Thursday, August 6, 2009

More Stuff You Didn't Want to Know

Just for shits and mean sheets and maybe it's shirts and goggles....





I'm sharing with you today. That's right. After summer camp and all that Kumbayah togetherness, I'm opening up my heart and bearing all the geeky weirdness for your pointing and laughing pleasure.

Crazy Things That Have Happened To Me:
(If you want the "good stuff", you'll have to read this post.)
  • I broke my leg on a swingset when I was four. I stuck my foot in the slat of the swinging carriage. The carriage swung. My leg didn't. Mom freaked out, of course. One hospital trip later, I had a fresh new cast on my leg. I learned to scoot around on my booty and I'm sure I could still beat up my little brother with my other leg, two arms, and a plastic baseball bat.
  • I had those silly little pajamas with feet when I was a kid. Mom reminded me recently that I wore them backwards so they were all twisted around. No wonder I was complaining about how uncomfortable they were.
  • My first boyfriend (that I can remember) was six-year-old Bruce. I was 10. Ha! Kidding. I was also six and I don't think he knew I was his girlfriend.
  • I had to wear braces twice as a pre-teen/teen. I don't think they really knew what they were doing way back then when we traveled to and from the orthodontist in our 1970 Ford Country Squire station wagon. (Yep. That's one in the picture. Ours was green, though.)
  • When I was about 10, I leaned against a sharp brick at a neighbor's house and ended up with stitches in my shoulder.
  • I have broken my left wrist twice, both times falling forward and becoming one with the ground. Apparently, the ground did not find me worthy.
  • Now for the deep stuff. Get your shovels handy. I am a firm believer in the following but let's just say they are often only aspirations. You will notice that my evil twin could not leave me alone while I was typing:
1. Get over yourself.
What? No. That's just not possible. My blog. My blog.

2. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Bah Humbug.

3. Live in the present.
Dwelling on past events or always waiting for some future event isn't the key to happiness?

4. Let go of judgment; judgment of yourself and of others.
But. But. Wait. That can't be right.

5. Smile, laugh, and do something nice for somebody else every day.
You mean like telling your friend they have a hanging booger or spinach in their teeth? Or maybe not telling them? Hehe. I am very confused about this one.

6. OK.OK. At least do something nice for yourself every day.

Sheesh! That's enough of that. I'll leave you with this little "joke" I found in a recent email:

"I was walking down the road today and saw my roofer/template-author Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fu@#$ start?."

Now, where's my wine?

This weekend I will be at an event sponsored by Hubby's work, so unfortunately, no blog fodder. That is, unless I do something especially geeky and/or goofy which almost never happens.

I wish.

Photo credit: station wagon:


Hit 40 said...

I thought maybe that was your clunker for cash car in the pic??? I was hoping you got a new car too :-)

I broke so many bones that the doctors called the cops on my parents to question them for child abuse. I wish I would have known. I could have had some fun with the cops and my parents. If anything, neglect???

My right arm twice, shoulder bone, pulled arm outta socket, sawdust in eye, .... My favorite was the arm out of the socket. My sisters wanted my spot on the couch. I told them that they could have it if they pulled me off of the couch :-) They did not get me off.

United Studies said...

Thanks for the great encouragement you left on my blog post. :-) I am looking forward to my new career. :-)

And you...not do something geeky or goofy? I don't believe it.

Nooter said...

youre kinda accident prone huh? maybe you should invent a line of stylish bubble wrap clothing

Meg said...

Wow. After all that, I thought you'd already had your wine.

Anonymous said...

Wow! We had the same car! At least I think we did. Heh heh. Funny post GF! And I like your "following" points especially number 6...I can't get enough of number 6!

hee hee

Leeuna said...

Loved the post. Thanks for the giggle. (I bet those pajamas were uncomfortable).

ReformingGeek said...

@Hit40 - It really was a clunker! You were more accident prone than me. OUCH!

@Jacki - You're welcome. You can count on goofy when I'm around!

@Nooter - I would end up popping the bubble wrap.

@Prefers - Oh, maybe that's the problem.

@Quirky - Thanks! We probably did have the same car. It was popular back then. And, yes #6, is awesome!

@Leeuna - Thanks! Yes, they really were uncomfortable. I was such a dork! ;-)

Suzanne said...

I think I speak for us all when I say it's almost a given that you will do something geeky or goofy this weekend.
You can go ahead and try to prove us wrong, but I don't think you can do it. ;-)

Have a great weekend!

ReformingGeek said...

@Sue - Hum....maybe I should just stay in the hotel room the whole time....NOT! It's hot. They have a pool.

Chaotically Calm said...

And here I was ready to call you a couger at age 10 but then I find out you're just a stalker...dang it.

Oh and thanks for the kind words o I will do something nice I'm kinda of a big deal...sike!

Jean Knee said...

My motto is

embrace empathy

I've only broken my nose, a few times

ReformingGeek said...

@Chaotic - Rahr! Yes, please be nice to yourself!

@jean - Oh my nose! Oh my nose! Oh my nose!

Moonrayvenne said...

Bubble wrap is a good idea & very fashionable!
I love the joke about Abdul. I have so many neighbors that are from those parts & wouldn't even know who to use that on first! (without getting a suicide bomber attack...LOL)

Mike said...

You need to call this blog "Contusions of a reforming Geek" LMAO! You got hurt a lot!

ReformingGeek said...

@Collette - Yeah. We are a few of those, too.!

@Otin - I like to think it doesn't happen so much anymore!

Kelly P said...

My parents had a clunker like that,but it was the gold color.As far for the broken bones,lets see now,I have broken my toes so much,its a wonder to me that I can even walk without my toes flopping.HA!I am so clumbsy.I'll trip over a grain of sand on the floor.My knee! S@##$$ of a b@#%^, g$%^* d%*(&^ mother f#$%&&. yeah thats what I said to the doctor.They had to pop my knee back in place.

I enjoyed reading your list about being nice to someone.That is a good idea.I mostly liked the joke.LMAO!!!! That made my day.

Mama-Face said...

Is this the real you? Sweet.

1. Our station wagon was beige, with the wood siding, and I loved sitting in the seat that faced backwards. Why don't they make those seats anymore? hmmm

2. I love that you included leaning on a brick and having to get stitches. That was a very sharp brick; did you sue the neighbors?

3. Never get over yourself.

ReformingGeek said...

@Donna - Glad you liked the joke. It made me laugh when I read it so I couldn't resist sharing it. You be careful out there. That's way too many injuries!

@mama-face - My mom was very mad about the brick. I think she complained to them about it.

I don't remember if ours had the backwards facing seat. It had a fold down seat in the back, though.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what to make of it, but I was really connecting with your evil twins comments... And everyone thought Jamie was such a nice boy.

Deb said...

My last dog, Bagel the beagle broke my nose. For a week or so we looked very much alike.

I like the bubble wrap idea. Want some angel shit, too? You know, those curly packing Styrofoam thingies?

Funnyrunner said...

wow, girl. You are accident prone. lol.

I've never broken or sprained anything... (watch now tomorrow I will, for pete's sake...).

LOVE the kumbayah s*%t at the end and LOVE the Abdul joke! llol!

Remember a bunch of girls all sitting in a circle in the back of those old station wagons playing who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

ReformingGeek said...

@Jamie - Yeah. Well, we all have that secret life. hehe.

@Deb - I hate those styrofoam thingies.

@Funnyrunner - Thanks. Good old Abdul is good for a laugh. As for "who stole the cookie"? Um, I don't remember that one. I lived a sheltered life.

Unknown said...

that is A LOT of broken bones! good grief I would have freaked being your mom...

That joke...OMGosh LOL

Unknown said...

how in the world did you survive your childhood? I have NEVER broken a bone or had stiches from a self inflicted wound .. knock on wood.

I believe in all of your deep thoughts too. Smack your evil twin for me!

ReformingGeek said...

@georgie - It's funny. It doesn't really seem that way.

@dizzblnd - Wonders never cease to amaze.... My evil twin won't let me smack him anymore. ;-(

Skye said...

Oh these are funny! I've never broken anything where I've needed a cast! I've broken fingers, my tail-bone and nose, dislocated my pinky toe on my left foot, but never broke a bone that could be cast!

There, that's my confession for the day :)

n said...

love it! So glad I found your blog - great reading!

Marvin D Wilson said...

Well you've posted some way out there jocular jollies, Reforming One, but this one just might take the clunker - I mean cake?

The Old Silly

Jason said...

This is a great site that you have here. I have a humor blog myself and I would like to exchange links with you. You can contact me through either email or by simply a comment on my site. Let me know if this is possible. Jason

ReformingGeek said...

@Skye - Thanks, and I thought I was funny!

@Julie - Thanks!

@Marvin - Thanks. Hum, cake sounds good!

@Jason - Thanks!

Maureen said...

Har! I never understood why the heck they put plastic decals on the sides of station wagons to make them look like they were made of wood.

Oh yeah... station WAGONS. Well, why not put a stupid plastic HORSE on the front too???

Hope you had a great time without breaking anything.

Bee said...

Ahahahaha!! The carpet line killed me!

ReformingGeek said...

@Maureen - Yeah. That was kind for lame!

@Bee - hehe

Anonymous said...

Speaking of bubble wrap, I dreamed about it last night. I wrapped it around me and it made swimming so much easier til the duct tape came off.

Bobby Allan said...

The family of one of my friends had a station wagon like that and I BEGGED my parents to get one but they kept our stupid 2 door Buick.

ReformingGeek said...

@dana - Maybe I can stick some under my suit!

@Chrissy - It was quite the clunker sometimes!

The Constant Complainer said...

Some rather interesting injuries as a youth... Two wrist breaks. Ouch.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"