Boob Tube Review, This Geek Rants...

Hubby and I like to relax in the evening surfing the next, laughing at the cat, and watching a bit of TV.  Please be quiet about the laughing.  I wouldn't want to hurt the cat's feelings.

We've found some great shows to watch over the years.  Who could resist Kiefer Sutherland in 24?  I liked seeing Kiefer shirtless but, unfortunately, that was usually when he was being tortured. Hubby doesn't have the hots for Kiefer but there were some nice female side-kicks during the show's reign.  One of Hubby's favorites was Agent Renee Walker, played by Annie Wersching.  We called her Agent Freckles. 

Wasn't LOST a great idea and good for years of entertainment?  I won't go into how it ended but the the words "utterly" and "ridiculous" come to mind.  PFFFT!   In recent years, we started watching NCIS and like trained monkeys, we followed on to NCIS: LOS ANGELES.  While thinking about how bad and pathetically sad that show is sometimes, I thought I would offer my not-so-humble opinions on some of the shows we watch or have watched recently.  Sorry folks, no reality shows are viewed around here.

Still decent, will tune in:

PERSON OF INTEREST - The government is spying on you.  There is a machine watching your every move.  The creator of the machine hires an ex-CIA tough guy to help him assist the "numbers" the machine comes up with each week.  These "numbers" may be good guys or bad guys.    This show is entertaining and intriguing with a lot of tough guy, good-guy wins action.

FAIRLY LEGAL -Skinny pretty lady with big boobs and high heels mediates new cases each week.  She partners a law firm with her late father's Barbie-stick wife.  Mediator Kate still has the hots for her ex-husband, the Assistant DA.  He's decent eye candy.  The stories are interesting and the character interaction is fun to watch.

AWAKE - After a car "accident", an LA detective wakes up in different realities, one where his wife is still alive, one where his son is still alive.   He gets clues from each reality to help solve his cases.  He is beginning to realize it might not have been an "accident".  Which reality is real?    It's a little sappy sometimes but the concept appeals and the back story is captivating.

COVERT AFFAIRS - Blonde, attractive, and athletic Annie is a fairly new CIA agent.  She's got style and she can work her way out of some tight situations.  It's my answer to ALIAS.  I always wanted to be Sydney.  Now I want to be Annie!

ROYAL PAINS - A concierge doctor in the Hamptons always seems to solve the case.  His whiny brother runs the business.  His doctor girlfriend is supposed to be leaving to work overseas but never seems to get away.  It's always summer.  Hee Hee. This one is getting a bit stale.  I hope the next season breathes some life into the series.

BIG BANG THEORY - I'm not explaining this one to you.  It's been on awhile and relates to most of us geeks out there.   It's still funny.  I hope they can keep it up!

Ugh.  Really?  I must be moron for continuing to tune in:

NCIS:  LOS ANGELES -  Nonsensical plot lines and incredibly boring characters.  I've slept through several episodes but not the ones with close-ups of Chris's blue eyes or when he had his shirt off.  Well, I may have slept through those, too.

UNFORGETTABLE:    Really?  I can easily forget this show.  Poppy Montgomery with fake red hair that looks a different color depending on the lighting or the hairstylist hates her and loves to let her roots show?  Just shoot me now.  Again, boring. 

CSI: - The original.  Good Gracious, Almighty!  Can this show get worse?  Unfortunately, it probably can.  The stories with potential crash and burn.   They've lost too many key characters over the years.  Please. End. It. Now.

HAWAII-FIVE-O - Oh, oh, oh!  It seemed like such a great idea.  Alex O'Loughlin is a cutie and I like seeing some of the old LOST cast but the repetitive Wo Fat plot line is getting old.    Please don't let Grace Park get any thinner.  Windy days must be a struggle for her.   Danno?  Oh no-no.  Zzzzz.  Hum...maybe we can just feed all the characters to the sharks and be done with it.

You can do better than this:

NCIS: - Tony acting like a frat boy.  Again?  Can't we move forward here?  This is one of their worst seasons.  It seems they have run out of ideas and the characters are fading.  Jamie Lee Curtis and Gibbs?   Yeah, ok.  He probably needs to be getting some horizontal action but she is more interesting eating her poop-inducing yogurt.  We need more Abby.   How about some McGee?  Or Ziva without the face-hurting pulled-back hair?  Ugh.  I think I slept through last week's episode.

Ok, that's my rant.  Thanks for listening.  Let me know what shows you like or dislike and why.

This Ranting Geek May Need Medication!

Where am I?  Is this the same earth that brought me snow and below-freezing temperatures last winter?  My brain is boiling from these triple-digit days, about 12 in a row now.  Thanks much for bringing on the brown season here in north Texas.  

I'd like to crawl into a hole and emerge sometime this fall or in time for summer vacation to a cooler place.

Strange things are happening....

We visited New Mexico where at least we had cooler nights but the fires burned turning the horizon into a smoky haze.  

Pink sun.  Is this Mars or maybe Venus?

Los Alamos was evacuated.  When people returned to their homes, they were warned that displaced bears may be visiting looking for food.    Oh, my.  Be careful Goldilocks. 

 Ahs.  So sweet of the two-legs to leave me some treats.

We are headed to the land of Jellystone in late August.  Yellowstone, that is.  No fires there this year but there is an oil spill in the Yellowstone River.   Ew. So all the bears are now black bears?

Snort.  I just can't help myself today.

Bear activity is on the rise as the poor creatures can't find enough food at higher elevations.  A beetle is destroying pine trees limiting the pine nuts available to hungry grizzlies.   Hubby says we are wearing bells while hiking so we lessen our chance of startling Mama and Cubs.

It's not surprising that many Americans are obese.  Hubby and I were rolling our eyes at how many able-bodied people we see that push the button to have doors open automatically.  What?  So your arms don't work?  They're not full.  You don't have kids with you.  You're not in a wheelchair or using a walker or cane.  Sheesh.  USE YOUR ARMS! 

Ok.  Ok.  Maybe you're having a bad day.    I think I'll head to the kitchen for a fattening snack.  

What is it with Texas?  Casey Anthony moving here.  Seriously?    Glenn Beck wants to hang his hat here, too?  Wow.   I'm not standing here with open arms, 'K?  How about North Dakota or Kansas or maybe New Jersey?  Yeah, that works.  Adios. 

That's enough ranting for today.  Have a great weekend.

Big Texans and Wild Horses Should Have Kept Me Away

I was reading an article in the paper about a Texas woman who was told by an airline that she had to buy two seats because she was too big to fit in a single seat.    She said she was surprised and embarrassed by this situation and said something similar to "People are bigger in Texas".

Um.....EXCUSE ME?

Just because she is from Texas and she is big, she thinks everyone from Texas is big? 

Um....no.  This woman obviously needs to get out more.  Yes, I see BIG PEOPLE here in Texas but I sure see a lot of BARBIE STICKS, too.

SHEESH!

Ah, for the smell of freshly watered brown grass...

According to the calendar, it's still spring.   It's supposed to rain in spring.   Mother Nature is obviously confused.  Yes, I truly believe she is going through the THE CHANGE.....in more ways than one.

I do have a rose bush that is still green and hasn't caught on that it's too hot to bloom:

She's a beauty and she knows it.

Also, since my real cat has not come back, I'm having to make do with this beast:

About all he's good for is pushing up daisies......er....I mean Blue Daze!

Yes, he's cracked.  Although he has made it through winters before, I don't think he cared for this last one, with the 12-inch snow event in February.

I had my running legs handed back to me on a platter yesterday.  I ran a half marathon on concrete trails in heat/high humidity.  I can tell you that there is no flavor of humble pie that I like.  The only saving grace was the scenery.  We had some nice green stuff to look at, like trees and park grass that is over-watered daily.  There were a few small lakes and a polo field (!!) but then there there was this sculpture at the finish line:

Over-sized wild mustangs.  Cool.  I wished I had been riding one instead of running that race straight out of the Hades.

Photo credits: Ruby Red and Dazed Cat: Reffie, Las Colinas Mustang Sculpture: armstrks on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

A Special Tribute and a Whopper Devoured...

I mean the whopper will be revealed.  I must have been hungry when I was typing that title.

Thanks to all of you that tried to guess the untruth from my last post.

I will now reveal the "truth".  Hee Hee.

1.  I played trombone.

I was 12.  I had to be different.  It lasted a week.  Then I got a flute.

2.  I am missing a body part.  

My right kidney became infected when I was a baby.  It abscessed and had to be removed.  If my remaining kidney fails, I'm not worried as I know each one of you would offer me one of yours.
What?

3.  I breathe fire.

Well....I can do the Fire Breath in yoga.  Sizzle.

4.  I can stand on my hands.

Yes, but I like having a wall behind me.

5.  I can program a computer but I have no idea how Hubby connected our entertainment system.

True.  I'm ashamed.

6.  I was invited to an art school one summer.

Yep. I was 10. But I wanted to go to the music school.  ;-(

7.  I think I may have been a pig in a former life.  I sure do like bacon.

FALSE.  I doubt I was a pig.  Maybe I was a lone wolf or a bird or even a lizard.  Actually, I think I'm still on "the island", running around and whispering to those that are left behind, not ready to "move on".

Now for another episode of "The World Turns But Stupid People Never Fall Off".

Yeah, I know that I've never had an episode of "The World Turns But Stupid People Never Fall Off" but work with me here.

Try this at home:  Stand a few feet in front of your vehicle with your back turned.  Have someone get in the vehicle and activate the horn.  Ideally, they don't give you any warning.

Wasn't that nice?

No?

Well, that's what it feels like when you use your horn to say "Howdy" to me as I'm cycling or running.  I'm not talking about "GET OUT OF THEY WAY" greetings or "Oh, Baby, You're Hot" greetings (in my dreams), but the you-think-you're-being-friendly greeting using your car's horn.  There is a reason that thing is LOUD, 'K?

Also, if you're a photographer for a yoga class, NEVER, EVER, EVER take this kind of photo much less post it on the Internet:

No, that's not my class. 

If you've been guilty of these offenses, kick yourself and then enjoy your plaque:

Finally, for those of you that could not find the critter in the photo from the last post, here's a close-up.  Look towards the bottom, in the rocks:

Now, get out there and finish the week with a smile!

Snicker.

Photo credits:  Butt-shot: That's classified.  Special: stolen from the depths of the Internet, Hidden creature:  Reffie

Spring Arrives, Sinks Sedan, While Geek in Strange Clothing Rants On

It's rained so much out here that our yards are soggy.  One of my neighbors got a little over-excited about spring and decided to mow using his riding mower.  Surprise.  Surprise.  It got stuck in his front yard. 

Then he must have swallowed an insanity pill because he tried to rescue the lawn mower with his CAR.  That's right.  CAR.  No, not his truck, but a 2-door sedan, an older vehicle he's had sitting around for awhile.  Um....gee, guess what happened?

Yes, indeedy.  It's stuck, too.

One of my azaleas has bloomed.  It must be confused.   The daffodils aren't even finished yet!

Yes, those are leaves in the background.  Anytime you guys want to show up with brooms and rakes is fine with me!

Ok. Ok.  On with the rant:

Did you know that Natatoriums have Nazis?  I think these are the same type of people that must work at schools herding rowdy little kiddies in and out of the building, monitoring the lunch room, jumping out from behind potted plants scaring children, etc.   

When I went to the local Natatorium to pick up my race packet for Sunday's triathlon, I encountered such a person.  She will be known as NN, the Natatorium Nazi.

Yeah, N-squared.  I caught that.

The packet pick-up area was in a crowded part of the lobby.  Yes, that was the first problem.  There wasn't much space to wait your turn so there was little bit of a line.  We were standing in line chatting about the race but apparently we weren't doing it right.  NN got all huffy and fussy because we weren't keeping the line moving.  She said that people were having to stand outside.  HEAVENS TO BETSY!  WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?  It's 65 degrees and dry.  We won't freeze or melt or did I miss recent reports of zombie activity in the area?

These are ADULTS that are competing in a triathlon.  I think we can handle it, NN. 

Maybe she thought we were sheep?

Beware of wolves, NN.

NN was also instructing us as to where we could or could not fill out forms.   Yes, another problem.  We were told to go across the room to use the tables to fill out the forms.  Of course nobody was doing this.  We were using whatever we could find as a hard surface and NN made her displeasure known!  Um.......how about providing a table close to the pick-up area?   

Sheesh.

I was trying to picture myself calm and at peace but thoughts of NN falling into the pool, falling under the wheels of a bus, being strangled with a race T-shirt, writing "I will not be rude" on the board 1000 times, tripping over a potted plant,  etc., kept coming into my mind.  

For shame.

Finally, Sunday's race is another costume race in honor of St. Patrick's Day.  Here is my expression of a Scottish lass bringing snakes to Ireland:

Again. For shame.

All of you Irish out there, please stop throwing things at me. 

Photos:  ReformingGeek

Injustice is Only a Few FLUSHES Away

I put on my best "unhappy" face and have another injustice for you today. Actually, it's a rant but work with me here.

You have Facebook and Jacki to thank for the idea. She sent me a "note" on Facebook and requested that the responses make her laugh. I gave it my best shot on Facebook but decided to revamp it a bit for you guys.





It's simple. It's a template for an open letter:

Dear _______,
I ____ you.
You have a nice ______.
You make my/me_______.
You are a _________.
You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me = ________.
If I saw you on the street I'd __________.
I want to ________ you.
I would build a _______ just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We should __________ under the stars.

Love, (or From)
_______________

(P.S. ______________.)

I can see some of you frothing at the mouth but, no, I didn't let my mind go to the gutter. It only made it as far as the bathroom:

Dear Low-Volume Toilet,

I loathe you.

You do have a nice shine.
But you make me waste my time.

You are a cold-hearted miser.
You should be replaced by a commode much wiser.

Someday I will conquer you.

You + me = aggravation.

If I saw you on the street I'd crack your shiny armor with my pickup truck.

I want to have more respect for you.
I would build a bathroom just for you.

If I could sing you any song it would be You're So Vain (you probably think this poem is about you..).

We should never ever meet under the stars.

Yours in frustration, ReformingGeek

(P.S. I'm going to go flush you again. Let's look like something actually happened this time, 'K?)

Have a great weekend and it's still not too late to get some help bringing home the bacon....er....turkey this weekend:


Photo: Baby with ax: "Bad Parents" email sailing around the Internets.

A Rant With a Slant

While on vacation in Maine, Hubby and I went shopping. Yes, I know. You don't believe it. It's true. We do that occasionally and Hubby comes with me rather than sleeping on the park bench like some of the other husbands we noticed. The poor sods most likely followed their wives off the ship but really just wanted to sleep off the buffet breakfast. Yeah, like that guy. Really.

As long as we keep the shopping timeframe/threshold/parameters to within a couple of hours, we are OK. Otherwise, we start to morph into shop zombies and start buying refrigerator magnets and plastic wind chimes and think that lobster claw Christmas ornaments would make great gifts. Then we eat fudge and ice cream and swim naked in the Atlantic. Wait. That didn't happen. I promise. We had cinnamon rolls and brownies.

Anyhowsitwhatever, we were in a cute little "natural/alternative" shop and I decided to purchase some locally made jams. Keep in mind this is in a town where there is a cruise ship docked at the harbor. That's right. TOURISTS shop here. I take the jams to the cashier and ask for a bag and packing materials. I hand her my credit card. She starts looking at me like I've sprouted another head and gives my credit card the evil eye and holds onto it for dear life. After I sign the receipt, she compares my signature to the card signature. So people REALLY do that? While she was waiting for the credit card approval, she pulled out one small paper bag and puts my four jars of jam into the one bag. Yes. Really. No padding. No nothing.

I ask again for packing materials. She offered me a couple more small bags. Sheesh! I had to wrap and pack the stuff myself. Folks. I'm an obvious tourist. Did she not get that I have to get this stuff home somehow?

She got under my skin faster than the the last splinter I got from my old wheelbarrow and you don't want to know what I did to that one-wheeled monster. It took some deep breathing to stop me from jumping over that counter. This girl was starting to resemble Anne Boleyn and I was thinking about heads on platters for some reason.

Maybe I was getting hungry?

Later, Hubby reminded me we were in a "natural/alternative" shop with a bunch of tree-huggers. Oh. Right. Now I remember. I believe in taking care of the earth but I'm sure they didn't want blueberry jam all over their store because their Nothing-Between-the-Ears cashier only gave me ONE bag to hold FOUR jars?

Hubby had to help me with the perspectives in this situation. He nicely suggested that I was supposed to have my own canvas bag, like the locals do. Um, OK. Yes, I have those. HERE. IN TEXAS. WHERE I LIVE. No, I don't take them with me on vacation.

Well. Teach ME a lesson. Maybe I should.

That's right. The "bag" can serve multiple purposes while away from home. Not only will it hold multiple jars of jam, it will keep the sun and rain off your face and with those handles, it could possibly be used as a weapon.

Hum...

Photo credits: bagged geek: ReformingGeek self-photo, check flickr.com for more of my inspired self-photos........KIDDING, sleeping off the buffet: troyperkins on flickr.com, Creative Commons license, see sidebar.

Open Letter to Perry

Dear Perry,

You are not my friend. Do not send me a friend request on Facebook. DO NOT follow me on Twitter. Do not comment on my blog. I do not like you. GET IT?

GO AWAY.

So who is this Perry, ReformingGeek?

OK. Here's the story. First, I must tell the guys that you can move on towards the end of this post where I have a reality check and a special treat for you (and a snack for Nooter). On the other hand, feel free to read all the gory details because just when you thought you understood how to manage her PMS.....


When you turn 40, your doctor tells you that Perry will be visiting you from now until the CHANGE. Um....huh? That's right. Perry will stop by and wave stab you with a wand and you will experience fluctuations in your.....er....monthly cycle. You will have mood swings, hot flashes, followed by a visit from Mr. Freeze. You will find yourself giving those around you the stink eye more often than you want to admit.


You will experience brain farts, brain fog, and brain explosion (must be great for the zombies). Your energy will be sucked away during the night and that weekend of junk food and adult beverages clings to your belly, hips, and thighs like a newborn babe on a......oh never mind.

And Perry, when did you stop understanding that MONTHLY is the minimum acceptable frequency?


Treatments include chocolate, shoes, date nights, vacations, Kiefer Sutherland and Matt Damon fixes, chocolate, shoes, date nights, vacations, etc.

Did I tell you about the brain fog? That's right. Perry again. Sometimes I repeat myself.

I'm so glad I have someone to blame.

But wait. There's more.

Guys, something similar happens to you. You will need $$ and more $$ because most of you will be purchasing some sort of vehicle. Money will also be needed for all the extra medical testing because of issues with the "cough" exam or the finger exam or the too-much-stress test. You will feel like a walking pharmacy with new medications for this, that, and the other. Hats will be needed to cover heads because the hair up there just isn't adequate anymore. And that extra stuff around the middle? Yeah. It's a lot harder to get rid of now. Sorry, guys.

OK, Guys, this one's for YOU:


Kidding. Kidding.

Is this better?



No, Nooter, not yet. Stop slobbering all over the human's lap. Here's your snack:

Wait. I think I'll have one, too. Yum.

Photo credits: Mr. Freeze: imdb.com, corvette ladies and Brats: istockphoto.com

All in a Day's Work

A few rhetorical questions and other observations to keep you amused:

• Why is there a kid's activity program called K-L-U-T-Z?

• Why is it that when you call to report an Internet outage (cable) that they end the call by offering you phone and TV service through the Internet? Um, yeah. This is the same Internet service that ISN'T working because Abdul the Backhoe Operator cut through the cable down the street.

• Why do the folks that mark the utility lines before others dig do so incorrectly, over and over again?

• The number of swimming techniques is equal to or greater than the number of swimmers.

• Unattended children "playing" in the swim lanes and crossing to the other lane in front of me will be fed to the zombie lifeguards. What a job. Stand for long periods of time holding your flotation device with whistle ready to blow, giving little kiddos the stink eye. I will say that some of the guys are....er....hawt. Wait. I don't think I'm really allowed to say that when I'm old enough to be their mom.
  

• Cyclists: I give you ample space when passing. I don't ride your "tail lights" waiting to pass you. I don't flip you off or honk my horn at you. All I ask is that YOU stop at the freakin' stop sign as required by law. Got it? Your loved ones won't care about your fastest training time during your memorial service.
  

• Women applying makeup while driving on the freeway should end up looking like this:

• Hubby is a monkey. That's right. It's a good thing we didn't create offspring. Hubby can use his feet like hands picking up things and tossing them around. Sheesh! Maybe I'm just a bit jealous. At least he doesn't spit at people, throw poo, or steal golf balls.

While looking for monkey photos on flickr.com, I found these:




That's right. It's a monkey climbing up a chocolate cupcake with banana buttercream icing. It's just a bit strange, though. Anybody else think so?

ReformingGeek puts down the gray lap beast, nudges Tuxedo Dirtball Cat out of her way, and walks to the kitchen to search for the ingredients for chocolate cupcakes.

Photo credits: Terri Hatcher with a hatched up face: the Internet coughed it up when I searched for "bad makeup", monkey cakes: clevercupcakes on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Amateur Antics - Let's See a Show!

But first, Hubby asked me if I sent the toasters to "silicon heaven." I said "Huh?" and he reminded me of Red Dwarf (hilarious British Sitcom set in space) and it went downhill from there. Logic follows that I must show you the classic "toaster scene" from Red Dwarf. It's only a little over three minutes. Enjoy!

"Talking Toaster"


Ready for the show? Good. Grab your popcorn, candy, and large drink and let's get started; after the previews and commercials of course. Hum...why I am paying to see commercials?

One would think seeing a movie is a fairly simple task. It seems I am gravely mistaken. Just in case you need a little review, I've provided explicit instructions in today's post:

• Show up on time. Although I don't like commercials and previews, I really don't like seeing you and your buddies walk in front of me trying to find a seat.

• Turn off your technology. Otherwise, I may take it from you and use it as a flashlight when I have to get up to pee.

• If you're at the movie to make-out with your favorite squeeze, please sit in the back. Not everybody wants to see your best moves. I do, of course, but I can always move to the back row to check you out, right?

• Whip your children into shape. Oops. I mean encourage your children to stay in their seats and keep quiet. Otherwise, I may eat them.

• When you come into a theater with plenty of open seats, please don't sit down in front of me, blocking my view. If you do, I may suddenly have a sneezing or coughing fit to encourage you to find a new seat.

• Speaking of coughing, if you're ill, please don't join us for the movie tonight.

• Talking: Don't. Is that hard?

I'll never forget the time that our small team of about five people had to see a movie with our boss. I say "had" because it was the annual "Christmas party" and it was always a big ordeal as to what to do. Attendance wasn't really optional. The boss talked during the movie. She kept asking questions and analyzing the characters. I was trying very hard to ignore her but she was never the boss to be ignored, if you know what I mean.

The last time I went to a theater, this sign got my attention:

We are no longer allowing children under the age of two in the theater for evening/night showings of PG and PG-13 movies. We have had too many complaints about noise. Thank you for your understanding.

My question is why would people bring their babies to a movie anyway? The loud theater does not make a good baby-sitter and I don't want to be sitting next to or even hear your screaming child when I just paid a small fortune for my popcorn, 'K?


Fortunately, I didn't encounter any of these amateurs when Hubby and I went to the theater to see the latest Star Trek flick. It could be that the theater was full of other classy geeks like us (Ha!) It could be that there weren't many children. It was on Memorial Day and apparently, some schools were in session, making up a "snow" day. Huh? Whatever.


Photo credit: Spock: yelahneb, flickr.com Creative Commons (see sidebar). This is a pretty good Spock, goofy bowl cut and all. It was a Halloween costume back in 1982.

Toaster: Fail

I have banished two toasters from the ReformingGeek household in the past two weeks. That's right. It was obvious the toasters were assigned to my house to kill me - by starvation. Is it too much to ask that I can have my toast for breakfast like I do every day? No, I didn't want half the bread toasted nor did I want the entire piece of bread charred beyond recognition.

I guess it was too much to ask. The first toaster decided it no longer wanted an intimate relationship with the bread. It rejected each and every piece inserted into the appropriate slots so I went to the store in search of its replacement. I didn't like the prices. I went back home and remembered we had a toaster we used prior to our kitchen remodel stuck in a closest somewhere waiting for the garage sale that never happens. I got it out, cleaned it up, removed the price sticker, and plugged her in. She worked like a charm.

Apparently, toaster #1 had a conversation with this replacement toaster while it was sitting on the counter waiting for Real Cat to take it out to the garbage. I know this because soon after toaster #1 was finally deposed of, it's replacement turned into the Ice Woman. That's right. No heat coming from this lady. Maybe she prefers her bread buttered on the other side, if you know what I mean. She certainly didn't like any of the specimens I presented to her.

I went to buy toaster #3. The prices at Wally-World (Gosh Dern It!) were within my budget but I have not learned form my mistakes. Toaster #2 is still on the counter and I'm sure she's telling this new guy (yes, I got a guy this time) what he's supposed to do:

Show her the power of the dark toast side.

Uh....ReformingGeek?

Yes?

You do know that toasters are not alive and out to get you, don't you?

They are alive. Tick. Tick. Otherwise, why would they talk to me and set up play dates with the cat?

Dang. I'm hungry now.

Photo credits: Darth Vader _ES on flickr.com, Frakking toasters: RedMorris on flickr.com, both licensed under Creative Commons (see sidebar)