What's in a Star Sign?

A friend of mine sent me an article from a horoscope site. This reading is for the month of May. I went to Wiki to learn more about astrology but my head started spinning uncontrollably so I quickly gave up on that idea and went to take a nap.

Fast forward a bit. I'm back.

I'm an Aries so I decided to have a little fun with my reading:

From the site:

Aries
Starting on the first of May, you’ll watch Oprah reruns all day instead of tending to the needs of your newborn child. At the end of the month, your child, having lived off of spider heads and fly brains, will try to strangle you with a rubber band as you watch your favorite talk show. You will live, but this will be the first of 4,100 stranglings your child will attempt. Stay alert.

Um......no. I told Hubby to just shoot me if he comes home from work and I'm watching Oprah. If I'm watching a previously recorded episode on DVR, re-load and shoot me again.

Let's twist that around a bit:

Aries
Starting on the first of May, you’ll watch Oprah reruns your blog, Facebook and Twitter all day instead of tending to the needs of your newborn child hairball-throwing, projectile-puking, sorry-excuse for-a-mammal cat. At the end of the month, your child beast, having lived off of spider heads and fly brains leftover pieces and parts from meals captured by the foxes and other wild animals, will try to strangle you with a rubber band dead possum as you watch your favorite talk show respond to blog comments. You will live, but this will be the first of 4,100 stranglings your child said beast will attempt. Stay alert.

So what does this mean?

I think it means that the cats are plotting their rebellion and it's going to happen in the cat year 4100 and they will begin by bringing headless dead rodents to each human's doorstep.

Stay alert.