Thursday, July 21, 2011

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Four

Hee Hee.  Evil Twin and I pulled it off.  That's right.  We pulled one over on the humans.  Somehow, Evil Twin rigged the smoke alarm outside their bedroom to howl its impending death at 3:00 am.  YIKES!  You should have heard what that male human said.  I'll admit I was a bit startled myself as I wasn't sure if Evil Twin could pull off the trick.  I accidentally clawed the female.  She forgave me quickly, though, with a nice little head rub once I returned to the den.

A few times lately, I have tested my reign as king cat around here.  The two-legged cats raised their voices at me.  I relented, fooling them into thinking they are in charge.  I am patient.  I know that in just a short time, I will be taking the female human for walkies complete with a collar and leash.... ON HER!

The female human has found an evil device that I'm sure will bring about excruciating pain if it gets anywhere near me.  She called it a "little slinky" and kept asking me what was scaring me so much.  I noticed that it rhymes with "wittle stinky" which is what I've heard her call me after I've visited my box and deposited a huge pile of...

What?

Oh, ok.  I guess I should be more polite.  I have to take dumps, periodically, 'K?  My favorite time for stinky deposits is immediately after the female cleans my box.  I think I'm getting the hang of this "evil" stuff.

Those idiots threw away my cardboard scratching post, replacing it with some ugly monstrosity they said would be much less messy.  As usual, I have no idea what that means but I pouted for days.  Finally, the female, showing a slight hint of intelligence, retrieved my favorite toy from the trash.   Ahhhh, it feels so good to have sharp instruments of death again.   

 Ferocious beast activities will resume
after my nap and my noon sustenance.

I can do so much more damage now.

13 comments:

Quirkyloon said...

Maybe that's why our troops never found any WMDs in Iraq. They weren't looking for the slinkies! HA!

Good Oreo. Good dog. Erm, I mean CAT! Woopsy! hee hee hee

Belle said...

Really funny post! I like how she got her scratching post back. Hope the new one didn't cost too much.

Madge said...

I knew there was a reason that I have dogs instead of cats. Oh, well allergies, are one, but that cats are sneaky is the other....

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - We just never realized the power of the slinky!

@Belle - We are such suckers. I wish we could take the other one back but there was a little toy underneath and that thing is long gone. It's probably in his favorite hiding place that's he's already forgotten.

@Madge - They are definitely sneaky. Watch you back. :)

Beau's Mom said...

I am a Maltese. I have a basket full of toyz that mom buys me when she feels guilty about leaving me for five minutes.

I prefer playing with the empty water bottles and I stare at her while she's drinking. If she chokes, I have to wait. SO I'm trying to be more subtle.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

And my new book "Why I Hate Cats" gets yet another chapter...

Lauren said...

Love your cat personified. She looks so sweet, but I think Evil Twin has been coaching her.

Evil Twin has found a partner in crime with sharp claws and badly timed stinky poo.

ReformingGeek said...

@Beau's Mom - Ahs, you so cute. So sweet of Mommy to let you play with water bottles.

@Mike - Ah, but they're furry and cute.....most of the time.

@Lauren - I'm now thinking Evil Twin was in league with the neighbor to bring us this sharp-clawed beast. :)

I Wonder Wye said...

Not sure why cats wait for their staff to clean their poo-poo tray and then jump inside - on the other hand, who wouldn't prefer a clean potty?? Creatures of habit do not like to discard their toys no matter the upgrade...

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

You are so funny, Geek! Oreo, it definitely looks like you've got things under control there! But looking at that last adorable picture of you, I'm quite sure I couldn't stay mad at you for long either! Enjoy your returned scratching post! xo

Ivy said...

Oh how you pets have us trained... here's a secret, we know you train us. We love you so much we let you.

Rob-bear said...

Dogs have owners; cats have staff. Twas ever thus.

ReformingGeek said...

@Wonder Wye - Yes, this one is definitely a creature of habit!

@Joan - Ah, thanks. I'm getting such a big head from all this praise.

@Ivy - You are too sweet. I shall lick you.

@Rob-bear - So true. I'm underpaid.


"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"