Friday, May 27, 2011

Life as a Cookie - Chapter One

Hello out there.  I'm new around here.  My humans call me Oreo Cat:

 Click to see my big pink ears.  I will not eat you.....just yet.

Reffie, the girl human, has gone for a run.  Evil Twin, the girl human's alter ego with the superpowers, asked me to write about my experiences here in this crazy household cat kingdom.

I was excited about this Oreo thing until Evil Twin explained that the humans were saying "blizzard" not "gizzards" and "filling" instead of "fileting".


I guess Oreo Cat is better than....


Oh, I can't say those words here.

First of all, these humans are EXTREMELY hard to train.  They are intolerant, lazy, and very slow to learn.  Perhaps they are retarded.

There is NOT enough food around here.  Where are my juicy bits of dead animal and crispy crunchy rodent tails?  I've only seen a few bugs here and there.  I took care of those quick enough.  I finally found a loaf of bread waiting for me on the countertop.  I took it to my secret hiding place.  The girl human caught me.  She was muttering something about how that was HER breakfast, not mine.

See?  How dumb is that?

The sleeping situation is tolerable.  I fit very well in the male human's lap but he fusses when I try to sip his drink before settling down.  The girl human makes a nice back rest during the night although she doesn't handle things well when I try to play with her during the wee hours.   I must work harder with her on this issue.  Cool flat surfaces such as coffee tables and hearths are available for when the humans make me too hot.

They keep saying that my backside looks like a dog and that I "wag" my tail.  I don't know what a backside is but I have heard that evil word "dog" before.  Evil Twin tells me they have the spelling backwards.  They are saying I'm a "god" of some sort.  Cool.  Maybe they aren't so stupid afterall.

That's all the time I have now.  The girl human is about to return from her run.  I shall help her clean up.  She tastes good after she's been outside.  I also help her cleanse her hands after she eats pickles.

 I'm in full play mode here but 
I might consider eating if food was presented.


Deb said...

Oreo Cat? Otherwise known as OC? Add the word "damn" at the end so it can be the OCD cat. One that thinks it is a god. Great. Like cat's aren't full of themselves enough?

At least you save on water bills with less showers now that OC is around.

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Hey Oreo Cat, Trixie here, owner of the chick who writes Anything Fits a Naked Man. I'm a dog (or as Evil Twin put it, God), but I really, really like cats. Mostly because they are my size, not big and scary like some other dog/gods I know.

Just wanted to let you know you're doing a great job with the training of your humans. I know it gets a little tedious sometimes, and that it may feel like they're NEVER going to "get it." But, eventually they'll figure it out and you'll be running that place like clockwork. I was able to acheive complete rule of my household in just a few short months.

So, don't give up, I believe in you! Also, if you're not going to play with that cat toy, I'd be happy to take it off your hands (just don't tell the other dog/gods).

Anonymous said...

Aw, what a cute kitty! And sounds like he's doing a fantastic job in training his humans.

But beware if he ever starts demanding brains.



ReformingGeek said...

@Deb - It's more like "damn cat"! I'm now getting free exfoliation.

@Trixie - Thank you for the advice. I will persevere't even THINK about getting near MY toy. :)

@Quirky - Purr. Purr. Brainz.....must ask Evil Twin about those.

00dozo said...

Ha! I see you've got paper bags for 'toys'. I find their much easier to clean up than mice carcases.


(Yay! I'm no longer "Anonymous" - well, at least here anyway - I'm still known as the 'Unknown Commenter' on my site. Hey, wait! I know! I can put a bag over my head/avatar and become the "Unknown Blogger".)

00dozo said...

(Ooops, I meant, "they're" not, "their" - screw it, at least I can somment; spelling be damned.)

Ziva said...

Ohh, I think Darth Vader and Oreo Cat would get along nicely. Darth Vader is also having a very hard time training his idiotic owners who don't feed him nearly enough.

Devon said...

Oreo is so cute! Chaos has stolen food from a toddler before. Reared up, boxed their ears, toddler dropped the sandwich, Chaos sniffed it before deciding "ew, peanut butter? Gross" and sauntering away. Cats rock. heehee.. Chaos regularly shares food with my kids.

ReformingGeek said...

@00dozo - I luvs my toys and any and all unknown bloggers!

@Ziva - My stupid humans sometimes call me Vader. I think that was their other cat, before me. I find it hard to believe that there was ever any other cat before me.

@Devon - Thanks. I'm good at being cute. This thing toddler? They have food? Hum....must check with Evil Twin about this.

K A B L O O E Y said...

If you overfeed oreo cat, will you call him (her? did I miss a pronoun somewhere?) Double Stuff?

Jean Knee said...

mmmmm. looks delicious

love that oreo double stuff

Unknown said...

Really cute kitty. My cat also hates dogs but has to live with them. I bet Oreo wouldn't take any of their crap because she has a great role model - Evil Twin.

Anonymous said...

Not to sound like everyone else, but that is one beautiful cat. His fur, his body language. He is HOME. I'm so glad you got him and didn't turn him away.

I Wonder Wye said...

Loving Oreo -- a cat that seems to be thinking deep thoughts...

ReformingGeek said...

@Kablooey - Double Stuff. Yum.

@Jean - Put down the cookie, Jean.

@Lauren - Yes, Evil Twin and Oreo are BFFs.

@Dana - Thanks! I THINK he likes it here.....but how do you really know with a cat? I'm just glad he likes people!

@Amy - Thanks. I think his thoughts are much deeper than his food bowl and the pantry cabinet it's stored in....

Ivy said...

Everyone knows that cats rule the roost. Whip those humans into shape. Cats are much better at that than dogs.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"