My birthday was swell, now for a SWIRL..

The birthday with a zero in it came and went.  A good time was had by all.  Plenty of food and a few yummy margaritas were consumed.

Crazy things happen on or near my birthday.  In the past, my favorite aunt died and four years later my grandmother died. In 2000, a tornado hit downtown Fort Worth, sending debris through my workplace's windows and surprised co-workers into the stairwells. In recent years, we had a damaging hailstorm which was the last straw for our roof.   Last year, my cousin was electrocuted helping a friend trim trees.   :( This year, an older neighbor died and a few days later, 14 tornadoes whirled through the D/FW area, doing what tornadoes do - wrecking homes and throwing trailers about. 

One local woman told a story worthy of Dorothy and Toto.  The tornado picked up her mobile home and tossed it around like a paper sack in the wind. She held her little doggie the whole time.  Her trailer landed belly up but she and the pup walked out of there!  Wowie.  My pants would have been brown.

That same tornado touched down again about 2 miles from my mom's house.  Fortunately, Mom didn't have any damage and she didn't even get to see the blasted spinning circle of hell.  A friend from high school who lives near the area of that same tornado claims he saw a flying cow.  Twice.  Haha.  I think he was stretching the truth just a bit there.  Maybe...

We weren't close to any of the tornadoes (this time) and were fortunate to get heavy rain instead of damaging hail. 

I met some friends for Happy Hour last week and I scored a bottle of wine, a nice pot (no, not THAT kind), a cute little lunch bag, and one of these:

Yeah, you're not a true Texan unless you have one of these.  No, not the silly spotted cat with the bobtail but the redneck margarita glass.  Hee Hee.

Now Easter is upon us, a time of rebirth and renewal.  It's raining here but the temperature is perfect.  I hope everyone has a great day and a wonderful week!

Life as a Cookie - Part Eight

I'm back.  I hope you haven't forgotten me.  I've been filling out quite nicely, eating lots of whatever the silly Humans will give me.  Waddle, waddle. I have toys hidden all over this place, a reasonably clean litter box, and a couple of walking warm spots at my beck and call.  The Humans tell me I have it good.

Hum....I don't think so.  There aren't any mice here.

The Humans have erected some sort of shrine.  It looks like something that should be outside and something I'm sure I must have climbed in a previous life.  The female spent hours decorating my den and put what she called "orny mentz" on the shrine.

Ahem...that's "ornaments", and it's Christmas time.  The humans deck the halls.

Here is their shrine.  It looks like a tree with snow on it.

Whatever.  Those things are shiny and they move.  They must be my toys.  The Humans give me the stink eye if I even think about looking at their shrine.  Pffft.  I will show them.  If it's the last thing I do (and it might be), I vow to destroy that shrine bit by bit while they sleep.

 Now THIS is more like it.  

These decorative critters are closer to my size.

Whoa!  There's my toy mouse on the floor.  Cool!

OK.  Let's move on.  The sleeping conditions around here are pretty darn good.  Thicker and more cuddly cushy things have appeared on my bed and the walking warm spots have grown accustomed to me using their limbs as pillows.   Oh yeah.  They have their own pillows.  I like those, too.  

When the female gets up in the mornings, I'm still cold so I like to stay in the warm place she's abandoned.  Today, she tried to kill me.  I was in my cave and she tried to smother me with the cushy things.  Sigh.  I showed her.  I was a BIG, SCARY, ROARING (ok, squeaking) BEAST reaching my paw out from the cave and swatting her.  

Oreo, she was just trying to make the bed.  She didn't know you remained in the warm place.  You tricked her.

 See.  There's my cave!

The humans have told me that Santa may bring me something for Christmas if I'm a good kitty.

Well, I guess this Santa will have a lighter load around here this year.

Gobble, Gobble, GobbledyGeek

Er....I mean Gobbledygook! 

It's almost Thanksgiving.  YAY!  I love Thanksgiving.  I have a lot to be thankful for and I LOVE TO EAT!

It's been slightly cooler here and we're getting rain off and on but we had about three days of fall color.    The wind is blowing and leaves are littering our lawn, driveway, gutters, flower beds, and my favorite: embedded under the windshield wipers. 

What?

Oh.  Evil Twin says I should get the mower out and mulch them.  Actually, I'm thinking she should do that.

We are having smoked turkey again this year at my mom's and I'm making my infamous pumpkin pie.  Oh yeah.  Yum!  This is the pie with a gingersnap crust with maple syrup as the sweetener.  Burp! I'd better make four pies.  Three for my brother and one for the rest of us.  Oops.  I mean, three for me and one for the rest of them.

If you haven't heard, I'm training for my first full marathon, 26.2 miles of pure running bliss.  Ha!

You probably know that I've done several halves, much more than should be needed to make a whole, but I decided to take leave of my senses and prepare for the Houston Marathon in January.  Earlier this year, a close friend did her first marathon.  She inspired me and since next year is the celebration of the start of my 6th decade, it seemed like a good time to do it. 

The training is a beating.  Evil Twin and Oreo Cat are thoroughly enjoying the details of my torturous long runs although Oreo Cat isn't thrilled that I'm gone from his service for several hours at a time.   It's been warm here which isn't much fun for running.  My friend has been a great source of encouragement, soothing my whining and sympathizing with my aches and pains.

Last weekend's 20-miler had potential.  A cooling north breeze made me shiver a few times but my feet got soaked on the wet grassy knoll where I ran that day.  Wet feet and new, too-thick socks gave me an enormous blister on the bottom of my left big toe and a smaller blister on my right big toe.  EW!   I hobbled (not gobbled) around like a blue-haired LOL (Little Old Lady).  I've got the LOL shuffle down if anyone needs any pointers.

Besides running, I know I've been busy but not with anything interesting enough to keep you awake.

Hello?

Anyone? 

Sigh.

It's almost time for Evil Twin and I to do our Christmas shopping for you guys.  I'm tingling with excitement!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

A Few Squares...

It's June.  It must be time for another reunion.

That's right.  Hubby and I attended my high school band reunion over the weekend.  Nobody was brave enough to get out their instrument.  We left Evil Twin and the cat at home.  It's no telling what they were doing to amuse themselves while we were gone but I think they had other animals over and snorted catnip.

The gathering was fun, if not a bit hot in a barely air-conditioned building with the sun blazing in through the glass doors/walls.  We were all a bit drippy but managed to talk and yell until our voices were hoarse.  Our band director showed up and just like that, we were back in school.  It was an emotional reunion for him as our band during the 1978 - 1980 timeframe was his passion.  He was one of the first directors in our area to introduce "drum and bugle corp" style marching.  He was an excellent band director, coach, and leader for all of us silly, pimply teenagers who thought we knew everything.

What? We didn't?

I spent a lot of time with my high school best friend and our husbands also chatted with each other while we were up and about visiting with others looking for men that still had hair.

Kidding.  Kidding.  Most of the guys and almost all of the ladies still had hair.

I cringed when I saw one of the ladies I hadn't seen in 30+ years.

She was a year behind me in high school with dark clear skin, pretty eyes, and silky long hair.  What a change!  She was wearing a tank top and shorts and now adorns all visible skin with tattoos.  Her silky long hair is military short.  I didn't get a chance to talk to her.  I was afraid she might eat me.

This summer Hubby and I finally got around to another home project.  It was time to tile our window:

Oreo Cat squeezes into the photo.

Actually, Hubby did most of the work.  I'm the chief cleaner-upper and I do the grout, sealing, and caulk.

Guess what?

***crickets***

Pffft.

I won the lottery!

Unfortunately, it's not the kind that allows you to walk a way with a sack of money.  It's a lottery for the Houston 2012 Marathon in January.  Yep.  I got in.  Be quiet about it, please.  I don't want my body to hear that it will be training for 26.2 miles.

I hope everyone is having a great summer and is making some attempt at staying cool.  It's been brutal here in Texas.

Hubby and I will be taking a wee little break for the holiday.   Happy Birthday, America!

Easter Bunny in Critical Condition after Capture by Boa

Well, there went Easter, faster than a slithering snake.  It seemed like it took forever to get here, though.

Oh yeah.  It did.

I was hopeful for a visit from the Easter Bunny but all I got was an appearance of Mr. Dry and Scaly:

 Click to enlarge at your own risk. 

He didn't even leave me any chocolate.

Loser.

I hope he loses himself somewhere munching happily ever after on juicy rodents.

OK.  So it's not a boa and I'm just guessing that's what happened to the Easter Bunny since he didn't visit me.  Work with me here.

WARNING:  Don't go to flickr and search for "snake eating".

Ugh.

Speaking of juicy,  Easter was yummy.  My mom got a ham (She didn't actually "get" the pig, 'K?) and cooked us some veggies.  On Sunday, I made Brats wrapped in phyllo with spicy brown mustard and a bit of cheese.  I also made some scalloped potatoes.  YUM!    Homemade Coconut-Lime cookies were for dessert.  Nothing low-cal was served.

Oink.

Ok.  Ok.  Maybe the veggies and the salad.

Did I mention deviled eggs?

Yeah, those too.  My mom made them for us.

Burp.

**loosens belt to allow belly to expand**

NEIGHBORS, GOTTA LUV'M: My neighbor pulls her car over as I'm working in my rock garden and points to something I have growing near Big Tex.  She said "I've been trying to grow that.  It attracts Monarch butterflies."  Evil Twin replied, "I think the secret is to not try.  Heh Heh.  Mine just appeared here and I just let it be."

I piped in telling her she was welcome to some of it as it has popped up in quite a few places in my rock garden. 

 "Here, butterfly, butterfly."

This neighbor is usually nice but can be a bit hoity-toity sometimes.

She explained that it was Milkweed, as if I should have known.  

Pffft.

This is the same lady that left a belligerent message on my friend's answering machine, chastising her husband for scheduling a neighborhood board meeting on a church night.  Hum....

Point, Comma, Missed.

Perhaps she also has an Evil Twin that doesn't hide as well as mine does.

Did you just say that mine DOESN'T hide well?

Oops.

INTROSPECTION:  Some of you may know that I teach yoga and pilates classes.  The yoga helps soothe Evil Twin.  I said "helps".  I go to workshops and trainings occasionally for continuing education.  Recently, I noticed a workshop that was limited to about 20 participants.  Their ad said "Only those truly committed to a paradigm shift need apply".  Apply?  Sheesh.  No judgment there.  Ha.  Paradigm shift?  Really?

On one hand, I can understand someone wanting to continue to grow and improve themselves but some people always seem to be looking for something.  What's wrong with being content with your Evil Twin you?

Complacency anyone?

Ok.  Enough of the deep stuff.    Go forth and be hoppy....er...happy!   A little humor never hurt anyone.

Photo credits:  Reffie from her garden, always full of surprises!

Love Pugs and Morons Make the World Go 'Round...or End

Cupid-in-a-Diaper Day has come and gone.  To celebrate, not only did I devour (and continue to devour) chocolate but I borrowed a photo and writing assignment from Jenny Matlock's blog.  The assignment was a caption, using 50 words or less:

UGH!  Is this true love?

I'm a PUG, FOOLISH HUMAN!

I do not wish to be Wonder Pug, Bat Pug, Super Pug, or even Princess Pug.

I do not need shoes.

I just want to be your little love pug, with slobbery love licks, soft fur, 

and a belly full of bacon.

OK..that's done.  I can move on to the latest news in Geekville.

The weather has turned warm and people have turned into roasted morons nuts.  You'd think it was a sunny day in Seattle.  Here in Texas, we are no longer struggling with slick roads but are being dazzled brainless with thoughts of spring and are apparently unable to drive in our lane, use our turn signals, wait our turn at stop signs, or even stop at red lights!  We are DEFINITELY NOT able to put down our cell phones or turn down our rap music to focus on driving in a reasonably courteous manner.  Yeah, reasonably.  After all, this IS Texas.

It's been hard for Evil Twin this last week.

Speaking of cell phones, Evil Twin nearly pulled out her machete when she encountered Clueless Lady walking on the indoor track in the wrong lane, flailing her left arm as her right arm held the phone up to her ear.  Although the signs indicate calls over two minutes should be continued off the track, Ms. Clueless blabbed nonstop for thirty minutes before leaving the track for the stretching area.   She nearly lost that left arm as we passed her several times.  A little extra thump would have had her crashing into the guardrail. 

I'll admit to a passing fantasy of watching Ms. Clueless hurl herself over the rail thinking she could fly and landing not so softly on the basketball court below...

Ah....brownies.  

Gulp.  

Burp.

I'm feeling much better now.

Hubby and I watched the movie 2012 over the weekend.  We laughed at the special effects and the "science" but enjoyed seeing the good guys score some wins and the jerks get their just desserts (no brownies!).  I'd like to have one of those arks.

Delusional Dissolutions

It's that time of the year again.  It's time to make those New Year's Revolutions.

What?

Oh.  It's not "revolution".

Yeah, good catch. The only thing revolving around here is my head after a bit of wine.  

Let me try again.  

Resolutions.  Goals.  Yeah, that's it. 

They should be SMART goals:

S - Sarcastic

M- Memorable

A - Antagonistic

R - Retarted

T - Tasty

What?

Oh, sorry.  I was hungry.  Maybe "T" shouldn't be for Tasty.  How about Tempting?

Example:   I will win the lottery (sarcastic, memorable, tempting) but will not share any of the winnings with my bloggy buddies (antagonistic).  I will do this by not purchasing a lottery ticket (sarcastic, retarded). 

Pffft.

AnyMeasurableGoal, I hope you had a great Christmas.  Did you have any awkward Christmas moments?  My mom had one when my brother opened a gift.   It was a shirt.  Underneath the shirt was a pair of white silk long johns.  Oops.  Those were for me.  

No.  I will not model them for you.

I hope you have some kind of plans for bringing in the new year.  Me?  Hubby and I hope to have a winey dinner at the house and watch movies. 

SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-bound.  Go for it.  

H A P P Y   N E W   Y E A R!!!

On the 3rd Day of Christmas, This Geek Gives to Three or More

Evil Twin, Hubby, and I had a great time at the company Christmas party Saturday night.  I told myself I was only going to eat seafood (Shrimp Cocktail and Crab Claws) and salad but a plate of stuffed turkey, yams, and bread appeared in front of me and I couldn't be wasteful, now could I?  Then, the dessert table beckoned.  No.  I think it screamed for me.  A ramekin of freshly heated Apple/Cherry Cobbler and a tiny bite of Chocolate Fudge Cake found its way to my plate, mouth, and tummy.

Oink.

Got TUMS?

For entertainment, we watched ballerinas twirl themselves in tapestries and we laughed at white guys (Hubby's co-workers) swaying and jiggling off-beat on the dance floor.  Everyone knows that most white guys simply cannot dance!

Evil Twin tried to get me to take photos of outfits we labeled "WTF - WHAT THE FROCK?" but I couldn't get Hubby's phone in focus and that annoying flash kept drawing attention.  Sigh.

Oh. You're here for the virtual gifts for my bloggy buddies?

I almost forgot.

Here we go: 

When I think of you, crafty polka-dotted Jean Knee, I think of....

 Yes, indeed.  Flying Monkeys!

A creative superhero mammal with a cape and a tail, mischievous and carefree at the same time.  I hope you can keep them from throwing pooh at each other.

Oh, Yippee!  Here's something for my favorite American-made German blogging buddy, Honeypiehorse:

That's right. Hours of entertainment for you and your family.  Wait.  Didn't you mention that YOUR tummy was getting bigger?  Hum........Maybe you need a cleanse to free yourself of all that you have eaten.

What?

You're pregnant?

You're not old?

Oh.  Oops.

For Dana, my frozen Indiana friend with the cute white furry beast and her very own first novel:

Bacon, Bacon, BACON scarf!

What?  Beau will love it.  I can see him peeing on the rug in excitement.  Not what you expected?

Sheesh.  OK.  I have something else for you:

Yeah. Cookbooks.  Joe told me you could use some help.

Oh, wait.  Maybe he meant that you could use HIS help.

Oops.

Oh Joan, sweet Anything Fits a Naked Man blogger.  How could I not find something special just for you?  Wait.  Evil Twin is interrupting me saying SHE has the perfect gift.

.....

"That's DISGUSTING.  Put it down.  We will get this for Joan instead":

Every girl needs magic, right?  Who needs Hermione when you have these?

Finally, a lovely gift for hard-working Mrsblogalot.  She has a real job where she is required to pay attention and work at the same time.  Wowie. 

Just in case you have a problem with drop-in company now and then, this gift just might do the trick:

Hum....but if it doesn't work out, you can always re-gift it next year!

Tune in next week for one last "day" of Geek giving.

For 2nd day gifts, go here.

For 1st day gifts, go here.

Photo credits:  Monkeys: Plow&Hearth, All others:  Wireless.com

Of Flying Hats and Passing Wind

We are having a warm windy day on the eve of this Thanksgiving.   It's the last warm day expected for awhile so I had to get outside and enjoy it. 

I went for a bike ride.  Because of the wind, I felt like I was going backwards while trying to go up a few of our rolling Texas hills. I tried farting a few times to see if that would give me a burst of propulsion but it didn't help.

It was so windy I'm sure I was playing catch with sombreros blown in from Mexico.  

At the apex of my longest hill, my top blew off, exposing my itty bitties to the world.

Kidding.  Kidding.

My boobs are huge.

Kidding.  Kidding.

Sorry guys. No clothing was lost or abused while I was riding my bike, much to the disappointment of the street workers, gardeners, roofers, and other laborers fighting Mother Nature's latest bout of PMS.

Fortunately, the wind blew me back to my house with all pieces and parts intact.  Wait.  Maybe I should go for a TSA body scan to make sure. 

Sheesh.  Was it good for you?

AnyTMIforTSA, after a quick trip to the gym for a swim, I put my oven to work.

This pumpkin pie was very popular last year so this year I made two:

It calls for cream and maple syrup, something you don't always see in a pumpkin pie recipe.

One for me and the rest for the others.

Burp.

Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Don't hog the dark meat.  Be safe and be nice to your siblings, 'K?

Photo credit:  Two pies on a table:  Reffie

Turkey Chit-Chat and a Meer Meow

I can't believe this year has gone by so fast.  Here were are almost a week away from Thanksgiving.  I know this not because I checked a calendar or noticed that some folks have already decorated their homes for Christmas, but because the last time I tried to pass the time of day with a local turkey, he gobble-hopped away from me.

Sheesh.

Maybe it was because I was carrying an axe.  Really, I was only chopping some wood.  I  wanted to tell the turkey he looked juicy healthy and ask if he'd lost weight lately.    Isn't that a good conversation opener?

Anyturkeysoup,  Texas is showing a bit of color.

Colorful crepe.  No turkeys were axed to get this photo.

Also, I want to introduce you to my new friend, Les Miserable the Meerkat.  It was a very hot day at the zoo when we snapped this photo.  This little guy was off by himself.  Maybe he was caught passing gas in the burrow one too many times.

 "So bored.  So wery, wery bored. I luvs my tail, though."

For those of you who asked and even if you didn't, the photo in my header is also meerkats with a bold domestic orange tabby pushing himself in on the action.

It's the baking season around her in Geekville.  I've got State Fair Yeast Biscuits rising on the stovetop.  You've got me, BakingGeek, so who needs Rachael or Sandra or any of those silly folks that make cooking look easy on TV? But my kitchen is a mess.  It's never messy for Rachael or Sandra, is it?

Sigh.

I've got an extra hole in my yard.  I think I mentioned that we are getting new water lines.   Yippee.  My neighbor and I decided that the new hole could be the start of a swimming pool.  Interviews for lifeguards and pool guys will commence in early spring.  That's plenty of time for you guys to get into shape.  Good Luck.

Photo credits:  Bored meerkat:  Reffie Hubby, Fall color:  Reffie

Seeing White...and Red and Blue

Was it just last week that I was complaining about the hot and dry weather we've been having?

I should know better.  Apparently, Mother Nature manifested some kind of system that parked itself over north Texas and then got together with some guy named Alex and they churned up a doozy.  We've had a "mighty fine" soaking over the last few days, including a monsoon yesterday evening that left piles of mud on the sidewalks. 

"Mighty fine" is something my dad used to say.   I giggled when I wrote it.

Our area lakes thank you for the liquid, Ms. Fickle M. Nature.

We've gone from crunchy, scorched, grass to fungus:

Those white blotches are mushrooms.

Ick.

Hum.....I just noticed Evil Twin going into the shed in the back.  She was carrying test tubes, beakers, and a bunsen burner.   She said she was making some magic.

Should I be concerned?

Sigh.

Happy Birthday, America, on this Independence Day!  I put a call in to Will Smith, thanking him again for saving the world from those ugly aliens.  I had to leave a message, just like last year.  Actually, just like every time I call.  I'm still waiting on a call back.  I guess he's busy.

Sigh.

Hubby, Evil Twin, and I went to the baseball game last night.   Soldiers from Fort Hood did the honors with our flag:

We got to see Nolan Ryan:

He's the guy on the first row with the round, empty spot on his head.

Evil Twin enjoyed views of players' butts:

We were all disappointed that there were no fireworks after the game.  Although there were plenty of other places having fireworks last night, the ballpark decided to save them for tonight instead.

Sheesh!

I'm in big trouble with the twin. I had to tell her that she was going to get to set off the fireworks in order to get her to behave at the game.  When she found out the truth....well....there was a little surprise in my running shoes this morning. 

Ew.

Have a great holiday!

First a Giggle, Then a Memory

It's Memorial Day, the unofficial or meteorological start to the summer.  It's already too hot here and yes, I'm whining and fussing about it to Ms. Fickle M. Nature.

Most of the kiddos have a few more days of school but it's essentially over.  Be careful out there!  Recently freed teenage drivers are EVERYWHERE!

I have something serious for you down below but before we get to that I have to share with you a warning that was posted in the manual for my new dishwasher:

To avoid dishwasher damage, do not load the dishwasher 
with paper products, plastic bags, packing materials, 
or anything other than normal, 
dishwasher-safe dishware and kitchenware.

Yeah, somebody probably did.

Now for the serious bit.    I'm piggy-backing on the Saturday Centus writing group today and using the following phrase in a story of 100 words or less:

"May I help you, miss? You look puzzled.”

“Mmmm… thank you, I’m just looking for my father. We came in together a moment ago, but he seems to have wandered off.”  

 *One Moment, One Memory

It's a typical July day in Texas, hot and muggy with a slight breeze.   White specks color the green hill on the horizon.

Reffie checks her purse for a tissue.

"May I help you, miss? You look puzzled.”

“Mmmm… thank you, I’m just looking for my father. We came in together a moment ago, but he seems to have wandered off.” 

 Reffie helps her mom and follows the others.  Words are spoken.  A flag is presented.  Heads bow.

Staring at the tombstone, Reffie whispers, "Mmmm....yes.  I think you are right. He is not here."  

I first noticed these stories over at Tom's Sophisticated Lunacy blog.  Tom is an awesome writer.  Check out his Saturday story here.

*My father was a veteran but he wasn't killed in action.  He's buried in the Veteran's Cemetery in Dallas, Texas.

I hope everyone is enjoying a safe weekend and pausing for a moment to remember.  

Have a great week!

Prezzies, Plots, and Puns

Hubby was good to me.  I got a new kitty for my birthday!

He looks a bit cold.  That snow and ice won't be good for snuggling against me on the couch.

What?  I'm NOT getting a snow leopard?

Oh.  SoftWARE not soft animal.

SHEESH!

I also got a new iPod.  My old shuffle has been wet too many times and doesn't like to hold a charge.  It also expects me to guess when it will play and it when it won't.  Perhaps it also has an evil twin.  This new one has the controls on the ear buds so I can no longer wear the cord under my shirt when I'm running.  I think I may end up like this:

Poor "feller". RIP Fido.  He wasn't much of a running partner anyway, always expecting to be carried.

HUMPH!

Yes, we had a great time on my birthday.  We went out for Japanese Hibachi and contrary to popular belief I DID NOT dance on the table and the chef DID NOT sever (or serve) any limbs or digits even though he was being a little too playful with his sharp knives.   Evil Twin was beside herself during dinner, obviously over-excited watching the cutting and slicing.

I had Green Tea Ice Cream for dessert.  YUM!

I can't believe Easter is upon us.  What happened to winter?

Surely, I didn't just say that.

My mom gave me that orchid for my birthday and one of my yoga students gave me the rose.   You can see the orchid better in this shot:

As you can barely see, I also have a few Easter decorations....and a bad habit of keeping all my eggs in one basket.

Yeah, that was bad.  Sorry.

SNORT!

Evil Twin and I are excited about the expected visit of the Easter Bunny on Sunday.  I have asked for more Green Tea Ice Cream.  Evil Twin has asked for a knife sharpener.

I think Evil Twin and Cat are secretly conspiring to capture this elusive hopping beast that is somehow able to deliver goodies.  They have been up at all hours having what they think are secret meetings.  Also, Evil Twin keeps trying to tell me that there really isn't such a thing as an Easter Bunny. 

Um....she's just messing with me, right?

RIGHT?

Hum....

Then again, if THIS is the Easter Bunny that will be visiting, I will let him have my ice cream and Evil Twin and Cat can execute their plan that I'm not supposed to know about.

Have a great weekend and if you celebrate Easter, HAPPY EASTER!

Photo credits:  Snow kitty:  Apple, psycho bunny:  some email, all others:  Reffie

Winding Down a Year With Poodles

What? Another year has almost past? It seems like yesterday that I was having fun with what Santa brought me last year. Or maybe I was returning it. I can't remember.

**Sighing**

Yes, I'm getting older. The time flies by but I'm glad to be here. Have you noticed how the most bizarre things happen around "The Holidays". Just a few miles up the road, a car sped off the road, over a guardrail and into a creek. All four passengers have now died, two were dead at the scene. What the accelerator? The theory is that the accelerator pedal stuck which is an apparent issue with that type of car (Avalon).

This morning the newspaper reported that they were from a local church that was canvassing the neighborhood. My question is was the Reaper there for all of them or just one?

Note to self: Be careful getting into a car with other passengers.......YIKES!

Also, my second cousin and his wife lost their son earlier this month. It's a very sad story of a young person not able to find himself.

This post is getting too deep for me, unlike our latest SNOW. That's right. WE HAVE (or maybe I should say HAD) MORE SNOW! It stuck to the grass last night but the city facility where I teach on Wednesdays is delaying their opening today so I don't have to teach my class. I do have to get my hair done, though, and I hope my stylist made it in from west of town in order to prevent me from looking like this:

Fido models "The Silver Reffie"

Things have been slow this week. This weather is messing with my outside running schedule. Yesterday, I ran in the snow. Yes, I am THAT crazy. I didn't even take water with me. I just stuck out my tongue when I got thirsty. I got a bit wet, but it wasn't that bad.

My gloves soaked up the giant snowflakes so my hands were cold. I stepped in enough puddles to cause my shoes to squeak. My feet felt like icicles but other than that, no sweat. Well, there was sweat, but we won't discuss that. Afterall, women glisten, right?

I'll leave you with a few Texas novelties: First, from the peopleofwalmart.com site:


Hubby saw this car the other day. What the tailgate?

Down in Austin, it's a little more laid back at Christmas:


My friend took this photo on her way to New Braunfels. Where else but in Texas would you find such a fascination with armadillos and no, they really aren't that big!

Tune in Sunday for the start of Knucklehead's Blogger Idol contest. While suffering from temporary insanity, I signed up to be a contestant.

**Smiling and blinking**

I love, love, love all of you. Please vote for me next week. Whatever I write will be the best. Whatever I WRITE will be the best. Vote for me. Me. Me. I am open to bribes....

OK. OK. I don't like the begging part of it but I think the contest will be fun.

I do love all of you, though.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Be careful out there.

Photo credits: Fido: The Pack on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Austin decorations: LAWilson

Ringing in Christmas with a Blizzard, Texas Style

White Christmas in Geekville

Thanks to all of you that stopped by and commented on my Christmas Eve post, even if you made fun of my "Toe Sox". Yes, Deb, I wore them outside of the house. I went to the gym, taught my Pilates class, and went to the grocery store where I encountered a pharmacy clerk NOT noticing the joy and magic of Christmas. Then again, maybe she didn't like my socks and flip flops.

**Sighing**

We survived what the weather folks are calling the snowstorm of the century. Yes, it was a white Christmas in north Texas and in other parts of Texas ("out west") where some travelers were stuck on the interstate watching for Santa and his reindeer. The Department of Public Safety closed the freeway Christmas Eve evening because of snow and ice. Don't worry. It re-opened mid-morning on Christmas. I can see these alternate lyrics for Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer in my head:

Grandma froze her arse off in west Texas
On the way to our house Christmas Eve
You can say we don't believe in snowplows
'Cause it only snows like this every century.

All kidding aside. The snow came so fast that there wasn't time to get sanding crews out before the roads were too treacherous for further travel. I'm sure it was a miserable night for the folks that were stranded although there were reports of people helping each other out with food, warmth, and water. I guess there is some magic to Christmas afterall!

The roads in our area of north Texas were bad enough that a normal 35-minute drive Christmas Eve evening took two hours and a normal 20-minute commute to Hubby's mom's house on Christmas Day took an hour. We had to sand our driveway before we could get up to the street. That bag of kitty litter in a bucket in the garage came in handy!

As for gifts, I went overboard on Kitty's gift. Look at his new curly mouse tail:


Yeah, I know it's ribbon attached to a stuffed snowman but I don't think Kitty does. Shhhh.

Besides lumps of coal, Hubby and I were given one of these:


Hum, maybe if we put those together...

Just kidding. We did receive nice gifts and for the most part, our gift recipients enjoyed their gifts. Who would have thought that kiddos don't like nuts in their fudge? Oops. We had a nice time visiting with family and stuffing our faces. The best gift I can receive, though, is for my family and friends to be safe, healthy, and happy. That includes you, my bloggy friends.

For some reason, my clothing is fitting a bit tighter today. I will admit that I have been over-indulging just like the rest of you. Don't try to tell me that you have not been over-doing it. I know you people.

This year isn't over yet. I may have to try out my Christmas gift from Bee, the Rum-Baller 2000, to say farewell to 2009 and ring in 2010. After that, Mr. Piper and I will be having a little talk. But for now, it's time for a nap.

**Yawning**

Photo credits: ReformingGeek with her new Canon PowerShot!

Christmas Eve, Bright Lights and Ghosts of Grandma Past

Uh oh. I've just been informed that it's Christmas Eve. What the Manger? Everyone seems so busy. Was I supposed to be doing something?

There's a small tingle in my brain. It's there. I can almost feel it surfacing.

Oh, wait. WHAT IS THIS?

**ReformingGeek notices a piece of paper on the floor. It looks like some sort of list. The word "Gifts" is scribbled at the top.***

Huh. I wonder....

Oh well. I'm sure Hubby will let me know if I've missed something.

Anywhatsit, the talking weather torso on the TV is saying something about snow. No. It can't be. It was almost 80 degrees yesterday. I wore flip flops (with my yogi toe socks!) I went for a bike ride. The cat was hot and was throwing hair left and right with most of it landing on my keyboard. Sheesh!


Snow. Well, Gosh Dern It! What time of the year does Mother Nature think it is? Christmas?

I guess I'd better find my parka and maybe a sled in order to get over the hill and through the woods to Grandma's house. Actually, it's Mom's house. There is no Grandma. She was abducted by the aliens in 1980. We occasionally have seances to try and reach her but nothing's worked so far.

**Sighing**

At least she wasn't run over by a redneck hunter chasing a white-tailed deer on a local deer lease reindeer.

I hope everyone has a joyful, safe holiday.

**Noticing bright lights in the sky**

I see the alien ship signaling. Maybe Grandma's up there. I'll check. Be right back.

Photo credits: Airplane Santa: cropped image of the back of Hubby's new shirt, ReformingGeek's flip flops, ReformingGeek

Check Humor Bloggers Dot Com for more Christmas funnies during this week's carnival.

Secret Santa, A Christmas to Forget!

**Evil laughter**

Oh, my poor unsuspecting...er...friend. Secret Santa (that's me) has a treat for you this Christmas. I shopped for hours, hand-picking these special and truly unique doggy treats just for you. That's right. Nooter the Dog (Nooter) is my unlucky recipient this year.


ReformingGeek!

Yes?

You wrote the post before Bee informed you of your Secret Santa Can Suck It sucker recipient.

You weren't supposed to tell, Dufus Evil Twin. At least I let Cat help and I revised my post....a bit. Can I get on with it? I can see poor Nooter about to pee on the rug in anticipation.

Sure. Whatever.

Thank you.


Christmas is such a MAGICAL time of the year.

Ah, elf that. Let's find some magical fun with a few of these things:


That's right. With these.....er....garden ornaments, your human will be the envy of the neighborhood (or your human will attract the aliens, the silent black helicopters, or an ogre or three).

Put that back leg down, Nooter! Those aren't hydrants. They are magic mushrooms. Sheesh! Your treats are coming up soon.


Next, by relying on my paparazzi skills and using the Google to study your human, I've discovered that he is, without a doubt, completely and thoroughly BATTY. I have found the perfect decoration for his den:


I'm sure his family members and friends will appreciate this eerie creature and its unnatural love of gravity. Nooter, you might want to tell the human NOT to replace those ball bearing eyes with red lights for an incredibly creepy experience next Halloween.

Um, Nooter. Your mother called. After bringing in a neighbor's poodle to help translate, I discovered she found your blog and is upset with your language. She asked me to help you CLEAN it up a bit. Let's start with this stuff:


This "Wash Away All Sins" soap swishing in your mouth for awhile should satisfy your mom's request. Also, I can see hours of entertainment for your friends in the near future as they watch you fart bubbles out of your butt.


Because of your intestinal distress and constipation from the soap, a different type of CLEANSE is needed. Don't worry. I have the perfect solution:


Yes, that's ice cream just for you Nooter! Note to human: That top scoop is prune ice cream. Nooter may need an extended play date at the park.


Last but not least, this gift is from Cat. He's been working on this contraption for years. It's finally made it to market and you will be one of the first recipients:

As you watch the birds fly into your....er...Kitty's mouth, you'll think of me. (Hum....I hope Cat is not too upset that you'll be getting his birds.)

Merry Christmas, Nooter!

**Evil laughter**

For links to all the Secret Santa Can Suck It posts, check out Bee's Musings on Tuesday, December 22nd.

Photo credits: Wind & Weather catalog: Magic Mushroom Garden Ornaments, Batty Decor, and Fat Kitty Birdhouse. Dirty soap: ES on flickr.com, Ice cream: Ulterior Epicure on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Twas the Weekend Before Christmas...

The school bells have rung
Releasing the prisoners for winter break.
That incompetent Grinch has failed again
For this dang holiday is here make no mistake.

OK. That's enough of that. I have no time for poetry today. Somehow Christmas has decided it will be here next week whether I'm ready or not. I'm choosing "ready" so I will be a busy little beek geek today.

Speaking of next week, be sure to check in here in Blogville. Besides Santa shimmying his fat a** down your chimney carrying your prezzies (socks, Disney boxers, fur-trimmed lingerie, ill-fitting colorful sweaters, a Snug-Wow, garden gnomes, etc.), Humor Bloggers Dot Com is having a Christmas carnival all week. Check out the site for links to hours of interrupted entertainment while you attempt to get everything done for the holiday.

I plan on being there and I sure hope they have a Ferris wheel. I have not been on one of those things in years. Maybe that has something to do with me being scared of heights. Oops.

Also, Bee from Bee's Musings is doing another round of Secret Santa Can Suck It! Read about the thoughtful gifts we select for our unsuspecting recipients had we actually cared enough to shop for them. These posts are scheduled for Monday, the 21st. My poor recipient will not know what hit them. Hee hee.

*****UPDATE***** Secret Santa Can Suck It will be on Tuesday, the 22nd!

My break time is over. It's back to the kitchen for me. Have a great weekend!