Confessions of a Reforming Geek

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Nine

2012-01-12T10:38:00.002-06:00

Oreo Kitty, aided and abetted by Evil Twin, comments on his mundane existence with lazy humans....

BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE.

What the heck?

BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE.

What IS going on here?

Ahs, poor Oreo Kitty. Reffie is sickie and she's coughing. She didn't notice you had declared her stomach as your pillow.

Sheesh. I'm moving to the other one. The soft spots between his legs make a better pillow anyway.

ACHOO! I hope I don't get sick. I need my nose to work. That female leaves the house and comes back smelling funny. It makes my nose all twitchy. It's like she's visiting other cats but I know she would never do that for she worships me as her only god.

ACHOO!

Silly Oreo. Reffie plays with her friend's furry beasts while her friend is away. They are cute and cuddly just like you.....but a lot smarter.

What? WHAT? You'd better watch what you say there, MS. Evil, 'cause I gots claws and I know how to use them.

Things around here are crazy. Large cases appeared and the humans put their garmins in them. (That's "garments", Oreo. ) At least the female didn't pack one of my favorite toys, PUFFY WHITE BRA! Hee Hee. I hid that. I also like SCARF. SCARF has little snakes coming off of it. Slobber. Slobber. Reffie got it for Christmas. Oh, oh! Here it is now. Must go play:

The humans are leaving on vacation soon. Let's keep that on the down-low, 'K? Reffie will be taking her GARMIN with her and going to Houston for the marathon. That is, if she feels well enough to do it. She's got some good meds for "the sickness" that took over her taper before the race so she's hopeful.

Uh oh. Reffie just gave me the stink eye for laughing. Apparently, she IS NOT amused that she pees when she coughs...

Snort.

Photo credits: Reffie's beasts: Reffie

BAM-BAM Boxing Day!

2011-12-26T16:56:00.003-06:00

Ok. I know it's not about boxing but I couldn't resist.

Hubby, Cat, Evil Twin and I had a nice Christmas. We are tired from all the preparations and the visiting but we are exhausted from all the EATING! You've heard the expression "Don't eat until you're full. Eat until you're tired?" Well, that's what we did. Burp. BURP!

My compliments to the chef.

At one of our gatherings, I channeled Evil Twin and zombied this poor cookie:

Oreo Cat hid from our guests, the Silly Beast. He's usually very playful but just like a little kid, he got all shy when you wanted him to shine.

I'm sorry I never finished shopping for you guys. Actually, I never started but a friend of mine found something that would be great for all of you. Oreo Cat is very pleased with this selection:

Happy Toasting! That's right. Some people find Jesus or Mary on their toast. You will easily spot a cat on yours, every time! Watch out for hairballs.

Toast your bread, toast your tootsies, and most of all, toast the New Year. Remember it may be the last year for life as we know it. Evil Twin said the world will end in 1982. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's actually going to be 1992. Sheesh.

Hee Hee.

Life as a Cookie - Part Eight

2011-12-06T19:00:00.000-06:00

I'm back. I hope you haven't forgotten me. I've been filling out quite nicely, eating lots of whatever the silly Humans will give me. Waddle, waddle. I have toys hidden all over this place, a reasonably clean litter box, and a couple of walking warm spots at my beck and call. The Humans tell me I have it good.

Hum....I don't think so. There aren't any mice here.

The Humans have erected some sort of shrine. It looks like something that should be outside and something I'm sure I must have climbed in a previous life. The female spent hours decorating my den and put what she called "orny mentz" on the shrine.

Ahem...that's "ornaments", and it's Christmas time. The humans deck the halls.

Here is their shrine. It looks like a tree with snow on it.

Whatever. Those things are shiny and they move. They must be my toys. The Humans give me the stink eye if I even think about looking at their shrine. Pffft. I will show them. If it's the last thing I do (and it might be), I vow to destroy that shrine bit by bit while they sleep.

Now THIS is more like it.

These decorative critters are closer to my size.

Whoa! There's my toy mouse on the floor. Cool!

OK. Let's move on. The sleeping conditions around here are pretty darn good. Thicker and more cuddly cushy things have appeared on my bed and the walking warm spots have grown accustomed to me using their limbs as pillows. Oh yeah. They have their own pillows. I like those, too.

When the female gets up in the mornings, I'm still cold so I like to stay in the warm place she's abandoned. Today, she tried to kill me. I was in my cave and she tried to smother me with the cushy things. Sigh. I showed her. I was a BIG, SCARY, ROARING (ok, squeaking) BEAST reaching my paw out from the cave and swatting her.

Oreo, she was just trying to make the bed. She didn't know you remained in the warm place. You tricked her.

See. There's my cave!

The humans have told me that Santa may bring me something for Christmas if I'm a good kitty.

Well, I guess this Santa will have a lighter load around here this year.

Gobble, Gobble, GobbledyGeek

2011-11-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

Er....I mean Gobbledygook!

It's almost Thanksgiving. YAY! I love Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for and I LOVE TO EAT!

It's been slightly cooler here and we're getting rain off and on but we had about three days of fall color. The wind is blowing and leaves are littering our lawn, driveway, gutters, flower beds, and my favorite: embedded under the windshield wipers.

What?

Oh. Evil Twin says I should get the mower out and mulch them. Actually, I'm thinking she should do that.

We are having smoked turkey again this year at my mom's and I'm making my infamous pumpkin pie. Oh yeah. Yum! This is the pie with a gingersnap crust with maple syrup as the sweetener. Burp! I'd better make four pies. Three for my brother and one for the rest of us. Oops. I mean, three for me and one for the rest of them.

If you haven't heard, I'm training for my first full marathon, 26.2 miles of pure running bliss. Ha!

You probably know that I've done several halves, much more than should be needed to make a whole, but I decided to take leave of my senses and prepare for the Houston Marathon in January. Earlier this year, a close friend did her first marathon. She inspired me and since next year is the celebration of the start of my 6th decade, it seemed like a good time to do it.

The training is a beating. Evil Twin and Oreo Cat are thoroughly enjoying the details of my torturous long runs although Oreo Cat isn't thrilled that I'm gone from his service for several hours at a time. It's been warm here which isn't much fun for running. My friend has been a great source of encouragement, soothing my whining and sympathizing with my aches and pains.

Last weekend's 20-miler had potential. A cooling north breeze made me shiver a few times but my feet got soaked on the wet grassy knoll where I ran that day. Wet feet and new, too-thick socks gave me an enormous blister on the bottom of my left big toe and a smaller blister on my right big toe. EW! I hobbled (not gobbled) around like a blue-haired LOL (Little Old Lady). I've got the LOL shuffle down if anyone needs any pointers.

Besides running, I know I've been busy but not with anything interesting enough to keep you awake.

Hello?

Anyone?

Sigh.

It's almost time for Evil Twin and I to do our Christmas shopping for you guys. I'm tingling with excitement!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Skinless Evil Laughter

2011-10-26T13:23:00.000-05:00

Oh dear. It's almost Halloween and I haven't done much decorating around here. Oreo Cat eats all the spiders so you won't see them stuffed and hanging from my windows this year.

The deer that ate my latest patch of pansies are not cooperating, either. I bought them frilly little outfits but when they see me, they run away.

I also bought a costume for Oreo but he saw this photo and is hiding under the bed.

Iz couldn't scare a flea if Iz tried.

Then I decided that this would be the year I would tackle pumpkin carving. Forget starting small with silly little triangle cutouts and toothless grins. THIS is one scary squash:

Hungry, hungry, hungry! I eat kittens for snacks.

Oh yeah! That was fun. I love it.

What?

Oh, ok. No, I didn't carve that. I tried but Oreo jumped into the pumpkin and made a mess of things.

Maybe I'll just do a bit of decorating...

I made a slight alteration to my candy bowl with the help of some SuperBond stuff. I thought it would be fun to hand out candy with a skeleton in the bowl. Hee Hee.

Mr. Skinless surveys the empty bowl with his own special slant.

I need to work on that empty bowl issue.

Ooh ahh, Scarecrow lives! She is guarding the apples:

OK. OK. Here's my costume:

Rasta Tweety goes Disco!

H A V E A G R E A T H A L L O W E E N ! ! !

Photo credits: Kitty in costume, evil pumpkin: Internetz, All others: Reffie

Life as a Cookie - Part Seven

2011-10-01T11:28:00.001-05:00

Another post by Oreo, the kooky cookie cat, with the help of Reffie's Evil Twin.

I'm finally able to get to the laptop while Reffie takes a shower. I usually like to accompany her to the shower because it's a fun place with stuff spouting and spewing everywhere. I don't understand why I get wet, though. I don't really like that.

I've been most unhappy with this female human lately. She does not sit down much and I like laps. I captured her today, though, when she sat down and put a newspaper in her lap. Hee Hee. All mine. While she attempted to open and read it, I wrestled with her clothing. She has this string thing on her shorts. Ooh ahh. I untied it several times so it could be long enough for me to practice making string art. She must not have approved of my masterpieces...

Sigh. I got in trouble. She said something about my claws and teeth on her bare belly. It's her own fault. She folded up her blouse because I kept snagging it.

The humans took a vacation last month and left me to fend for myself.

Oreo, Reffie's friends visited you every day.

Huh? Oh yeah. One of them brought me a hollow round thing that made a funky noise when it hit the floor (a ping-pong ball). I got tired of listening to it so I hid it. Reffie looks for it occasionally but the foolish girl has not discovered my toy stash.

Reffie and Hubby are excited about something red. I think that's cool because I also get excited about something red. It's a dot. That's right, a red dot. It has something to do with a device that they hold in their paws. I'm not sure how it works but this red dot flies all over the place. It is my mission in life to capture and conquer that bothersome orb.

The red causing all the excitement for the humans is baseball. The Texas Rangers are in the playoffs!

Scoot. Scoot. DOWN OREO!

Sheesh. He just takes over. I wanted to share a photo with you. It's been a rough summer but my Texas Sage ignored that and bloomed anyway.

Unfortunately, I nearly had a cow when I opened my water bill. :(

Red Riding Hood and Grandma

2011-09-19T21:53:00.000-05:00

OK. It's time to get down to business and write about wolves. I've put cotton in the cat's ears (Yeah, THAT was fun!) so he doesn't hear that this post isn't about him.

Wait. Evil Twin is bringing me something to post. Hmmm, it's a photo and she is telling me it's wolves:

Gee, um, I don't think so, ET, but I'll let it stay here so you won't get upset with me and write on me with a permanent black marker during the night....

Anyway, that photo looks mysteriously like bear......soap.

Hee Hee. It IS bear soap and it looks a lot like what we got at each of the places we stayed inside the park on our vacation. I took them home as ~~souvenirs~~ soap to bathe with and I bet she staged them for that photo, that silly girl.

We recently visited Yellowstone National Park. We heard all about the wolves being re-introduced into the park several years ago and how they have grown into several different packs. We even heard that one pack killed off another pack. Ugh! Nature is brutal. The wolves keep the elf....er...elk population under control and will certainly munch on a dead bison or moose when available. There is no record of wolves dressed as Grandma harassing little girls wearing red.

They are playful creatures. This one decides he wants a game of, well, something.

Mine

Nope. We didn't shoot that video but it did happen in Yellowstone the week after we left.

I bet you're asking if we actually saw any wolves?

What? You're not?

Pffft.

We did. See?

No? You didn't see? Click and make it bigger. Look for tiny red circles in the center near the trees.

Yes, wolves, really.

We were able to spot the wolves when we noticed folks at a pull-out with a scope focused on something far, far, away. I looked through the scope and saw black wolf pups playing. Aws. Hubby saw a lighter-colored adult.

We even took one home as a warm, cuddly, souvenir:

Yeah. This one is Cat's wolf. Every time he wakes up, it's a whole new world and when he sees this wolf, he has to kill it....again. He was just about to pounce when I snapped this photo.

Sheesh.

Nature is so brutal.

Photo credits: Soap and stuffed wolf: Reffie, youtube video: some lucky dude, Real wolves: Hubby

Yellowstone Beauty

2011-09-09T13:00:00.003-05:00

Oh dear. I seem to have stepped in something. I think the cat must have....... No, that's not it.

Nevermind.

I was doing some unpacking, putting stuff away, flipping laundry, and then I saw something in the corner of my eye. My brain kept asking what is that, what is that? I dug a little deeper.

Ah, my blog. Cool.

I'm back. At least for the moment.

Hubby and I took a trip up to Yellowstone. We left Oreo, the cat that looks like a cookie and has a big dog butt, in capable hands, and I think he may have picked up a few skills while we were gone. Hum...what is that in your mouth, Oreo?

Nevermind.

He's been glued to my lap, increasing his skills at hindering my typing and still a bit fussy with us for leaving him for so long.

Our trip was wonderful. I have so many photos I want to share but I'm only picking a few favorites in order to keep my sanity.....and yours.

Lower Falls - So soothing.

Evil Twin wanted a barrel....for me.

Whoa! Stand back, Reffie!

The Grand Prismatic Spring. Evil Twin was expecting aliens.

Canary Spring - NOT for bathing. I told Evil Twin to put away her towel!

An elk munching, oblivious to the beauty of the sunset.

Storm over Lake Yellowstone. Wowie!

That's all for now. I'll be back soon with a post about wolves. Let's not tell the cat that it won't be about him, 'K?

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Six

2011-08-21T15:31:00.003-05:00

Oreo Cat again reports on his life with Reffie, Evil Twin, and Hubby. Oreo wrote this post from the cabinet above the dryer, laying on the rag towels, examining the paper bags, and chewing on light bulb packages. All of this while he thinks he's supervising me doing the laundry.

Last week the female got up, peed (with me in her lap of course!) and then did something crazy. She opened the window in the upstairs bathroom. Ooh, ahh. Those outside smells made my tummy grumble. I smelled birds, and squirrels, and armadillos, and possums, and...... Whoa. WHAT'S THAT?

Silly Cat. It was rain. Reffie opened the window to rejoice that we finally got some rain around here. She was walking around singing and dancing, acting very silly. She kept saying that the smell of wet brown grass was a very beautiful thing.

Everything calmed down after that. I'm back to sitting in windows and cooling my belly on the floor. It's FREAKIN' HOT here!

I wish I could get closer to all that food the female seems to enjoy. She sure makes a lot of cookies. I like cookies...and bread...and crackers....and well, just about anything. My latest favorite treat comes right out of the big cold box. I went in there one day. The female wasn't happy with me. She said she might ackidently...er...(I think Oreo means accidentally) close me in there. I don't see the problem.

Sigh.

Anyway, back to my treat. It's small, round, and cold. Reffie pushes a magic button and it jumps out on the floor. I play with it to make her think I'm having fun but I really just want to make sure it's very, very dead. Lick. Lick. Bat. Slurp.

Sheesh. Oreo is trying to say that he likes crushed ice. Reffie gives him a piece and he thinks he's eating something yummy.

I've discovered that the soft cushy large apparatus in the upstairs big room is a fun place to play hide and seek. In the mornings, the female does what she calls "make the bed". I see no sense in this chore as it gets unmade every night. I try to tell her this by jumping around on the the sheets and hiding inside them.

I can't find most of my toys but that's ok because I discovered ink pen. Yes, ink pen is shiny and it rolls around on Reffie's papers on the couch. It brings me seconds of great joy. Sometimes Reffie picks it up and tickles me with it.

She's not tickling you, Goofball. She is trying to write your name on your belly so you won't forget who you are. Just remember that she's a bit strange sometimes. It's the alien probing. It messes with her brain.

Probing? I don't like the sound of that.

Shiny thing. Ooh, ahh. Pounce. Bat. Bat. Wheeeeeeee!!!!!

Something tells me Oreo is finished with this post.

Floating over the Texas Brown

2011-08-09T19:25:00.001-05:00

What color is your parachute?

Sheesh. Forget parachutes. What color is your lawn? Mine is brown with patches of green. We are about to break a record here in north Texas. We're not proud. We'd like to pass. It's been 100 degrees or higher for 39 days in a row. The record is 42 set in 1980. We should break that record on Saturday.

Ugh.

Ah, yes. The summer of 1980. Memories of sweeping trash at Six Flags, flirting with boys, and developing boobs....er...biceps from lifting heavy trash bags. For some silly reason, I liked that job. It must have been because I could walk around all day thinking I looked cool. It was a strange summer, not a cloud in the sky. August rolled in and a cloud appeared over the park. It got heavy and opened up with pouring rain. We stood there letting it soak us to the skin. Ahhhhh. When I got home later, our house had not received a drip. Even back then, Mother Nature was a finicky bee-otch.

We are hoping that 1980 will still go down as one of the worst summers in history with 69 total days of 100 degrees or higher temps.

Uncle, I say, UNCLE!

Speaking of uncles, my oldest uncle turned 90 over the weekend:

I felt bad about eating George but that cake

was tasty! It was 1/2 chocolate

and 1/2 white with a strawberry filling.

Burp.

In other news, Oreo Cat and Evil Twin are doing a great job making sure I don't sleep through the night. Play time starts early, way before dawn thinks about cracking jokes. I'm sure they are trying to weaken me so that when the men in the pretty white coats come for me, I'll be complacent. During the day, when he's trying to sleep, I try the same tactics. Sigh. They don't work.

I am such a good slave.

Let's get back to parachutes....

No, let's go past parachutes into hot air balloons. Hubby and I attended a Family Day event for his work at a lodge down south where they have real hills and wind. Holy Light Bulb, Batman! Hubby and I almost got to go for a "ride" in that beautiful balloon but we left before they started to let people get in the basket. Earlier, the balloon was struggling with the wind and it looked like it was going to make a nice decoration for the lodge's lawn instead of actually being able to rise.

Tethered balloon at Rough Creek Lodge

Please do a rain dance and send clouds. We don't remember what they look like.

Photo credits: Birthday cake: Reffie, Balloon at Sunset: Rohr Balloons

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Five

2011-08-01T17:40:00.000-05:00

The female human found my toy stash. I slid my wine cork and my fluffy round mouse under the display cabinet saving them for a rainy day. The next thing I knew the female was on my floor with her big head and eyeballs peeking underneath the cabinet. She reached under there with a stick and brought out my toys and a few bugs (yummy). Sheesh. I HAD to play with them just to make her feel like she did something special.

Um, Oreo Cat? You're so silly. Your paw could not reach those toys. They were gone forever.

What? I don't quite get that.

I've noticed that it's getting harder and harder to jump up on tall things like the female's "Irony bored." Who is Irony? Why is she bored?

Oreo, it's an IRONING BOARD. The female, Reffie, presses clothing on it.

What? Why would she do that? I don't quite get it.

Why can't I get my belly up there anymore?

Oh. Are you saying I'm getting fat?

Is this the belly you speak of?

A new toy appeared over the weekend. It was brown and almost dead. The humans obviously did not provide this toy as they seemed a bit upset that this thing was in their kitchen. I tried to get it to move and play with me but the male human made it go away.

That was a scorpion, Oreo Beast. It might sting you!

Oreo notices his wine cork on the floor and pounces upon it. It rolls and he chases it around, emptying his head of all memories and unlikely understanding of possibly getting stung by a scorpion.

That silly female got up too early Sunday morning. She said she was going to a race where she had to swim, cycle, and run. Yawn. I thought for sure it was play time or I would at least get a snack. Pffft. She patted my head, told me to be a good kitty, and left.

Yeah, right. I went back to bed. I waited a couple of hours and then started to engage the male human in play using my claws and teeth towards the center of his body near his legs.

I got in trouble. :(

Since the female obviously likes to rise early, I thought that 4:30 am this morning would be a good time to show off my sharp claws making a nest in the sheets near her legs.

Apparently not.

Sigh. Life is hard for a kitty.

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Four

2011-07-21T12:11:00.001-05:00

Hee Hee. Evil Twin and I pulled it off. That's right. We pulled one over on the humans. Somehow, Evil Twin rigged the smoke alarm outside their bedroom to howl its impending death at 3:00 am. YIKES! You should have heard what that male human said. I'll admit I was a bit startled myself as I wasn't sure if Evil Twin could pull off the trick. I accidentally clawed the female. She forgave me quickly, though, with a nice little head rub once I returned to the den.

A few times lately, I have tested my reign as king cat around here. The two-legged cats raised their voices at me. I relented, fooling them into thinking they are in charge. I am patient. I know that in just a short time, I will be taking the female human for walkies complete with a collar and leash.... ON HER!

The female human has found an evil device that I'm sure will bring about excruciating pain if it gets anywhere near me. She called it a "little slinky" and kept asking me what was scaring me so much. I noticed that it rhymes with "wittle stinky" which is what I've heard her call me after I've visited my box and deposited a huge pile of...

What?

Oh, ok. I guess I should be more polite. I have to take dumps, periodically, 'K? My favorite time for stinky deposits is immediately after the female cleans my box. I think I'm getting the hang of this "evil" stuff.

Those idiots threw away my cardboard scratching post, replacing it with some ugly monstrosity they said would be much less messy. As usual, I have no idea what that means but I pouted for days. Finally, the female, showing a slight hint of intelligence, retrieved my favorite toy from the trash. Ahhhh, it feels so good to have sharp instruments of death again.

Ferocious beast activities will resume

after my nap and my noon sustenance.

I can do so much more damage now.

This Ranting Geek May Need Medication!

2011-07-15T10:55:00.000-05:00

Where am I? Is this the same earth that brought me snow and below-freezing temperatures last winter? My brain is boiling from these triple-digit days, about 12 in a row now. Thanks much for bringing on the brown season here in north Texas.

I'd like to crawl into a hole and emerge sometime this fall or in time for summer vacation to a cooler place.

Strange things are happening....

We visited New Mexico where at least we had cooler nights but the fires burned turning the horizon into a smoky haze.

Pink sun. Is this Mars or maybe Venus?

Los Alamos was evacuated. When people returned to their homes, they were warned that displaced bears may be visiting looking for food. Oh, my. Be careful Goldilocks.

Ahs. So sweet of the two-legs to leave me some treats.

We are headed to the land of Jellystone in late August. Yellowstone, that is. No fires there this year but there is an oil spill in the Yellowstone River. Ew. So all the bears are now black bears?

Snort. I just can't help myself today.

Bear activity is on the rise as the poor creatures can't find enough food at higher elevations. A beetle is destroying pine trees limiting the pine nuts available to hungry grizzlies. Hubby says we are wearing bells while hiking so we lessen our chance of startling Mama and Cubs.

It's not surprising that many Americans are obese. Hubby and I were rolling our eyes at how many able-bodied people we see that push the button to have doors open automatically. What? So your arms don't work? They're not full. You don't have kids with you. You're not in a wheelchair or using a walker or cane. Sheesh. USE YOUR ARMS!

Ok. Ok. Maybe you're having a bad day. I think I'll head to the kitchen for a fattening snack.

What is it with Texas? Casey Anthony moving here. Seriously? Glenn Beck wants to hang his hat here, too? Wow. I'm not standing here with open arms, 'K? How about North Dakota or Kansas or maybe New Jersey? Yeah, that works. Adios.

That's enough ranting for today. Have a great weekend.

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Three

2011-07-05T20:21:00.000-05:00

The saga of the cat known as Oreo continues...

The humans left me for what felt like years. They said they went to the desert for a few days. I don't get it. It's hot here. Why go to a hotter place? They explained that the temperatures get down into the 50's at night in the desert. I could handle that. I would like to feel cool. Snuggling up against these warm creatures all the time is tough work. To cool off around here, I have to turn over on my back and spread my legs.

Um, Oreo? Don't talk like that. The humans won't like it.

Sheesh. I'm always in trouble.

They told me they went on a lake trail famous for rattlesnakes. Oh! Oh! Now THAT sounds fun. I love snakes.

Your shoe string isn't really a snake, Silly.

Other humans stopped by. They played with me and fed me. They called me a cat orb.

No, Goofball. They said you were a "cat whore". You'll go with anybody.

I'm not sure what that means. I'm sure they were just talking sweet to me like all humans do.

The female human is not tolerant of me once she returned. She said something about having to re-train me because I've forgotten things I'm not supposed to do. I have no idea what she is talking about. I just want to be close to her.....on the toilet, putting on her shoes and clothes, taking off her shoes and clothes, preparing her food on the countertop, reading her books and emails... She keeps telling me that she doesn't need my help.

Humph!

The humans gave me this giant contraption that dispenses my food at regular intervals. Ha! That thing is useless. It never provides enough of those ugly dry morsels and I have to wrestle with it to get it to spit out some more. I was very excited when that silly female human spilled the container one day. She and the male tried to get all the food back into the bin but I quickly swept a few under a rug for later. Hee Hee.

Reffie told me to tell you that she won a blog contest hosted by Unfinished Person. I've heard of unfinished meals, although I've never experienced one, but a person being unfinished? I'm very confused. Anyway, Reffie won a collection of personalized items. She got running books, a cookbook, and a couple of country music CD's. She sounds excited. She likes running and cooking and music. I like running, eating, and mice so I guess we have lots in common.

adfaljkljeifaijij

Whoa! Sorry about that folks. Oreo's food dispenser just dumped and he stomped on the keyboard as he bolted for his dinner.

A Few Squares...

2011-06-27T21:58:00.001-05:00

It's June. It must be time for another reunion.

That's right. Hubby and I attended my high school band reunion over the weekend. Nobody was brave enough to get out their instrument. We left Evil Twin and the cat at home. It's no telling what they were doing to amuse themselves while we were gone but I think they had other animals over and snorted catnip.

The gathering was fun, if not a bit hot in a barely air-conditioned building with the sun blazing in through the glass doors/walls. We were all a bit drippy but managed to talk and yell until our voices were hoarse. Our band director showed up and just like that, we were back in school. It was an emotional reunion for him as our band during the 1978 - 1980 timeframe was his passion. He was one of the first directors in our area to introduce "drum and bugle corp" style marching. He was an excellent band director, coach, and leader for all of us silly, pimply teenagers who thought we knew everything.

What? We didn't?

I spent a lot of time with my high school best friend and our husbands also chatted with each other while we were ~~up and about visiting with others~~ looking for men that still had hair.

Kidding. Kidding. Most of the guys and almost all of the ladies still had hair.

I cringed when I saw one of the ladies I hadn't seen in 30+ years.

She was a year behind me in high school with dark clear skin, pretty eyes, and silky long hair. What a change! She was wearing a tank top and shorts and now adorns all visible skin with tattoos. Her silky long hair is military short. I didn't get a chance to talk to her. I was afraid she might eat me.

This summer Hubby and I finally got around to another home project. It was time to tile our window:

Oreo Cat squeezes into the photo.

Actually, Hubby did most of the work. I'm the chief cleaner-upper and I do the grout, sealing, and caulk.

Guess what?

***crickets***

Pffft.

I won the lottery!

Unfortunately, it's not the kind that allows you to walk a way with a sack of money. It's a lottery for the Houston 2012 Marathon in January. Yep. I got in. Be quiet about it, please. I don't want my body to hear that it will be training for 26.2 miles.

I hope everyone is having a great summer and is making some attempt at staying cool. It's been brutal here in Texas.

Hubby and I will be taking a wee little break for the holiday. Happy Birthday, America!

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Two

2011-06-13T19:11:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to somewhat settle with these humans, Reffie, Evil Twin, and Hubby, even though I still feel like they aim to starve me. Evil Twin is again helping me write this post.

The stroking and loving training is going well but the female was upset with me last night at 2:30 am when I wanted to make a bed out of her tank top while she was wearing it.

I've discovered that the female human has a shelf on her front. It has these knob-thingies. The shelf and the knobs are a bit small but I keep thinking I will find some crumbs from the dead animals and vegetafulls...er....veg-something (don't really know that word) that she and the male human consume. I've been sneaking up on the knobs and trying to nibble. She doesn't really like that and keeps saying something about being thankful for padding.

Sigh.

The female human did the magic Google and determined that I am a Mink.

What?

Oh, not mink, Manx. I'm a Manx, a cat breed with no tail or short stubby tails (like mine) and with tall, large hind legs. That must be why I almost flip over when I run down the stairs chasing my mouse.

It's a tennis ball, but don't say anything to him, 'K?

My humans call me "dogbutt". They also call me "round tummy" and complain I'm going to break some bank because I eat too much.

Burp.

The female human (yes, HER again) also learned that I am prone to Urinary Tract Infections (UTI's). She is giving me more moisture in my food because I'm supposed to pee a lot. Today, she left me some canned chicken-water and a few chunks in a small bowl. Yum-Yum.

More, ~~please,~~ MORE, M-O-R-E!

The female human caught me licking my thingy and told me it's a symptom of UTI. She is mistaken but I won't tell her that. I just liked the taste, that's all. Sheesh.

What?

Oh, the male human? He is very hard to wake up at night.

Both humans laughed at me yesterday. I jumped up into the female's lap but apparently had too much momentum and flipped over on my back onto her left arm. I looked like one of those silly human babies, cradled in her arm with a goofy expression on my face. I was most offended but I soon remedied the situation, righting myself, raising my nose and strutting off like I owned the place.

I do, don't I?

Oh My Eyes and Oh My Word!

2011-06-05T20:44:00.001-05:00

While sitting at my part-time gym grunt job last week, I had some time to think. No, I didn't prove geometric theorems or write the next top-selling iPad app. I thought of things that amuse me and what my neighbors have been up to lately.

You should never have to see:

A stranger's underwear in a public place. No, I'm not talking about kiddos with their pants down low, but an older, heavy women sporting a giant white "O" between her legs. She was sitting in a booth at a restaurant. Lady, please sew those pants or at least close your legs. Those of us on the lower level are getting an eyeful.

Your mom's diaphragm on the bathroom counter.

At a tender age, a guy you have a crush on smooching another girl.

Boobs that touch the floor.

Most of the photos on peopleofwalmart.com.

Feminine product commercials.

Evil Twin's latest perspective on neighbors:

Well... SOME neighbors.

The one that looks like a caveman seen exiting his cave wearing no shirt, baggy shorts, and flip flops, his massive hair wild and a beard that hasn't been groomed in, well, never. Also, he gets his house rolled. Really people? I didn't know this was still the thing to do. The question is will he ever clean it up?

The one that asks "Do you have crabgrass?" several times within the course of a few minutes and goes on with "I've NEVER had it and NOW I've got it all over the place. I wish I knew where it was coming from." Um, yeah, well, crabgrass happens, Pesky Neighbor. She drags me to see her plants out front pointing out crabgrass along the way. Um, yeah, I know what it looks like, Irritating Neighbor. She continues with another question for at least the fourth time, "Do you wants some shrubs to line the back of your property?" Gee, like I said last time....and the time before and before and before, thanks, not now, but I'll let you know if I do, 'K?

The one that thinks you've stolen cats from your friend's house you are sitting because she hasn't seen you at the house recently. Yes, of course. It was a stealth mission in the middle of the night. I finished rolling Caveman's house and went straight for the furry creatures. I am currently holding them for ransom. I'll return them for a piece of my friend's apple pie. Mrs. Kravitz, put those binocs down and find a new hobby.

Whew. I'm feeling much better now. Thanks.

Life as a Cookie - Chapter One

2011-05-27T19:39:00.001-05:00

Hello out there. I'm new around here. My humans call me Oreo Cat:

Click to see my big pink ears. I will not eat you.....just yet.

Reffie, the girl human, has gone for a run. Evil Twin, the girl human's alter ego with the superpowers, asked me to write about my experiences here in this crazy ~~household~~ cat kingdom.

I was excited about this Oreo thing until Evil Twin explained that the humans were saying "blizzard" not "gizzards" and "filling" instead of "fileting".

DANG!

I guess Oreo Cat is better than....

What?

Oh, I can't say those words here.

First of all, these humans are EXTREMELY hard to train. They are intolerant, lazy, and very slow to learn. Perhaps they are retarded.

There is NOT enough food around here. Where are my juicy bits of dead animal and crispy crunchy rodent tails? I've only seen a few bugs here and there. I took care of those quick enough. I finally found a loaf of bread waiting for me on the countertop. I took it to my secret hiding place. The girl human caught me. She was muttering something about how that was HER breakfast, not mine.

See? How dumb is that?

The sleeping situation is tolerable. I fit very well in the male human's lap but he fusses when I try to sip his drink before settling down. The girl human makes a nice back rest during the night although she doesn't handle things well when I try to play with her during the wee hours. I must work harder with her on this issue. Cool flat surfaces such as coffee tables and hearths are available for when the humans make me too hot.

They keep saying that my backside looks like a dog and that I "wag" my tail. I don't know what a backside is but I have heard that evil word "dog" before. Evil Twin tells me they have the spelling backwards. They are saying I'm a "god" of some sort. Cool. Maybe they aren't so stupid afterall.

That's all the time I have now. The girl human is about to return from her run. I shall help her clean up. She tastes good after she's been outside. I also help her cleanse her hands after she eats pickles.

I'm in full play mode here but

I might consider eating if food was presented.

A Creep, a Feast, and a Furry Beast

2011-05-22T15:04:00.000-05:00

I stopped by an estate sale on the way to run some errands. One of the estate worker-bees was sitting down on the couch using the previous occupant's foot massager. He started flirting with me, admiring my girlish figure (Ahem!) and convincing me I needed to try this contraption. (Oh yeah. I was excited to do so after seeing his ugly bare feet on that thing.)

But I did.

I left MY shoes on!

BuzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ! It felt nice on my feet for about two seconds then I thought my teeth were about to fall out of my head. "Gee", he said. "It's only twelve dollars!" Yeah, I thought. As huge and clunky as that thing is, that's about all it's worth.

"No, thanks. I really don't need anything this big."

He kept jabbering at me. I jabbered back, telling him I was hoping to find some large containers for my garden. Finally, he went out and looked for some.

That would have been a good time to run to my car and quickly dash away.

But, no, that's not what I did. I went outside. He started jabbering again, asking me how I stay so thin.

Ugh. Goodbye Creepy. Got errands to run.

We attended a funeral service for Mark's uncle. His life was cut short but he died happy and fulfilled. The ladies at the church had lunch for us after the service. I noticed a homemade Coconut Chess Pie, got a piece before the minister saw it, and sat down to enjoy. I was moaning louder with each bite until my sister-in-law told me to stop making those noises. They are not allowed in the Baptist church.

Hee Hee.

I'm fairly certain the minister was moaning louder.

One of our neighbors was given a stray cat. Their other cat (the cat in the flower bed in my previous post) would not tolerate it and they called Hubby and me practically begging us to take the beast.

Ahs. After hearing how friendly, clean, and well-behaved this cat was, we had to go see it.

Yes. Yes. It was time. It is now taking over our household:

I think I must have been a dog in my past life.

I act like one and I have a tail that looks like a poodle tail.

Evil Twin and I will become great friends.

So far, we haven't settled on a name. We've called him Cat, Lump, Dufus, Goofhead, Oreo, Domino, Stubby, Pinky (big pink ears), and Rex/Wrecks because he acts like a dog and is a bit spastic sometimes!

A neighbor found him. We think someone turned him out once he grew out of the cute kitten stage or maybe he didn't fit it well with other cats and dogs.

Geek Returns from Space Wearing Dirt and Cat Hair

2011-05-10T12:29:00.001-05:00

I'm back. The alien probing wasn't bad this time.

What have I been up to?

Oh, you didn't ask?

Too bad.

It's been nothing but excitement around here.

I'm cat-sitting:

My talents are looking cute and lovable and sleeping.

I can be used as a dust mop.

My talents are purring, sleeping, and sitting on my grooming comb.

Yes, I DO see the toy, 'K?

Neither cat was receptive to me trying to sit on them.

Kidding. Kidding.

I built a wall:

The wall-building efforts caused much distress to
Giant Lizard living in the hole.

I made a new sun bed and planted another rose bush:

Reffie's sun bed was not designed for the neighbor's cat,

obviously enjoying himself is his primary "pet-me-now" position.

Sheesh. He probably pooped in the mulch as soon as I turned my back.

First bloom from the new addition to my rose family.

If I see the deer approaching this gem, it's venison for lunch.

Kidding. Kidding.

I cooked for Mother's Day.

This photo intentionally left blank because we ate all the food.
Oink.

I'm training for the Wounded Warrior Half Marathon in June.

This photo intentionally left blank because I melted.
The temps are rising but not quite approaching
"fried egg on the sidewalk" extremes.

Photo credits: Reffie with a little help from a few sweet kitties!

Easter Bunny in Critical Condition after Capture by Boa

2011-04-27T18:19:00.000-05:00

Well, there went Easter, faster than a slithering snake. It seemed like it took forever to get here, though.

Oh yeah. It did.

I was hopeful for a visit from the Easter Bunny but all I got was an appearance of Mr. Dry and Scaly:

Click to enlarge at your own risk.

He didn't even leave me any chocolate.

Loser.

I hope he loses himself somewhere munching happily ever after on juicy rodents.

OK. So it's not a boa and I'm just guessing that's what happened to the Easter Bunny since he didn't visit me. Work with me here.

WARNING: Don't go to flickr and search for "snake eating".

Ugh.

Speaking of juicy, Easter was yummy. My mom got a ham (She didn't actually "get" the pig, 'K?) and cooked us some veggies. On Sunday, I made Brats wrapped in phyllo with spicy brown mustard and a bit of cheese. I also made some scalloped potatoes. YUM! Homemade Coconut-Lime cookies were for dessert. Nothing low-cal was served.

Oink.

Ok. Ok. Maybe the veggies and the salad.

Did I mention deviled eggs?

Yeah, those too. My mom made them for us.

Burp.

**loosens belt to allow belly to expand**

NEIGHBORS, GOTTA LUV'M: My neighbor pulls her car over as I'm working in my rock garden and points to something I have growing near Big Tex. She said "I've been trying to grow that. It attracts Monarch butterflies." Evil Twin replied, "I think the secret is to not try. Heh Heh. Mine just appeared here and I just let it be."

I piped in telling her she was welcome to some of it as it has popped up in quite a few places in my rock garden.

"Here, butterfly, butterfly."

This neighbor is usually nice but can be a bit hoity-toity sometimes.

She explained that it was Milkweed, as if I should have known.

Pffft.

This is the same lady that left a belligerent message on my friend's answering machine, chastising her husband for scheduling a neighborhood board meeting on a church night. Hum....

Point, Comma, Missed.

Perhaps she also has an Evil Twin that doesn't hide as well as mine does.

Did you just say that mine DOESN'T hide well?

Oops.

INTROSPECTION: Some of you may know that I teach yoga and pilates classes. The yoga helps soothe Evil Twin. I said "helps". I go to workshops and trainings occasionally for continuing education. Recently, I noticed a workshop that was limited to about 20 participants. Their ad said "Only those truly committed to a paradigm shift need apply". Apply? Sheesh. No judgment there. Ha. Paradigm shift? Really?

On one hand, I can understand someone wanting to continue to grow and improve themselves but some people always seem to be looking for something. What's wrong with being content with ~~your Evil Twin~~ you?

Complacency anyone?

Ok. Enough of the deep stuff. Go forth and be hoppy....er...happy! A little humor never hurt anyone.

Photo credits: Reffie from her garden, always full of surprises!

Spring Sprung, Skipped, and then Torched Summer

2011-04-19T22:05:00.001-05:00

Ok. Ok. I know I need to write something.

SOMETHING!

Pffft.

This is what happens when Evil Twin is bored. She is bored because I won't let her play with matches outside. We've been having crazy wind, warm temperatures, and very little rain around here. I'm afraid she will start a fire and gorgeous hunks with hoses will have to come and put it out.

Oh, wait.

Seriously, we don't want any fires. There is a big nasty fire west of our metropolitan area. It has already devoured several homes and is still burning. Yes, I mean devoured. It started near a lake called Possum Kingdom.

Hum....possums have a kingdom? Silly me thought the world was ruled by LOL cats that dance with dolphins. Little did I know that it's those over-sized, sight-challenged rats that are in charge.

Cute alert: If you haven't seen the video of the cat playing with the dolphin, go to youtube and search for it. You'll find several versions. Get you fill of cute and then come back and finish this post. I promise I won't keep you much longer.

Today I was out running in the sweltering heat with Eternal Flame playing on my Shuffle when several fire engines zoomed down the main road north of my neighborhood.

It gave me the chills.

Too bad it didn't help me stay cool.

Don't get me started of folks throwing cigarette butts out of their car windows....

Ok. Ok. Enough.

Pebbles in Lingerie With a Bee in Her Bonnet

2011-04-09T19:59:00.001-05:00

Wait. Pebbles doesn't have a bonnet. She has a bone. I'll get to that in a moment.

I'm watching a scene on a TV show where the sexy blond walks out of the bathroom in silky lingerie and high heels. I asked Hubby if this is what he thinks I should be wearing when I come out of the bathroom at night instead of the old T-shirt, shorts, face mask, Bengay cream, and curlers?

Oh. That explains a few things.

I might be able to get the lingerie on, padding the top quite a bit, but the heels? Um, no. Evil Twin would trip me. Hubby would be trying to explain to the nice man with the badge and gun that I accidentally impaled myself with our framed wedding photo that was knocked off the wall when I fell.

Oops.

Let's move on.

I'm doing a triathlon tomorrow. It has a caveman theme. I made a costume out of what's left of my Pebbles costume:

Yes, that's really my hair with a "bone" in it.

With the warm spring we're having down here, I'm a bit worried about how hot I'm going to be in that thing!

Event photos may or may not come later. I'll have to stick the bone in my visor or hat because there is no way I'll be able to get it to stay in my wet hair after swimming and cycling!

Maybe I should borrow BamBam's club. Knocking my competitors out of the way may be the only way I won't finish last!

Kidding. Kidding. I'm not *Tonya Harding.

I've got some nice blooms in the garden this spring. Evil Twin provides captions:

Wow! Check out that splatter pattern.

You're not hiding from ME, are you, Pinky?

I won't cut on you. Promise.

I'm trying to catch a bee to put in Reffie's

bonnet...er...hat for her race tomorrow.

Have a great week!

*Just in case you don't remember or you are too young, Tonya had fellow ice-skater Nancy Kerrigan clubbed in the knee prior to the US Championships in 1994.

Photo credits: Pebbles and BamBam

Geek Survives Ides, Welcomes Spring, and Dreams of Nut Meat

2011-03-28T15:52:00.002-05:00

Wow. I found my blog! Cool.

Spring has sprung here in Texas and Evil Twin and I are suffering from spring fever. This fever must have affected my sleep patterns as my dreams have been incredibly strange lately.

One night I was having the typical "fear of failure" dream where I signed up for college courses, somehow forget to attend them, and it's time for the finals. Ugh. While I'm having this dream, I'm telling myself that I have this dream a lot. Within this dream, I've lost my car in the parking garage. I approach the stairs to go down to the parking area and when I emerge, I'm in a youth rally. I repeat this process over and over again, visiting non-functional toilets along the way.

I finally got up and took care of some business in the loo and at least that non-functional toilet dream went away. I don't know what to think about the other dream (s). WAS it spring fever? Or was it the wine? Or was it the wine and the banana nut bread?

Ugh. Never again. Not a good mix (nuts).

Later in the week I noticed the conflict between my running shoes had escalated. Sheesh. You can't let them rest anywhere near each other without them fussing over who has the best heel or laces or shine or....

Big-Heel-Silver-Blue sticks out his tongue,

mocking Shiny-Lower-Heel's attempts at punching.

HOLY KEEP YOUR LACES ON! I wish they would get over themselves.

With all this craziness, I think I've ~~lost my nutmeats~~ gone nuts. I received this photo in an email:

Yep. That explains the lapses in thought and coordination I've been having. I havn't gone "nuts". I am nuts and I'm a light snack.

Sigh.

Or maybe it's just that my birthday is Wednesday.

I've decided that I'll be 35 instead of quite a few years older than that. You can do that, right?

Photo credits: Shoe fight: Reffie, Zombie Nuts: Bent Objects

Geeks Sail on Rough Seas, Meet Dophins, and Photograph a Butt Crack

2011-03-16T16:24:00.001-05:00

Sigh. Vacation's over. It's back to the real world.....or what's left of it.

We were on a cruise last week and decided to take a break from the real and online world. It felt great although Evil Twin kept trying to wake me up in the middle of the night to sneak down to the library for some Facebook and blog time. Fortunately, Evil Twin is a bit frugal and just couldn't bring herself to pay by the minute to use the Internet.

Instead of logging on during the wee hours of every night, I somehow braced myself against the moving ship, felt my way in the dark to find the bathroom remembering to step up as I opened the door. I bumped into the tiny shower, found the toilet, peed, flushed, washed, and crawled back to the bed. I never get over how hard it is to pee during the night on a ship!

Later in the week, we finally gave in and got online to check something at my bank. GREAT SHAKE IN THE MORNING! I was greeted with the ruins of Japan at the hands of a most hateful Mother Earth. Sigh. So very sad.

On a lighter note, we had a nice time on our trip. There was a Mardi Gras parade on the Promenade which was apparently a yearly event on this ship with repeat cruisers staring in the show. I found some adorable beads for the celebration at a Mardi Gras festival in Galveston:

Yes, sweet dancin' dolphins!

I was thrilled to see the graceful creatures swimming in Galveston Bay as our ship was leaving.

Evil Twin was sure they were up to something. She muttered something about a secret meeting with the cats that evening.

I decorated the cabin pup for Mardi Gras:

As usual, I missed out on a photo of an older couple wearing matching costumes complete with flashing lights.

Sigh.

Later in the week, we took a snorkeling excursion on Roatan. I saw lots of coloful fishies playing on the reef, most memorably a sea turtle and a baby barracuda. That little guy was probably hoping for a pre-lunch nibble. Then it was time for our lunch:

Meet Bob and his butt crack. Sorry, Dude.

I'm glad it was only cheese and onion quesadillas....at least I THINK that's what it was...

In Belize, we bounced on a bus on a bumpy road to arrive at the bat cave:

Yes, those are bats. Those messy little creatures! Now I realize why it was a bit slippery in there. We also got to shimmy around avoiding decapitation by stalactites and removal of male genitalia by stalagmites. The guides kept our adrenaline flowing with other fun stuff like rappelling and flying on a zipline:

Whee! There goes Hubby!

It was a nice break but it's always good to be back and sleeping in my own bed. I brought back a bit of a cold so it's been a week of sneezing, coughing, blowing, and making sure I know where the soft tissues are around here.

ACHOO!

I hope you are having a great week. I'll be happy to send you my cold.

Beaded Yellow Bird Reports This Week's Business

2011-03-03T19:42:00.000-06:00

Hi there, folks! E. Vile Tweety here, blogging in for Reffie and Evil Twin. "E" as in heck-if-I-know but Reffie told me the Vile is because I'm a messy birdie, squeezing thru the bars of my cage and pooping all over the place.

Reffie, Evil Twin, and Hubby are going away for awhile. Reffie said something about white coats so it must be cold and dark where they are going.

I SAID COAST, YOU SILLY BIRD!

Sheesh. What is with her today?

Anybirdie, here's my mug shot:

Aren't I a Purdy Birdie?

I taut I taw a Puddy Tat. Whoa. I did. I did.

I can't imagine what that tart did for those beads.

And what's with dis dude?

Show-off!

"Puddy Tat, stop swatting at those feathers!"

That silly thing. I also caught her going after Reffie's Finisher Medal from Sunday's Cowtown Half Marathon. Bad Kitty! Reffie worked hard to finish that race. She said it felt like summer with warm temps, high humidity and a brisk southern breeze in her face as she had to climb a Texas mountain at mile 9. Even so, she eked out a personal best and has been stuck on herself for the last few days. Two years ago it was 27 degrees with a brisk northern breeze and she complained about that, too. There is NO pleasing that girl.

Evil Twin is very excited about Mardi Gras. She has been reviewing some wicked margarita recipes and is ready for the party. She insisted we all wear those shiny chains around our necks. Sheesh. That's just something else to drive that despicable black furry beast nuts. She also said she hopes that you get the bird when you eat the King Cake. Hearing this is deeply disturbing.

THE BABY, YOU STUPID YELLOW FEATHERY APPETIZER!

Baby? Oh, my. That is truy evil.

Oh, I get it now. E.Vile is evil.

Hey....

Distressed but Dressed for Success!

2011-02-23T16:11:00.000-06:00

Ah, the quiet of a country life.

Wait. WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

No. It can't be. The construction of our new water lines has been complete for months.

Sigh.

Apparently, my neighbor with too much time and money has decided that he didn't get enough of the noise. He unloaded a front-loader yesterday afternoon (probably from Daddy's business), immediately reduced his mailbox to a pile of bricks, and has been running the thing almost non-stop since then.

GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN! What ARE you doing over there?

I see piles of dirt, most likely for practicing his Evil Knievel stunts on his dirt bike.

Lovely.

What's a girl to do to avoid the noise?

That's right. Go shopping.

I went to look for a dress at a local discount store. I wanted one that will cover the appropriate pieces and parts, make me look incredibly sexy, and will not empty my piggy bank.

It was quickly obvious that was a pipe dream.

After getting distracted by skinny jeans and laughing at the see-through blouses, I found the rack of dresses. The poor things were crammed together with barely room to take a breath. They were screaming "PICK ME! PICK ME! SAVE ME!"

Oh, here's one!

Um, no. It looks like tapestry or furniture upholstery.

Oh. Oh. This is so cute!

$110 on final markdown? Pffft, I think not.

Ooh, ahh. Here's a cute little versatile black dress.

Ker-plunk! The silly hangar broke. Sigh.

I'll try it on any way. It's soft and curvy.

Hey, here's a dark purple silky one that doesn't have a neckline down to my belly. Put it in the try-on pile.

And a nice grey "formal/funeral/wedding" dress. Yep. In the pile.

Here's a another purple one that has a few curves. Me likey.

And a pink/purple print that just might work.

This one looks like a skirt. I could use a black skirt. A bow? How cute. No, wait. IT'S A DRESS! YEE-GADs! There is NO WAY a person could bend over or sit down in that thing. PASS!

Wait. WAIT! I can't pass on this one. It's soft and black and dressy and tight-fitting. It really is a dress and it's only $14.99!!!! So what if the neck is too low. What are camisoles for and I can always tuck in my cookie-belly or wear a girdle!

Without too many further distractions, I made it into the dressing room. I had no other choice but to start trying on the dresses. My pile (my arm) was about to fall off!

I hate this part.

Too big.

Too weird.

The black dress on the broken hanger looked like a toga.

The purple ones made my butt look big and wrinkled in funny places.

I liked the print but not that much.

Ah, finally. The "old lady" grey will do and the soft black bargain dress was extremely cute with my belly tucked in. Note to self: Pilates, Pilates, Pilates....

Done. Go directly to check-out. Do not pass Go. Do not look at shoes.

What do you think?

The lining is cream-colored.

It looks short but it's not that bad.
The neck isn't THAT low.

The neckline has some pearl-like beads

and the belt helps the fit tremendously.

What? You thought I would be wearing them for you? Bawahahahaha!

Love Pugs and Morons Make the World Go 'Round...or End

2011-02-16T13:38:00.000-06:00

Cupid-in-a-Diaper Day has come and gone. To celebrate, not only did I devour (and continue to devour) chocolate but I borrowed a photo and writing assignment from Jenny Matlock's blog. The assignment was a caption, using 50 words or less:

UGH! Is this true love?

I'm a PUG, FOOLISH HUMAN!

I do not wish to be Wonder Pug, Bat Pug, Super Pug, or even Princess Pug.

I do not need shoes.

I just want to be your little love pug, with slobbery love licks, soft fur,

and a belly full of bacon.

OK..that's done. I can move on to the latest news in Geekville.

The weather has turned warm and people have turned into roasted ~~morons~~ nuts. You'd think it was a sunny day in Seattle. Here in Texas, we are no longer struggling with slick roads but are being dazzled brainless with thoughts of spring and are apparently unable to drive in our lane, use our turn signals, wait our turn at stop signs, or even stop at red lights! We are DEFINITELY NOT able to put down our cell phones or turn down our rap music to focus on driving in a reasonably courteous manner. Yeah, reasonably. After all, this IS Texas.

It's been hard for Evil Twin this last week.

Speaking of cell phones, Evil Twin nearly pulled out her machete when she encountered Clueless Lady walking on the indoor track in the wrong lane, flailing her left arm as her right arm held the phone up to her ear. Although the signs indicate calls over two minutes should be continued off the track, Ms. Clueless blabbed nonstop for thirty minutes before leaving the track for the stretching area. She nearly lost that left arm as we passed her several times. A little extra thump would have had her crashing into the guardrail.

I'll admit to a passing fantasy of watching Ms. Clueless hurl herself over the rail thinking she could fly and landing not so softly on the basketball court below...

Ah....brownies.

Gulp.

Burp.

I'm feeling much better now.

Hubby and I watched the movie 2012 over the weekend. We laughed at the special effects and the "science" but enjoyed seeing the good guys score some wins and the jerks get their just desserts (no brownies!). I'd like to have one of those arks.

Superbowls of Gently Glazed Something

2011-02-09T12:06:00.001-06:00

The snow and ice melted last Friday and Saturday. The weather was great for the Super Bowl which probably helped with the traffic and the tailgating parties but the lid (roof) was closed so it had no effect on the game. That just seems wrong. It's football, folks!

Military jets did a flyover after Christina's interesting version of the national anthem. Hum.... Maybe they showed the flyover on the recently upgraded video boards?

Giggle.

Over the weekend, the geek household enjoyed the opportunity to leave the house and get a few errands done. It's non-stop fun around here when the truck gets inspected and the storm drain gets cleared. Hubby and I were down on our hands and knees digging out mud, miscellaneous unidentifiable bones, and grass roots from this stubborn but effective storm drain. Finally, the water starting coming through forming a small but unwanted watering hole. The highlight of this adventure was Hubby creating a vacuum in a hose with an air compressor to start the flow of water out of the watering hole. That's right. Hubby understands Physics!

Um, yeah. I can spell Physics.

The week starts again and we Texans are out and about with silly grins on our faces wearing light jackets and driving around on leftover sand.

Until today. There is nasty white stuff on our streets. Something that resembles snow but is more like sleet. And it's cold and windy again. WTF (FROSTING)?

Enough already. Evil Twin has appealed to Old Man Winter and that fat furry rodent that didn't see its shadow on February 2nd. Texas is tired of cold and this sorry excuse for snow that glazes our streets. Actually, I think Evil Twin is roasting that rodent while I'm typing this post. She went out earlier. I hope she was able to grab the yappy mutt that bit me on Sunday when I was out running. Fortunately, only one of its nasty little fangs left a hole in my leg. Ouch.

I should probably go check on her progress. I'm getting hungry.

As for yappy mutts with fangs, got pepper spray?

Holy Wormcicles, Batman!

2011-02-02T12:22:00.002-06:00

Welcome to Texas, where it is usually tolerable during the winter. Our metropolitan area is hosting the Super Bowl this year so what does Ms. Fickle M. Nature do to celebrate the occasion? That's right. She hooked up with Mr. Freeze (yes, in the biblical way) and hosed down most of Texas. Ok, she sprayed most of the USA, THAT MENOPAUSAL WITCH!

The show must go on, though. Yesterday, the talking heads showed us coverage of the police escorting the Packers' buses on the icy roads. They were headed to the stadium for Media Day. Evil Twin was hoping to see the cop cars spin-out and crash into the guardrails like everyone else yesterday morning.

Nothing happened. Zzzzzz.

We have a big bay window in our kitchen area and I've enjoyed watching the birds peck for worms in the snow. Hubby coined their potential food as wormcicles. Hee Hee. We even have one little guy camp out by the back door, enjoying the warm air oozing through to the outside.

No, this isn't me and this isn't the back-door-begging bird

but the bird was similar in size and shape to this one.

I think this guy just wanted a hand-out (pun intended).

Today, with a low temperature of about 10, the sounds of silence stirred us out of our warm cozy bed. The power was out. No whirs or roars from the heaters. No comforting buzz from the fridge.

SIGH.

I was looking forward to my hot tea. Fortunately, we were only out for about 30 minutes or so and when we turned on the TV, we heard all about the "rolling black-outs" mandated by a state governing organization.

Yippee.

I have not left the house since Monday. The gym where I teach has been closed and I didn't have to buy food like it was the last time I'd ever have a chance to do so. Local schools have also been closed.

Monday was a nice day, though, as it was my 24th wedding anniversary. Hubby and I celebrated by exchanging cards, kisses and chocolate. I also got a really big book with gorgeous photos! We plan on a dinner out sometime this weekend.

This photo is part of the card I got for Hubby. I love the "Soul Mateys" boat name.

Stay warm!

Bird in hand photo from Abrilon on flickr.com.

Rolling in the Hills and the Dough

2011-01-26T17:23:00.001-06:00

Recently, we were told that our town is one of the riches towns in the United States. Hubby and I roared with laughter and Evil Twin peed her pants. She had just returned from ringing doorbells trying to sell the knock-off Girl Scout cookies I made. Anything to make a buck. Sheesh.

Yeah. We are rolling in the ~~cookie~~ dough.

Let me explain. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "raised on the wrong side of the tracks"? If not, it basically means you're not rich. Our town has imaginary tracks. A different way to look at it is "old" vs. "new". The "old" part of the town is primarily a bunch of farms, smaller established neighborhoods, and open space with a few rolling hills.

Within the last 20 or so years, a hotel and a business complex popped up and somebody got the vision disease, dreaming about a charter school* is this here country town. The school became a reality. Developments with large homes, large gates, and a golf course joined in the fun, filling out the "new" part of our town. More business appeared but we don't have our own grocery store!

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the tracks, our little neighborhood decided that rather than be annexed to another less-inviting neighboring city, we needed to be a part of this quaint little town with the vision. We were annexed in the 1990's.

The "new" part of the town is where you might possibly find the Jonas Brothers, professional athletes, neurosurgeons, and the rest of the rocket scientists.

Evil Twin reminded me that she is a rocket scientist.

I think this must be because of her experience with the aliens.

We have people drive through our neighborhood quite often looking for homes and lots for sale. Last year, a lady stopped me while I was working in the yard, badgering me with questions. She was rude. It's like she was getting mad at me because I couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. Evil Twin finally gave her the stink eye and she quickly wrapped up her inquiries. Ahem.

We like our little neighborhood, with our retirees and their RV's, and a few playful little tykes to keep us young at heart.

We think you might be from the wrong side of the tracks, Rude Lady.

*In Texas: A charter school is a type of public school usually developed by a local community. Charter schools provide education through a "charter," which is a type of contract granted by a chartering entity such as the State Board of Education or the board of trustees of an independent school district. The purposes of charter schools are to: (1) improve student learning; (2) increase the choice of learning opportunities within the public school system; (3) create professional opportunities that will attract new teachers to the public school system; (4) establish a new form of accountability for public schools; and (5) encourage different and innovative learning methods. Our local school teaches an International Baccalaureate program.

Older, Not Much Bolder, And It's Getting Colder

2011-01-19T18:06:00.000-06:00

You know you're old when......

You are shopping at a department store looking at clothes on clearance and you're "fighting" for rack time with Blue-Hair and Moth-Ball Lady.

Your cute new top for yoga class comes in the mail and you have to put on your glasses to figure out how to get the thing on, wrestle with it a bit, and then you can't reach the bow in the back without taking it off.

Sheesh.

Don't you hate it when...

Retailers post signs with sale pricing that starts next week asking you to reserve your items now?

Huh? It wasn't exactly lay-away but a way to get you back in the store next week. OK. That's just plain wrong, folks. As I get older, my tolerance for goofy marketing techniques is fading fast.

**Waves wand** Riddikulus!

Recently, Hubby and I sat in a car for nine hours and drove to New Mexico to see the mountains. They all had dandruff so we made our way to a local day resort for a little skiing. I love this view from the top:

Albuquerque down below

While I was snapping the photo, Evil Twin was checking the stability of the fence.

Never a dull moment.

Hubby's great-aunt passed away recently. She was older than dirt with a poor quality of life. Although it's sad to know she is no long with us, she has been "gone" awhile. On the humorous side, what I remember about her is Hubby's story about how she used to cut the Nieman's labels out of her children/grandchildren's clothes and sewing them into clothes she bought at Target or Sears for her nieces and nephews.

Snort.

We are expecting a cold snap down here, just when I'm getting used to 60 degree days without the need to wear six layers to keep warm. I've searched my closets for the warmest item I can find and here it is:

Warm? Yes, but that color is a bit hard on the eyes. Maybe it's time to do some culling.

Speaking of culling, I've been doing some heavy cleaning in my catch-all room. I now know where Evil Twin has been some hiding things. I did manage to uncover my Pachinko. Here's a list of the items I cannot locate, though:

Fluffy handcuffs
Samurai sword
Collection of fingernail clippings
Filet knife
Box with alien artifacts

Kidding. Kidding. I found them.

Sigh. I'm so relieved.

All photos snapped by Reffie. The pachinko remained silent. I have no balls. Hee Hee.

See, Honesty Pays.....Just Not Very Well

2011-01-12T14:59:00.000-06:00

Joan over at Anything Fits a Naked Man presented an award to me on her blog:

Hee Hee. We know what that means, right?

She actually LIKES me?

Um, no, it's the other way. Bloggers pass along awards to bloggers they don't like.

Kidding. Kidding. Joan would never do that.

Evil Twin would but I'll try to keep her in line.

Now I'm supposed to be all honest and share five scraps of information about myself:

ZZZZzzzzzz.

Oh, sorry. Let me try again.

I'm not blonde. (Oh, you already knew that. Oh well.)
My mother thinks I'm short at 5'5". She's 5'9".
My mother, Hubby, and my one friend tell me Evil Twin doesn't exist.
I'm not into organized religion although I do believe in a higher power.
Evil Twin believes she is the higher power.

Sigh. You are welcome to this award if you want it. I caught it just in time. Evil Twin was about to change it to say The Green Hornet's Horse Crapped Award with a pile of dung in the middle.

Sheesh.

The Bloggerhood of the Traveling Book Spotaneously Combusts...

2011-01-04T18:28:00.001-06:00

No, not really. Hang on. There will be more about that in a moment.

I hope you have recovered from your New Year's celebrations and have completed your list of SMART goals and have already given up on at least one of them.

Kidding. Kidding.

I do believe that the Hot Place has frozen over. That's right. This geek has finally finished the traveling book. Remember the traveling book?

The Girl Who Played With Fire

by Stieg Larsson

Graphic by 00dozo

Yeah, that one. It's the second in the series and follows The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

This great idea started with Unfinished. Ironically, he finished the book and shipped it to Quirky. One of her zombies tried to snack on it but she managed to read it before there was too much damage. Then it went to Boom-Boom who did not drop it in the lake or leave it on a camping trip. She delivered it to Dufus. Then it went for a swim and ended up on an island with 00dozo. All of these folks finished the book in practically one sitting and have even posted a book review.

I got a bit behind over Christmas but kicked it into high gear last week and whizzed right through it! YEEHAW!

Overall, I liked it. The book got off to a slow start but it picked up in the second half. I was a bit disappointed that it didn't totally finish the story, though. Now I must go out and get the next book.

Oh, I get it. That's an EXCELLENT marketing technique.

Evil Twin has fallen in love with Lisbeth Salander and wants to learn some of her methods of dealing with immoral jerks. She was particularly interested in that "hanging" escapade. YIKES! That Salander Girl/Woman/Batgirl is seriously volatile. I love the way she operates effectively in a controlled simmer.

I think the author did a good job balancing good and evil. It's engaging and I was able to relate to the characters as they seem to fit the balance of people we encounter in our daily lives. Wait. Let's hope we don't ever encounter as much evil as what's presented in the book. Once the story picked up, it was hard to put down. In the beginning, there were a few too many details of Lisbeth re-establishing herself in Sweden.

Once they finally revealed "All That Evil", I was a bit disappointed. Yeah, the character was truly evil but after knowing what they were talking about, it seemed a bit lame.

Ok. That's enough. I hope I didn't give too much away for those of you that have not read the book.

It's time to send the book to the next blogger. If you're interested let me know in the comment section.

Also, Hubby and I will be taking a little mini-vacation in a cold place. I hope to check in while we are away, possibly from a hot tub....

Delusional Dissolutions

2010-12-29T10:17:00.001-06:00

It's that time of the year again. It's time to make those New Year's Revolutions.

What?

Oh. It's not "revolution".

Yeah, good catch. The only thing revolving around here is my head after a bit of wine.

Let me try again.

Resolutions. Goals. Yeah, that's it.

They should be SMART goals:

S - Sarcastic

M- Memorable

A - Antagonistic

R - Retarted

T - Tasty

What?

Oh, sorry. I was hungry. Maybe "T" shouldn't be for Tasty. How about Tempting?

Example: I will win the lottery (sarcastic, memorable, tempting) but will not share any of the winnings with my bloggy buddies (antagonistic). I will do this by not purchasing a lottery ticket (sarcastic, retarded).

Pffft.

AnyMeasurableGoal, I hope you had a great Christmas. Did you have any awkward Christmas moments? My mom had one when my brother opened a gift. It was a shirt. Underneath the shirt was a pair of white silk long johns. Oops. Those were for me.

No. I will not model them for you.

I hope you have some kind of plans for bringing in the new year. Me? Hubby and I hope to have a winey dinner at the house and watch movies.

SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-bound. Go for it.

H A P P Y N E W Y E A R!!!

On the 4th Day of Christmas, The Gift of Song for Thee

2010-12-21T21:53:00.000-06:00

I have Jenn over at "Christmas Cabbages" to thank for this post. I was going to buy more virtual gifts but I noticed my credit card was maxed out. I'm sure this is because of Hubby's gift purchases for me.

Today, we have a game to play. It's easy. Fill in the blanks using the words from Christmas song titles.

There's too much _______ up north and in Europe. Travelers are upset because they may not be _____ for Christmas and that Santa cannot come into ______. There was an incident at the London airport where one stranded traveler punched a guy for singing _____________.

It doesn't feel like Christmas as it has been warm here and it's not because of _____ roasting over an open fire.

It's also allergy season. I resemble poor _____ with the ____ nose but by this weekend I'll be ____ because of colder weather.

When I was a wee tyke, I saw Momma ______ing Santa Claus. I had come downstairs to remind her that I wanted to be a drummer. Momma said a boy played a drum for the baby Jesus in the hangar. (I think Momma meant manger. She'd been drinking). On Christmas, Momma and Daddy disappeared into their bedroom while I watched The Christmas Story. Momma must have been praying because I kept hearing her shout "Jesus". "Howlay", and someone name "Louyah" must have needed a lot of blessing.

I look forward to seeing your answers in the comments. Feel free to make up something. The sillier the better.

Also, Evil Twin wanted to let you know that she found the perfect gift for anyone that shares a bed with another person...or a pet:

Save Your Marriage Blanket

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

On the 3rd Day of Christmas, This Geek Gives to Three or More

2010-12-15T20:38:00.001-06:00

Evil Twin, Hubby, and I had a great time at the company Christmas party Saturday night. I told myself I was only going to eat seafood (Shrimp Cocktail and Crab Claws) and salad but a plate of stuffed turkey, yams, and bread appeared in front of me and I couldn't be wasteful, now could I? Then, the dessert table beckoned. No. I think it screamed for me. A ramekin of freshly heated Apple/Cherry Cobbler and a tiny bite of Chocolate Fudge Cake found its way to my plate, mouth, and tummy.

Oink.

Got TUMS?

For entertainment, we watched ballerinas twirl themselves in tapestries and we laughed at white guys (Hubby's co-workers) swaying and jiggling off-beat on the dance floor. Everyone knows that most white guys simply cannot dance!

Evil Twin tried to get me to take photos of outfits we labeled "WTF - WHAT THE FROCK?" but I couldn't get Hubby's phone in focus and that annoying flash kept drawing attention. Sigh.

Oh. You're here for the virtual gifts for my bloggy buddies?

I almost forgot.

Here we go:

When I think of you, crafty polka-dotted Jean Knee, I think of....

Yes, indeed. Flying Monkeys!

A creative superhero mammal with a cape and a tail, mischievous and carefree at the same time. I hope you can keep them from throwing pooh at each other.

Oh, Yippee! Here's something for my favorite American-made German blogging buddy, Honeypiehorse:

That's right. Hours of entertainment for you and your family. Wait. Didn't you mention that YOUR tummy was getting bigger? Hum........Maybe you need a cleanse to free yourself of all that you have eaten.

What?

You're pregnant?

You're not old?

Oh. Oops.

For Dana, my frozen Indiana friend with the cute white furry beast and her very own first novel:

Bacon, Bacon, BACON scarf!

What? Beau will love it. I can see him peeing on the rug in excitement. Not what you expected?

Sheesh. OK. I have something else for you:

Yeah. Cookbooks. Joe told me you could use some help.

Oh, wait. Maybe he meant that you could use HIS help.

Oops.

Oh Joan, sweet Anything Fits a Naked Man blogger. How could I not find something special just for you? Wait. Evil Twin is interrupting me saying SHE has the perfect gift.

.....

"That's DISGUSTING. Put it down. We will get this for Joan instead":

Every girl needs magic, right? Who needs Hermione when you have these?

Finally, a lovely gift for hard-working Mrsblogalot. She has a real job where she is required to pay attention and work at the same time. Wowie.

Just in case you have a problem with drop-in company now and then, this gift just might do the trick:

Hum....but if it doesn't work out, you can always re-gift it next year!

Tune in next week for one last "day" of Geek giving.

For 2nd day gifts, go here.

For 1st day gifts, go here.

Photo credits: Monkeys: Plow&Hearth, All others: Wireless.com

On the 2nd Day of Christmas, This Geek Gives to Three Or More

2010-12-08T20:20:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the 2nd day of Christmas here in Geekville. Evil Twin and I have been out shopping and have once again found the most wonderful gifts for some of my bestest bloggy buddies:

For Lauren over at Think Spin, you won't believe what I found:

You guessed it. Star Wars cupcakes.

Amuse your guests with Luke and Darth Vader playing who has the biggest and most deadly wand. On another tray, Han and Leia may need to be supervised. The all-knowing, backwards-speaking Yoda will guide you as you complete your shopping. "Best gift for me choose".

Also, what's up with the placement of those little sticks holding up the figures? Oh, my, my.

Next is my gift for Ziva at Ziva's Inferno. She says she has ~~cooties~~ cookies on her blog. I hope they aren't burning.

EEEEEK! Our teeth are too white and we match!

Who can resist these Look-alike nighties modeled by these very happy people? I hope you enjoy your sleepwear that oddly resembles kitchen curtains.

I hear it's freakin' cold up in Finland so these garments should come in handy. Don't have a little tyke? No problem. Get one for your significant other or for your girlfriends and have a slumber party. Don't forget to invite me!

WOWIE! Look what I've found. It's a gift for Sue at Farvel Cargo. I'm so jealous. I wanted this gift for myself:

These little dolls are pulling at my heartstrings. I hope you enjoy playing with them. I DO NOT want to see photos of them hanging by their necks or positioned in the guillotine. I DEFINITELY DO NOT want to see photos of your dog puking red yarn.

Last but never least is my present for Leeuna, at My Mind Wandered.

I'm so sorry, Leeuna. I didn't have enough money so the guy only sold me 1.5 boots. I know that you are disappointed that one foot will be getting a bit cold the next time you go dancing. I'll do something to make it up to you.

Just in case your dogs are not doing all that they can do to keep you warm, I got you this:

I don't think the girl, her ring, the remote, and thankfully, the couch, come with the Camo Snuggie. Sorry....again.

Wait. There's more. I made one last trip to the store today and found this for 00dozo at When I Reach:

Ah, the perfect gift for someone living in the Bahamas. I would love to be there with you and warm-up from this chilly weather we're having here in Texas. Ummmm....

Excuse me a sec.

YEE-OUCH!

Sorry, one of them escaped and stung me before it shriveled up and died but I assure you that your gift is safe.

CRASH!

Sigh.

That's all for now. Tune in next week when there may or may not be more gifts!

The 1st day of Christmas selections are available here:

Photo credits: Camo Girl: Stolen Internet Photo, Williams-Sonoma catalog (Star Wars cupcakes), Vermont Country Store catalog (gowns), all others are from Signals.com

On the 1st Day of Christmas, This Geek Gives to Three

2010-12-01T08:48:00.000-06:00

I'm told it's "The Holidays", that wonderful time of the year that brings out the best in everyone. We feel all tingly inside, frolicking about in shopping malls, graciously handing over the last of the latest fad toy to the person behind us. We eat and drink moderately at parties and we don't make fun of crazy Uncle Earl at family events. We reach out to those in need.

Let's all sing Kumbaya around the ~~nuts~~ chestnuts roasting on an open fire......

SCCCRREE-EEEECH!

*removes needle from record*

Oh my. I don't know where that came from. Let me try again.

Humbug, bah. Holidays. Again?

SIGH.

Yippee.

SCCCRREE-EEEECH!

*removes needle from record*

Let's give it one more whirl.

Cookies. Rum balls. FUDGE. Virtual Shopping for Bloggy Buddies!

YEE-HAW! It's "The Holidays!!!"

That's more like it.

I'm kicking off the season with a few special gifts just for you, my loyal readers.*

For my BBFF (Best Blogging Friend Forever) Zombie Queen Quirky, I have found the most delightful gift:

Our favorite Zombie Loon will never be at a loss for ~~a thought~~ brainz again. Quirky, if possible, please share with us how much you enjoyed your ~~meal~~ gift!

For Boom-Boom, aka Cat Lady Without Cats, aka Super Camper Paula,

May they light up your life or at least a dark hallway. I hope to hear that you now sleep with them on your bedside table and they comfort you.

Today's last gift is for Driveling Deb, my nearly always frozen pal up in coastal Maine:

I'm expecting Deb to wear these while walking to her mailbox and taking Nutjob, her crazy ferocious beast she calls a dog, for a walk. I'd like a report from Mr. Man and the neighbors.

*I hope to find gifts for all of you but I reserve the right to run out of time, energy, and interest. Yeah, like regular Christmas shopping. Snort.

Tune in next time for the 2nd Day of Christmas gifts, knowing that my definition of day may be different than yours. It will probably be next week.

Photo credits: Scanned from Wireless and Signals catalogs

Of Flying Hats and Passing Wind

2010-11-24T18:08:00.001-06:00

We are having a warm windy day on the eve of this Thanksgiving. It's the last warm day expected for awhile so I had to get outside and enjoy it.

I went for a bike ride. Because of the wind, I felt like I was going backwards while trying to go up a few of our rolling Texas hills. I tried farting a few times to see if that would give me a burst of propulsion but it didn't help.

It was so windy I'm sure I was playing catch with sombreros blown in from Mexico.

At the apex of my longest hill, my top blew off, exposing my itty bitties to the world.

Kidding. Kidding.

My boobs are huge.

Kidding. Kidding.

Sorry guys. No clothing was lost or abused while I was riding my bike, much to the disappointment of the street workers, gardeners, roofers, and other laborers fighting Mother Nature's latest bout of PMS.

Fortunately, the wind blew me back to my house with all pieces and parts intact. Wait. Maybe I should go for a TSA body scan to make sure.

Sheesh. Was it good for you?

AnyTMIforTSA, after a quick trip to the gym for a swim, I put my oven to work.

This pumpkin pie was very popular last year so this year I made two:

It calls for cream and maple syrup, something you don't always see in a pumpkin pie recipe.

One for me and the rest for the others.

Burp.

Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving. Don't hog the dark meat. Be safe and be nice to your siblings, 'K?

Photo credit: Two pies on a table: Reffie

Turkey Chit-Chat and a Meer Meow

2010-11-15T19:12:00.001-06:00

I can't believe this year has gone by so fast. Here were are almost a week away from Thanksgiving. I know this not because I checked a calendar or noticed that some folks have already decorated their homes for Christmas, but because the last time I tried to pass the time of day with a local turkey, he gobble-hopped away from me.

Sheesh.

Maybe it was because I was carrying an axe. Really, I was only chopping some wood. I wanted to tell the turkey he looked ~~juicy~~ healthy and ask if he'd lost weight lately. Isn't that a good conversation opener?

Anyturkeysoup, Texas is showing a bit of color.

Colorful crepe. No turkeys were axed to get this photo.

Also, I want to introduce you to my new friend, Les Miserable the Meerkat. It was a very hot day at the zoo when we snapped this photo. This little guy was off by himself. Maybe he was caught passing gas in the burrow one too many times.

"So bored. So wery, wery bored. I luvs my tail, though."

For those of you who asked and even if you didn't, the photo in my header is also meerkats with a bold domestic orange tabby pushing himself in on the action.

It's the baking season around her in Geekville. I've got State Fair Yeast Biscuits rising on the stovetop. You've got me, BakingGeek, so who needs Rachael or Sandra or any of those silly folks that make cooking look easy on TV? But my kitchen is a mess. It's never messy for Rachael or Sandra, is it?

Sigh.

I've got an extra hole in my yard. I think I mentioned that we are getting new water lines. Yippee. My neighbor and I decided that the new hole could be the start of a swimming pool. Interviews for lifeguards and pool guys will commence in early spring. That's plenty of time for you guys to get into shape. Good Luck.

Photo credits: Bored meerkat: Reffie Hubby, Fall color: Reffie

Saturday Centus: There is a Better Way

2010-11-09T09:46:00.000-06:00

Uh oh. The geek's back and participating in the Saturday Centus. Yeah, I know it's not Saturday but I lost a couple of hours traveling and I'm a bit behind.

No, Evil Twin, I did not say I have a Big Behind.

Sheesh.

Anyway, the mission is to write a short story, 100 words or less, using a prompt.

This week's prompt starts my travel-related story:

There is a Better Way

It was the 11th anniversary of the destruction of the World Trade Centers.

Airline travel is no longer a huge hassle. Food is again "free" and it doesn't cost you to check your bags or use a pillow or blanket. Gate agents and flight attendants are pleasant and happy to see you.

Airplanes are loaded from the rear door in order by row. Passengers are not allowed to take over-sized carry-on bags onto the airplane.

Security screening is simple. There is no special service for first-class passengers. Everyone must pass inspection by the robots. I will say, though, that their hands can be a bit cold.

For more stories, click over to Jenny Matlock's blog.

Geek Kidnapped and Kept in Zoo

2010-11-05T22:08:00.001-05:00

You are probably thinking that is where I belong.

You may be right. I feel at home in the zoo. Instead of being surrounded by crazy people, I would be in a small version of my habitat on display as entertainment.

Hum....

Maybe not.

Anyway, I've been away this week at a fitness conference is sunny San Diego. Yes, I have been lax about keeping up with your blogs. I'll get caught up soon. I promise.

Although I have a wonderful zoo in my hometown, I had to visit the San Diego zoo while I was here. Who can resist pandas and polar bears?

You're welcome. I knew you would enjoy meeting my new friends.

I just caught Hubby on the phone with the zookeeper. I think I've been given a job. He said it involves a shovel.

Evil Twin will be thrilled. She loves digging.

Photo credits: Momma panda: Hubby, Playful polar bear: Reffie

Your Marbles Called....

2010-10-30T11:19:00.001-05:00

They want to go back to your brain where they belong.

Or maybe it's the zombies nibbling peoples' brains.

People are acting crazy and I'm getting scared.

Evil Twin is having a wonderful time, though. Sunday is Halloween and we still have candy left. I know I haven't bought any yet but work with me here.

Evil Twin is all into the decorating. She wants to put out a candy bowl with a child-size hand in the middle. When kiddies reach to grab some candy, a recorded voice will say "Be careful there. Look what happened to the last kid." This would be followed by evil laughter. I think she has already recorded the laughter.

Hum....

Maybe we will just answer the door and hand out candy like all the other folks.

Anyway, back to the craziness and people missing parts of their brains.

Yesterday, while I was running, a car nearly hit me and sent me into a ditch, minus a limb or two. It came up behind me on a two-lane road. I didn't hear it as the wind was blowing sound away from me. There was traffic coming the other way. This car didn't even slow down or move over an inch. I think that's all I had between my arm and that car. Evil Twin is digging out back. I'd best go check to see if the hole will be big enough for that car and its driver.

Yes, I know. I should have been running towards traffic but I usually wait to cross over until I top the hill...right about where I nearly hit the ditch. Sigh.

Hubby channeled Evil Twin while driving when a grizzly-faced super-sized redneck cut him off in order to turn into the local barbecue joint. Evil Twin told me later that she was sure that pig-man was a cannibal.

I was nearly sandwiched yesterday while driving home. The annual airshow is in town. The airport is close to the freeway. The Blue Angels were practicing and they maneuvered right over the freeway causing everybody in front of me to slam on their brakes. One of the pilots was wearing a yellow undershirt and had blue eyes. The Mustang behind me nearly became one with my rear door. I think his undershirt was white but I'm sure his pants were brown.

Are you scared yet?

All in a geek's week.

Photo credits: Blue Angels: David Newberger on flickr.com, Creative Commons License (see sidebar), Jack-O-Pansies: Reffie.

Mouse in Place for World Series Bid

2010-10-23T14:38:00.000-05:00

It's been an exciting week here in Geekville. Our very own Texas Rangers are finally going to the World Series. For those of you that are professional sports challenged, I'm talking about BASEBALL, the game where guys try to whack a round thing with a stick, run around in circles when they do, and when they stop running, they make adjustments to their protective undergarments.

Seriously, it can be loads of fun, and even more fun when your local team WINS!

I credit part of this success to me, Hubby, and our friends NOT attending the playoff games as they lost every playoff game we attended. Some credit also goes to none other than Bicentennial Mouse:

Yes, Ms. Mouse has been around since ~~1776~~ 1976 and is still going strong. She wears her cap well, don't you think?

She has been hogging her seat in front of the tele for about a week using rally towels (hand towels with the team colors handed out at the playoff games) as bibs and eating us out of house and mouse. She is enjoying our cat-free environment although Evil Twin has been slinking around hissing at her.

Ms. Mouse will stay in place through the World Series, silently cheering for another first for the Texas Rangers.

I'm not so sure Ms. Mouse is as innocent as she seems. I've noticed a few beers missing form the garage fridge....and there are some mouse turds near the door. Hum.... is that candy corn in those turds?

Ew.

In other news, we are having new water pipes installed in our neighborhood. Basically, this is because our city wants to "improve our infrastructure" and have the opportunity to accept our hard-earned money each month instead of us paying a neighboring city for water service.

Yeah, thanks, City. We won't be excited about the price increase, either.

It's a mess and yesterday the excitement was a blue pipe went walk-about and crashed into a brick wall, a bulldozer nearly ran my friend off the road twice, and an extremely accident-prone neighbor fell into one of the pits.

Oops. He wasn't injured and fortunately, neither was the pit or the concrete.

I think the neon-vested worker bees were hitting the beer thermos during their lunch break.

Tune in next time for more exciting and/or treacherous events here in Geekville.

Photo credits: Bicentennial Mouse: ReformingGeek, Pipes and pit: Reffie's nearly pancaked friend and neighbor.

Saturday Centus: All Hallow's Eve

2010-10-17T13:30:00.007-05:00

In keeping with the season, I'm doing this week's Saturday Centus. It's a Halloween theme and Evil Twin is tingling with excitement. I can't wait to see what she does with this week's prompt.

The Centus, originating from Jenny Matlock's blog, is a short story, 100 words or less, using a prompt.

This week's prompt is: “Trick or treat!" they shouted as the door opened.

I hope you find a bit of humor in my Evil Twin's story:

Seasoned for the Season

“Trick or treat!" they shouted as the door opened.

There was nobody there but they saw the large bowl on the table. Expecting to be startled by the weird old lady dressed as a witch or Oprah, they mustered their courage and walked toward the bowl. The collections from the other homes ranged from bags of organic granola to a Rachael Ray cookbook so they were hopeful for chocolate.

In the kitchen, the oven was heating and the kitchen tools and seasonings were ready on the counter.

Cate and her brother Cody had argued about their costumes all week and finally agreed to go as Hansel and Gretel.

Gulp!

Oh my. I can't believe she did that. Those poor children.

Sigh.

For other Centus stories, click here:

Blinded By The Light But Not By The Punch

2010-10-11T16:00:00.001-05:00

It's a bright sunny day and there will probably be numerous traffic accidents from folks running a red light because they simply DID NOT SEE the light.

I get this. The bright sunshine was playing tricks on me this morning. Here's how I interpreted the following signs:

RIGHT SHOULDER CLOSED AHEAD as BRIGHT SHOULDER HOSED A HEAD

I like my version better. Even though it's nonsense, it's much more entertaining.

MERGING TRAFFIC as MURKY GRAFFITI

I kept looking for the non-signaling, unclear graffiti. I was so confused.

I'd let this guy merge.

and then my mind went into silly Geekgirl mode:

SERVICES AVAILABLE: MCDONALD'S, BUFFALO WINGS, FU EXPRESS as

SERVICES AVAILABLE: FRIED CLOWNS, BUFFALOS F*CKING, FAST WINGS

Speaking of clowns, I found this black-eyed Bozo....

who seemed to fit well with our afternoon on Sunday:

People are crazy. We were seated in the nosebleed section at the ballpark for the Rangers vs. Rays playoff game yesterday and about halfway through the game, the guy in the seat next to me punches the guy next to him in the face. Everyone's jaw dropped as we watched the scene unfold. The guy doing the whopping said that his neighbor was cussing too much. None of us heard any cussing but we were paying attention to the game.

The guy that was supposedly cussing had been drinking quite a bit but he and his buddy were not loud or obnoxious. The guy sitting next to me, Mr. Whopper, seem to have been in a sulk the entire time. He was with his mother who was the person who was actually seated next to the accused foul-word-spewer. The hitting did not occur until Mom went for some nachos. Maybe the home team losing was just too much for Mr. Whopper or he walks around life with a very short fuse. Scary.

The situation resolved when the punched guy's buddy convinced Mr. Whopper to leave or they were going to go get a cop.

All in a geek's life.

Photo credits: Graffiti: Akbar Simonse, Bozo: Chris Denbow, courtesy of flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Something Wicked this Way Scares..

2010-10-03T09:49:00.001-05:00

In honor of the season, a few decorations:

Ms. ScarecrowGeek looks quite cozy sunning herself in my window.

I can't believe Halloween is coming soon. Do you have a costume yet?

Oh dears! It seems Ms. ScarecrowGeek has disappeared.

Has she been Scare-napped? If so, I hope I can afford the ransom. You guys will help me, right?

RIGHT?

Sigh.

I wonder if Evil Twin has something to do with this. I just saw her headed to her closet with some duct tape and a pair of scissors.

Maybe the garden gnomes from next door have her in their lair, slowly eating her stitch by stitch.

Hum....

We have a crew of workers installing new water pipes in our neighborhood. Maybe she levitated out of the window and fell into one of their pits, scarred (maybe I meant scared?) for ~~life~~ dead from viewing too many visible butt cracks?

Perhaps one of the hawks grabbed her for their nest. If I look closely, I may find an eyeball or two scattered about the yard.

Tisk. Tisk.

No. I'm sure it was Nutjob, Deb's infamous dragon-toothed beast she calls a dog. It devours Jehovah's in a single gulp. Poor Ms. ScarecrowGeek wouldn't have a chance.

I hope Nutjob poops fabric for a week!

But where was Nutjob when the Mormons came to the door a few days ago?

Just kidding. They were such nice young men.

Now WHAT is that NOISE? I think it's coming from Evil Twin's closet. It's funny that it started just after those nice young man knocked on the door.....

Photo credits: Geek decor: Reffie, Gnomes: kissabug on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Saturday Centus: Birthday Edition

2010-09-26T20:45:00.000-05:00

It's time for another Saturday Centus here in Geekville. This one is in honor of Sophisticated Lunacy's author, Tom, as his birthday is this week.

The Centus originates from Jenny Matlocks' blog and the instructions are to write about 100 words using a prompt as part of the story. This week's prompt is "He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake...".

I hope that Tom, being a blogging buddy and a good sport, appreciates this story I wrote this week.

Hee Hee.

Wake-Up, Fate Awaits

Tom was thinking about how tired he was from his crazy day with his impossible-to-please boss. He liked his project team, though. He was still clutching the unopened envelope his team had given to him for his birthday. They had laughed as they handed it to him, joking that this could be his lucky day.

"Happy Birthday, Tom", his friends sang, snapping him back from his thoughts, the envelope forgotten. His buddies were making up silly words to the song and were starting to stagger.

He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake...

Actually, he never dreamed at all. It all seemed so pointless sometimes...

Later, Tom finished cleaning up from the party halfway listening to the TV in the next room. The winning lottery numbers were being announced.

If you'd like to read more short stories with this prompt, check Jenny's blog for the links.

Have a great week!

The Little Things That May or May Not Amuse Me..

2010-09-18T15:11:00.001-05:00

While on our vacation in Montana, we were driving on a road that was part of open ranch. Two freezers full of steaks and six smaller milk trucks were blocking the road. I was amused by a young couple going the opposite direction on the road, holding the camera outside their open car window, taking photos. I guess they've never seen livestock.

Snort.

I got another summons for jury duty in my city. This is traffic court, folks, and my city actually has bored officers and no convenient donut shops so plenty of speeding citations are issued. I was just called for duty back in May so I called my city to see if they would reschedule me. I've done this before (at least I thought I had) so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Apparently, it was. I was asked to fax in the affidavit with my reasons for the request. The court clerk wasn't rude but she wasn't overly pleasant about it.

It occurred to me that I live on the wrong side of the tracks. If I lived in the sub-division with the rocket scientists, brain surgeons, and ex-football stars, maybe I would have been treated differently?

Hum.....

Fax? Yeah, right. I don't have a fax machine and time was a factor so I couldn't wait to send it to work with Hubby the next day. I live 10 minutes from the court. I drove it over there.

While I was waiting to see a clerk, a man was yelling at the clerk I spoke with on the phone. YIKES! If this is her life, maybe it explains her mood. He had obviously requested a trial and was furious about his citations. I think most of the issue was his inability to prepare his case for trial in a timely manner and he was trying to pass the blame to the court clerk. I tried not to listen and stare but I wanted to make sure he didn't pop a blood vessel. If he did, I didn't want to get hit by spewing liquids.

Mom had her shoulder surgery. She is doing ok but is not very comfortable, as expected. I've been driving her to her doctor visits. Yesterday, her surgeon's office felt like a morgue. We waited at least an hour in the cold room with putrid lighting to see the doctor. I kept leaving the room to walk around looking to see if the doctor was really there. He was but we found out that he was on call and had to squeeze in several ER patients. I'm sure these folks broke bones just to inconvenience us, right?

Snicker.

We had a near flood last week. Fortunately, I did not have water in the house. My garden is in heaven with a few late summer blooms:

Everything's just peachy.

That little hole under the overgrown shrub is the door to the

lizard community. I'm afraid to trim these shrubs.

I don't want to disturb the slithering critters.

Hibiscus and Lantanas: Hummingbird snacking area.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Oh, Those Montana Summers!

2010-09-10T10:48:00.000-05:00

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

A "poetic" description of our trip to Glacier National Park in Montana.

A Montana summer is like a Texas winter.

Snow at the mountain pass on Sunday

Bright sunshine, shorts and flip-flops, on Monday.

Hidden Lake, near Logan Pass

Reffie DID NOT skinny dip.

Bighorn sheep and furry mountain goats

Bambis, Chipmunks, and Marmots

Hummingbirds and Drangonflies

Assorted wildlife amused as the Japanese toured in the little red buses.

Cute little tour buses run on propane.

Historical reference to the original method of touring the park.

Huckleberry Pie and Rocky Mountain Trout filled my belly

While long day hikes turned our legs into jelly.

The sky amazed us with storm clouds and rainbows

Avoiding hail storms and flying cows kept us on our toes.

Double rainbow at sunset, Whitefish, MT

Jesus may be able to walk on water but I can walk thru trees.

Fit to be tied or harnessed for safety

Bet you haven't done anything like this lately.

Our guides test the ropes and call the first team to the boardwalk.

The grizzlies were out and about but not for geeky homosapiens

They weren't even "oot" and "aboot" because they weren't Canadians.

Some folks we talked to peed their pants on their hike.

Teeth and paws close, they feared for their life.

Momma Bear decided the human porridge looked too hot

She continued on, little cubs on her heels, moving at quite a fast trot.

The glaciers are shrinking so get close to them now

After a 1200 foot climb, though, our calves were screaming YEE-OW!

Yes, that little snowfield is what remains of Grinnell Glacier.

I hope you enjoyed my vacation.

Photo credits: Redbus and Glacier Lodge: bruce_fulton on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), all others: Reffie and Hubby

Sleepless in Seattle....

2010-09-05T12:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know that is the title of a movie but it fits my day Saturday thru Sunday morning perfectly.

That's right. Hubby and I are back from Montana and we did not get eaten by bears or mountain lions. We weren't even asked to play with them. Sheesh! Evil Twin was very disappointed.

We had a great time and I will post some photos soon but I thought I would share our sleepless story today.

Yesterday (Saturday), as we were attempting to fly from Small-Town, Montana, to Seattle, Washington to pick up our connecting flight to Texas, our plane had a mechanical problem. The plane was a prop plane seating about 50 people. The "mechanical problem" occurred after we were all loaded and buckled, and had watched the flight attendants show us how to buckle our seat belts and how to find the lavatories. Don't you think it's funny that they show you how to buckle your seat belt after they tell you to sit down and buckle your seat belt?

They let us off the plane and back into the terminal while they attempted to contact a mechanic on a holiday weekend. They were estimating about an hour delay. Hubby and I knew better.

About an hour later, they unloaded our bags and started re-booking passengers. It was obvious that nearly everyone was going to miss their connecting flight in Seattle. At least we had some sunshine and beautiful mountains to look at while we waited.

Apparently, no mechanic certified to work on our aircraft was available so they had to fly in a couple of guys from Seattle. They were placed on a flight that was headed to Another-Small-Town, Montana but had to be diverted to Small-Town so they could work on our plane.

Back in the terminal, several hours later, we were bored and our bellies were full from our airline-provided pizza. Burp.

Excuse me.

We giggled as we saw a plane land and a couple of guys with plumber's crack hop off and make a beeline for our plane. We supervised them making a repair somewhere deep in the plane's belly, hoping that since they had re-loaded our bags onto the aircraft that the plane was repairable and we would soon be on our way.

We made it to Seattle with the mechanics in tow. Hubby and I were fortunate that there was a redeye flight to Texas. Most of the other folks were sleepless in Seattle, having to find lodging with their hotel vouchers and continue their travel early on Sunday. We were sleepless, too, sitting in the terminal waiting for our connecting flight listening to some jerk play videos on his laptop for over an hour. What IS it with some people? Evil Twin was about ready to make this guy have a "mechanical problem".

That's all for now. I need a power nap.

Have a great holiday!

Off to See the Lizard...

2010-08-27T15:32:00.001-05:00

Hum....something about that title just isn't right.

I don't have to go anywhere to see lizards. I have several of the little critters in my house (Geckos) and dozens of the Texas Spiny Lizards outside under rocks.

Of course they're under rocks, Reffie. Where ELSE would they be? SHEESH!

Sorry about that. Evil Twin hates packing and I'm having her do that for me today.

That's right. It's time for Hubby and I to head to Glacier National Park in Montana. While there, we hope to see glaciers, lakes, and other beautiful scenery. I hope to see some wildlife but the emphasis is on the WILD. I prefer my wildlife to be at a distance and not expect me to be food. If I see this guy, I'm not joining him:

I must get to that packing. I'll be finding some warmer clothes and rain gear as they may have a few storms up there. Hopefully, I'll be able to post a few photos while I'm away.

Fishing for Gingerbread People

2010-08-22T21:16:00.002-05:00

It's amazing the things you find right under your nose. Um, no, not boogers or snot although there is plenty of that, but inspiring architecture and postal creativity within a few miles of home.

Huh?

Deep in the heart of the D/FW metroplex, there are pockets of country living at its best. Country living is a lesson in self-expression in designing your home and yard, letting your vibrant personality shine through. You are probably not even aware you have neighbors.

One would think some of these folks have been transported to an alternate universe or at least to an episode of the Twilight Zone with Rod Serling's ghostly manifestation hovering around them. I think I saw Ron this morning on my run....

when I thought I must have transported into the CandyLand game but with rednecks and cars up on blocks as the game pieces:

OK, so this isn't the actual house I saw. My photo did not show the real beauty of the abode so I borrowed that one. Now, picture a pick-up truck out front and a Shetland pony out back.

Evil Twin is salivating all over the keyboard, muttering something about icing.

Further down the same road, I saw a fish mailbox. My photo doesn't do it justice but I like the log cabin house:

Fish. It's what for dinner (Well, maybe at THIS house!!)

I was glad when I returned to my neighborhood, sans hovering Ron, and was welcomed by Evil Twin's best friend hanging around in my neighbor's yard:

I'm pretty sure this guy is using a machete to whack the bamboo so he can creep closer and closer.

YIKES!

Photo credits: Yummy house: Chick Dastardly on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Fish mailbox and Gnome, Reffie.

Centus: Sitting on the Rainbow

2010-08-15T20:48:00.000-05:00

I'm glad you stopped by today. Yes, it's still hot in Texas and we are all a gooey mess down here. Please send ice cubes.

I'm playing Saturday Centus again this week, writing a story, 100 words or less, using a prompt.

This week's prompt:

I listened to them from my perch on the top step and didn't know whether to laugh or to cry...

I hope you giggle or crack at smile at my little story today:

Sitting on the Rainbow

I didn't know it would be this good. My first full day in heaven has been nothing but glorious. The feeling of being totally connected with all living things is indescribable. You would never believe, though, what Jesus is wearing up here.

Feeling light and ethereal, I wandered over to a stairway. I smiled a bit, remembering the song Stairway to Heaven. Haha. There really is one.

I noticed a group of confused domestic house pets talking amongst themselves.

Climbing without effort, I listened to them from my perch on the top step and didn't know whether to laugh or to cry...

I did both, rejoicing that our beloved furry creatures are here with us.

This week's prompt is from: Deckside Thoughts

Other stories can be found at this blog: Jenny Matlock

Have a great week!

A Plate of Wet Served with Sauce and Sweat

2010-08-09T22:01:00.001-05:00

Hubby and I spent part of last weekend at a ranch in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. Before we settled in, the high temperatures and instability of a stationary front brought Nowhere some much needed rain.

That didn't stop us from driving back to "town" to eat at a local BBQ joint. The amount of food on our plates could feed several starving children or one super-sized Texan. They were a bit skimpy on the sauce which was brought to us in a small flask but they were quick to bring us some more once our flask was running on empty. I topped off my dinner with a yummy slice of Peanut Butter Pie!

Afterwards, back at the ranch, we captured a sunset photo as another thunderstorm was doing its best to dazzle us:

Hubby was trying to photograph the lightning before it got too dark.

Saturday, we enjoyed a pleasant day in Nowhere, ~~walking~~ dripping sweat all over the 5-mile nature trail before spending most of the afternoon in the shade at the pool.

Two geeks in Middle ~~Earth~~ Nowhere

At the pool, we soaked ourselves in the warm water a few times. It was almost pleasant outside while we were wet. After dinner Saturday evening, Hubby drove us back to civilization so I could get ready for my race and attempt to get some sleep.

Sunday, I got up at the quiet, non-shining hour of 4:15 am. This must be before that Crazy Early Girl Dawn but after the crickets and night owls have finally gone to sleep. I left Hubby snoring softly although he tells me he doesn't sleep well without me beside him (Neither do I when the situation is reversed.) As I drove out of the neighborhood, I disturbed a baby fox. He was adorable but I told him to go home to Mommy.

No, this isn't "my" fox. It was dark outside, remember?

My fox was close in size and color to this little tyke.

I found the event without incident and got all my stuff ready. There were several newbies and since I've done this before I played coach. Evil Twin tried to intervene and tell people they had to swim naked and wear their bike helmet while running but I didn't let her ruin their experience.

Sheesh.

The swim was held in an outdoor pool. This time of the year, the water is Texas warm (cooled bath water). Although swimming is still tough for me, the water felt great.

The bike route was reasonably scenic for Texas country; beat-up pickups on the side of the road, trees and shrubbery, a few *old-style churches here and there, cattle and horses in the fields, and flattened and chopped up armadillos in the middle of the road. Yeah, just the normal stuff.

The course had Texas hills (just ask my legs) and the prevailing southerly summer breeze (My legs didn't like this but my face did)!

It wasn't really hot on the bike since I was still wet from the swim. My backside was more than ready to be off that bike, though, after the 16 miles. Places that shouldn't be numb....er...well.....were.

By the time I was off the bike, I was reasonably dry. My legs were noodles, formed from quicksand.

The running course was on part of a golf course. I felt like I was wearing an oven.

The best part about the event besides the finish line? It was the post-race ice-cold water, pancakes and watermelon.

YeeHaw!

*In the larger cities, we have numerous what I call "new style" churches that meet in strip shopping centers. What the no steeple?

Photo credits: Geeks: Jan Powers, Storm: Hubby, Baby fox: Here Be Dragons on flickr. com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Want Fries with that Brain?

2010-08-05T11:43:00.000-05:00

The heat has boiled brains around here. I've encountered crazy behavior all over the place. Evil Twin and I have come up with some ideas as to what should be done with some of these weird people:

Annoying children playing in the swim lanes should be fed to the pool monster. You do believe in the pool monster, don't you?

Drivers sitting through green lights and then blocking traffic to turn left into McDonald's should have their order of fries replaced with a limp, everything-tastes-the-same salad.

Folks running their lawn sprinklers after the 10:00 am cutoff time (assuming they are using city water) should be met with laughter and air farts the next time they turn on the water for a refreshing shower on a hot day.

A local family found some fossils near a lake. We were really hoping for something like this:

But it was something more like:

Better luck next time!

I don't have to go very far to find a fossil. I look in the mirror.

Ha!

Hubby and I will be going to his company's Family Day event this Friday evening and Saturday. There will be numerous opportunities to prepare food on the hot concrete. In other words, there are many outdoor activities available and it's freakin' hot. I think I will find a cozy chair in the A/C and try to stay rested and cool. I have a triathlon on Sunday morning.

Wait. I just came full circle. I'm the one with the boiled brain.

Photo credits: Dinosaur: Mr. T in DC on flickr.com, Snails: Camelia on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Take-offs and Landings, All Players Left Standing

2010-07-31T20:29:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I did a road rally today.

He drove. I navigated.

Yes, we are still speaking to each other!!

When Hubby first told me about the rally, Evil Twin asked why the road needed to rally.

Sheesh.

I explained that it wasn't a baseball game and we did not have to root for our home team to score runs. We were given a list of instructions supposedly explaining our route from point A to B without seeing state-altering signs such as "Welcome to Oklahoma", " Welcome to Louisianna", " Welcome to New Mexico", "Bien Venidos a Mexico", or "Road Ends. Ocean Ahead".

The rally was centered around local airports. As we drove around north Texas in triple-digit heat for several hours with the AC blasting, we were supposed to look for windsocks or airport signs and decipher instructions that looked liked this:

STOP - Got that one!
Left at RidgeCrest Circle, Right - Uh....
Straight, Left on Dove Hollow - Double Uh...
Left on ToNoWhere Parkway - Oops. Can't do that. It parallels the road we are on.

We had to answer questions along the route. But sometimes they were not to be answered. What-the-Scorched Flying Bird Poop?

I was a bit concerned when I was told to turn onto AA Bumgarner Road. I was imagining poor little AA in junior high with a name like that. Later we had to turn onto Morris Dido Newark Something. I had to take a second look at that one before I read it to Hubby.

We saw Dido again. This time it was the United Methodist Church and it was down the street from Kenneth Copeland's Cult.....er...Ministries' complex and private strip.

Ahem. Air strip.

Before all the fun started, Hubby and I walked around a flight museum at the starting point of the rally.

I identified my next ride:

Hubby pondered winged birds while Evil Twin eyed that cute little weapon:

We don't know if we won anything at the rally. I doubt it. We didn't hang around to find out. We had fun but we decided that leftovers and couch-camping in front of the TV are the exciting plans for tonight.

Centus Thief Strikes Again

2010-07-24T15:31:00.000-05:00

Wow. Saturday already?

I hope everyone had a great week.

My mission today is to write a short story of about 100 words using this prompt in the story:

Driving six hours is a long time on the road. Six hours spent singing car-aoke and taking in the picturesque scenery, but mostly reminiscing about the good times. But those days were long gone and my mind was in a different place now. Or was it? My pulse quickened as I passed the road sign which read "Medford 27 miles."

Evil Twin and I accepted the mission, watched the mission tape self-destruct, waved at the late Peter Graves and that Scientific Dude Tom Cruise, and got down to business:

Dinner Isn't the Only Thing Cooking

Driving six hours is a long time on the road. Six hours spent singing car-aoke and taking in the picturesque scenery, but mostly reminiscing about the good times. But those days were long gone and my mind was in a different place now. Or was it? My pulse quickened as I passed the road sign which read "Medford 27 miles."

Medford?

No. Look again.

PHEW! Stepford. Yes, that's much better.   I can't get lost again and be late. Dinner must be on the table by 5:30 pm or there will be consequences.

All of the men have been so irritable lately.   I'll have to remember to talk to the other ladies about this at our next gathering.

I think we'll meet on Tuesday night this time, while the men are "bowling". Yeah, right.   Bowling. Very soon, something else about 12 pounds will be rolling around here.

Take a breath. Patience. Patience. I must make another call to Sally to see if she will join us. After what happened last week, she may be more than ready to participate.

Tom, over at Sophisticated Lunacy, is a regular participant in the Saturday Centus. Go check out his story. It's a good one!

Guys and Dolls and 30 Years

2010-07-15T17:37:00.000-05:00

Guys, pay attention. You have been complaining about male butt overload on this blog. Well, complain no more. This post may have something you want to see.

But for the ladies?

Um.....well....read it anyway, 'K?

Remember that class reunion I attended?

No?

If you need a reminder, click here.

I am now in possession of some photos. Here's a bit of leg:

People eating (not people-eating) must be a magnet for a photographer:

Dude, we were about to go get dessert!

No. I'm not in that photo. Do you think I would post one with ME eating?

A mysterious head in the crowd, talking to someone she doesn't remember but looks pretty darn good after 30 years...

You did WHAT last night

at the after-party?

Oh, my, my, MY! A pair of melons worth the trip to this blog, huh?

NO. THEY AREN'T MINE. Those things probably weigh more than I do and cost more than I make in a year.

**Waves wand, shouts R I D D I K U L U S**

Geeks appear before you:

Ok. Ok. The one in the center was drill team so I won't call her a geek. The others, well, we were all band wienies at our respective schools (The ladies are alumni. The men are semi-bored spouses).

Guys, just in case this isn't enough, how about some hot horse power?

It looks hot out there doesn't it?

Oh, that's not hot horse power?

Ok, how about this?

Snort.

Note to self: Don't let Evil Twin pick out a sports car....or any car. She gets a bit confused between horse power and actual horses.

Sigh.

Photo credits: Reffie-leg, head, and other reunion photos: purchased by Reffie, Pinto: Bogwan from flickr.com, Ford Pinto: jacki-dee from flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

This one time at band camp....

2010-07-11T13:18:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I went to band camp. Once.

I just said that to get your attention. There is no story. I was a wallflower at that age. I didn't know you were supposed to do crazy things and come back with stories to blog about years later. I was a decent flute player but as I recall I didn't even make the first band.

Sigh.

OK, Deb, this is for you:

That's right. You wanted to see more players' butts. Not only do you get two players' butts in this picture but an umpire's derriere is also part of the shot. I sure hope you like it.

Hee Hee.

I've read some posts lately about rude people. Evil Twin thought this photo would be appropriate as to what could be done with these rude people:

Gulp!

Several of you have already taken your vacations. I've enjoyed reading about your adventures and misadventures and I'll admit to being a little jealous!

Hubby and I will be taking a vacation at the end of August. We are headed to Montana to visit Glacier National Park. By then maybe the snow will have melted and we will need a break from the Texas heat. I told Evil Twin to get some bear repellent but she is stocking up on honey. She told me to use it as sun block.

Yes, indeed. Summer is returning to north Texas. We've had our "summer rains" and now we are expecting triple digits towards the end of the week.

Yippee.

Although this is a photo from Texas, I will promise you that nobody I know gets out of the house looking like this:

DOUBLE EW!

Mom is getting closer to going under the knife for her shoulder issues. I'm hoping this happens in the next couple of weeks.

Finally, to get those icky white shorts out of your mind, here's a photo from my front garden:

I love this little bird bath. It's been dropped and broken but I glued it back together. The birds don't seem to mind. I can easily see cardinals, wrens, crows, and blue jays fighting over the bath on a daily basis!

Photo credits: Butts, Bird fighting ring: Reffie, rude-people-eater: some email, tighty whities: peopleofwalmart.com

Seeing White...and Red and Blue

2010-07-04T13:04:00.001-05:00

Was it just last week that I was complaining about the hot and dry weather we've been having?

I should know better. Apparently, Mother Nature manifested some kind of system that parked itself over north Texas and then got together with some guy named Alex and they churned up a doozy. We've had a "mighty fine" soaking over the last few days, including a monsoon yesterday evening that left piles of mud on the sidewalks.

"Mighty fine" is something my dad used to say. I giggled when I wrote it.

Our area lakes thank you for the liquid, Ms. Fickle M. Nature.

We've gone from crunchy, scorched, grass to fungus:

Those white blotches are mushrooms.

Ick.

Hum.....I just noticed Evil Twin going into the shed in the back. She was carrying test tubes, beakers, and a bunsen burner. She said she was making some magic.

Should I be concerned?

Sigh.

Happy Birthday, America, on this Independence Day! I put a call in to Will Smith, thanking him again for saving the world from those ugly aliens. I had to leave a message, just like last year. Actually, just like every time I call. I'm still waiting on a call back. I guess he's busy.

Sigh.

Hubby, Evil Twin, and I went to the baseball game last night. Soldiers from Fort Hood did the honors with our flag:

We got to see Nolan Ryan:

He's the guy on the first row with the round, empty spot on his head.

Evil Twin enjoyed views of players' butts:

We were all disappointed that there were no fireworks after the game. Although there were plenty of other places having fireworks last night, the ballpark decided to save them for tonight instead.

Sheesh!

I'm in big trouble with the twin. I had to tell her that she was going to get to set off the fireworks in order to get her to behave at the game. When she found out the truth....well....there was a little surprise in my running shoes this morning.

Ew.

Have a great holiday!

We Be Lookin' Good!

2010-06-28T15:20:00.001-05:00

My 30-year high school reunion started with a mixer on Friday evening. Hubby and I decided not to attend but to save our ~~livers~~ energy for the Saturday evening event. When we gathered for Saturday's event, we heard that the group had a great time visiting but the "after party" at a local alumni's mansion ("rich girl") was the highlight of the evening.

Evil Twin's ears perked up when she heard about the mansion. She was sure that they were playing with steak knives, mower blades, and chainsaws, but I explained that it was most likely an open liquor cabinet that contributed to the success of that event.

Saturday morning, a few brave souls played a round of golf....or something that slightly resembled golf. Hubby and I slept late, had a leisurely breakfast, and before I knew it, Hubby had his car up on ~~blocks~~ ramps and was examining his oil plug.

YIKES!

That sounded crazy to me so I mowed the lawn and went for a bike ride in the 100 degree heat.

The main event was Saturday evening. For many folks, the biggest challenge of the evening was how quickly they could part with their drink tickets or being able to con other alumni out of theirs.

We also had dinner and there was a slide show playing all evening. Someone had taken pages from the annual and scanned them to make a presentation. I'm thinking it's earth-friendly. It can be resued at every reunion although they will have to update the "no longer with us" section as time passes.

Sigh.

Later, they had the proverbial "who has" awards:

WHO HAS:

...traveled the longest distance to attend the reunion: Seattle to D/FW

....the most kids: 5

...the oldest child: 29

...the youngest child: 8 weeks !!!!!!

....had a sex change: ____

...came out of the closet: a friend of mine

Ha! No, there wasn't a question about a sex change but a friend is definitely out of the closet. She's happy and confident in her relationship with another woman. I'm happy for her.

Several Black Jack tables were available to learn the game or hone your skills. Hubby thinks they were there for the spouses to have something to do. He's probably right. I played a little. I was doing well and then starting losing. I was glad it wasn't for real.

Being a spouse at one of these things is just a step or two above incredibly dull. Hubby did great. He wasn't a wallflower and was cheerful hanging around with me while we talked to different folks.

I went to the 10-year reunion and it was completely different. It was a much larger group. Everyone seemed to visit with only the people they knew well from school. With over 500 graduates I guess that makes some sense. They had a 20-year reunion but I didn't know about it at the time. I heard it wasn't well attended.

We only had about 50 classmates at this 30-year reunion. It was much more relaxing. Everyone talked to everyone else and seemed to have a great time.

In my opinion, we looked awesome. I don't think any of us have "been under the knife" for a few little fixes or enhancements. There was this one lady, though, a spouse of a classmate. Her boobs entered the room before she did. They were obviously enhanced. There was no doubt with her low-cut tank top. She was also very tall and leggy. She didn't seem to mind standing out in the crowd, proud of her husband's expenditures.

The guys all seemed taller. Seriously, I think they grew a couple of inches after they turned 18.

A photographer was hired to take candid photos and a group photo. He staged the group photo outside and then he backed up and stepped up on a chair to take the picture. The chair was wobbly and tilted back on three legs. Evil Twin got excited again. She kept trying to leave the group to "help" the photographer fall over the fence behind him.

Sheesh.

Fortunately or not, the photos were taken without incident.

I cleverly managed to avoid being in candid photographs taken by classmates and my camera stayed in my purse while I worked the room moving my pie hole. I will most likely be purchasing the photos from the photographer. When I get those, I will post them.

Maybe.

Stick It!

2010-06-23T20:38:00.001-05:00

O Stick, troublesome Stick. You stand tall in our soil-challenged ditch. You are ugly. There is no easy way to tell you that.

You bestow your pink ribbon in pieces all over our yard and you are an obstruction for sun-baked homeowners trying to mow without mishap.

Maybe I am judging you too harshly. Perhaps you are just a marker; target practice for our gun-toting neighbors, a place where digging may bring gold or other precious metals, or the actual burial place of Jimmy Hoffa.

You have had some shining moments. You broadcast the wind direction with great ease. You are an ice-breaker for conversations with the neighbors.

You must be something special. Strange pickup trucks deposit round-bellied workers with low-riding jeans to honor your presence.

But Stick, I tire of you. You are on your last days as a yard ornament.

Sigh.

Photo credit: Reffie's ditch, surveyor stick that has been in place for about six weeks: Reffie

Water Giveth and Water Taketh

2010-06-19T22:22:00.002-05:00

This week in Geekville:

Early one morning, I saw a skinny coyote strutting across our yard like he owned the place. I've been given advice on how to shoot the creature since we know he tends to feast on small animals.

We aren't sure he got Cat but it's possible. I don't have a rifle so I've been letting Evil Twin practice with a slingshot.

YEE-OUCH!

Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. My butt's going to hurt for a week.

I made the decision to attend my class reunion next weekend. Yes, blog fodder awaits.

Triple digits temps are upon us. The good news is that the mowing frequency is decreasing. The bad news is the mowing frequency is decreasing. The best we can hope for is that our grass can remain somewhat green and our plants are tough enough to survive. I have a conversation with them each day, telling them how pretty they are and encouraging them to stop slumping.

Hubby and I are pouring ourselves cold beverages and turning down the A/C. Some folks are hopping in their cars or trucks in search of the nearest pool or lake.

Taking a boat out on the lake is popular on the weekends and holidays. I don't know how many man-made lakes Texas has but I think I will run out of fingers, toes, ear holes and other holes before I count them all. Wait. Get Evil Twin over here. She has 13 toes and a few extra holes in her body from encounters with zombies and aliens. That should help me with my tallies.

I don't understand, though, the number of drownings that happen at the lakes each season. Often, alcohol is involved but what I'm hearing is "the deceased jumped off the boat and didn't resurface and was not wearing a life jacket". OK.....um.....it's usually a good idea to know how to swim if you are jumping off your boat in the middle of the lake.

Did they hit their head? Did they have a heart attack? Snakes in the water? Maybe there really is a people-eating monster in the lake?

Sheesh.

Finally, I'd like to wish all of you dads and father-figures out there a Happy Father's Day. Enjoy your day and be careful around the water. You never know what might be waiting for you:

Photo credits: Blurry coyote across the street yapping when he hears sirens: Reffie, Alligator sign: A friend posted this on Facebook. I stole it.

Big Texans and Wild Horses Should Have Kept Me Away

2010-06-14T13:51:00.002-05:00

I was reading an article in the paper about a Texas woman who was told by an airline that she had to buy two seats because she was too big to fit in a single seat. She said she was surprised and embarrassed by this situation and said something similar to "People are bigger in Texas".

Um.....EXCUSE ME?

Just because she is from Texas and she is big, she thinks everyone from Texas is big?

Um....no. This woman obviously needs to get out more. Yes, I see BIG PEOPLE here in Texas but I sure see a lot of BARBIE STICKS, too.

SHEESH!

Ah, for the smell of freshly watered brown grass...

According to the calendar, it's still spring. It's supposed to rain in spring. Mother Nature is obviously confused. Yes, I truly believe she is going through the THE CHANGE.....in more ways than one.

I do have a rose bush that is still green and hasn't caught on that it's too hot to bloom:

She's a beauty and she knows it.

Also, since my real cat has not come back, I'm having to make do with this beast:

About all he's good for is pushing up daisies......er....I mean Blue Daze!

Yes, he's cracked. Although he has made it through winters before, I don't think he cared for this last one, with the 12-inch snow event in February.

I had my running legs handed back to me on a platter yesterday. I ran a half marathon on concrete trails in heat/high humidity. I can tell you that there is no flavor of humble pie that I like. The only saving grace was the scenery. We had some nice green stuff to look at, like trees and park grass that is over-watered daily. There were a few small lakes and a polo field (!!) but then there there was this sculpture at the finish line:

Over-sized wild mustangs. Cool. I wished I had been riding one instead of running that race straight out of the Hades.

Photo credits: Ruby Red and Dazed Cat: Reffie, Las Colinas Mustang Sculpture: armstrks on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Too Quiet on the Western Front

2010-06-09T08:05:00.001-05:00

The talking weather torsos are calling for some noise later. I'll believe it when I see it.

I introduced you to Mrs Kravitz in my last post. I fear I have become Mrs. Kravitz. Well, not exactly, as she's in black and white and I'm in color but I when I'm home I find myself walking to the window and admiring the view.

To those on the outside, I may look like a nosy neighbor, craving excitement from behind the mullions.

Why am I gazing outside?

I like the little birdies and my fat squirrel that soak themselves in the birdbath. The squirrel camped out there one hot afternoon, resting on the wet spot waiting for me to refill the bath. The birds fight over their turn in the water. Silly things.

I'm also hopeful that Cat, that crazy hair-throwing beastard, will come back. He's been missing since Monday morning when he didn't appear to be let inside. Clumps of fur were in the front yard but I can't locate the rest of him.

Although we know there are coyotes around, our cat has always managed to hide from them. We also have owls. YEE-OUCH! It would take a rather large owl to haul off my 15-pound beast, though.

He has "left" before only to return a few days later, ready to eat and take a long nap.

Sigh. Sometimes there isn't much "domestic" in this cat.

I certainly don't sit around all day staring outside. I sometimes do it from an upright position.

Seriously, I'm in a bit of a holding pattern. My mom has had some additional issues that need to be cleared up before she can have her shoulder surgery so I have not made any additional summer plans outside of my normal teaching schedule (my Yoga and Pilates classes).

I had to contain Evil Twin yesterday.

Doesn't it annoy you when you need something and the person you asked responds with a forced smile and a mouthful of brush-off instructions when all they had to do was spend one minute getting you what you need? Sometimes people make it obvious that you aren't worth their time. I felt like the splashed dirt at the bottom of the totem pole.

I smiled, said "thank you" and walked away. I came back later, asked someone else, got what I needed and was gone in 30 seconds.

Unfortunately, I can look back and see myself behaving that way. Sheesh. Payback is a bee-otch!

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm perfect, right?

Happy Hump Day! Do a rain dance for me, please.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's.....

2010-06-06T09:06:00.000-05:00

...just a car.

It doesn't even fly, unlike the drunk driver at D/FW airport earlier in the week. This driver claims she was hit from behind causing her vehicle to become airborne near one of the toll booths. Her "flying car" caused a bit of damage when she landed. Car pieces and parts were scattered all around the toll booth area. It was quite a story. The video is probably on youtube and I'm sure it made for lively discussions at water coolers, coffee bars, and happy or unhappy hours throughout the day. Fortunately or not, the intoxicated driver got out of it with only a broken wrist......and a trip to jail.

No, it wasn't a flying car that caused excitement in our neighborhood a few days ago...

My neighbors are primarily retired folks. This is actually quite nice as when they aren't traveling, they are home keeping an eye on things, anything from the state of your yard, to your beast disguised as a pet, to strange cars parked outside someone's home after dark.

My next door neighbor is out of town. I received a call from another neighbor now known as "Mrs. Kravitz" asking me about a mysterious car parked in front of our mutual neighbor's house. She asks if we were having company. Nope. Not us. We were hunkered down inside with the A/C blasting watching our local baseball team attempt to run around the bases more times than their opponents.

"Mrs. Kravitz" called the police.

A police officer arrived to check things out. The officer peeked in the backseat of this car and found......AMMUNITION.

GASP!

I was hoping for a body or a couple having a good time or something. Sheesh.

Ammunition. Yippee. This seems to fit with the characters up the street that decided it was OK to take target practice in their backyard a couple of months ago. The neighbors and police thought otherwise and two of the occupants of this residence were taken to the slammer on outstanding warrants.

Anyway, back to the non-flying car story. After the police officer left, the mysterious car disappeared. Just like that.

Maybe it was the aliens. I will check with Evil Twin as I heard her attempting to contact them again the other night.

Oops. I think I need to have a chat with my headmate.

Photo credits: Mrs. Kravitz - swiped from Tipper Gore's Internet, Ammo Guy - Cszar on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Cover Me Not

2010-06-02T10:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, while scanning through a few pages of Facebook status updates and photos, I noticed my closest largest city had posted something about an upcoming event:

It’s bathing suit season, but the gym routine is wearing on us. We’re taking advantage of naturist-led hikes at the Fort Worth Nature Center Camp & Refuge to get in shape. Care to join?

Well, now......hum....

Yes, it's hot here folks but I don't want to have to apply sunscreen to sensitive areas so I can jiggle stuff that nobody really wants to see.

"Nekid" people hiking in the woods. Just think of all the places you could get a mosquito bite.....or a tick? Beware. The rattlesnakes might aim for the jiggly bits.

OUCH!

Um, no. I'm not going even though I'm fairly certain they meant NATURALIST!

Speaking of hail-damaged butts, jiggling pieces and parts, and swinging boobs that could choke their owner, I did a quick Google search for nekid-people resorts in Texas.

My humblest apologies but I bet you can't resist taking a quick peek.

Oh, my, my.

They have a photo gallery! WARNING! WARNING! DANGER TO YOUR EYES WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! DANGER!

It's one thing to go to a resort and be naked. It's another to have your naked self as part of the photo gallery.

Weird.

But what really got my attention was the Christian Nudists meetings. Hum.... I don't think Jesus preached in his birthday suit.

Whatever.

First a Giggle, Then a Memory

2010-05-31T07:43:00.000-05:00

It's Memorial Day, the unofficial or meteorological start to the summer. It's already too hot here and yes, I'm whining and fussing about it to Ms. Fickle M. Nature.

Most of the kiddos have a few more days of school but it's essentially over. Be careful out there! Recently freed teenage drivers are EVERYWHERE!

I have something serious for you down below but before we get to that I have to share with you a warning that was posted in the manual for my new dishwasher:

To avoid dishwasher damage, do not load the dishwasher
with paper products, plastic bags, packing materials,
or anything other than normal,
dishwasher-safe dishware and kitchenware.

Yeah, somebody probably did.

Now for the serious bit. I'm piggy-backing on the Saturday Centus writing group today and using the following phrase in a story of 100 words or less:

"May I help you, miss? You look puzzled.”

“Mmmm… thank you, I’m just looking for my father. We came in together a moment ago, but he seems to have wandered off.”

*One Moment, One Memory

It's a typical July day in Texas, hot and muggy with a slight breeze. White specks color the green hill on the horizon.

Reffie checks her purse for a tissue.

"May I help you, miss? You look puzzled.”

“Mmmm… thank you, I’m just looking for my father. We came in together a moment ago, but he seems to have wandered off.”

Reffie helps her mom and follows the others. Words are spoken. A flag is presented. Heads bow.

Staring at the tombstone, Reffie whispers, "Mmmm....yes. I think you are right. He is not here."

I first noticed these stories over at Tom's Sophisticated Lunacy blog. Tom is an awesome writer. Check out his Saturday story here.

*My father was a veteran but he wasn't killed in action. He's buried in the Veteran's Cemetery in Dallas, Texas.

I hope everyone is enjoying a safe weekend and pausing for a moment to remember.

Have a great week!