Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What's in a Star Sign?

A friend of mine sent me an article from a horoscope site. This reading is for the month of May. I went to Wiki to learn more about astrology but my head started spinning uncontrollably so I quickly gave up on that idea and went to take a nap.

Fast forward a bit. I'm back.

I'm an Aries so I decided to have a little fun with my reading:

From the site:
Aries
Starting on the first of May, you’ll watch Oprah reruns all day instead of tending to the needs of your newborn child. At the end of the month, your child, having lived off of spider heads and fly brains, will try to strangle you with a rubber band as you watch your favorite talk show. You will live, but this will be the first of 4,100 stranglings your child will attempt. Stay alert.

Um......no. I told Hubby to just shoot me if he comes home from work and I'm watching Oprah. If I'm watching a previously recorded episode on DVR, re-load and shoot me again.

Let's twist that around a bit:
Aries
Starting on the first of May, you’ll watch Oprah reruns your blog, Facebook and Twitter all day instead of tending to the needs of your newborn child hairball-throwing, projectile-puking, sorry-excuse for-a-mammal cat. At the end of the month, your child beast, having lived off of spider heads and fly brains leftover pieces and parts from meals captured by the foxes and other wild animals, will try to strangle you with a rubber band dead possum as you watch your favorite talk show respond to blog comments. You will live, but this will be the first of 4,100 stranglings your child said beast will attempt. Stay alert.


So what does this mean?

I think it means that the cats are plotting their rebellion and it's going to happen in the cat year 4100 and they will begin by bringing headless dead rodents to each human's doorstep.

Stay alert.

77 comments:

Jacki said...

Umm..I am not sure what to think of mine...

Growing up, your mother never stopped comparing you to your sickeningly beautiful sister. This month, you’ll finally succumb to the deep-rooted, aesthetic insecurities she instilled and get reconstructive plastic surgery on your face. You chose not to see her for three years, but now you’ll suddenly surprise her at home and scream, “Look at my beautiful face, you witch!” She’ll respond, “I’ve gone blind, honey—have been for the last three years.”

Shawn said...

Blogger Strangled by Cat might make the greatest headline of all time. Front page of Digg, guaranteed.

Quirkyloon said...

Uh Reffie?

Just one problem with your conspiracy theory. The world is ending Dec 21, 2012.

Haven't you heard? Some rogue planet Niruba or Nariba...something like that is gonna come into the galaxy and cause all sorts of havoc with all the planets...then

NOTHING.

We'll be dead. All of us.

Well on that uplifting note, I'll go now.

heh heh

ReformingGeek said...

@Jacki - My friend that sent my the article is also a Gemini and she had the same reaction.

@Shawn - Absolutely

@Quirky - Oops.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I'm an Aries too. Does this mean I should kill my neighbor's cat?

SplitRock Dozer said...

Wow, I didnt know my wife was a Cancer, but they really pegged that one!

Jean Knee said...

I don't have a cat but the neighbor's cat wants to live with me.


my dog wants to live with yet another (aasswipe) neighbor. yes he's a lawyer, how'd you guess?

ReformingGeek said...

@Prefers - Yes and bury the body so it can't be found.

@SplitRock Dozer - LOL!

@Jean - See, our pets are already controlling us. Sheesh!

The Constant Complainer said...

I'm a Scorpio. I liked everyone else's better. I don't even like Activa. Haha!!!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

it is said that you write your own destiny

the cubicle's backporch said...

If pets starting plotting against their owners, I'm really screwed. One day the chickens will stage a coup! (hee hee... get it? Instead of chicken coop?)

ReformingGeek said...

@Constant - They were all rather weird!

@Queen-size - It was funny though.

@cubicle - Yep. Got it the first time. Good one and yeah, I think we are screwed!

Elizabeth said...

This is why I have dogs, they're not smart enough to have devious plans!

Marissa said...

If the cats start bringing in headless CEO's, I might not complain. Hope they start with Countrywide's Mozilo guy, and work their way to the car companies.

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

This makes me glad that I don't have a cat, a newborn child, nor do I watch Oprah so I think I might be safe.
Possums freak me out anyway.

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

Oh Dear Gosh Dern!
I think my fate might be worse than yours! I went and read mine, I'm a Virgo, and it said this:
This month, you’ll frequently fall into deep, wine spritzer-induced slumbers where you’ll dream the same romantic fairy tale every night: a mysterious man captures your heart and you live happily ever after on a potato farm in Ireland. But then, one happy May day, you’ll actually meet that man of your dreams! Unfortunately, you’ve inexplicably dreamt about Andrew Dice Clay.

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

While I think I might enjoy the wine spritzer-induced slumbers (I've gone from having severe fatigue, where I can't stay awake for more that 20 minutes without needing a nap, to insomnia) dreaming about a romatic fairy tale and living happily in Ireland, I don't think The Hubs would appreciate my finding the man of my dreams, what with me being married to him and all.
And Andrew Dice Clay? Ewwww!!!!

Jim @ CoolStuffForDads.com said...

It's definitely more fun making up your own ...

Marvin D. Wilson said...

What a cool blog ya got goin' on here, RG! Hey you should get one of those "follow this blog" gadgets - I'd definitely sing up. Thanks for all the visits & comments on Free Spirit. I'll be back. :)

I'll add this blog to my blogroll too, if'n thass all righty?

Marvin D. Wilson said...

Meant to say, "sign" up. Sheesh, and I'm supposed to be an author and and editor. :(

Marvin D. Wilson said...

Hey RF - as a boomer and a reformer, you'd probably like my "Old Hippie" blog too -
http://tiedyedtirades.blogspot.com/ (wink)

ReformingGeek said...

@Elizabeth - Maybe they will surprise us!

@Marissa - Now that's a horoscope you should write.

@Tracy - I think she's crazier than we are!

@Jim - That's my thinking.

@Marvin - I do have some followers so maybe I will show it on my blog. Thanks for reminding me. I would be thrilled to be on your blog roll and I'll check out your hippie blog.

VE said...

Ha! Excellent. You'd make a great editor or English teacher...

dizzblnd said...

Watch out the PC doesn't bring zombies with him to your strangling

ReformingGeek said...

@VE - Thanks. Sounds good, I love to cross-thru.

@Dizzblnd - Uh oh.

Deb said...

Libra here. I wish I could remember having sex with bald men. Damn. Wonder if they had kilts on, too.

Chris said...

You'd think after the first, say, 1000 strangling attempts you'd want to get rid of the beast. But us humans are just suckers when it comes to cute animals! So far play for getting through them all ... or do you get through them?

ReformingGeek said...

@Deb - Maybe you don't really want to remember.

@Chris - I'm not sure if any of us will make through.

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