Ready for the show? Good. Grab your popcorn, candy, and large drink and let's get started; after the previews and commercials of course. Hum...why I am paying to see commercials?
One would think seeing a movie is a fairly simple task. It seems I am gravely mistaken. Just in case you need a little review, I've provided explicit instructions in today's post:
- Show up on time. Although I don't like commercials and previews, I really don't like seeing you and your buddies walk in front of me trying to find a seat.
- Turn off your technology. Otherwise, I may take it from you and use it as a flashlight when I have to get up to pee.
- If you're at the movie to make-out with your favorite squeeze, please sit in the back. Not everybody wants to see your best moves. I do, of course, but I can always move to the back row to check you out, right?
- Whip your children into shape. Oops. I mean encourage your children to stay in their seats and keep quiet. Otherwise, I may eat them.
- When you come into a theater with plenty of open seats, please don't sit down in front of me, blocking my view. If you do, I may suddenly have a sneezing or coughing fit to encourage you to find a new seat.
- Speaking of coughing, if you're ill, please don't join us for the movie tonight.
- Talking: Don't. Is that hard?
I'll never forget the time that our small team of about five people had to see a movie with our boss. I say "had" because it was the annual "Christmas party" and it was always a big ordeal as to what to do. Attendance wasn't really optional. The boss talked during the movie. She kept asking questions and analyzing the characters. I was trying very hard to ignore her but she was never the boss to be ignored, if you know what I mean.
The last time I went to a theater, this sign got my attention:
We are no longer allowing children under the age of two in the theater for evening/night showings of PG and PG-13 movies. We have had too many complaints about noise. Thank you for your understanding.
My question is why would people bring their babies to a movie anyway? The loud theater does not make a good baby-sitter and I don't want to be sitting next to or even hear your screaming child when I just paid a small fortune for my popcorn, 'K?
Fortunately, I didn't encounter any of these amateurs when Hubby and I went to the theater to see the latest Star Trek flick. It could be that the theater was full of other classy geeks like us (Ha!) It could be that there weren't many children. It was on Memorial Day and apparently, some schools were in session, making up a "snow" day. Huh? Whatever.
Photo credit: Spock: yelahneb, flickr.com Creative Commons (see sidebar). This is a pretty good Spock, goofy bowl cut and all. It was a Halloween costume back in 1982.