped on the keyboard as he bolted for his dinner.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"