Thursday, August 20, 2009

All in a Day's Work

A few rhetorical questions and other observations to keep you amused:
  • Why is there a kid's activity program called K-L-U-T-Z?
  • Why is it that when you call to report an Internet outage (cable) that they end the call by offering you phone and TV service through the Internet? Um, yeah. This is the same Internet service that ISN'T working because Abdul the Backhoe Operator cut through the cable down the street.
  • Why do the folks that mark the utility lines before others dig do so incorrectly, over and over again?
  • The number of swimming techniques is equal to or greater than the number of swimmers.
  • Unattended children "playing" in the swim lanes and crossing to the other lane in front of me will be fed to the zombie lifeguards. What a job. Stand for long periods of time holding your flotation device with whistle ready to blow, giving little kiddos the stink eye. I will say that some of the guys Wait. I don't think I'm really allowed to say that when I'm old enough to be their mom.
  • Cyclists: I give you ample space when passing. I don't ride your "tail lights" waiting to pass you. I don't flip you off or honk my horn at you. All I ask is that YOU stop at the freakin' stop sign as required by law. Got it? Your loved ones won't care about your fastest training time during your memorial service.
  • Women applying makeup while driving on the freeway should end up looking like this:
  • Hubby is a monkey. That's right. It's a good thing we didn't create offspring. Hubby can use his feet like hands picking up things and tossing them around. Sheesh! Maybe I'm just a bit jealous. At least he doesn't spit at people, throw poo, or steal golf balls.
While looking for monkey photos on, I found these:

That's right. It's a monkey climbing up a chocolate cupcake with banana buttercream icing. It's just a bit strange, though. Anybody else think so?

ReformingGeek puts down the gray lap beast, nudges Tuxedo Dirtball Cat out of her way, and walks to the kitchen to search for the ingredients for chocolate cupcakes.

Photo credits: Terri Hatcher with a hatched up face: the Internet coughed it up when I searched for "bad makeup", monkey cakes: clevercupcakes on, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).


Hit 40 said...

I have not heard of KLUTZ? Kids Losing Underwear To Zombies?

My hubby is probably that freaking cyclist. He did another 200 miles this weekend. As I joked in a post.. I have good insurance on him.

Mama-Face said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. But that's just me. The monkey hubby, well that is flat out hilarious and maybe a bit tmi at the same time. haha. Amen to the cyclist. They scare me to death. Maybe because hubs is a cyclist. The number of swimming techniques...haha. I had to read that a couple of times before I even understood it! And AMEN to about the cable and or phone and or internet people. I say AMEN again. You now have a comment almost as long as your post. Yay!
Thanks so much for making me laugh. Wow, I needed that. I just re-read my comment...suddenly I am very religious. AMEN.

ReformingGeek said...

@Hit 40 - I'll make sure I'm not a klutz and run over your hubby.

@mama-face - Thanks and Big Texas AMEN to you, too!

SplitRock Dozer said...

I'm a bit of a monkey myself. Love the cupcake. If you found all the ingredients you better share!

Deb said...

Dude-Man grew up on KLUTZ stuff. It explains a lot. Speaking of cyclists, I had a close encounter today. Moron woman in a mu-mu on a bike with a basket and a bell, riding on US Route 1, no breakdown lane, speed limit 50 mph. I am coming up behind her on her left. She looks over her left shoulder to see where I am and of course veers to the left while she's looking at me. Lucky for her there was no oncoming traffic and I could move to the other lane. I should have knocked the old bat down.

Mike said...

I don't know why they mess up on the utility marks, but I hit lines quite often! :(

Funnyrunner said...

This was hilarious! Our pool is pretty strict about little urchins... uh. I mean children in the adult pool. there is a separate pool JUST for adult laps! yahoo! let's see. what else did I wanna say? oh. the monkey on the cupcake... not so strange, really (!)... just godzilla-like except a cupcake not a building? what else? I wish I could make notes on the writing as I go along. I can never remember, on great posts like this, what I wanted to comment on. Oh.. who knew Terri Hatcher could EVER look like crap? how 'bout that. Bikers... I wish more people like you were out there. It pisses me off. Yes, I said PISSES ME OFF when people don't make a wide enough swath around me when I'm biking, running, or hitchhiking (Kidding on that last one!). and YES!!! it has always driven me nuts when you have internet trouble and the phone service tells you you can resolve your problem by going online! duh!

enough rambling. sorry.

great post!

Anonymous said...

All you need to do is go and get yourself a tall glass, some ice, and Diet Dr. Pepper.

Then all will be well Reffie!

Funny musings! hee hee

ReformingGeek said...

@SplitRock - It does look kind of yummy!

@Deb - YIKES! Crazy old bat. As for KLUTZ, Princess Cruises is teaming up with them for kid's activities. I giggled when I read about that.

@otin - That's what my sprinkler system guy said.

@quirky - Thanks. Going for DDP now.

@Funnyrunner - Thanks. Our pool is supposed to be strict about the urchins but if they usually look the other way unless there is a big problem. Yeah. I could not believe that was Terri. Ick.

Chaotically Calm said...

LMAO why would you wish that make-up disaster area on me...OK I know I probably deserve it but you try to get to work on time at 7:30 every morning without applying in the car.

And side note I think it's a little endearing that your hubby can hand you the remote with his toes. Ha ha and the cupcakes are kinda cute!

Donnie said...

A couple(3) things grabbed my attention. One, Comcast!!! Two, I was on my high school swim team, and I can assure you there are more strokes and techniques that I ever new existed. And the coach made us learn every one of them. Thirdly, thanks. I'm a cyclist and your courtesy is appreciated. I do stop at red lights and stop signs-most of the time.

ReformingGeek said...

@Chaotic - OK, but don't drive in the left lane blocking traffic while you are painting your face.

Yeah. The cupcakes grew on me and I'm not sure I want that remote anymore.

@Don = Comcast = Charter. I would be happy feeling like I could master one technique in swimming. I will be out there biking shortly but Hubby nearly killed one that ran a four-way stop sign Sunday morning. He was flying and Hubby didn't even see him.

Anonymous said...

I call my swimming technique "don't drown"

In my neighborhood it's the water mains. It always gets busted when it's 823ยบ outside and I'm covered in filth.

The make-up... I'm going to have nightmares.

The monkey... I'm going to have nightmares.

Jean Knee said...

there was just too much going on herefor me to pay attention well

I like the monkey cupcake, a lot

ReformingGeek said...

@Jamie - I like "don't drown". I hope you slept OK.

@Jean - Just take it slow. You'll get it. That monkey is kind of cute, isn't he?

The Old Silly said...

What's wrong with her makeup? I thought it looked rather classy. lol, I once saw a woman driving one handed on the highway, talking on her cell phone she had tucked between her cheek and shoulder while holding and using her hair dryer with the other hand.

Good grief.

Marvin D Wilson

Nooter said...

mmm.... cupcakes...

ReformingGeek said...

@Marvin - did she power that hair dryer?

@Nooter - Yep, mmmmy!

Ed & Jeanne said...

Wait a many columns are on this you have columnitis too? This is a known virus. Soon you'll have so many columns that you'll have to flip the text sideways. Seek help immediately! ;)

ReformingGeek said...

@VE - Maybe it's the brain fog, but what are you talking about? Is there a problem with my 3-column template? Or maybe you just don't like it. ;-( It looks as expected on my laptop. Anyone else having problems with the columnitis or maybe VE has been hitting the juice a bit too hard?

honeypiehorse said...

Whoa, that's terri hatcher?

kathcom said...

I think that's the prettiest picture of the sinewy, cartilaginous Teri Hatcher I've ever seen.

You are so right about the outage call-ins. Sometimes the live representative picks up and says, "Remind me to tell you about (such and such great deal)"--are you kidding me? It's like when you call a restaurant to tell them there's a bug in your takeout food and the manager asks if you want them to send another order. Um, no!!!

ReformingGeek said...

@honeypiehorse - Apparently.

@kathcom - She's just something else. Service, hard to live with it and we don't want to live without it!

the inadvertent farmer said...

As a former lifeguard...yes that about sums it up. BTW, you made me spit my tea onto my computer with that Terri Hatcher pic, oh my! Kim

Bee said...

That picture of Teri Hatcher will give me nightmares!

I love cupcakes covered in monkeys.

ReformingGeek said...

@Kim - Yes. That was rather painful

@Bee - lol. Hope you didn't wake up screaming!

Unknown said...

LOL @ 2nd and 3rd questions. The first one kills me every time. Being the smartass that I am, I will usually answer them just like you did and wait for a reaction.. "OMG she strayed from the script"

To your second question, though I don't locate the lines or work for the utility companies, I will say that marking lines does not involve beer, butts, boobs football or Nascar so the MEN have no interest in doing it right the first 2nd or even 3rd time

I look at Hawt young guys all the time and immediately feel dirty.. but only for a sec

LOVED the cross dresser pic and the monkey cupcake!

Kelly P said...

LMAO!I like the first question.LOL! As for the guys and their consruction? The only thing is a guy is good at trying to throw you a good line (trying to hook up),but hardly ever a straight line.HA!HA! Now for the cupcakes.Those cakes really looked good. So I actaully went to the store and made me some cupcakes.Just did'nt have monkeys on them.:( But they were good!:)

ReformingGeek said...

@dizzblnd - The next time I see them marking lines I will offer beer. Thanks for the tip!

I'm afraid that Terri is starting to look a bit like the monkey!

@Donna - Thanks. I'm glad you got some cupcakes!

Skye said...

I guess if being able to pick things up with your feet makes you a monkey, than my kids and I are all monkey's as well! We can all do that, heheheee.

As for the rest, yep, have to agree, cyclists are annoying as all get-out! I'm glad that in this town where I live that on the main roads they have made proper biking paths completely seperate from the actual roads! The rest of the place though, everyone rides their bikes on the sidewalks, now that's infuriating when you're walking somewhere!

Maureen said...

Wow, that monkey on the cupcake looked more lifelike than Terri.

Yikes indeed!

ReformingGeek said...

@Skye - Hey, MonkeyGirl! It's crazy that nobody seems to want to share the road or the sidewalk.

@Maureen - That was one cute monkey. I don't know what Terri was thinking.

The Constant Complainer said...

RG, I love it when you rant.

I'm on the road a fair amount, and I see just as many women putting on make-up while driving as I see women/men texting while driving. Very dangerous!

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"