Blog-Off 2010: Deformation and Melted Snow

Welcome to Blog-Off 2010.

Reffie, what are you talking about?

It's a contest sponsored by The Knucklehead. Each week, you have the opportunity to vote for your favorite post (mine of course) over at his blog and each week the blogger with the fewest votes kicks the bucket is exterminated by Daleks is eliminated from the competition. The last one left standing wins. Be sure to check The Knucklehead's blog for more details and links to other contestants' posts.

Our first topic is a satirical piece about a current event. I struggled over this topic. Should I write about Health Care Deform? Um, no. Not without a bottle handy and I'm not referring to the kind you use to feed babies. As I start thinking about it, though, maybe this "bottle" could be the solution to our problems. Just think, easy access to antiseptic and anesthetic. What more do you need?


I didn't get very far with the Deform Bill so I focused on a different topic: Global Warming.


I've spent the last few weeks pouring over material I've found deep in the innards of Al Gore's Internet. I read through all the complicated calculations and lame postulations and narrowed it down to one simple solution.

You may be surprised to learn that it's not the pollution from our super-sized vehicles or the hairspray this woman needed before her boat ride that's poking a hole in the ozone layer and heating up Mother Earth.

It's flatulence, folks.


That's right. Plain and simple farts. Not only is ripping one unpleasant for those close to you, the heat from the fart raises the temperature in the air. Down here in Texas, we have a created a very large hole in our ozone layer because we love to eat beans. I'm sure you noticed how fast the snow melted down here!

If you have pets, you are a BIG part of the problem.

I submitted my detailed explanation for expert review. Mr. Gore contacted me personally to thank me for my ever-so-obvious solution and Mr. Oprah has flown in for a round of Kumbaya and gun melting around the campfire. Unfortunately, the fire didn't get very warm because he was unable to pry our guns away from us down here in Texas. After a round of smores, he gave me his hard-earned Peace Prize.

It looked like something out of the Cracker Jacks box.

As he left, I heard him whispering to his aids. I think he said "white coats" and "restraints". I'm glad he didn't say "Redcoats". Didn't they attack us at some point? As for the restraints, I'll pass. That sounds a bit kinky.

Yes, 2010 is off to a great start for me. Hubby has suggested a possible modification to my meds. Now I really must get back to my day, right after Cat and I finish our black-eyed peas and go outside to warm the earth.


If you enjoyed this fiery satirical piece, please vote me for over at The Knucklehead. Otherwise, I might be forced to empty that bottle in one big gulp.

What the heck. Just vote for me anyway.

Please and pretty sopapilla please with sugar on it.

Photo credits: Crazy hair: Hurricane Joost, flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Tequila - One of Reffie's prezzies, photo from Mr. Gore's Internet.