Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Cat Thinks His Book Will Sell.....

I'm back.  Finally.  It's been crazy around here.  The female is spending hours outside in my yard trying to make it pretty and she spends the rest of her time doing something she calls exercising.  That crazy girl.  That sounds too much like work! I've finally cornered Evil Twin to help me post excerpts from my biography.  I'm moving forward with it even though Evil Twin tells me absolutely nobody cares what a cat does every day.

Pfffft.  Of course they do.  Cats rule.

My day starts when the sun goes down, after I settle the humans in front of the hypnotic colorful box and I take my post-dinner, pre-long-snooze nap.  I engage the female in play.  She needs the exercise and she needs to think that she is stimulating my brain by interacting with me.  Sometimes she tosses a stupid toy mouse in the air for me to jump, spin, and catch.  I acts like I'm having fun and run from doorway to doorway to wait for the next toss.  Then the humans start to fidget.  They go into this place where things that look and sound like my kibble are consumed.  I am determined to get one before they put it in their mouths.  Greedy humans!  I'll tell you a secret, though.  I got one of those darned things last week when they weren't looking.  I destroyed it and its insides were spread all over the bathroom floor.  I think the female was worried. She followed me around like I was going to puke or die or something.  Sheesh.  She grumbled while she cleaned up the dead kibble.

Silly Oreo Kitty, it was just a Niacin tablet, nothing to worry about.  

I have no idea what she is talking about.

There is more play when we finally get upstairs to my comfy cushion that I share with the humans.  I jump on the giant cushion, landing on the plastic sack and attack the silver snake and the sack at the same time.  I am INCREDIBLE!  Eventually, the snake dies and the female buries it somewhere.   I finally settle the humans and take a quick snooze before my duties begin.  Once the humans are growling uncomfortably,  I make my way to the kitchen to redo the female's cleaning of the countertops and stovetop. 

I'm tired and hungry now.  I'll have to continue later.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"