Distressed but Dressed for Success!

Ah, the quiet of a country life.

Wait.  WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

No.  It can't be.  The construction of our new water lines has been complete for months. 

Sigh.

Apparently, my neighbor with too much time and money has decided that he didn't get enough of the noise.  He unloaded a front-loader yesterday afternoon (probably from Daddy's business), immediately reduced his mailbox to a pile of bricks, and has been running the thing almost non-stop since then.  

GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!  What ARE you doing over there?  

I see piles of dirt, most likely for practicing his Evil Knievel stunts on his dirt bike.  

Lovely.

What's a girl to do to avoid the noise?

That's right.  Go shopping.

I went to look for a dress at a local discount store.  I wanted one that will cover the appropriate pieces and parts, make me look incredibly sexy, and will not empty my piggy bank.  

It was quickly obvious that was a pipe dream.

After getting distracted by skinny jeans and laughing at the see-through blouses, I found the rack of dresses.  The poor things were crammed together with barely room to take a breath.  They were screaming "PICK ME!  PICK ME!  SAVE ME!" 

Oh, here's one!   

Um, no.  It looks like tapestry or furniture upholstery.

Oh.  Oh.  This is so cute!

$110 on final markdown?  Pffft, I think not.

Ooh, ahh.  Here's a cute little versatile black dress.

Ker-plunk!  The silly hangar broke.  Sigh.

I'll try it on any way.  It's soft and curvy.

Hey, here's a dark purple silky one that doesn't have a neckline down to my belly.  Put it in the try-on pile.

And a nice grey "formal/funeral/wedding" dress.  Yep.  In the pile.

Here's a another purple one that has a few curves.  Me likey.

And a pink/purple print that just might work.

This one looks like a skirt.  I could use a black skirt.   A bow?  How cute.  No, wait.  IT'S A DRESS! YEE-GADs!  There is NO WAY a person could bend over or sit down in that thing.  PASS!

Wait.  WAIT!  I can't pass on this one.  It's soft and black and dressy and tight-fitting.   It really is a dress and it's only $14.99!!!!  So what if the neck is too low.  What are camisoles for and I can always tuck in my cookie-belly or wear a girdle!  

Without too many further distractions, I made it into the dressing room.  I had no other choice but to start trying on the dresses.  My pile (my arm) was about to fall off!

I hate this part.

Too big.   

Too weird.  

The black dress on the broken hanger looked like a toga.   

The purple ones made my butt look big and wrinkled in funny places.

I liked the print but not that much.

Ah, finally.  The "old lady" grey will do and the soft black bargain dress was extremely cute with my belly tucked in.    Note to self:  Pilates, Pilates, Pilates....

Done.   Go directly to check-out.  Do not pass Go.  Do not look at shoes.

What do you think? 

 The lining is cream-colored.  

It looks short but it's not that bad.
The neck isn't THAT low.

The neckline has some pearl-like beads 

and the belt helps the fit tremendously.

What?  You thought I would be wearing them for you?  Bawahahahaha!