Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Toaster: Fail


I have banished two toasters from the ReformingGeek household in the past two weeks. That's right. It was obvious the toasters were assigned to my house to kill me - by starvation. Is it too much to ask that I can have my toast for breakfast like I do every day? No, I didn't want half the bread toasted nor did I want the entire piece of bread charred beyond recognition.

I guess it was too much to ask. The first toaster decided it no longer wanted an intimate relationship with the bread. It rejected each and every piece inserted into the appropriate slots so I went to the store in search of its replacement. I didn't like the prices. I went back home and remembered we had a toaster we used prior to our kitchen remodel stuck in a closest somewhere waiting for the garage sale that never happens. I got it out, cleaned it up, removed the price sticker, and plugged her in. She worked like a charm.

Apparently, toaster #1 had a conversation with this replacement toaster while it was sitting on the counter waiting for Real Cat to take it out to the garbage. I know this because soon after toaster #1 was finally deposed of, it's replacement turned into the Ice Woman. That's right. No heat coming from this lady. Maybe she prefers her bread buttered on the other side, if you know what I mean. She certainly didn't like any of the specimens I presented to her.

I went to buy toaster #3. The prices at Wally-World (Gosh Dern It!) were within my budget but I have not learned form my mistakes. Toaster #2 is still on the counter and I'm sure she's telling this new guy (yes, I got a guy this time) what he's supposed to do:
Show her the power of the dark toast side.

Uh....ReformingGeek?

Yes?

You do know that toasters are not alive and out to get you, don't you?

They are alive. Tick. Tick. Otherwise, why would they talk to me and set up play dates with the cat?

Dang. I'm hungry now.

Photo credits: Darth Vader _ES on flickr.com, Frakking toasters: RedMorris on flickr.com, both licensed under Creative Commons (see sidebar)

26 comments:

Marvin D. Wilson said...

Well count your blessings. At least it's not your frakking fridgerator.

With me it's my washer and dryer. They have this plot to disintegrate one of my socks on every laundry day. Not a pair, mind you - that the Old Silly wouldn't notice what with the Half-Heimers. No. ONE sock gets banished from the Wilson household, and I must presume the known universe, every time. leaving me with a useless odd sock.

And this goes for EVERY set of washer and dryers I've ever owned. I think it's programmed into them, a conspiracy put into place by the sock companies.

The Old Silly from Free Spirit Blog

Elizabeth said...

Hmmm, sounds like your toasters have it out for you. Let's hope they don't talk to the other appliances!

ReformingGeek said...

@Marvin - Uh oh. I hope you haven't jinxed my socks.

@Elizabeth - No kidding. I'll set up a signal to interfere with their conversations.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Oh I have the damnedest luck with toasters I finally gave up and bought a toaster oven.

Hit 40 said...

Too funny! You already had a toaster and did not know it!!! Love it!

Just go wal marting in your own home. LOL!!!

ReformingGeek said...

@Queen-Size - That's probably what I will do next.

@Hit 40 - Yeah, no telling what else I have.

Quirkyloon said...

Ha! Funny GF!

BTW, I like the Darth Vader toast. That is too cool and so UNlike a geek to have...so I guess the conformation continues! *smile*

Da Old Man said...

I have battled toasters in the past, and can assure you they are the nastiest of all appliances. Eventually, I bought the uber toaster (a Dualit,) which is made in England and costs more than 2 of my last 3 cars. But it is a good toaster. Has been compliant and looks great. I even dedicated a blog to it. I take my toast very seriously.

mama-face said...

There's just something funny AND geeky about a post about toasters.

I'm going to give my toaster a whole lot more respect tomorrow morning while it does it's job of toasting my chocolate chip cookie dough pop tart.

dizzblnd said...

I need that Star Wars toaster for my husband.. he'd love it.

As for your conspiracy theory.. I know for a FACT that it is true. my appliances talk to each other on a regular basis. I just can't figure out which appliance talked to my AC

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - Thanks. DV rocks!

@Da Old Man - Absolutley. I MUST have my toast.

@mama-face - Yeah. You should respect them but at the same time, make sure it knows who's boss.

@dizzblnd - Yes. Your appliances are very, very scary.

Jean Knee said...

that is exactly why I don't even own a toaster. my seven yr old doesn't even know they exist.

throw.. it.. out... now

Jean Knee said...

Oh yeah, I do Have a Holy toast maker

ReformingGeek said...

@Jean - I'm on my way to the trash bin.

Jacki said...

I cannot complain about my toaster. I've had it for 6 years now and it still works. And I think I only paid like $10 for it at Walmart.

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe I read every word of your blog and each and every comment and not one person said "your toaster was toast", yuk yuk. What an unpunny bunch!!!

ReformingGeek said...

@Jacki - Don't let your toaster know that.

@Anon - Ha! Good one, your punster, you.

Marissa said...

Toasters scare me because we're always told as kids to never poke something into them. Or ELSE. They're definitely manufactured by the Satanic Co.

BTW - I love your blog remodel!

Bee said...

How would you feel if things kept getting inserted into you and then you had to cook them and spit them back out?? This is why I don’t have babies.

ReformingGeek said...

@Marissa - Thanks and you are so right!

@Bee - Amen to that but surely you want to keep the "inserting part"....;-)

Kate Rawlins said...

I just bought a new toaster. I bought it because it has these little buttons on it - frozen - bagel - toast - and when you choose and press, they turn into the prettiest blue lights you ever saw. It works best if you just press a button without putting anything in it - I find it very calming.
(luv your blog!) Kate

ReformingGeek said...

@Kate - Thanks. That sounds just like my new toaster and you're right, that blue light is soothing, much more so than the "blue light specials" at K-mart 100 years ago.

Thanks for stopping by!

the cubicle's backporch said...

I'd watch out for the microwave, they are usually toaster-followers.

Maureen said...

I want that Star Wars toaster... does it do both a Light Side AND Dark Side???

The Constant Complainer said...

Be glad it was the toaster, like someone else said above. I know two people who lost their washers this week. Ug.

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