Sunday, May 31, 2009

Amateur Antics - Let's See a Show!

But first, Hubby asked me if I sent the toasters to "silicon heaven." I said "Huh?" and he reminded me of Red Dwarf (hilarious British Sitcom set in space) and it went downhill from there. Logic follows that I must show you the classic "toaster scene" from Red Dwarf. It's only a little over three minutes. Enjoy!

"Talking Toaster"

Ready for the show? Good. Grab your popcorn, candy, and large drink and let's get started; after the previews and commercials of course. Hum...why I am paying to see commercials?

One would think seeing a movie is a fairly simple task. It seems I am gravely mistaken. Just in case you need a little review, I've provided explicit instructions in today's post:

  • Show up on time. Although I don't like commercials and previews, I really don't like seeing you and your buddies walk in front of me trying to find a seat.
  • Turn off your technology. Otherwise, I may take it from you and use it as a flashlight when I have to get up to pee.
  • If you're at the movie to make-out with your favorite squeeze, please sit in the back. Not everybody wants to see your best moves. I do, of course, but I can always move to the back row to check you out, right?
  • Whip your children into shape. Oops. I mean encourage your children to stay in their seats and keep quiet. Otherwise, I may eat them.
  • When you come into a theater with plenty of open seats, please don't sit down in front of me, blocking my view. If you do, I may suddenly have a sneezing or coughing fit to encourage you to find a new seat.
  • Speaking of coughing, if you're ill, please don't join us for the movie tonight.
  • Talking: Don't. Is that hard?
I'll never forget the time that our small team of about five people had to see a movie with our boss. I say "had" because it was the annual "Christmas party" and it was always a big ordeal as to what to do. Attendance wasn't really optional. The boss talked during the movie. She kept asking questions and analyzing the characters. I was trying very hard to ignore her but she was never the boss to be ignored, if you know what I mean.

The last time I went to a theater, this sign got my attention:
We are no longer allowing children under the age of two in the theater for evening/night showings of PG and PG-13 movies. We have had too many complaints about noise. Thank you for your understanding.

My question is why would people bring their babies to a movie anyway? The loud theater does not make a good baby-sitter and I don't want to be sitting next to or even hear your screaming child when I just paid a small fortune for my popcorn, 'K?

Fortunately, I didn't encounter any of these amateurs when Hubby and I went to the theater to see the latest Star Trek flick. It could be that the theater was full of other classy geeks like us (Ha!) It could be that there weren't many children. It was on Memorial Day and apparently, some schools were in session, making up a "snow" day. Huh? Whatever.

Photo credit:
Spock: yelahneb, Creative Commons (see sidebar). This is a pretty good Spock, goofy bowl cut and all. It was a Halloween costume back in 1982.


Hit 40 said...

Take your cell phone jammer to the movie with you. They are for cell on the internet. Illegal to use but not to buy. Kinda like fireworks.

Nooter said...

that toaster in the movie and i could be bff

Anonymous said...

Oh I hear you GF. I hate when parents bring small children to a PG-13 or even R-rated movie.

And as a mother of two? I NEVER did that.

Now when we go see a "kid" movie, I expect to see all ages and the accompanying noise, but when it is a more mature movie?

You best hush it around Q!

heh heh

Anonymous said...

Awesome Spock getup. The clip was hysterical, too - loved the talking toaster. Where can I get one of those? :)

The Old Silly from Free Spirit Blog

Queen-Size funny bone said...

we went and had a heckler in the back but he movie was great.

ReformingGeek said...

@Hit 40 - Hum....OK.

@Nooter - Ah....that's sweet.

@Quirky - You're not an amateur, Girl!

@Marvin - Yeah. That's some toaster. Maybe on E-bay?

@Queen-size - Too bad about your heckler. How rude.

Unknown said...

GREAT tips! I think they should be posted on every movie website like Fandango and again on posters in the theater and then 1 more time on the big screen.

Good job compiling this ;)

Chris said...

Just last night I was at the movies seeing "Angels and Demons" and there was a couple with an infant in a baby seat. The kid cried intermittently, and Angels and Demons requires some attention, to catch the storyline.

So I pegged the kid in the head with my Milk Duds and they had to take him to the ER.

Do not mess with me.

ReformingGeek said...

@dizzblnd - Thanks. I'm working on a poster version now. ;-)

@Chris - I bow to you, Sir!

United Studies said...

You forgot about telling parents to keep their children from kicking the seat in front of them. I have had to get after many a parent for that one! It really irritates me to get kicked every three seconds.

Shawn said...

Do you think that sign means children under the age of 2 can still attend rated R movies? Every time I go to the movies, I find myself regretting it. It's fun, but there are so many things that can ruin it.

ReformingGeek said...

@Jacki - The "whip your children" bullet point covers the seat-kicking. I hate that.

@Shawn - The sign may have said "PG-13" and "R" but one would think you would not need to tell people not to bring their babies and toddlers to "R" rated movies.

Bee said...

If you go to the first showing on a Sunday, you will have none of these problems since you'll probably be the only ones at the theater. That's what the hubs and I do.

What did you think of the movie?

Elizabeth said...

I once planned to go to a movie with a friend until I found out she wanted to take her 6 month old. She felt she had the right since she bought a ticket. I told her everyone else has the right to watch the movie without hearing her child cry through the whole thing. I didn't go with her, but she and her baby went anyway.

ReformingGeek said...

@Bee - Yes. Sundays are usually good!

@Elizabeth - I think your friend is the reason for the sign at the theater. Oh well.

Ed & Jeanne said...

Just put your feet up and bring a fart making device...nobody will sit in front of you...

Kirsten said...

I'm with you on all those rules, but I would add one more. I HATE it when people cruch their popcorn really loudly!!

ReformingGeek said...

@VE - That's right. Nobody will set next to you, VE.

@Kirsten - CRUNCH! CRUNCH! Oh,um....sorry.

Suzanne said...

Seriously I can totally see you in the Spock outfit! Was the movie good?

ReformingGeek said...

@Sue - Ohs noz. Not Spock! The movie was great!

Mama-Face said...

my daughter and I went to see "17 again" one afternoon, long after it's release. When we walked into the theater it was completely empty. We chose 2 absolutely perfect seats and settled in for a good time.

3 more people walk in and sat directly behind us. Why?

ReformingGeek said...

@mama-face - Because you took "their" seats!

Maureen said...

Great list! I too hate it when people sit right next to you... especially when they have terrible BO. This happened at X Men recently. I couldn't believe it.

Still waiting to see Trek. It's on my list of Things To Do. (It's a very long list that keeps getting longer, dammit).

The Constant Complainer said...

Sorry for the delay in my response. I've been a little behind of my reading, but I'm finally getting caught up tonight.

This was a great post. Movie etiquette is one of my pet peeves as you know.

And like someone said above, it blows my mind when parents take their young kids to "R" rated movies! Crazy.

Jean Knee said...

crunching with your mouth open and rattling paper is another one

ReformingGeek said...

@Maureen - BO? Oh yuck! Star Trek is great!

@Constant - Thanks and I know how easy it is to get behind. I keep adding more blogs and it's getting harder to keep up.

@Jean - You just want to say "Sit Still and SWALLOW Damn it!"

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"