Friday, May 27, 2011

Life as a Cookie - Chapter One

Hello out there.  I'm new around here.  My humans call me Oreo Cat:

 Click to see my big pink ears.  I will not eat you.....just yet.

Reffie, the girl human, has gone for a run.  Evil Twin, the girl human's alter ego with the superpowers, asked me to write about my experiences here in this crazy household cat kingdom.

I was excited about this Oreo thing until Evil Twin explained that the humans were saying "blizzard" not "gizzards" and "filling" instead of "fileting".


I guess Oreo Cat is better than....


Oh, I can't say those words here.

First of all, these humans are EXTREMELY hard to train.  They are intolerant, lazy, and very slow to learn.  Perhaps they are retarded.

There is NOT enough food around here.  Where are my juicy bits of dead animal and crispy crunchy rodent tails?  I've only seen a few bugs here and there.  I took care of those quick enough.  I finally found a loaf of bread waiting for me on the countertop.  I took it to my secret hiding place.  The girl human caught me.  She was muttering something about how that was HER breakfast, not mine.

See?  How dumb is that?

The sleeping situation is tolerable.  I fit very well in the male human's lap but he fusses when I try to sip his drink before settling down.  The girl human makes a nice back rest during the night although she doesn't handle things well when I try to play with her during the wee hours.   I must work harder with her on this issue.  Cool flat surfaces such as coffee tables and hearths are available for when the humans make me too hot.

They keep saying that my backside looks like a dog and that I "wag" my tail.  I don't know what a backside is but I have heard that evil word "dog" before.  Evil Twin tells me they have the spelling backwards.  They are saying I'm a "god" of some sort.  Cool.  Maybe they aren't so stupid afterall.

That's all the time I have now.  The girl human is about to return from her run.  I shall help her clean up.  She tastes good after she's been outside.  I also help her cleanse her hands after she eats pickles.

 I'm in full play mode here but 
I might consider eating if food was presented.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Creep, a Feast, and a Furry Beast

I stopped by an estate sale on the way to run some errands.  One of the estate worker-bees was sitting down on the couch using the previous occupant's foot massager.  He started flirting with me, admiring my girlish figure (Ahem!) and convincing me I needed to try this contraption.  (Oh yeah.  I was excited to do so after seeing his ugly bare feet on that thing.)

But I did.

I left MY shoes on!

BuzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ!  It felt nice on my feet for about two seconds then I thought my teeth were about to fall out of my head.  "Gee", he said.  "It's only twelve dollars!"  Yeah, I thought.  As huge and clunky as that thing is, that's about all it's worth.  

"No, thanks.  I really don't need anything this big."

He kept jabbering at me.  I jabbered back, telling him I was hoping to find some large containers for my garden.  Finally, he went out and looked for some.

That would have been a good time to run to my car and quickly dash away.

But, no, that's not what I did.  I went outside.  He started jabbering again, asking me how I stay so thin.

Ugh.  Goodbye Creepy.  Got errands to run.

We attended a funeral service for Mark's uncle.  His life was cut short but he died happy and fulfilled.  The ladies at the church had lunch for us after the service.  I noticed a homemade Coconut Chess Pie, got a piece before the minister saw it, and sat down to enjoy.  I was moaning louder with each bite until my sister-in-law told me to stop making those noises.  They are not allowed in the Baptist church. 

Hee Hee.

I'm fairly certain the minister was moaning louder.

One of our neighbors was given a stray cat.  Their other cat (the cat in the flower bed in my previous post) would not tolerate it and they called Hubby and me practically begging us to take the beast. 

Ahs.  After hearing how friendly, clean, and well-behaved this cat was, we had to go see it. 

Yes.  Yes.  It was time.  It is now taking over our household:

 I think I must have been a dog in my past life. 
I act like one and I have a tail that looks like a poodle tail.   
Evil Twin and I will become great friends. 

So far, we haven't settled on a name.  We've called him Cat, Lump, Dufus, Goofhead, Oreo, Domino, Stubby, Pinky (big pink ears), and Rex/Wrecks because he acts like a dog and is a bit spastic sometimes!

A neighbor found him.  We think someone turned him out once he grew out of the cute kitten stage or maybe he didn't fit it well with other cats and dogs.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Geek Returns from Space Wearing Dirt and Cat Hair

I'm back.  The alien probing wasn't bad this time.

What have I been up to?

Oh, you didn't ask?

Too bad.

It's been nothing but excitement around here.

I'm cat-sitting:

 My talents are looking cute and lovable and sleeping.
I can be used as a dust mop.

My talents are purring, sleeping, and sitting on my grooming comb.  
Yes, I DO see the toy, 'K?

Neither cat was receptive to me trying to sit on them.

Kidding.  Kidding.

I built a wall:

 The wall-building efforts caused much distress to 
Giant Lizard living in the hole.

I made a new sun bed and planted another rose bush:

 Reffie's sun bed was not designed for the neighbor's cat, 
obviously enjoying himself is his primary "pet-me-now" position.

Sheesh.  He probably pooped in the mulch as soon as I turned my back.

 First bloom from the new addition to my rose family. 
If I see the deer approaching this gem, it's venison for lunch.  

Kidding.  Kidding. 

I cooked for Mother's Day.

This photo intentionally left blank because we ate all the food.  

I'm training for the Wounded Warrior Half Marathon in June.

This photo intentionally left blank because I melted.
The temps are rising but not quite approaching 
"fried egg on the sidewalk" extremes.

Photo credits:  Reffie with a little help from a few sweet kitties!

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"