Christmas Eve, Bright Lights and Ghosts of Grandma Past

Uh oh. I've just been informed that it's Christmas Eve. What the Manger? Everyone seems so busy. Was I supposed to be doing something?

There's a small tingle in my brain. It's there. I can almost feel it surfacing.

Oh, wait. WHAT IS THIS?

**ReformingGeek notices a piece of paper on the floor. It looks like some sort of list. The word "Gifts" is scribbled at the top.***

Huh. I wonder....

Oh well. I'm sure Hubby will let me know if I've missed something.

Anywhatsit, the talking weather torso on the TV is saying something about snow. No. It can't be. It was almost 80 degrees yesterday. I wore flip flops (with my yogi toe socks!) I went for a bike ride. The cat was hot and was throwing hair left and right with most of it landing on my keyboard. Sheesh!


Snow. Well, Gosh Dern It! What time of the year does Mother Nature think it is? Christmas?

I guess I'd better find my parka and maybe a sled in order to get over the hill and through the woods to Grandma's house. Actually, it's Mom's house. There is no Grandma. She was abducted by the aliens in 1980. We occasionally have seances to try and reach her but nothing's worked so far.

**Sighing**

At least she wasn't run over by a redneck hunter chasing a white-tailed deer on a local deer lease reindeer.

I hope everyone has a joyful, safe holiday.

**Noticing bright lights in the sky**

I see the alien ship signaling. Maybe Grandma's up there. I'll check. Be right back.

Photo credits: Airplane Santa: cropped image of the back of Hubby's new shirt, ReformingGeek's flip flops, ReformingGeek

Check Humor Bloggers Dot Com for more Christmas funnies during this week's carnival.

Seasonal Introspection

What IS this thing called Christmas? What is the reason for the season? Is it because Jesus, the taco guy, has a birthday?

Oh, sorry. Wrong Jesus. Basically, the birthday celebration was chosen to coincide with other "pagan" celebrations this time of the year. Personally, I think we should celebrate Christmas in March but, surprisingly, I have no phone messages from anyone in authority asking my opinion. As a matter of fact, few people ever ask my opinion. ;-)

ReformingGeek sighs loudly.

It's best to get on with it.

Have you noticed how mainstream Black Friday shopping has become? I have heard of some folks that get almost all of their shopping done on Black Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I've heard folks discussing their strategies. One would think that if this much effort is put into their daily jobs or their daily lives, amazing things could be accomplished.

I find the idea of staying up all night in a line outside the toy store so my child can get that special toy ridiculous. That's just me and I don't have kiddos but there was no way in Hades my parents would have ever done that.

You would never guess the economy is in bad shape based on the number of people I have encountered shopping this week.

Organizing who gets what and how much to spend can be frustrating. Hubby and I buy gifts for his cousin's kids and we were told what NOT to buy before we even got suggestions as to what the kids would like to have. Hum....part of me understands that as the parents have to deal with everything that comes into their home but on the other hand, it seems to miss the spirit of the season.

Finally, I have some hard evidence that there are aliens spying on us. One of their ships obviously landed on this previously inflated decoration:



Notice the strategic placement of this inflated Santa on an airplane. The lighting guided the ships to an open area for landing. They even left us some crop circles.



I think they took my wreath up for experimentation. They did not return it to its expected round shape:


Crazy aliens! I thought we had a deal. I have offered them Cat numerous times.

Wait. Maybe I can get them to help me decorate this weekend.

Photos: ReformingGeek snapped the photos of inflated and deflated Airplane Santas around the neighborhood. Yes, that is ReformingGeek's front door with the wreath from Hubby's company hanging on it.

Injustice Exposed: And the Password Is...

Thanks to all of you that commented on my Veterans Day post. What a great response and shout out for veterans. Now I must look for some funny. I love to laugh but one can only look at so many cute animal pictures and watch so much Big Bang Theory and 2.5 Men and a Baby.

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes.

That's not the name of the show.

I know. I'm trying to make a joke. Would you just laugh already?


Do you ever feel you are on the outside looking for the inside? Are you wanting to know how to fit in or are you figuring out if you even care about finding your niche in life? Everyone else is a member of some special "club" and you are....er....well.....just you.

Well?

This post will answer none of those questions.

As part of the fight against injustice, I've joined forces with Humor Bloggers Dot Com to expose the greatest criminal organizations in the history of our country.

That's right. I've discovered that this country is full of secret societies and they all have some special means of communication that is baffling to the common geek:

1. Country Folk.

When you live in the country, and you encounter a neighbor while driving, you give "the country wave", a full wave if you're a plebe or a slight head nod or finger lift if you're an oldie.
That's right. A secret sign letting everyone know you're part of the club, just like them.

Wait. What club? I'm a little scared. I just watched the pilot of the new (new old show) V and we all now that there are zombies out there.


2. Jeep owners.

Apparently, all jeep owners have to wave or nod to each other while on the road. Hubby says "It's a Jeep thing. You wouldn't understand." Yeah, right. I think he stole that from a bumper sticker. Jeep owners seem to be part of a club that supports the tow truck industry.



3. Shrunken Car Red Hat Society.

Theses are the folks that drive Smart Cars and wear red hats.

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes.

Were they wearing purple with their red hats?

Oh, PU-LEASE! They weren't wearing red hats, OK? I'm just kidding. Let me get on with it, OK?

Anywho, these drivers are out of proportion compared to their cars, appearing as giants in too-small prisons. They look like they should be pushing those things around a Hot Wheels track. Not only do these folks wave or nod, they toot. No, I'm not talking about passing gas. They honk their horns at the other Smart Car drivers.

What the noise? They need to get over themselves before my mid-size SUV runs over them. What club are they in anyway? Some kind of hive? Are these just the scout cars I'm seeing?


4. The Masons

I have no clue. Like I said, it's a secret. I have no idea what these folks do behind closed doors. Maybe they try on women's underwear and take photos for Facebook.

Kidding. Kidding. Please do not throw mason jars at me, OK?

Yeah, I know that was bad.

5. Tree huggers.

Oh, wait. I should know this secret. I like trees and cute little animals and yoga, but I apparently didn't stand in the correct line to get the sign. I don't wear a turban, carry a PETA sign, or go around bowing and saying "Namaste" to everyone I meet.

Oh,well. I'm just a square geek in a round world.

**Sighs**

The injustice of it all.

Photo: The Internets coughed it up when I typed the secret code into the Google.

Looking for the Mother Ship

Hubby is NOT writing this post so I survived the weekend at the lodge in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, it IS in the middle of nowhere. It's close to Stephenville, TX, where, if you remember, there was some *mysterious activity up there in the sky about a year and a half ago. When we were outside at night, my eyes were searching the sky and I was looking for the Mother Ship weather balloons.

(click to enlarge)

Saturday night, some local astronomers brought out big fancy telescopes. I didn't see the Mother Ship weather balloons but I did see a beautiful big orange ball. That's right. We like to thank Houston and the prevailing seasonal southerly winds for the pollution that makes the moon orange when it's close to the horizon. While looking through the telescope at the orange blob of cheese, I saw the craters and then I saw something really amazing.

What, ReformingGeek, what?

A couple of guys where climbing out of one of the craters. Wow!

Really?

No, of course not. You folks sure are so gullible. SHEESH!

The excitement of the weekend besides delicious food in the dining room was my little walk on the nature trail that had more than its share of gravel. I have discovered the purpose of all that cushy stuff on our backsides. That's right. Cushioning. When you slip on the loose rocks going downhill.....er...when the effects of gravity and loose rock cause you to slip....er.... when gravel snakes reach up and grab you, you fall on your cushy buns and with the help of your hands, you injure your pride and not much more. Nobody saw me fall and the vultures stopped circling once I got back on my feet and wiped away my tears sweat.

But enough of that. I did hear that someone almost wrecked their ATV on those loose rock/gravel-covered hills on the not-so-lame nature trail.

I didn't even see a rattlesnake, water moccasin, bobcat, coyote or even a chupacabra. Sheesh! What a wasted weekend.

Saturday, we noticed that an ambulance was assigned to the lodge for the day. That's not surprising. With lots of kiddies, distracted parents, and folks that are old enough to be grandparents around, STUFF happens. Fortunately, I don't think the paramedics got to do much besides stay in their air-conditioned vehicle and make occasional trips inside the buildings for water in/water out breaks! I did see them casting a jealous eye on the swimming pool a few times.

I spent most of the day at the pool and my face is an advertisement for Mary Kay. Yes. Pink. I also have some pink interfering with my runner's tan. I'm starting to look like a zebra. At least Hubby and I match.

Anywhatsit, a fun time was had by all.

Now for the news:

OK. I FINALLY did it. I signed up for a triathlon. It's in October and the swimming will be in an indoor pool. I THINK that's a good thing. We'll see. Since there will be a 12 mile bike ride, I guess I really do need to get a bicycle.

I'm insane.

*This is just one of many news articles. Personally, I don't think it was the aliens although that would be a good place to practice maneuvers. You can go for miles and not see a soul. I think this area would also be a good place for a zombie staging area.

Photo credit: weather balloons: stephenvillelights.com