Easter Bunny in Critical Condition after Capture by Boa

Well, there went Easter, faster than a slithering snake.  It seemed like it took forever to get here, though.

Oh yeah.  It did.

I was hopeful for a visit from the Easter Bunny but all I got was an appearance of Mr. Dry and Scaly:

 Click to enlarge at your own risk. 

He didn't even leave me any chocolate.

Loser.

I hope he loses himself somewhere munching happily ever after on juicy rodents.

OK.  So it's not a boa and I'm just guessing that's what happened to the Easter Bunny since he didn't visit me.  Work with me here.

WARNING:  Don't go to flickr and search for "snake eating".

Ugh.

Speaking of juicy,  Easter was yummy.  My mom got a ham (She didn't actually "get" the pig, 'K?) and cooked us some veggies.  On Sunday, I made Brats wrapped in phyllo with spicy brown mustard and a bit of cheese.  I also made some scalloped potatoes.  YUM!    Homemade Coconut-Lime cookies were for dessert.  Nothing low-cal was served.

Oink.

Ok.  Ok.  Maybe the veggies and the salad.

Did I mention deviled eggs?

Yeah, those too.  My mom made them for us.

Burp.

**loosens belt to allow belly to expand**

NEIGHBORS, GOTTA LUV'M: My neighbor pulls her car over as I'm working in my rock garden and points to something I have growing near Big Tex.  She said "I've been trying to grow that.  It attracts Monarch butterflies."  Evil Twin replied, "I think the secret is to not try.  Heh Heh.  Mine just appeared here and I just let it be."

I piped in telling her she was welcome to some of it as it has popped up in quite a few places in my rock garden. 

 "Here, butterfly, butterfly."

This neighbor is usually nice but can be a bit hoity-toity sometimes.

She explained that it was Milkweed, as if I should have known.  

Pffft.

This is the same lady that left a belligerent message on my friend's answering machine, chastising her husband for scheduling a neighborhood board meeting on a church night.  Hum....

Point, Comma, Missed.

Perhaps she also has an Evil Twin that doesn't hide as well as mine does.

Did you just say that mine DOESN'T hide well?

Oops.

INTROSPECTION:  Some of you may know that I teach yoga and pilates classes.  The yoga helps soothe Evil Twin.  I said "helps".  I go to workshops and trainings occasionally for continuing education.  Recently, I noticed a workshop that was limited to about 20 participants.  Their ad said "Only those truly committed to a paradigm shift need apply".  Apply?  Sheesh.  No judgment there.  Ha.  Paradigm shift?  Really?

On one hand, I can understand someone wanting to continue to grow and improve themselves but some people always seem to be looking for something.  What's wrong with being content with your Evil Twin you?

Complacency anyone?

Ok.  Enough of the deep stuff.    Go forth and be hoppy....er...happy!   A little humor never hurt anyone.

Photo credits:  Reffie from her garden, always full of surprises!

Distressed but Dressed for Success!

Ah, the quiet of a country life.

Wait.  WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

No.  It can't be.  The construction of our new water lines has been complete for months. 

Sigh.

Apparently, my neighbor with too much time and money has decided that he didn't get enough of the noise.  He unloaded a front-loader yesterday afternoon (probably from Daddy's business), immediately reduced his mailbox to a pile of bricks, and has been running the thing almost non-stop since then.  

GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!  What ARE you doing over there?  

I see piles of dirt, most likely for practicing his Evil Knievel stunts on his dirt bike.  

Lovely.

What's a girl to do to avoid the noise?

That's right.  Go shopping.

I went to look for a dress at a local discount store.  I wanted one that will cover the appropriate pieces and parts, make me look incredibly sexy, and will not empty my piggy bank.  

It was quickly obvious that was a pipe dream.

After getting distracted by skinny jeans and laughing at the see-through blouses, I found the rack of dresses.  The poor things were crammed together with barely room to take a breath.  They were screaming "PICK ME!  PICK ME!  SAVE ME!" 

Oh, here's one!   

Um, no.  It looks like tapestry or furniture upholstery.

Oh.  Oh.  This is so cute!

$110 on final markdown?  Pffft, I think not.

Ooh, ahh.  Here's a cute little versatile black dress.

Ker-plunk!  The silly hangar broke.  Sigh.

I'll try it on any way.  It's soft and curvy.

Hey, here's a dark purple silky one that doesn't have a neckline down to my belly.  Put it in the try-on pile.

And a nice grey "formal/funeral/wedding" dress.  Yep.  In the pile.

Here's a another purple one that has a few curves.  Me likey.

And a pink/purple print that just might work.

This one looks like a skirt.  I could use a black skirt.   A bow?  How cute.  No, wait.  IT'S A DRESS! YEE-GADs!  There is NO WAY a person could bend over or sit down in that thing.  PASS!

Wait.  WAIT!  I can't pass on this one.  It's soft and black and dressy and tight-fitting.   It really is a dress and it's only $14.99!!!!  So what if the neck is too low.  What are camisoles for and I can always tuck in my cookie-belly or wear a girdle!  

Without too many further distractions, I made it into the dressing room.  I had no other choice but to start trying on the dresses.  My pile (my arm) was about to fall off!

I hate this part.

Too big.   

Too weird.  

The black dress on the broken hanger looked like a toga.   

The purple ones made my butt look big and wrinkled in funny places.

I liked the print but not that much.

Ah, finally.  The "old lady" grey will do and the soft black bargain dress was extremely cute with my belly tucked in.    Note to self:  Pilates, Pilates, Pilates....

Done.   Go directly to check-out.  Do not pass Go.  Do not look at shoes.

What do you think? 

 The lining is cream-colored.  

It looks short but it's not that bad.
The neck isn't THAT low.

The neckline has some pearl-like beads 

and the belt helps the fit tremendously.

What?  You thought I would be wearing them for you?  Bawahahahaha!

Superbowls of Gently Glazed Something

The snow and ice melted last Friday and Saturday.  The weather was great for the Super Bowl which probably helped with the traffic and the tailgating parties but the lid (roof) was closed so it had no effect on the game.   That just seems wrong.  It's football, folks!

Military jets did a flyover after Christina's interesting version of the national anthem.  Hum.... Maybe they showed the flyover on the recently upgraded video boards?

Giggle.

Over the weekend, the geek household enjoyed the opportunity to leave the house and get a few errands done.  It's non-stop fun around here when the truck gets inspected and the storm drain gets cleared.  Hubby and I were down on our hands and knees digging out mud, miscellaneous unidentifiable bones, and grass roots from this stubborn but effective storm drain.  Finally, the water starting coming through forming a small but unwanted watering hole.  The highlight of this adventure was Hubby creating a vacuum in a hose with an air compressor to start the flow of water out of the watering hole.  That's right.  Hubby understands Physics!

Um, yeah.  I can spell Physics.

The week starts again and we Texans are out and about with silly grins on our faces wearing light jackets and driving around on leftover sand.

Until today.  There is nasty white stuff on our streets.  Something that resembles snow but is more like sleet.  And it's cold and windy again.  WTF (FROSTING)?

Enough already.  Evil Twin has appealed to Old Man Winter and that fat furry rodent that didn't see its shadow on February 2nd.  Texas is tired of cold and this sorry excuse for snow that glazes our streets. Actually, I think Evil Twin is roasting that rodent while I'm typing this post.   She went out earlier.  I hope she was able to grab the yappy mutt that bit me on Sunday when I was out running.  Fortunately, only one of its nasty little fangs left a hole in my leg.  Ouch.

I should probably go check on her progress.  I'm getting hungry.

As for yappy mutts with fangs, got pepper spray? 

Rolling in the Hills and the Dough

Recently, we were told that our town is one of the riches towns in the United States.  Hubby and I roared with laughter and Evil Twin peed her pants.   She had just returned from ringing doorbells trying to sell the knock-off Girl Scout cookies I made.  Anything to make a buck.  Sheesh.

Yeah. We are rolling in the cookie dough.

Let me explain.  I'm sure you've heard the phrase "raised on the wrong side of the tracks"?  If not, it basically means you're not rich.  Our town has imaginary tracks.  A different way to look at it is "old" vs. "new".    The "old" part of the town is primarily a bunch of farms, smaller established neighborhoods, and open space with a few rolling hills.

Within the last 20 or so years, a hotel and a business complex popped up and somebody got the vision disease, dreaming about a charter school* is this here country town.   The school became a reality.  Developments with large homes, large gates, and a golf course joined in the fun, filling out the "new" part of our town.  More business appeared but we don't have our own grocery store!

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the tracks, our little neighborhood decided that rather than be annexed to another less-inviting neighboring city, we needed to be a part of this quaint little town with the vision.   We were annexed in the 1990's.

The "new" part of the town is where you might possibly find the Jonas Brothers, professional athletes, neurosurgeons, and the rest of the rocket scientists. 

Evil Twin reminded me that she is a rocket scientist.

I think this must be because of her experience with the aliens. 

We have people drive through our neighborhood quite often looking for homes and lots for sale.  Last year, a lady stopped me while I was working in the yard, badgering me with questions.  She was rude.  It's like she was getting mad at me because I couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. Evil Twin finally gave her the stink eye and she quickly wrapped up her inquiries.  Ahem. 

We like our little neighborhood, with our retirees and their RV's, and a few playful little tykes to keep us young at heart.

We think you might be from the wrong side of the tracks, Rude Lady.

*In Texas: A charter school is a type of public school usually developed by a local community. Charter schools provide education through a "charter," which is a type of contract granted by a chartering entity such as the State Board of Education or the board of trustees of an independent school district.  The purposes of charter schools are to: (1) improve student learning; (2) increase the choice of learning opportunities within the public school system; (3) create professional opportunities that will attract new teachers to the public school system; (4) establish a new form of accountability for public schools; and (5) encourage different and innovative learning methods.   Our local school teaches an International Baccalaureate program.

Turkey Chit-Chat and a Meer Meow

I can't believe this year has gone by so fast.  Here were are almost a week away from Thanksgiving.  I know this not because I checked a calendar or noticed that some folks have already decorated their homes for Christmas, but because the last time I tried to pass the time of day with a local turkey, he gobble-hopped away from me.

Sheesh.

Maybe it was because I was carrying an axe.  Really, I was only chopping some wood.  I  wanted to tell the turkey he looked juicy healthy and ask if he'd lost weight lately.    Isn't that a good conversation opener?

Anyturkeysoup,  Texas is showing a bit of color.

Colorful crepe.  No turkeys were axed to get this photo.

Also, I want to introduce you to my new friend, Les Miserable the Meerkat.  It was a very hot day at the zoo when we snapped this photo.  This little guy was off by himself.  Maybe he was caught passing gas in the burrow one too many times.

 "So bored.  So wery, wery bored. I luvs my tail, though."

For those of you who asked and even if you didn't, the photo in my header is also meerkats with a bold domestic orange tabby pushing himself in on the action.

It's the baking season around her in Geekville.  I've got State Fair Yeast Biscuits rising on the stovetop.  You've got me, BakingGeek, so who needs Rachael or Sandra or any of those silly folks that make cooking look easy on TV? But my kitchen is a mess.  It's never messy for Rachael or Sandra, is it?

Sigh.

I've got an extra hole in my yard.  I think I mentioned that we are getting new water lines.   Yippee.  My neighbor and I decided that the new hole could be the start of a swimming pool.  Interviews for lifeguards and pool guys will commence in early spring.  That's plenty of time for you guys to get into shape.  Good Luck.

Photo credits:  Bored meerkat:  Reffie Hubby, Fall color:  Reffie

Mouse in Place for World Series Bid

It's been an exciting week here in Geekville.  Our very own Texas Rangers are finally going to the World Series.  For those of you that are professional sports challenged, I'm talking about BASEBALL, the game where guys try to whack a round thing with a stick, run around in circles when they do, and when they stop running, they make adjustments to their protective undergarments.    

Seriously, it can be loads of fun, and even more fun when your local team WINS!

I credit part of this success to me, Hubby, and our friends NOT attending the playoff games as they lost every playoff game we attended.  Some credit also goes to none other than Bicentennial Mouse:

Yes, Ms. Mouse has been around since 1776 1976 and is still going strong.  She wears her cap well, don't you think?

She has been hogging her seat in front of the tele for about a week using rally towels (hand towels with the team colors handed out at the playoff games) as bibs and eating us out of house and mouse.  She is enjoying our cat-free environment although Evil Twin has been slinking around hissing at her.  

Ms. Mouse will stay in place through the World Series, silently cheering for another first for the Texas Rangers.  

I'm not so sure Ms. Mouse is as innocent as she seems. I've noticed a few beers missing form the garage fridge....and there are some mouse turds near the door.  Hum.... is that candy corn in those turds? 

Ew.

In other news, we are having new water pipes installed in our neighborhood.  Basically, this is because our city wants to "improve our infrastructure" and have the opportunity to accept our hard-earned money each month instead of us paying a neighboring city for water service.

Yeah, thanks, City.  We won't be excited about the price increase, either.

It's a mess and yesterday the excitement was a blue pipe went walk-about and crashed into a brick wall, a bulldozer nearly ran my friend off the road twice, and an extremely accident-prone neighbor fell into one of the pits. 

Oops.  He wasn't injured and fortunately, neither was the pit or the concrete.  

I think the neon-vested worker bees were hitting the beer thermos during their lunch break.

Tune in next time for more exciting and/or treacherous events here in Geekville.

Photo credits:  Bicentennial Mouse:  ReformingGeek, Pipes and pit:  Reffie's nearly pancaked friend and neighbor.

Fishing for Gingerbread People

It's amazing the things you find right under your nose.  Um, no, not boogers or snot although there is plenty of that, but inspiring architecture and postal creativity within a few miles of home.

Huh?

Deep in the heart of the D/FW metroplex, there are pockets of country living at its best.  Country living is a lesson in self-expression in designing your home and yard, letting your vibrant personality shine through. You are probably not even aware you have neighbors.

One would think some of these folks have been transported to an alternate universe or at least to an episode of the Twilight Zone with Rod Serling's ghostly manifestation hovering around them.   I think I saw Ron this morning on my run....

when I thought I must have transported into the CandyLand game but with rednecks and cars up on blocks as the game pieces:

OK, so this isn't the actual house I saw.  My photo did not show the real beauty of the abode so I borrowed that one.  Now, picture a pick-up truck out front and a Shetland pony out back.

Evil Twin is salivating all over the keyboard, muttering something about icing.

Further down the same road, I saw a fish mailbox.    My photo doesn't do it justice but I like the log cabin house:

Fish.  It's what for dinner (Well, maybe at THIS house!!)

I was glad when I returned to my neighborhood, sans hovering Ron, and was welcomed by Evil Twin's best friend hanging around in my neighbor's yard:

I'm pretty sure this guy is using a machete to whack the bamboo so he can creep closer and closer.

YIKES!

Photo credits:  Yummy house: Chick Dastardly on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Fish mailbox and Gnome, Reffie.

A Plate of Wet Served with Sauce and Sweat

Hubby and I spent part of last weekend at a ranch in the middle of Nowhere, Texas.  Before we settled in, the high temperatures and instability of a stationary front brought Nowhere some much needed rain.

That didn't stop us from driving back to "town" to eat at a local BBQ joint.  The amount of food on our plates could feed several starving children or one super-sized Texan.  They were a bit skimpy on the sauce which was brought to us in a small flask but they were quick to bring us some more once our flask was running on empty.   I topped off my dinner with a yummy slice of Peanut Butter Pie!

Afterwards, back at the ranch, we captured a sunset photo as another thunderstorm was doing its best to dazzle us:

Hubby was trying to photograph the lightning before it got too dark.

Saturday, we enjoyed a pleasant day in Nowhere, walking dripping sweat all over the 5-mile nature trail before spending most of the afternoon in the shade at the pool.   

 Two geeks in Middle Earth Nowhere

At the pool, we soaked ourselves in the warm water a few times.  It was almost pleasant outside while we were wet.  After dinner Saturday evening, Hubby drove us back to civilization so I could get ready for my race and attempt to get some sleep.

Sunday, I got up at the quiet, non-shining hour of 4:15 am.  This must be before that Crazy Early Girl Dawn but after the crickets and night owls have finally gone to sleep.  I left Hubby snoring softly although he tells me he doesn't sleep well without me beside him (Neither do I when the situation is reversed.)   As I drove out of the neighborhood, I disturbed a baby fox.  He was adorable but I told him to go home to Mommy.

 No, this isn't "my" fox.  It was dark outside, remember?

  My fox was close in size and color to this little tyke.

I found the event without incident and got all my stuff ready.  There were several newbies and since I've done this before I played coach.  Evil Twin tried to intervene and tell people they had to swim naked and wear their bike helmet while running but I didn't let her ruin their experience.  

Sheesh.

The swim was held in an outdoor pool.  This time of the year, the water is Texas warm (cooled bath water).   Although swimming is still tough for me, the water felt great.  

The bike route was reasonably scenic for Texas country; beat-up pickups on the side of the road, trees and shrubbery, a few *old-style churches here and there, cattle and horses in the fields, and flattened and chopped up armadillos in the middle of the road.  Yeah, just the normal stuff.

The course had Texas hills (just ask my legs) and the prevailing southerly summer breeze (My legs didn't like this but my face did)!

It wasn't really hot on the bike since I was still wet from the swim.  My backside was more than ready to be off that bike, though, after the 16 miles.  Places that shouldn't be numb....er...well.....were.

By the time I was off the bike, I was reasonably dry.  My legs were noodles, formed from quicksand.

The running course was on part of a golf course.  I felt like I was wearing an oven.

The best part about the event besides the finish line?  It was the post-race ice-cold water, pancakes and watermelon.

YeeHaw!

*In the larger cities, we have numerous what I call "new style" churches that meet in strip shopping centers.  What the no steeple?

Photo credits:  Geeks: Jan Powers,  Storm: Hubby,  Baby fox: Here Be Dragons on flickr. com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Take-offs and Landings, All Players Left Standing

Hubby and I did a road rally today.  

He drove.  I navigated.

Yes, we are still speaking to each other!!

When Hubby first told me about the rally, Evil Twin asked why the road needed to rally. 

Sheesh.  

I explained that it wasn't a baseball game and we did not have to root for our home team to score runs.  We were given a list of instructions supposedly explaining our route from point A to B without seeing state-altering signs such as  "Welcome to Oklahoma", " Welcome to Louisianna", " Welcome to New Mexico", "Bien Venidos a Mexico", or "Road Ends. Ocean Ahead".

The rally was centered around local airports.  As we drove around north Texas in triple-digit heat for several hours with the AC blasting, we were supposed to look for windsocks or airport signs and decipher instructions that looked liked this:

• STOP  - Got that one!
• Left at RidgeCrest Circle, Right - Uh....
• Straight, Left on Dove Hollow - Double Uh...
• Left on ToNoWhere Parkway -  Oops.  Can't do that.  It parallels the road we are on.

We had to answer questions along the route.  But sometimes they were not to be answered.  What-the-Scorched Flying Bird Poop?

I was a bit concerned when I was told to turn onto AA Bumgarner Road.  I was imagining poor little AA in junior high with a name like that.  Later we had to turn onto Morris Dido Newark Something.  I had to take a second look at that one before I read it to Hubby.  

We saw Dido again. This time it was the United Methodist Church and it was down the street from Kenneth Copeland's Cult.....er...Ministries' complex and private strip.

Ahem.  Air strip.

Before all the fun started, Hubby and I walked around a flight museum at the starting point of the rally.

I identified my next ride:

Hubby pondered winged birds while Evil Twin eyed that cute little weapon:

We don't know if we won anything at the rally.  I doubt it.  We didn't hang around to find out. We had fun but we decided that leftovers and couch-camping in front of the TV are the exciting plans for tonight.

Stick It!

O Stick,  troublesome Stick.  You stand tall in our soil-challenged ditch.  You are ugly.  There is no easy way to tell you that. 

You bestow your pink ribbon in pieces all over our yard and you are an obstruction for sun-baked homeowners trying to mow without mishap.

Maybe I am judging you too harshly. Perhaps you are just a marker; target practice for our gun-toting neighbors,  a place where digging may bring gold or other precious metals, or the actual burial place of Jimmy Hoffa.

You have had some shining moments. You broadcast the wind direction with great ease.  You are an ice-breaker for conversations with the neighbors.

You must be something special. Strange pickup trucks deposit round-bellied workers with low-riding jeans to honor your presence.

But Stick, I tire of you.  You are on your last days as a yard ornament.

Sigh.

Photo credit:  Reffie's ditch, surveyor stick that has been in place for about six weeks:  Reffie

Too Quiet on the Western Front

The talking weather torsos are calling for some noise later.  I'll believe it when I see it.

I introduced you to Mrs Kravitz in my last post.   I fear I have become Mrs. Kravitz.  Well, not exactly, as she's in black and white and I'm in color but I when I'm home I find myself walking to the window and admiring the view.

To those on the outside, I may look like a nosy neighbor, craving excitement from behind the mullions.

Why am I gazing outside?

I like the little birdies and my fat squirrel that soak themselves in the birdbath.  The squirrel camped out there one hot afternoon, resting on the wet spot waiting for me to refill the bath.  The birds fight over their turn in the water.  Silly things.

I'm also hopeful that Cat, that crazy hair-throwing beastard, will come back.  He's been missing since Monday morning when he didn't appear to be let inside.  Clumps of fur were in the front yard but I can't locate the rest of him. 

Although we know there are coyotes around,  our cat has always managed to hide from them.  We also have owls.  YEE-OUCH!  It would take a rather large owl to haul off my 15-pound beast, though.

He has "left" before only to return a few days later, ready to eat and take a long nap.

Sigh.  Sometimes there isn't much "domestic" in this cat.

I certainly don't sit around all day staring outside.  I sometimes do it from an upright position.

Seriously, I'm in a bit of a holding pattern.  My mom has had some additional issues that need to be cleared up before she can have her shoulder surgery so I have not made any additional summer plans outside of my normal teaching schedule (my Yoga and Pilates classes).

I had to contain Evil Twin yesterday. 

Doesn't it annoy you when you need something and the person you asked responds with a forced smile and a mouthful of brush-off instructions when all they had to do was spend one minute getting you what you need?  Sometimes people make it obvious that you aren't worth their time.  I felt like the splashed dirt at the bottom of the totem pole. 

I smiled, said "thank you" and walked away.   I came back later, asked someone else, got what I needed and was gone in 30 seconds.

Unfortunately, I can look back and see myself behaving that way.  Sheesh.  Payback is a bee-otch!

Oh, who am I kidding?  I'm perfect, right?

Happy Hump Day!  Do a rain dance for me, please.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's.....

...just a car.

It doesn't even fly, unlike the drunk driver at D/FW airport earlier in the week.  This driver claims she was hit from behind causing her vehicle to become airborne near one of the toll booths.   Her "flying car" caused a bit of damage when she landed.  Car pieces and parts were scattered all around the toll booth area.  It was quite a story.  The video is probably on youtube and I'm sure it made for lively discussions at water coolers, coffee bars, and happy or unhappy hours throughout the day.  Fortunately or not, the intoxicated driver got out of it with only a broken wrist......and a trip to jail.

No, it wasn't a flying car that caused excitement in our neighborhood a few days ago...

My neighbors are primarily retired folks.  This is actually quite nice as when they aren't traveling, they are home keeping an eye on things,  anything from the state of your yard, to your beast disguised as a pet, to strange cars parked outside someone's home after dark.

My next door neighbor is out of town.  I received a call from another neighbor now known as "Mrs. Kravitz" asking me about a mysterious car parked in front of our mutual neighbor's house.  She asks if we were having company.  Nope.  Not us.  We were hunkered down inside with the A/C blasting watching our local baseball team attempt to run around the bases more times than their opponents.

"Mrs. Kravitz" called the police.

A police officer arrived to check things out.  The officer peeked in the backseat of this car and found......AMMUNITION.   

GASP!

I was hoping for a body or a couple having a good time or something.  Sheesh.

Ammunition.  Yippee. This seems to fit with the characters up the street that decided it was OK to take target practice in their backyard a couple of months ago.  The neighbors and police thought otherwise and two of the occupants of this residence were taken to the slammer on outstanding warrants.

Anyway, back to the non-flying car story.  After the police officer left, the mysterious car disappeared.  Just like that. 

Maybe it was the aliens.  I will check with Evil Twin as I heard her attempting to contact them again the other night.

 Oops. I think I need to have a chat with my headmate. 

Photo credits: Mrs. Kravitz - swiped from Tipper Gore's Internet, Ammo Guy - Cszar on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

The Long Nose Meets the Sun

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

What?

OUCH.  OUCH.

Ahhhhh.  Thanks, Evil Twin, for turning the hose on me.  This time it was the right thing to do.

So what is this about lies? 

Why is my nose growing?

Leeuna is on to me.  She gave me this award:

I will admit to the occasional little white lie, fib, or mild exaggeration, but BIG FAT LIES?

Never.

Well, almost never.

But maybe one of these is a WHOPPER:

1.  I played trombone.

2.  I am missing a body part. 

3.  I breathe fire.

4.  I can stand on my hands.

5.  I can program a computer but I have no idea how Hubby connected our entertainment system.

6.  I was invited to an art school one summer.

7.  I think I may have been a pig in a former life.  I sure do like bacon.

Which one do you think is an untruth?

Also, every time I visit Ziva's blog, I hope she has cookies for me but last time I visited, I got a load of sunshine instead:

Although not very edible, it IS bright and shiny and I like that.  Thank you, Ziva!

I was out in the yard over the weekend and was about to yell at Evil Twin for digging AGAIN (I think she is hiding alien artifacts) but then I looked a little closer..

 Click to see Ms. Tortoise Creature "hiding" in the shade of the canna.

 

Photo credit:  Reffie's got an eye for creatures...or maybe the creatures are government spies.  ;-)

The Past, the Pleasant, and the Neighbor

First of all, I want to thank Laura from Thoughts of a Career Woman for giving me this Sisterhood award:

She's a sweetheart and the baby sister I never had.  Yeah, I know she looks nothing like me, but work with me here, 'K?

Over at Diane J's blog, Contentedly Neurotic, Diane was responding to a tag that had questions about the past, present, and future.  Evil Twin and I decided to steal the question about the past:

What were you doing five years ago?

Me:  I was working a corporate IT job and was assigned to a project to "re-invent" the company's website. 

Evil Twin:  Yeah, I remember you talking about your boss.  Remember the time she....

Me:  Shhhhh. 

Me:  Hubby and I were working at my mother-in-law's house cleaning and clearing up piles of clutter while she was in a rehab facility after back surgery.

Evil Twin:  Gotta match?

Me:  I was teaching yoga at our corporate fitness center.

Evil Twin:  I can do yoga.  Watch this:

Me:  Whoa!  WHAT happened to your head?  Did you open the door to the cellar?  Remember I told you never to do that!

Me:  Hubby celebrated ten years at his company.

Evil Twin:  I'm speechless.

Me:  Good.

Me:  Hubby and I booked a cruise to Alaska.  We took our moms.

Evil Twin:  Wait.  I don't remember this.

Me:  Yep.  That's right.  You weren't invited.  Hee Hee.

Me:  At the end of 2005, I had my distance vision corrected via LASIK!

Evil Twin:  Yeah.  You were afraid of letting me come with you.  I was wanting to see what they did with the discarded eyeballs.
Me:  Um.....

If you're still awake, let's move on to the latest rendition of "Good Neighbors".

Neighbor: I see you had someone work on your trees.  Why didn't they take that bent limb out of your pine tree?

What I wanted to say: What?  Does the bent arm bother you because you can see it from your yard?   Wait.  How about you get rid of your gigantic rodent-attracting brush pile and numerous compost piles that are visible to us from just about everywhere.

What she probably meant:  That limb is broken and will probably die.  You had other dead wood removed and two dead trees taken down so why not that limb?

What I said: Um,  it's not dead yet.  We will just "let it be".

Sigh.

The photo is our pine tree with the broken arm.  It's hard to tell but our property slopes down.  I'm standing considerably "uphill" from this tree.  Knowing this makes this next exchange make more sense.

Same neighbor:  We are going to do something about this washout area here at the back of our property.  Doesn't the water that washes out my flower bed come from your septic system?

What I wanted to say:  **rolling eyes**  No. We've had this conversation before.  There is an underground spring that starts up the hill from my property, runs down my property and spews water out towards your property after heavy rains.  Why did you build a ##$%#$ flowerbed where the the water rushes out?

What I said:  Um, no.  The lines would not go this far.  There is an underground spring that starts up the hill from my property, runs down my property and spews water out towards your property after heavy rains. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

At least this is a neighbor I like.

Sigh.

Photo credits: Headless yogini:  Seven morris on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), broken pine:  Reffie

Geek Surgeon Takes Flight

Spring is flying by down here in the once again windy state of Texas.  Mother Nature is emptying her powerful lungs across our metropolitan area.  (I wish she'd been a smoker...) Tree branches are falling causing power outages and my recently bloomed roses are raining their petals all over the weeds freshly manicured lawn.

Sheesh.   ENOUGH ALREADY!

In other news, Mom has no damage to her eye from her fall.  Yippee!  She is ready to consider her shoulder surgery.  Evil Twin and I have been practicing for the big day:

Scapel.

Oh sorry.

Anethesia.

Now we're good.

A friend of mine took me on one of her favorite running courses.  She's lucky I still call her "friend".  This course is all steep hills (Yes, we have hills in Texas) and I was sure I would need climbing gear to make it up the last hill.   I kept hoping the ice cream truck would show up and distract my friend or maybe I could ride in the back while she finished the course.

No such luck.  We only encountered a city employee knee deep in someone's muddy yard and a redneck with his barking dog in his pickup.  Twice.  We jumped out of our skin when the beast spoke to us. Twice.  We didn't learn.

Hubby installed baseboards in our upstairs hallway last weekend so the least I could do this week was get them painted.   I spackled and painted and painted and painted, working up quite a thirst. I asked Cat for a tall glass of cold tea but he brought me a pile of dirt and some dead bugs. 

Speaking of Cat, he is currently stalking a silly cardinal that built her nest in a shrub about four feet off the ground.  I don't think the pathetic creature gets any rest. The bird; not the cat.  

Now, where is that cat?  I need a pillow.

Photo credit:  Operation game:  Cyndie@smilebig!'s on flickr.com, Creative Common license (see sidebar).

Kissed by a Frog, Foiled by an Armadillo, Ruled by the Ants

I have been attempting to turn my thumb green and become one with nature this week.  I've uncovered several of our earth's smallest creatures.

Dirty Little Frog:  Yes, such an original name for the tiny thing that was hiding in the dirt where I wanted to place my plant.  He was about the size of my thumbnail and covered in dirt.

A friend asked me if I'd ever seen a clean frog.  I told her that of course I had,  because they usually come out in the rain, freshly showered.  Sheesh. 

See? This one has obviously lathered, rinsed, and repeated:

I also disturbed several small garden snakes. I will spare you the photos.

I've mentioned armadillos before.  

 Pretty?  Not so much.

I think there is a multi-family household under my shed.  They are overdue on the rent:

It's either that or Evil Twin's first attempt at making us a tornado shelter.  

It is most likely an armadillo. These "beastards" like grub worms and will stick their pointy noises in your yard to get them.  Unfortunately, they also uproot your grass, don't fill their holes after they're done, and probably make several dirty little frogs homeless.  Or maybe they eat the juicy little things. Those pointy little feet don't bode well for your lawn, either.

Dinner is served.

I've also discovered that it isn't cats or dolphins that rule the world.  It's ants.  That's right.  A N T S !!!!  They are everywhere, even in my mailbox.  ICK!  Just this morning, I saw an army of them trying to carry Cat to their mound.  They kept dropping the 14-pound beast, losing a third of their army each time.  I finally heard the queen say "Give up the fat whining furball.  Go see what's under that outbuilding."

Have a great weekend!

Photo credits:  tiny frog: yumievriwan on flickr.com, armadillo: sunchild_dd, flickr.com,  pie: jannabeth, flickr.com,  Creative Commons license (see sidebar), tunnel entrance:  Reffie

Cattle, Piglets, and Dead Beasts

It's Friday. What to do this weekend?

Well...The Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo continues to attract goat-ropers, rednecks, and non-vegetarians for a couple more weeks. Also known as "The Fat Stock Show", it's not only a great place for meat-lovers to see huge animals that will eventually make great steaks but it almost always brings us a round of nasty weather.

Afterall, it IS January.

This year we have avoided the snow and/or ice but it's been raining way too much and my yard again resembles a lake. Please don't bring your personal water craft and attempt to entertain your inebriated self on my lawn this weekend.

Maybe I will pass on looking at well-fed warm smelly animals and queuing for freezing carnival rides. I will be way too busy doing my usual weekend activities of washing my hair, letting cat in and out, and doing Cat's laundry. I will need to take several rest breaks, of course, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, watching the grass turn brown, or watching Matt Damon do something Bourne for the 100th time.

In other news this week...

I regret to inform you that my trusty Mac Powerbook purrs no more. It seems to have developed an allergy to power and is no longer able to receive and process any of this required elixir. It's been a good lap beast and I will miss its cool grey ambiance. I'm thinking of having it stuffed and mounted.

Dark is the new light.
RIP Grey Lap Beast.

Sigh.

Fortunately, we have an old boat anchor Dell that I'm using until Cat pays us his rent for the month.

Stay warm and dry out there and have a great weekend!

Open Letter to Perry

Dear Perry,

You are not my friend. Do not send me a friend request on Facebook. DO NOT follow me on Twitter. Do not comment on my blog. I do not like you. GET IT?

GO AWAY.

So who is this Perry, ReformingGeek?

OK. Here's the story. First, I must tell the guys that you can move on towards the end of this post where I have a reality check and a special treat for you (and a snack for Nooter). On the other hand, feel free to read all the gory details because just when you thought you understood how to manage her PMS.....


When you turn 40, your doctor tells you that Perry will be visiting you from now until the CHANGE. Um....huh? That's right. Perry will stop by and wave stab you with a wand and you will experience fluctuations in your.....er....monthly cycle. You will have mood swings, hot flashes, followed by a visit from Mr. Freeze. You will find yourself giving those around you the stink eye more often than you want to admit.


You will experience brain farts, brain fog, and brain explosion (must be great for the zombies). Your energy will be sucked away during the night and that weekend of junk food and adult beverages clings to your belly, hips, and thighs like a newborn babe on a......oh never mind.

And Perry, when did you stop understanding that MONTHLY is the minimum acceptable frequency?


Treatments include chocolate, shoes, date nights, vacations, Kiefer Sutherland and Matt Damon fixes, chocolate, shoes, date nights, vacations, etc.

Did I tell you about the brain fog? That's right. Perry again. Sometimes I repeat myself.

I'm so glad I have someone to blame.

But wait. There's more.

Guys, something similar happens to you. You will need $$ and more $$ because most of you will be purchasing some sort of vehicle. Money will also be needed for all the extra medical testing because of issues with the "cough" exam or the finger exam or the too-much-stress test. You will feel like a walking pharmacy with new medications for this, that, and the other. Hats will be needed to cover heads because the hair up there just isn't adequate anymore. And that extra stuff around the middle? Yeah. It's a lot harder to get rid of now. Sorry, guys.

OK, Guys, this one's for YOU:


Kidding. Kidding.

Is this better?



No, Nooter, not yet. Stop slobbering all over the human's lap. Here's your snack:

Wait. I think I'll have one, too. Yum.

Photo credits: Mr. Freeze: imdb.com, corvette ladies and Brats: istockphoto.com

Looking for the Mother Ship

Hubby is NOT writing this post so I survived the weekend at the lodge in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, it IS in the middle of nowhere. It's close to Stephenville, TX, where, if you remember, there was some *mysterious activity up there in the sky about a year and a half ago. When we were outside at night, my eyes were searching the sky and I was looking for the Mother Ship weather balloons.

(click to enlarge)

Saturday night, some local astronomers brought out big fancy telescopes. I didn't see the Mother Ship weather balloons but I did see a beautiful big orange ball. That's right. We like to thank Houston and the prevailing seasonal southerly winds for the pollution that makes the moon orange when it's close to the horizon. While looking through the telescope at the orange blob of cheese, I saw the craters and then I saw something really amazing.

What, ReformingGeek, what?

A couple of guys where climbing out of one of the craters. Wow!

Really?

No, of course not. You folks sure are so gullible. SHEESH!

The excitement of the weekend besides delicious food in the dining room was my little walk on the nature trail that had more than its share of gravel. I have discovered the purpose of all that cushy stuff on our backsides. That's right. Cushioning. When you slip on the loose rocks going downhill.....er...when the effects of gravity and loose rock cause you to slip....er.... when gravel snakes reach up and grab you, you fall on your cushy buns and with the help of your hands, you injure your pride and not much more. Nobody saw me fall and the vultures stopped circling once I got back on my feet and wiped away my tears sweat.

But enough of that. I did hear that someone almost wrecked their ATV on those loose rock/gravel-covered hills on the not-so-lame nature trail.

I didn't even see a rattlesnake, water moccasin, bobcat, coyote or even a chupacabra. Sheesh! What a wasted weekend.

Saturday, we noticed that an ambulance was assigned to the lodge for the day. That's not surprising. With lots of kiddies, distracted parents, and folks that are old enough to be grandparents around, STUFF happens. Fortunately, I don't think the paramedics got to do much besides stay in their air-conditioned vehicle and make occasional trips inside the buildings for water in/water out breaks! I did see them casting a jealous eye on the swimming pool a few times.

I spent most of the day at the pool and my face is an advertisement for Mary Kay. Yes. Pink. I also have some pink interfering with my runner's tan. I'm starting to look like a zebra. At least Hubby and I match.

Anywhatsit, a fun time was had by all.

Now for the news:

OK. I FINALLY did it. I signed up for a triathlon. It's in October and the swimming will be in an indoor pool. I THINK that's a good thing. We'll see. Since there will be a 12 mile bike ride, I guess I really do need to get a bicycle.

I'm insane.

*This is just one of many news articles. Personally, I don't think it was the aliens although that would be a good place to practice maneuvers. You can go for miles and not see a soul. I think this area would also be a good place for a zombie staging area.

Photo credit: weather balloons: stephenvillelights.com

Airport Hugs and Chickens?

While sitting at the airport waiting for a friend's flight to arrive, I started people watching. It's always so entertaining. The flight from Orlando had obviously just arrived. How could I tell?



Well, it was the young girl wearing a Minnie Mouse costume and the other kiddies holding stuffed Mickeys. Grandma was watching the carry-ons and mom and dad were hauling luggage with "heavy" tags off the carousel. In other words, it was a brilliant deduction.

Then there were the others waiting on the flight from Boston with us, including a youngish woman dressed to the nines. Her reaction to greeting her guy (it really was sweet) prompted Hubby and I to discuss the transition of a couples meeting each other at the airport:

1. The woman meets her guy wearing a super short dress, high heels, full face of make-up, with hair styled. Guy is greeted with a french kiss or at least a lingering kiss of some sort.
2. The woman is still excited to see the guy but the honeymoon's over. She's wearing reasonably nice clothes, some makeup, but nothing out of the ordinary. There might be a hug or a quick kiss upon greeting.
3. This showing up at the airport to meet the guy is getting old. She's wearing sweats, shorts, or whatever. Her hair might be combed/styled. Make-up? Ha! Very funny.
4. The couple is set in their routines and having to fetch the guy from the airport is becoming a royal pain. The woman waits for the guy to call and then shows up outside the terminal area. She may or may not get out of the car.
5. GET A CAB!
6. Oh. You. Back already?

So where do you fit?

I think I mentioned that the property behind us as sold but nobody is living there. This week we discovered that someTHING is living there:


That's right. It's a chicken pen. Obviously, they don't read my blog. If they did, they would know that any chicken will not last long out here with all the cats, bobcats, and coyotes. Sheesh! Even my old cat could get a chicken.

Finally, we got new gutters this week. Some rain to test them would be even better. We are also getting a long awaited sprinkler system for our yard. That's right. My poor plants and grass are taking even more abuse in this heat but at least it's for a good cause. BTW, I will soon be opening an Ebay store selling body parts to pay for this endeavor. Oh wait. I only have one kidney. I guess that organ won't be part of the product assortment. Hubby suggested selling something else but I said there is no way in Hades I'm selling my shoes.

Photo credit: Mice and Chicken Pen photos taken by aspiring still life photographer ReformingGeek