Tuesday, March 31, 2009

What? Another one?

So that was that. Another birthday.


The alternative is not so great....

I've scheduled this post and I'm assuming I woke up this morning and the world didn't end during the night. Any day that I wake-up is a great day and I get another chance......at being funny of course! If the world ended during the night, none of us would giving a flying flip about this post now would we?

Someone asked me if it was a milestone birthday. I wanted to snarkily respond "Yes. I'm thirty you Doofus" or "so what milestone did you have in mind?" but I took a breath and told him "No milestone. I'm leaning on the back end of the same decade you're in, Buddy!"

I know. That's all I could come up with at the moment.

Some people do not engage brain before mouth.

Another guy in the gym calls me "Old Timer". I'm sure it's because I've been around this gym forever not because I'm old.

Yeah. I'm a little naive sometimes.

He wanted to know my age to determine if he needed to add "Old" to my nickname. I told him that I was still younger than him so to shut the eff up.

Just kidding. I didn't really say it quite that way.

Come closer and I'll tell you how old I am.


Just a wee bit closer.



That's right. Only a geek would report her age in Hexadecimal. My real age is somewhere within this post. Twice.

Mom got me a small cake with balloons on it. She still thinks I'm just a young'n.

My SIL made me some soaps. They are well made so they won't be appearing on Julia D's Homemade Hilarity blog!

Look at those silly kitties plotting the demise of my new soap.
Aren't you convinced that cats are
47 evil?

My friend gave me a candle and shared her lunch with me. YUM! That candle was very tasty!

Hubby got me a cool book. I'm very excited because I just realized that I can still read something that is not on a computer screen!

As for celebrations, I had to work last night so tonight we will do a dinner out with some friends and share a bottle of wine. Sorry guys, no dancing nekid on the table this time (I don't want to break my hip you know) and if you have the pictures from last time, SHAME ON YOU! I paid you off. Now destroy the negatives already!

I also want to thank Tracy at Rambling Thoughts of the Never Ending Mind for giving me an early birthday prezzie last week. She must know how much I like lemons.

Now if I can just get it open and get those lemons out and get some of you started squeezing them, I'll be in good shape to make my next batch of lemon cookies. As for passing it on, if you want it, it's yours. Just send me a sample of what you made with the lemons.

Speaking of lemons, WTF is this?

Is it a tutu that vomited a tutu and then vomited yet another one?

I'll leave you with a little song (just in case you have not figured out the age thing yet):

100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer.
Take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.
Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
47 bottles of beer on the wall, 47 bottles of beer.
Take one down, pass it around, 46 bottles of beer on the wall.

Yeah. That's right. I'm going backwards. I'll be 46 next year.

Photo credits: Lemon monstrosity: The fashionpolice.net, Soaps: ReformingGeek

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Amateur Antics - Now what?

Earlier in the week, while driving, I got stuck behind something that scared the daylights out of me.

A rock hauler, ReformingGeek?

Nope. Although I will go out of my way to get out of THEIR way.

So was it a school bus on a road with 20 railroad crossings?

Um...no, although that's enough to drive most sane people to the nuthouse.

It must have been a large truck carrying cute little potty cans that weren't quite empty?

No. Not even that. This is much worse. It was.......


I've totally forgotten what it feels like to be 15 and behind the wheel with a bunch of other hormone-infused teenagers in the backseat and a geeky (HEY WAIT A MINUTE), dorky, and/or nerdy instructor in the front seat.

Here are some of my favorite behaviors from student drivers. Don't even get me started on adults. That's fodder for a different post.

"Um....am I supposed to drive on this part of the road, Mr. Dibbits", said the student driver while crossing the double-yellow line.

"I'm going up a hill and I seem to have forgotten how to use the accelerator pedal" speaks the subconscious mind of the crazed boy-child behind the wheel.

"Oh dear. I've just made a right turn while signaling left", subliminally delivered while girl-child driver is noticing a new pimple as she glances in the rearview mirror.

A couple of other characteristics of inexperienced drivers driving with an instructor:
  • If in doubt, STOP. Anywhere, anytime. This is apparently acceptable behavior and it must be some kind of exercise to test the student's ability to find the brake pedal. This behavior must be hereditary as it seems to occur with each generation of new drivers.
  • I think this one must be hammered into the already full stacks (brains) of these poor teenagers: You must drive below the speed limit. Yeah. I remember being taught that. It didn't take.

Although I was behind a student driver, I was patient and did make the poor car look like this:

Be careful out there folks!

Photo credits: Porta-Potty: Cpt. Obvious, Student driver: Patrick Doheny, flickr.com Creative Commons via a Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic license.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Is This What You Call Cooking?

I bet you think I'm cooking something. Well, I am. Um..sort of. It's more like "cooking up" something.

Welcome to a new ReformingGeek series.

A friendly roast.

I mean roasting friends. Blogging friends! Don't worry. No friends were or will be smoked, grilled, sauteed, or boiled while writing this post.

This is how it started.

Crotchety said he was my friend. I'm wiping away tears of joy that I have one friend.

OK. One friend in New Jersey. Wait a minute. I know another guy in New Jersey. I will have to "friend" him on Facebook and see if he is really my friend. Afterall, isn't that the way we know who our friends are?

Um.....it's just a tool, ReformingGeek. You don't have to let it control you.

But, but, but.....Oh, OK.

So thanks to Crotchety's idea of calling out other blogs, I'm roasting thanking my blog friends. In the interest that you have other blogs to read, I'll limit myself to three roasts tributes today and call it Thursday's Trio. As to what I will call it next time, who knows?

Let me make sure you understand. I think all you are wonderful. If I didn't get to you today, don't worry, your time will come and after you finish reading this post, you might be thankful you weren't mentioned!

First, I get an occasional visit from a gnome. This is one strange gnome, aka VE, and he brings disaster wherever he travels. Be careful booking your next trip. Make sure VE is not scheduled to be there. I was spying on him one day and snapped this picture:

Look at him trying to hide from me amidst the bamboo and the wild ivy. I'm such the horrible Paparazzi that I drove him to this depth of despair. Or, maybe he is stalking female gnomes in this garden or maybe he is working on a escape plan for trapped gnomes inside the house.

He should fit right in, though, as this is my eccentric neighbor's garden. This neighbor decorates his lawn with not only gnomes but large metal sculptures of a monkey hanging from a tree, a pair of eyeglasses, and a couple of cows (the most recent addition that appeared last weekend). More pictures to come.

Now Quirkyloon is one of my first "blogging buddies". She is a super lady and lives up to her quirkiness. I tried to follow her one day and catch her singing opera in the grocery store but then I discovered her secret. She is actually not Quirkyloon, but Madonna. That's right. Since I'm such a great Paparazzi, I again snapped the photo nobody else could get. There she is:

I'm sure this will make me rich.

Waiting for the money to come rolling in.

I thought for sure that the Humor Bloggers might want the scoop.

Still waiting.

Oh well. I guess I won't quit my day job.

Movin' on.

Nooter - I always thought Nooter was a good pup; a little slow, sure, but afterall he's a dog. Then I saw this picture of him contemplating the tastiness factor of Little Miss Red Riding Hood:


I have to include Da Old Man Crotchety in this salute, although this will make four roasts instead of three (Yea! I can count). He is a funny guy and I can just see him terrorizing the state of New Jersey (Is NJ really a state?) I went looking for a picture that makes me think of him and I found the perfect shot. He's obviously very thirsty:

I hope your enjoyed your meal. Those of your that weren't roasted today, maybe you will beg me to not include you next time!

Photo credits: Gnome: ReformingGeek, Madonna: AbsoluteMadonna.com. All others were from various emails that have floated around the Internet.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A Tornadic Cowtown Birthday!

First of all, I wanted to clear up some confusion from my last post. When I said "I wish I had one" after talking about sweet kitties, I meant I wish I had a SWEET kitty. Neither Real Cat or Perspective Cat are particularly sweet!

My cats really got after me for leaving the wrong impression. They are feeding me crow and they were appalled that I would replace them with.......A DOG!

Enough of that. Now for the post.

I just realized that Saturday will be the 9th anniversary of a very exciting event that may be news to most of you. Yes, it's the 28th of March. Yes, it's probably someone's birthday (No, not mine. Not. Just. Yet.)

Begin drum roll.


That's right. The tornado that tore through downtown COWTOWN. That's right. I said DOWNTOWN, the place where tornadoes are never supposed to go. At least that's what the mayor told us.

I worked in downtown Fort Worth at the time. The tornado came through about 6:15 PM. I was headed north to my home and I was about 5 miles from downtown. I was being pounded by nickel-sized and golf ball-sized hail. I had a new car at the time and I was about to turn around and go back downtown and get in the parking garage to wait out the storm. Then I heard the news. A tornado had just struck downtown Fort Worth. Broken glass and other debris was everywhere. Emergency vehicles were being summoned. Traffic was a nightmare. Texas Longhorns (cattle) were blown into buildings and a man was impaled by one of the savage beasts. So I kept going. I made it home safely with only a few dings on my car.

Uh...ReformingGeek, you have had too many happy pills. There were NO Texas Longhorn cattle flying around down there. Nobody got impaled by a cow. Quit fibbing.


I heard later that there were quite a few folks still working when the tornado hit. On man told me this story. He worked in the building I worked in at the time:
"My co-worker got my attention to look out the window. Heading towards us was this huge tornado. She just kept staring as I was trying to get through to her that we need to get away from the glass. Finally, I grabbed her and we took cover in the print room (This room had a door and no glass.) I felt the air pressure change, heard some weird noises, and then it was over. I don't want to do that again."
One of the accountants at the company I worked for shared her experience:
"I was walking outside to the parking area and I saw this huge tornado heading for the building. I ran back inside and alerted Security. The guard looked at me as if I'd grown three heads. I told him I wasn't kidding. I went back into the office and told my employees to get to the stairwell, immediately. We felt the pressure change, heard glass breaking, and then it was over. It scared the shit out of me!"

One of the key issues with this experience was that the storm sirens did not go off in a timely manner. This prompted a re-work of that system so now the storm sirens go off so much that we practically ignore them. We started having storm drills and I remember one particular long late afternoon/evening as we were all in our "safe" areas waiting for a storm to pass.

There were some reports of people seeing "green powder" swirling around in their office. It turns out this was the broken glass. Ick! Some people didn't make it to the stairwell. They hid under their desks.

The downtown area was closed for several days after the tornado and many of the roads were still closed once the area was re-opened. Traffic was a nightmare. It took them awhile to clean up all the glass and other debris. We heard that company paperwork had blown all around town and some folks were kind enough to return it to us.

A few buildings took heavy damage. My building got by with only a few broken windows.

The picture above shows the buildings I just talked about. The building with the round area on top is the building I worked in at the time. The two "towers" across the street also belonged to the same company and the closest tower was the one the accountant worked in at the time. The taller tower was the Bank One building and it looked horrible for a very long time. There was a restaurant at the top. Several customers watched the tornado form and approach before making their way down 35 flights of stairs.

What a mess!

The tornado spawned another series of tornadoes that headed east. It was one hell of a night. With all this that was going on, only four people died. About 80 were injured.

A few years ago, one of the local stations did a retrospective. I found it on youtube. It's short so watch it if you can.

Storm season is upon us. It seems that fancy radar can track the tornado almost to the point of when it hits your house. We have a closet under the stairway that is the designated tornado shelter. Of course this closet is full of skeletons, various live and dead vacuums, Christmas decorations, our massive DVD collection, the kitchen sink, and who knows what else. Also, trying to lasso the cats and get all of us in there is quite an ordeal. We are hoping for a tornado free spring, summer, fall, and winter around here!

Photo credits: The tornado aftermath picture is something I found on flickr and was taken by a professional company called airmemory. The Texas Longhorn picture is from Wikipedia.

Additional references: Wikipedia article on the Fort Worth 2000 Tornado and a book titled SHATTERED, The Tarrant Tornadoes written by the Star-Telegram.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Oceanic Six Meme

There is some kind of meme going around where you have to list six things about yourself that frankly, nobody gives a rat's ass about (Humor me. It's margarita night and they were really [hiccup] good tonight). Nobody asked me to do this meme but when has that ever stopped me?

I have conveniently renamed this meme to the Oceanic Six meme and will list weird things about myself. For those of you that don't watch Lost, weird things always happen to the six people that "survived the plane crash and were rescued from the Island but are now back on the Island....apparently".

Anyway, so here goes. Things I'm sure you've always wanted to know about me but were smart enough not to ask:

#1. Yes. I'm a cat lover and a sucker for a sweet kitty (So why don't I have one?) I never liked cats as a child. I thought cats growled at you. My BFF at the time had to explain purring.

It was dogs. We had poodles. Hubby tells me poodles aren't really dogs. Poodles and chihuahuas; noisy squirmy rats disguised as dogs. I miss having a mutt. We have no fence and I don't want one in the house and we won't be getting a fence so there will be no mutt. I hate logic sometimes.

Dogs are excited to see you. Cats like you to think they are excited to see you but it's all an act to manipulate you to comply with their commands. If cats can kidnap the HumorBloggers mascot Chester, then we know we can't trust those growling, hair-throwing, hairball-hacking, dirt dropping, curtain-tearing, stinky-turd-dropping, SBD-farting buffoons. WOW! Did that cover it?

So that was #1. Moving on.

#2. I like Peanut Butter and Bananas (but not on a sandwich). They make a mean muffin. It must have been the ghostly visit from Elvis as he was swirling around in Purgatory. My dad also liked Peanut Butter and Bananas. I'm sure he and Elvis are getting along swell in the Great Beyond when he's not haunting my mom's house with additional attempts to stop gap any problem with duct tape and bailing wire.

I walked up and down the Leaning Tower of Pisa in 1976! This was before they closed it for repairs and stabilization. I'm glad I had a good sense of balance. Mom stayed down below on a bench thinking I was crazy.

. I think I left some brain cells in Florida. The Mission: Space ride at Epcot scared the daylights out of me but not until I tried to leave the ride upright. I slowly walked to the exit holding on to Hubby. I've never felt so weird and disoriented. My head hurt for several hours and I kept thinking I should go lay down. I found out later that it used spinning to create centrifugal force to simulate the G-force effects (at least it did a few years ago when I went on it). Me and spinning are not friends. Six Flags had a ride called the Spindle Top. I couldn't do that one either.

#5. Hubby's Sunday school teacher when he was six turned out to be my uncle. [Insert music from the Twilight zone.]

#6. Hubby and I went to the same college and the years overlapped but we did not meet until a few years later at work.

OK. WAKE UP! It's over. Feel free to do the weird stuff meme. You can even call it the Oceanic Six meme if you want.

Puppy in towel photo: Origin unknown. It was from a well-traveled email.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Flyin' Yogini and Other Such Nonsense

yogini - female practitioner of yoga

There once was a small yogini called YoginiGeek who attended a workshop to learn more about yoga so she can bring calmness and serenity to Perspective Cat who tends to be somewhat well...er...psycho. At the workshop, YoginiGeek was assigned to a group of larger yoginis to act out a story. This group was tasked with acting drunk and silly (not a stretch for YoginiGeek) to demonstrate what can happen to people when they are not in control.

One of the other yoginis on the team was obviously better at acting drunk and silly than YoginiGeek and was very energetic with her interpretation. The excitement of being "on stage" and being a star may have been too much for YoginiGeek's co-star as she made a large swooping movement with her arm, causing YoginiGeek to break into sudden flight and land on the floor several feet away.

The crowd grew quiet and YoginiGeek was soon surrounded by concerned faces. YoginiGeek starts to laugh uncontrollably. The crowd relaxes. YoginiGeek is on the floor but is breathing and all limbs are intact.

The crowd sighs, yawns in boredom, and awaits the next group's antics.

Now for a little rant:

Don't you just love it when you've taken your car in for service and you get a call the next day urging you to answer "excellent" to the survey that will be given to you later because this is how service advisers are evaluated?

I don't love it.

Earlier this week, "Elle" calls and leaves a message for Hubby asking if the service was "excellent" and to call her back if it wasn't. "Elle" sounds like a pre-teen girl that should probably be chasing the Jonas Brothers.

Being the silly geek I am, I had to tease Hubby about his phone message.
So Hubby, did "Elle" service you OK?

What services did she actually perform?

Why was I not invited?

Wasn't your service advisor a guy? Was his service good? Is he cute?

Give me a break. I run away screaming from surveys. I had enough of that in the corporate world. We would take the survey and then have to form little "teams" to "fix" the problems that came up on the survey. What an EFFING waste of time! And a survey being part of your performance evaluation and being urged to answer "excellent"? Uh, no. Sorry. I don't play that game.

Rant over.

Not quite.

The weather outside is warm. It's spring break around here and everyone who hasn't driven a car all winter is now out driving their car as I'm trying to commute home. On a positive note, at least Real Cat is worn out and ready to sleep when I get home. He's been spending these nice days outside, looking for rodents to torture and hiding from the Zombies.

ReformingGeek thanks Amy Groark from flickr.com Creative Commons for the Cat in Cobra Pose photo.
Licensed under Attribution-NonCommercial No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Caption Winner Announced!

OK, folks. Those were some great captions. The judges bickered and the cats tore at each other's eyes so I had to step in and come up with a solution that would please everyone. I know. I should realize that I can't please everyone so why do I keep trying?

Anyway, we have three winners and I'm going to divide up the prizes. I thought about sending only egg halves but Hubby wouldn't let me do that so I went back to my basket and found that Perspective Cat laid another egg. That's the luck (or the magic) of the Irish. Afterall, it is St. Patrick's Day, right?

Thank you for waiting. Your call will be answered in the order.......

Sorry about that.

And the winners are:

Tracy showed us that she is one touch cookie with her caption:

The Cats: Oh yeah? Which acre? We ain't got all day to be kissing your butt!!

And she was not ashamed to beg for the mushroom egg so since she is one of the winners, she will get her mushroom. I am such a softie!

Nooter really impressed the judges with his staged dog attack:

..the plan to distract the cats was working perfectly. if i can just get a little closer...cloooser.. aaand... BARK!

And Bunk made us giggle with his clever "pecker" joke:

"Look, mates! His pecker's on the wrong end!"

I do have an egg for each of you. Please email me at caroljean.fo at gmail dot com and I'll get them in the mail.

Thanks for playing and for making me giggle away some spring fever.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Weekend Caption Contest and Easter Madness

What do you do on a dreary, chilly day in Texas when you have spring fever?

Run errands, clean the house, and bathe the cat?

Yeah, right. Very funny. The cat already had its bath in the rain last Friday. Sheesh!

Watch a show on the History Channel about wingsuits?

No. That's what Hubby is doing. This morning at breakfast we were talking about doing crazy things once you get older.That is, how we seem to want to do fewer things like jump out of perfectly good airplanes as we get older. Hubby said he would skydive. I'll pass.

Now wingsuits? Hum...... Those look cool although you still have to jump out of that airplane. Landing could be a bit scary.

Get back on topic ReformingGeek.

Sigh. OK.

I baked cookies, made green chile stew, and decorated for Easter. You're probably asking why would anyone decorate for Easter? Or did I lose you at "cookies"? Maybe you want the recipe for the stew?

I'll say one thing. The green chiles were H O T ! ! !

Yep. That's about the way I felt trying to eat it.

OK. Back to Easter. I would never have thought about decorating for Easter but my mother gave me a basket and some eggs. They were sleeping safely in the depths of the junk closet until I opened the closet door to get the vacuum. They leaped out at me so I gave in and put them out for your enjoyment:

Yep. That's it. Yippee.

Notice that evil Perspective Cat knocked over the tiny basket and broke the duck's beak. I can't find the missing beak. The pesky cat must have eaten it. What a useless blob of fur.

But did you also notice that the basket is very full. I'm not going to buy a larger basket. What better to do when you want to rid yourself of extra junk lovely decorations than to have a blog contest?

I love captions so I couldn't resist doing another caption contest. Please give me your best caption for this photo:

Your awesome caption here

Your winning caption will get you these lovely cardboard eggs, including the magic mushroom egg.

Yes. I said magic mushroom.

But wait. There's more. These suckers will open up and hold your magic little ciggies, pills, condoms or whatever you want to hide store there.

They really are cute.



Most people just put candy in the eggs.


The vacuum never made it out of the closet.

Winner announced Tuesday. Good Luck!

ReformingGeek thanks Wikipedia for the wingsuit photo. The caption and Picante baby photos have floated around the Internet too many times to allow for proper credit. All other photos were unprofessionally taken by ReformingGeek or Perspective Cat. No rights reserved.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I'd Rather Be......a goose?

"I'd Rather Be... " Facebook needs to allow that to be an option for the "what are you doing" question. Afterall, many of us would rather be doing something else, right?

Anyway, back to today's post. Life has not been overly humorous lately but I'm trying so work with me here.

I love this joke. My friend reminded me of it the other night after a bit of tequila and we were talking about the rumor that a Dallas Cowboy football player has bought the property behind our house:
What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?

The ability to fill a stadium with 70,000 people shouting "Jesus Christ!"
She did a good job telling the joke. I need more tequila to tell good jokes (or dance).

That's right. Down here in Texas, our relationship with the Dallas Cowboys drives us to drink or find religion. Maybe both. I'm ready for baseball and I'm sure the Texas Rangers will drive me to the edge of sanity again this year.

As for our proposed new neighbor, we have yet to see anybody at the property. One would think the owner might have at least visited the property. The other part of the rumor is that they are going to tear down the airplane hangar (SACRILEGE!) and build an "all green" house.
Hum....can't they pick some other color of paint? I bet all that green will get really boring.

Yeah. OK. I know that's not what they are talking about but I couldn't resist. The other rumor is that they have since sold the property to someone else. Whatever.

It's been raining here for the last few days and it's effing cold. I know. it's my fault. I complained about it being too dry and I was enjoying the warm weather. Mother Nature is up to her usual tricks. The rain must come all at once and we must be humbled with cold weather. Thanks, Mom. That slap in the face hurt!

With the rain and the full moon we've had, I've encountered some very grumpy folks lately. Can't anyone deal with a non-ideal situation without complaining?

Apparently not.

At the gym where I work, here's a few of my favorites this week (and they really do sound like geese sometimes):

1. Why aren't the TV's working?
[Pasting on plastic smile, fighting off evil twin]: They're working on it. There is a lot of construction here. Anything could have happened. Yes. We paid the the bill. I'm sorry you can't watch March Madness. I can't watch Fox News butcher yet another news story, check out the latest infomercial, or better yet, I can't watch Oprah.

Yeah right. I don't watch Oprah. Don't get me started.

2. "Can't you turn the music up?", said the whining member. "I can't hear it. Without the TV's we need louder music."

Um....sure. OK.
Evil twin: Ever think of saying Please?

3. Same person, a few minutes later, with a huge shoulder-dropping sigh, "You turned the music down."

Yes. I can't hear to talk to members that are asking me questions at the front desk.
Evil twin: There is no pleasing you today, huh?

I know. I'm in a non-ideal situation and I'm complaining. That's irony for you.

May you be free of whining geese today.

ReformingGeek thanks flickr.com Creative Commons for the photos:
Grumpy Goose: freebird4
Licensed under Attribution-NonCommercial No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Swinging for Spring

Ah, spring is in the air. We have budding Redbuds and Bradford Pear trees in the area and they look almost like the photo (Yes, I'm too lazy to take my own photo!) They made me smile and think of swings. I like swings. I could do that for hours as a bored 10-year old.

I wish I had a swing.

Let me clarify. I want to swing on this:

Not this:

And then I saw this:


This is somewhere in the UK. I think I should head over there later this spring to find it, or at least to take my picture on it so I'll have something to post on my blog.

I'm happy for the break from the cold weather. It's nice to not have to run wearing 3 layers, a hat and gloves. I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation.....slowly.

The squirrels are chasing each other and the rabbits are reproducing like.....er...rabbits.

I'm still cleaning up leaves and the oak trees are starting to bud and drop their tree poop all over everywhere. That is, it looks like poop when it mixes with rain and makes the driveway into a greenish-yellow slip 'n' slide.

The snakes are probably starting to wake up and that scares me a bit.

My neighbor crawled out again on Sunday and caught Hubby and I in the yard. She dragged me all over her yard and then said she had to get back to work (She had stopped her mulching mower to come interrupt me but now I'm holding her up?)

Thanks to all of you for your advice on how to handle the neighbors. I think I'd better just accept them or else I might do something that will make me end up in swing #2 from above.

I think I'd better stop now. It's not really spring yet. Mother Nature is only playing a very cruel joke on me. I'd better prepare myself for a little more chill.

ReformingGeek crawls back under her rock, grabs her binkie, and starts to snore softly......

ReformingGeek thanks flickr.com Creative Commons for the photos:
noose: mlhradio, basic swing: Special, swing sculpture: tim ellis, trees: cavalier92
Licensed under Attribution-NonCommercial No Derivative Works 2.0 Generic

Sunday, March 8, 2009

When the Wind Blows.....

We've been having some nice weather down here in Texas. It's been really windy, though. There's crap blowing all over the place and I'm digging some very strange things out of my flower beds.

It's windier than being on the 99th floor of the Sears tower in Chicago and feeling the building sway back and forth.....back and forth.......You get the picture.

ReformingGeek pictures herself running for the stairwell and making it down to the 1st floor in 15 minutes flat........Then she pukes.

I'm scared of heights. I'm not sure I could go to the 99th floor of any building much less one that is moving back and forth.

Anyway, the nice weather blew THE YARD NAZI out from under her rock. Now before I rant about the NAZI, I will say that we have some great neighbors and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else right now.

This neighbor is always in her yard. Her yard is nice but she always has advice and I've heard it all.......at least six times. She "loaned" me gardening books last fall. No. I didn't ask. She just brought them over. Hum.......

She is also a drama queen.

Late last summer, I'm all comfy on my sofa reading your blog posts. Hubby is watching TV. I hear a very fast-paced "knock, knock, knock, knock......knock, knock, knock,knock,knock" on my back door. It was loud and almost staccato. I recognized the knock. It was either her or Chicken Little as it sounded like the sky must be falling.

I was hopeful that it was the pool guy or at least Kiefer or even Jack the Ripper.

DAMN! It IS her and she's got a wild, panicked look on her face.

Neighbor: "Do you have water running?"
Me: "Um, no."
My Evil Twin: Yeah. I'm in the shower with Hubby. Do you mind?

Neighbor: "I've got a puddle near my backdoor and I thought it must be coming from your house/yard since you're uphill."
Me: Um, no. [Insert plastic smile.] Maybe next door. Let's go check.
My Evil Twin: I thought your yard looked dry so I ran a fire hose to the property line and turned it on.

It was my next door neighbor's hose, accidentally left on all afternoon, and she was in her house oblivious to the "drama" unfolding around her.

I breathe a sign of relief. Another life-altering crises avoided.

So she gave me gardening books. I looked at the books and then they sat in my bay window all winter. Oops. It looks like my evil twin took over.

When I do training runs, I pass YARD NAZI'S house. Of course she's outside. She's always outside. I have my ipod on, earbuds in place, and it's playing some rawking tunes as I labor my way past her house. She calls out. I call back "Hi" and something about the nice weather and keep on running. As I turn my back, I wipe away my "smile" and I hear her say something about her books. I also hear her husband coming up to her. He's probably calling her off. I mumble a thanks to myself and make a mental note to bake him a casserole or something.

Yeah, right.

Fast forward to Saturday. I'm all comfy on the couch reading your blog posts (Do you see a pattern here?) Hubby is watching TV and I hear "knock, knock, knock, knock......knock, knock, knock,knock,knock" on my back door.

I say nothing. Hubby gets up to answer.

DANG! She asks for me (She saw me outside earlier - must remember to wear disguise next time.)

I give her the books. She tells me a story I've heard before. She starts talking about the drainage issues (again). Hubby and I walk her outside and she finally blows away. I was about ready to use the "I've got something on the stove" excuse.

Actually, it wasn't that bad this time. Maybe because it's been 4 months since I've seen her.

I think I'd better get busy in the yard.

This post reminded me of the very funny Britcom Good Neighbors. I really liked Barbara and Tom and wanted them to do well. What's your favorite British Comedy?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Holy Hot Cross Buns Batman!

I went to a new facility yesterday to teach a group fitness class. I encountered Typhoid Terry at the Security Desk. He had a hand-written sign that said he had a bad sore throat and couldn't talk. YIKES! Pass the hand-sanitizer, please.

I also encountered Mooning Moe. Moe was probably just having a normal day in the life of a new facility, tinkering with this or that, showing off his duct tape and bailing wire skills, trying not to blow the place up or electrocute himself, working the Full Monty on his breaks, etc. But this is all I got:

My poor eyes. OUCH!

Actually, that wasn't him. The hot cross buns I saw were much more.....er.....pronounced.

Yes, I said Full Monty back there. I just wanted to see if you were still reading.

Clothing faux pas can be very serious. Just remember how ~awful~ it was for all you guys when Janet Jackson had her little wardrobe malfunction. This guy I was working with at the time came in the next day with a huge smile on his face talking about how offended he was. It was obviously shocking for him and he is probably still suffering from damages. Poor thing.

And finally, what's with you guys with hairy arms that wear tight tank tops to work out in the gym? You remind me of this guy, but gay:

This isn't pool guy material, OK?

If you're brave enough, tell me about your favorite clothing faux pas.

In other boring news: I now have 3 different security badges in my purse. Yes, they are all mine. Or maybe I should say that they have my picture on them.

Let me rephrase that. They have some god-awful image that resembles me when I feel as bad as the guy in the first photo. My passport photo is better.

Did you see Lost last night? Sawyer cleans-up good!

ReformingGeek again thanks istockphoto for the photos.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Musical Delusions of the Blog Blog Sisterhood

Quirky, over at Musings of a Quirkyloon, is one of my favorite bloggers and she made my day when she called me a "blog sister" and gave me this award.

WOW! I've never had a sister.

I'm tickled pink....er.....or maybe that's just the glow from the celebratory wine.

Quirky and her family are musically inclined. Quirky doesn't sing in the shower. She sings in the grocery store. She is true to her name. She recently posted about a kazoo and her son is a budding rock guitarist. This got me thinking about my childhood attempts at making melodies with musical instruments.

I think I know why my mom is crazy. I drove her there. That's right. It was me and my delusional dreams of musical greatness and my constant attempts either to fit in or stand out, depending on my mood. I was a kid and kids are all crazy or brain-damaged. Just ask Bill Cosby.

First, it was a drum set. On the other hand, what kid doesn't want a set of drums to pound? I think my attempts at a good snare roll lasted about 5 minutes. I could pound that bass pedal though. I think I remember my drum set disappearing one day and Mom said the dog ate it. Hum......

When I was 11, I thought I could play the trombone. I soon learned that I was too much of a wimpy, scrawny, little thing and I couldn't haul it around or make much of a sound out of it.

If I was trying to stand out, I succeeded. I was seriously teased for this crazy escapade.

News flash:
I'm still a wimp. Hubby has to do the grunt work.....like putting down toilet seats and plunging these ornery porcelain monstrosities. He also has to haul cement mix, operate huge power tools, crawl around under airplanes, and other such fun. You get the picture.

I'm good for getting you a screwdriver and maybe a wrench on a good day but I can grout and caulk (will grout for wine).

Back to the music...

I finally settled on a flute. That is, I gave in and tried to fit it with the other girls. (I'm still trying). Then I had to have a nicer flute....and a piccolo. I still have them all and they are collecting dust in the deep innards of the bedroom closet.

But after playing flute awhile, for some reason, I thought I needed to play the cornet. Huh? I had a crush on guy that played the cornet but this makes absolutely no sense to my adult (yes, I'm an adult) mind. I flashed my eyes at him and asked him for lessons. I think I received lessons in kissing (don't tell Mom). I'm not sure the instrument I had every worked right. I bought it from Sears and the valves were always sticky.

I also have a tambourine. I have no idea why. I must have wanted to be Tracy Partridge or something. I know that I always wanted to have that red hair!

Do I play any of these things now?

Um....no. I tried to get out the flute many years ago. It was depressing.
It sounded like the heavy breathing on those strange telephone calls.

I wish I could sing. Got karaoke? I can do that after a few beers and with a head cold.

As for the award, I am supposed to give it away to other blog sisters. So Ladies, grab it if you'd like and you have my permission to proudly display it on your awards shelf.

Tracy Partridge photo courtesy of http://www.cmongethappy.com/. Instrument pile photo purchased from istockphoto. All other photos courtesy of Wikipedia.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Race Day - Second Half

I'm feeling proud. Saturday, I did another half marathon (that's 13.1 miles). If you want to hear about my first half marathon, click here.

I know. I'm crazy but that runner's high from finishing sure felt good!

Although I felt every step after mile 4, I would have to say it was a good race because I accomplished the following:
  • I showed up at the starting line with temperatures hovering around freezing and gusty winds from the north.
  • I started running when the gun went off (well, actually it takes a few minutes before you actually get to run).
  • I didn't fall down or get run over by other runners.
  • I didn't stop to puke, pee, or poop during the race.
  • I didn't push or cut-off any runners with "Marines" or "Army Grunt" on their shirt or any runners male or female that outweighed me by 100 pounds.
  • My cajones didn't freeze off.
Uh, ReformingGeek, you don't have those.

I don't?

Um, no. You have female parts.

Oh, OK as I sigh heavily waking up Real Cat.
  • My itty-bitties and other female parts, hands, feet, and all other extremities were still in place. I didn't take my hat off until mile 11. The gloves never came off.
  • I finished upright, with a faster time than my first half. Unbelievable. No really.
  • I bypassed exhausted drunk runners at the beer stand and avoided the horrendously long food line at the food tent. In other words, I went directly to my car.
Uh, ReformingGeek, don't you have more to say about your car?

Do I have to tell them what happened last year?

Um, yes.

Oh, OK as I sigh heavily waking up Real Cat.

I found my car. Last year I got confused about which garage I had parked in so I "lost" my car. It didn't help that they pulled the gate down on this garage's entrance so it was really very confusing. Afterall, I was tired and frozen from the race (including the brain). I was really very embarrassed about this because I was under the delusion that these things don't happen to me.

The post-race exhaustion and the inability to easily bend over and pick something up off the floor hit after lunch Saturday. For those of you that don't know, Fort Worth has this thing about using bricks as road pavement. What effing idiot thought this would be a good idea? O U C H! Miles 7 - 10 were NOT FUNNY and my over 40 body is feeling every single effing brick.

OK. Rant over.

A friend of mine brought me this yummy dessert Friday and I saved most of it for post-race enjoyment. Hubby and Perspective Cat started drooling so I shared (with Hubby that is). The cat that eats blog contest entries does not deserve a body-and-soul-soothing chocolate yummy!

The cake was good. I will definitely be hydrating my friend (and myself) with margaritas soon.

Finally, I really did finish the race. Here's my medal and look at Singing Love Dog trying to get in on the act. Next thing I know, this critter will be going after my "hearts" blog award. Sheesh! Can't leave him alone for a minute.

Think warm!

ReformingGeek realizes she is talking to and answering herself and will resume her meds at some point...or not.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"