BAM-BAM Boxing Day!

Ok. I know it's not about boxing but I couldn't resist.  

Hubby, Cat, Evil Twin and I had a nice Christmas.  We are tired from all the preparations and the visiting but we are exhausted from all the EATING!  You've heard the expression "Don't eat until you're full.  Eat until you're tired?"  Well, that's what we did.  Burp.  BURP!

My compliments to the chef.

At one of our gatherings, I channeled Evil Twin and zombied this poor cookie:

Oreo Cat hid from our guests, the Silly Beast.  He's usually very playful but just like a little kid, he got all shy when you wanted him to shine.

I'm sorry I never finished shopping for you guys.  Actually, I never started but a friend of mine found something that would be great for all of you.  Oreo Cat is very pleased with this selection:

Happy Toasting!  That's right.  Some people find Jesus or Mary on their toast.  You will easily spot  a cat on yours, every time!  Watch out for hairballs.

Toast your bread, toast your tootsies, and most of all, toast the New Year.  Remember it may be the last year for life as we know it.   Evil Twin said the world will end in 1982.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's actually going to be 1992.  Sheesh.

Hee Hee.

Life as a Cookie - Part Eight

I'm back.  I hope you haven't forgotten me.  I've been filling out quite nicely, eating lots of whatever the silly Humans will give me.  Waddle, waddle. I have toys hidden all over this place, a reasonably clean litter box, and a couple of walking warm spots at my beck and call.  The Humans tell me I have it good.

Hum....I don't think so.  There aren't any mice here.

The Humans have erected some sort of shrine.  It looks like something that should be outside and something I'm sure I must have climbed in a previous life.  The female spent hours decorating my den and put what she called "orny mentz" on the shrine.

Ahem...that's "ornaments", and it's Christmas time.  The humans deck the halls.

Here is their shrine.  It looks like a tree with snow on it.

Whatever.  Those things are shiny and they move.  They must be my toys.  The Humans give me the stink eye if I even think about looking at their shrine.  Pffft.  I will show them.  If it's the last thing I do (and it might be), I vow to destroy that shrine bit by bit while they sleep.

 Now THIS is more like it.  

These decorative critters are closer to my size.

Whoa!  There's my toy mouse on the floor.  Cool!

OK.  Let's move on.  The sleeping conditions around here are pretty darn good.  Thicker and more cuddly cushy things have appeared on my bed and the walking warm spots have grown accustomed to me using their limbs as pillows.   Oh yeah.  They have their own pillows.  I like those, too.  

When the female gets up in the mornings, I'm still cold so I like to stay in the warm place she's abandoned.  Today, she tried to kill me.  I was in my cave and she tried to smother me with the cushy things.  Sigh.  I showed her.  I was a BIG, SCARY, ROARING (ok, squeaking) BEAST reaching my paw out from the cave and swatting her.  

Oreo, she was just trying to make the bed.  She didn't know you remained in the warm place.  You tricked her.

 See.  There's my cave!

The humans have told me that Santa may bring me something for Christmas if I'm a good kitty.

Well, I guess this Santa will have a lighter load around here this year.

Gobble, Gobble, GobbledyGeek

Er....I mean Gobbledygook! 

It's almost Thanksgiving.  YAY!  I love Thanksgiving.  I have a lot to be thankful for and I LOVE TO EAT!

It's been slightly cooler here and we're getting rain off and on but we had about three days of fall color.    The wind is blowing and leaves are littering our lawn, driveway, gutters, flower beds, and my favorite: embedded under the windshield wipers. 

What?

Oh.  Evil Twin says I should get the mower out and mulch them.  Actually, I'm thinking she should do that.

We are having smoked turkey again this year at my mom's and I'm making my infamous pumpkin pie.  Oh yeah.  Yum!  This is the pie with a gingersnap crust with maple syrup as the sweetener.  Burp! I'd better make four pies.  Three for my brother and one for the rest of us.  Oops.  I mean, three for me and one for the rest of them.

If you haven't heard, I'm training for my first full marathon, 26.2 miles of pure running bliss.  Ha!

You probably know that I've done several halves, much more than should be needed to make a whole, but I decided to take leave of my senses and prepare for the Houston Marathon in January.  Earlier this year, a close friend did her first marathon.  She inspired me and since next year is the celebration of the start of my 6th decade, it seemed like a good time to do it. 

The training is a beating.  Evil Twin and Oreo Cat are thoroughly enjoying the details of my torturous long runs although Oreo Cat isn't thrilled that I'm gone from his service for several hours at a time.   It's been warm here which isn't much fun for running.  My friend has been a great source of encouragement, soothing my whining and sympathizing with my aches and pains.

Last weekend's 20-miler had potential.  A cooling north breeze made me shiver a few times but my feet got soaked on the wet grassy knoll where I ran that day.  Wet feet and new, too-thick socks gave me an enormous blister on the bottom of my left big toe and a smaller blister on my right big toe.  EW!   I hobbled (not gobbled) around like a blue-haired LOL (Little Old Lady).  I've got the LOL shuffle down if anyone needs any pointers.

Besides running, I know I've been busy but not with anything interesting enough to keep you awake.

Hello?

Anyone? 

Sigh.

It's almost time for Evil Twin and I to do our Christmas shopping for you guys.  I'm tingling with excitement!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Skinless Evil Laughter

Oh dear.  It's almost Halloween and I haven't done much decorating around here.  Oreo Cat eats all the spiders so you won't see them stuffed and hanging from my windows this year.  

The deer that ate my latest patch of pansies are not cooperating, either.  I bought them frilly little outfits but when they see me, they run away.

I also bought a costume for Oreo but he saw this photo and is hiding under the bed.

 Iz couldn't scare a flea if Iz tried.

Then I decided that this would be the year I would tackle pumpkin carving.  Forget starting small with silly little triangle cutouts and toothless grins.   THIS is one scary squash:

 Hungry, hungry, hungry! I eat kittens for snacks.

Oh yeah!  That was fun.  I love it.

What?

Oh, ok.  No, I didn't carve that.  I tried but Oreo jumped into the pumpkin and made a mess of things. 

Maybe I'll just do a bit of decorating...

I made a slight alteration to my candy bowl with the help of some SuperBond stuff.  I thought it would be fun to hand out candy with a skeleton in the bowl.  Hee Hee.

 Mr. Skinless surveys the empty bowl with his own special slant.

I need to work on that empty bowl issue.

Ooh ahh, Scarecrow lives!  She is guarding the apples:

OK.  OK.  Here's my costume:

 Rasta Tweety goes Disco!

H A V E   A   G R E A T    H A L L O W E E N ! ! !

Photo credits: Kitty in costume, evil pumpkin: Internetz, All others: Reffie

Life as a Cookie - Part Seven

Another post by Oreo, the kooky cookie cat, with the help of Reffie's Evil Twin.

I'm finally able to get to the laptop while Reffie takes a shower.  I usually like to accompany her to the shower because it's a fun place with stuff spouting and spewing everywhere.  I don't understand why I get wet, though.  I don't really like that.

I've been most unhappy with this female human lately.  She does not sit down much and I like laps.  I captured her today, though, when she sat down and put a newspaper in her lap.  Hee Hee.  All mine.  While she attempted to open and read it,  I wrestled with her clothing.  She has this string thing on her shorts.  Ooh ahh.  I untied it several times so it could be long enough for me to practice making string art.   She must not have approved of my masterpieces...

Sigh.  I got in trouble.  She said something about my claws and teeth on her bare belly.  It's her own fault.  She folded up her blouse because I kept snagging it.

The humans took a vacation last month and left me to fend for myself.

Oreo, Reffie's friends visited you every day.

Huh?  Oh yeah.  One of them brought me a hollow round thing that made a funky noise when it hit the floor (a ping-pong ball).  I got tired of listening to it so I hid it.  Reffie looks for it occasionally but the foolish girl has not discovered my toy stash.

Reffie and Hubby are excited about something red.  I think that's cool because I also get excited about something red.  It's a dot.  That's right, a red dot.  It has something to do with a device that they hold in their paws.  I'm not sure how it works but this red dot flies all over the place.  It is my mission in life to capture and conquer that bothersome orb.

The red causing all the excitement for the humans is baseball.  The Texas Rangers are in the playoffs!

Scoot.  Scoot.  DOWN OREO!

Sheesh.  He just takes over.  I wanted to share a photo with you.  It's been a rough summer but my Texas Sage ignored that and bloomed anyway.

 Unfortunately, I nearly had a cow when I opened my water bill.  :(

Red Riding Hood and Grandma

OK.  It's time to get down to business and write about wolves.  I've put cotton in the cat's ears (Yeah, THAT was fun!) so he doesn't hear that this post isn't about him.

Wait.  Evil Twin is bringing me something to post.  Hmmm, it's a photo and she is telling me it's wolves:

Gee, um, I don't think so, ET, but I'll let it stay here so you won't get upset with me and write on me with a permanent black marker during the night....

Anyway, that photo looks mysteriously like bear......soap. 

Hee Hee.  It IS bear soap and it looks a lot like what we got at each of the places we stayed inside the park on our vacation.    I took them home as souvenirs soap to bathe with and I bet she staged them for that photo, that silly girl.

We recently visited Yellowstone National Park.  We heard all about the wolves being re-introduced into the park several years ago and how they have grown into several different packs.  We even heard that one pack killed off another pack.   Ugh!  Nature is brutal.  The wolves keep the elf....er...elk population under control and will certainly munch on a dead bison or moose when available.    There is no record of wolves dressed as Grandma harassing little girls wearing red.

They are playful creatures.  This one decides he wants a game of, well, something.

Mine

Nope.  We didn't shoot that video but it did happen in Yellowstone the week after we left.

I bet you're asking if we actually saw any wolves? 

What?  You're not?

Pffft. 

We did.  See?

No?  You didn't see?  Click and make it bigger.  Look for tiny red circles in the center near the trees.

Yes, wolves, really. 

We were able to spot the wolves when we noticed folks at a pull-out with a scope focused on something far, far, away.  I looked through the scope and saw black wolf pups playing.  Aws. Hubby saw a lighter-colored adult. 

We even took one home as a warm, cuddly, souvenir:

Yeah.  This one is Cat's wolf.  Every time he wakes up, it's a whole new world and when he sees this wolf, he has to kill it....again.  He was just about to pounce when I snapped this photo. 

Sheesh.

Nature is so brutal.

Photo credits:  Soap and stuffed wolf: Reffie, youtube video: some lucky dude, Real wolves: Hubby

Yellowstone Beauty

Oh dear.  I seem to have stepped in something.  I think the cat must have.......  No, that's not it.  

Nevermind.  

I was doing some unpacking, putting stuff away, flipping laundry, and then I saw something in the corner of my eye.  My brain kept asking what is that, what is that?   I dug a little deeper.

Ah, my blog.  Cool.  

I'm back.  At least for the moment.

Hubby and I took a trip up to Yellowstone.  We left Oreo, the cat that looks like a cookie and has a big dog butt, in capable hands, and I think he may have picked up a few skills while we were gone.  Hum...what is that in your mouth, Oreo?

Nevermind.

He's been glued to my lap, increasing his skills at hindering my typing and still a bit fussy with us for leaving him for so long.

Our trip was wonderful.  I have so many photos I want to share but I'm only picking a few favorites in order to keep my sanity.....and yours.

Lower Falls - So soothing.  

Evil Twin wanted a barrel....for me.

 Whoa!  Stand back, Reffie! 

The Grand Prismatic Spring.  Evil Twin was expecting aliens.

Canary Spring - NOT for bathing.  I told Evil Twin to put away her towel!

An elk munching, oblivious to the beauty of the sunset.

 Storm over Lake Yellowstone.  Wowie!

That's all for now.  I'll be back soon with a post about wolves.  Let's not tell the cat that it won't be about him, 'K?

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Six

Oreo Cat again reports on his life with Reffie, Evil Twin, and Hubby.   Oreo wrote this post from the cabinet above the dryer, laying on the rag towels, examining the paper bags, and chewing on light bulb packages.  All of this while he thinks he's supervising me doing the laundry.

Last week the female got up, peed (with me in her lap of course!) and then did something crazy. She opened the window in the upstairs bathroom. Ooh, ahh. Those outside smells made my tummy grumble. I smelled birds, and squirrels, and armadillos, and possums, and...... Whoa. WHAT'S THAT?

Silly Cat. It was rain. Reffie opened the window to rejoice that we finally got some rain around here. She was walking around singing and dancing, acting very silly. She kept saying that the smell of wet brown grass was a very beautiful thing.

Everything calmed down after that. I'm back to sitting in windows and cooling my belly on the floor. It's FREAKIN' HOT here!

I wish I could get closer to all that food the female seems to enjoy. She sure makes a lot of cookies. I like cookies...and bread...and crackers....and well, just about anything. My latest favorite treat comes right out of the big cold box. I went in there one day. The female wasn't happy with me. She said she might ackidently...er...(I think Oreo means accidentally) close me in there. I don't see the problem.

Sigh.

Anyway, back to my treat. It's small, round, and cold. Reffie pushes a magic button and it jumps out on the floor. I play with it to make her think I'm having fun but I really just want to make sure it's very, very dead. Lick. Lick. Bat. Slurp.

Sheesh. Oreo is trying to say that he likes crushed ice. Reffie gives him a piece and he thinks he's eating something yummy.

I've discovered that the soft cushy large apparatus in the upstairs big room is a fun place to play hide and seek. In the mornings, the female does what she calls "make the bed". I see no sense in this chore as it gets unmade every night. I try to tell her this by jumping around on the the sheets and hiding inside them.

I can't find most of my toys but that's ok because I discovered ink pen. Yes, ink pen is shiny and it rolls around on Reffie's papers on the couch. It brings me seconds of great joy. Sometimes Reffie picks it up and tickles me with it.

She's not tickling you, Goofball. She is trying to write your name on your belly so you won't forget who you are. Just remember that she's a bit strange sometimes. It's the alien probing. It messes with her brain.

Probing? I don't like the sound of that.

Shiny thing. Ooh, ahh. Pounce. Bat. Bat. Wheeeeeeee!!!!!

Something tells me Oreo is finished with this post.

Floating over the Texas Brown

What color is your parachute?

Sheesh.  Forget parachutes.  What color is your lawn?  Mine is brown with patches of green.  We are about to break a record here in north Texas.  We're not proud.  We'd like to pass.  It's been 100 degrees or higher for 39 days in a row.   The record is 42 set in 1980.  We should break that record on Saturday.

Ugh.

Ah, yes.  The summer of 1980.  Memories of sweeping trash at Six Flags, flirting with boys, and developing boobs....er...biceps from lifting heavy trash bags.  For some silly reason, I liked that job.  It must have been because I could walk around all day thinking I looked cool.  It was a strange summer, not a cloud in the sky.  August rolled in and a cloud appeared over the park.  It got heavy and opened up with pouring rain.  We stood there letting it soak us to the skin.  Ahhhhh.  When I got home later, our house had not received a drip.  Even back then, Mother Nature was a finicky bee-otch.

We are hoping that 1980 will still go down as one of the worst summers in history with 69 total days of 100 degrees or higher temps.  

Uncle, I say, UNCLE!

Speaking of uncles, my oldest uncle turned 90 over the weekend: 

I felt bad about eating George but that cake

was tasty!  It was 1/2 chocolate 

and 1/2 white with a strawberry filling.

Burp.

In other news, Oreo Cat and Evil Twin are doing a great job making sure I don't sleep through the night.  Play time starts early, way before dawn thinks about cracking jokes.  I'm sure they are trying to weaken me so that when the men in the pretty white coats come for me, I'll be complacent.  During the day, when he's trying to sleep, I try the same tactics.  Sigh.  They don't work.  

I am such a good slave.

Let's get back to parachutes....

No, let's go past parachutes into hot air balloons.  Hubby and I attended a Family Day event for his work at a lodge down south where they have real hills and wind.  Holy Light Bulb, Batman!  Hubby and I almost got to go for a "ride" in that beautiful balloon but we left before they started to let people get in the basket.  Earlier, the balloon was struggling with the wind and it looked like it was going to make a nice decoration for the lodge's lawn instead of actually being able to rise.

Tethered balloon at Rough Creek Lodge

Please do a rain dance and send clouds.  We don't remember what they look like.

Photo credits:  Birthday cake: Reffie, Balloon at Sunset: Rohr Balloons

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Five

The female human found my toy stash.  I slid my wine cork and my fluffy round mouse under the display cabinet saving them for a rainy day.  The next thing I knew the female was on my floor with her big head and eyeballs peeking underneath the cabinet.  She reached under there with a stick and brought out my toys and a few bugs (yummy).  Sheesh.  I HAD to play with them just to make her feel like she did something special.

Um, Oreo Cat?  You're so silly.  Your paw could not reach those toys.  They were gone forever.

What?  I don't quite get that.

I've noticed that it's getting harder and harder to jump up on tall things like the female's "Irony bored."  Who is Irony?  Why is she bored? 

Oreo, it's an IRONING BOARD.  The female, Reffie, presses clothing on it.

What?  Why would she do that?  I don't quite get it.

Why can't I get my belly up there anymore?

Oh.  Are you saying I'm getting fat?

 Is this the belly you speak of?

A new toy appeared over the weekend.  It was brown and almost dead.  The humans obviously did not provide this toy as they seemed a bit upset that this thing was in their kitchen.  I tried to get it to move and play with me but the male human made it go away.

That was a scorpion, Oreo Beast.  It might sting you!

Oreo notices his wine cork on the floor and pounces upon it.  It rolls and he chases it around, emptying his head of all memories and unlikely understanding of possibly getting stung by a scorpion.

That silly female got up too early Sunday morning.  She said she was going to a race where she had to swim, cycle, and run.  Yawn.  I thought for sure it was play time or I would at least get a snack.  Pffft.  She patted my head, told me to be a good kitty, and left.

Yeah, right.  I went back to bed.  I waited a couple of hours and then started to engage the male human in play using my claws and teeth towards the center of his body near his legs.  

I got in trouble.  :(

Since the female obviously likes to rise early, I thought that 4:30 am this morning would be a good time to show off my sharp claws making a nest in the sheets near her legs.

Apparently not.  

Sigh.  Life is hard for a kitty.

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Four

Hee Hee.  Evil Twin and I pulled it off.  That's right.  We pulled one over on the humans.  Somehow, Evil Twin rigged the smoke alarm outside their bedroom to howl its impending death at 3:00 am.  YIKES!  You should have heard what that male human said.  I'll admit I was a bit startled myself as I wasn't sure if Evil Twin could pull off the trick.  I accidentally clawed the female.  She forgave me quickly, though, with a nice little head rub once I returned to the den.

A few times lately, I have tested my reign as king cat around here.  The two-legged cats raised their voices at me.  I relented, fooling them into thinking they are in charge.  I am patient.  I know that in just a short time, I will be taking the female human for walkies complete with a collar and leash.... ON HER!

The female human has found an evil device that I'm sure will bring about excruciating pain if it gets anywhere near me.  She called it a "little slinky" and kept asking me what was scaring me so much.  I noticed that it rhymes with "wittle stinky" which is what I've heard her call me after I've visited my box and deposited a huge pile of...

What?

Oh, ok.  I guess I should be more polite.  I have to take dumps, periodically, 'K?  My favorite time for stinky deposits is immediately after the female cleans my box.  I think I'm getting the hang of this "evil" stuff.

Those idiots threw away my cardboard scratching post, replacing it with some ugly monstrosity they said would be much less messy.  As usual, I have no idea what that means but I pouted for days.  Finally, the female, showing a slight hint of intelligence, retrieved my favorite toy from the trash.   Ahhhh, it feels so good to have sharp instruments of death again.   

 Ferocious beast activities will resume

after my nap and my noon sustenance.

I can do so much more damage now.

This Ranting Geek May Need Medication!

Where am I?  Is this the same earth that brought me snow and below-freezing temperatures last winter?  My brain is boiling from these triple-digit days, about 12 in a row now.  Thanks much for bringing on the brown season here in north Texas.  

I'd like to crawl into a hole and emerge sometime this fall or in time for summer vacation to a cooler place.

Strange things are happening....

We visited New Mexico where at least we had cooler nights but the fires burned turning the horizon into a smoky haze.  

Pink sun.  Is this Mars or maybe Venus?

Los Alamos was evacuated.  When people returned to their homes, they were warned that displaced bears may be visiting looking for food.    Oh, my.  Be careful Goldilocks. 

 Ahs.  So sweet of the two-legs to leave me some treats.

We are headed to the land of Jellystone in late August.  Yellowstone, that is.  No fires there this year but there is an oil spill in the Yellowstone River.   Ew. So all the bears are now black bears?

Snort.  I just can't help myself today.

Bear activity is on the rise as the poor creatures can't find enough food at higher elevations.  A beetle is destroying pine trees limiting the pine nuts available to hungry grizzlies.   Hubby says we are wearing bells while hiking so we lessen our chance of startling Mama and Cubs.

It's not surprising that many Americans are obese.  Hubby and I were rolling our eyes at how many able-bodied people we see that push the button to have doors open automatically.  What?  So your arms don't work?  They're not full.  You don't have kids with you.  You're not in a wheelchair or using a walker or cane.  Sheesh.  USE YOUR ARMS! 

Ok.  Ok.  Maybe you're having a bad day.    I think I'll head to the kitchen for a fattening snack.  

What is it with Texas?  Casey Anthony moving here.  Seriously?    Glenn Beck wants to hang his hat here, too?  Wow.   I'm not standing here with open arms, 'K?  How about North Dakota or Kansas or maybe New Jersey?  Yeah, that works.  Adios. 

That's enough ranting for today.  Have a great weekend.

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Three

The saga of the cat known as Oreo continues...

The humans left me for what felt like years.  They said they went to the desert for a few days.  I don't get it.  It's hot here.  Why go to a hotter place?  They explained that the temperatures get down into the 50's at night in the desert.  I could handle that.  I would like to feel cool.  Snuggling up against these warm creatures all the time is tough work. To cool off around here, I have to turn over on my back and spread my legs.

Um, Oreo?  Don't talk like that.  The humans won't like it.

Sheesh.  I'm always in trouble.

They told me they went on a lake trail famous for rattlesnakes.  Oh!  Oh!  Now THAT sounds fun.  I love snakes.

Your shoe string isn't really a snake, Silly.

Other humans stopped by.  They played with me and fed me.  They called me a cat orb.

No, Goofball.  They said you were a "cat whore".  You'll go with anybody.

I'm not sure what that means.  I'm sure they were just talking sweet to me like all humans do. 

The female human is not tolerant of me once she returned.  She said something about having to re-train me because I've forgotten things I'm not supposed to do.  I have no idea what she is talking about.  I just want to be close to her.....on the toilet, putting on her shoes and clothes, taking off her shoes and clothes, preparing her food on the countertop, reading her books and emails...  She keeps telling me that she doesn't need my help.

Humph!

The humans gave me this giant contraption that dispenses my food at regular intervals.  Ha!  That thing is useless.  It never provides enough of those ugly dry morsels and I have to wrestle with it to get it to spit out some more.  I was very excited when that silly female human spilled the container one day.  She and the male tried to get all the food back into the bin but I quickly swept a few under a rug for later.  Hee Hee.

Reffie told me to tell you that she won a blog contest hosted by Unfinished Person.  I've heard of unfinished meals, although I've never experienced one, but a person being unfinished?  I'm very confused.  Anyway, Reffie won a collection of personalized items.  She got running books, a cookbook, and a couple of country music CD's.  She sounds excited.  She likes running and cooking and music.  I like running, eating, and mice so I guess we have lots in common.

adfaljkljeifaijij

Whoa!  Sorry about that folks.  Oreo's food dispenser just dumped and he stomped on the keyboard as he bolted for his dinner.

A Few Squares...

It's June.  It must be time for another reunion.

That's right.  Hubby and I attended my high school band reunion over the weekend.  Nobody was brave enough to get out their instrument.  We left Evil Twin and the cat at home.  It's no telling what they were doing to amuse themselves while we were gone but I think they had other animals over and snorted catnip.

The gathering was fun, if not a bit hot in a barely air-conditioned building with the sun blazing in through the glass doors/walls.  We were all a bit drippy but managed to talk and yell until our voices were hoarse.  Our band director showed up and just like that, we were back in school.  It was an emotional reunion for him as our band during the 1978 - 1980 timeframe was his passion.  He was one of the first directors in our area to introduce "drum and bugle corp" style marching.  He was an excellent band director, coach, and leader for all of us silly, pimply teenagers who thought we knew everything.

What? We didn't?

I spent a lot of time with my high school best friend and our husbands also chatted with each other while we were up and about visiting with others looking for men that still had hair.

Kidding.  Kidding.  Most of the guys and almost all of the ladies still had hair.

I cringed when I saw one of the ladies I hadn't seen in 30+ years.

She was a year behind me in high school with dark clear skin, pretty eyes, and silky long hair.  What a change!  She was wearing a tank top and shorts and now adorns all visible skin with tattoos.  Her silky long hair is military short.  I didn't get a chance to talk to her.  I was afraid she might eat me.

This summer Hubby and I finally got around to another home project.  It was time to tile our window:

Oreo Cat squeezes into the photo.

Actually, Hubby did most of the work.  I'm the chief cleaner-upper and I do the grout, sealing, and caulk.

Guess what?

***crickets***

Pffft.

I won the lottery!

Unfortunately, it's not the kind that allows you to walk a way with a sack of money.  It's a lottery for the Houston 2012 Marathon in January.  Yep.  I got in.  Be quiet about it, please.  I don't want my body to hear that it will be training for 26.2 miles.

I hope everyone is having a great summer and is making some attempt at staying cool.  It's been brutal here in Texas.

Hubby and I will be taking a wee little break for the holiday.   Happy Birthday, America!

Life as a Cookie - Chapter Two

I'm starting to somewhat settle with these humans, Reffie, Evil Twin, and Hubby, even though I still feel like they aim to starve me.  Evil Twin is again helping me write this post.

The stroking and loving training is going well but the female was upset with me last night at 2:30 am when I wanted to make a bed out of her tank top while she was wearing it.

I've discovered that the female human has a shelf on her front.  It has these knob-thingies.  The shelf and the knobs are a bit small but I keep thinking I will find some crumbs from the dead animals and vegetafulls...er....veg-something (don't really know that word) that she and the male human consume.  I've been sneaking up on the knobs and trying to nibble.  She doesn't really like that and keeps saying something about being thankful for padding.

Sigh.

The female human did the magic Google and determined that I am a Mink.

What?

Oh, not mink, Manx.  I'm a Manx, a cat breed with no tail or short stubby tails (like mine) and with tall, large hind legs.  That must be why I almost flip over when I run down the stairs chasing my mouse. 

It's a tennis ball, but don't say anything to him, 'K?

My humans call me "dogbutt".  They also call me "round tummy" and complain I'm going to break some bank because I eat too much.

Burp.

The female human (yes, HER again) also learned that I am prone to Urinary Tract Infections (UTI's).  She is giving me more moisture in my food because I'm supposed to pee a lot.  Today, she left me some canned chicken-water and a few chunks in a small bowl.  Yum-Yum. 

More, please, MORE, M-O-R-E!

The female human caught me licking my thingy and told me it's a symptom of UTI.  She is mistaken but I won't tell her that.  I just liked the taste, that's all.  Sheesh.

What?

Oh, the male human?  He is very hard to wake up at night.

Both humans laughed at me yesterday.  I jumped up into the female's lap but apparently had too much momentum and flipped over on my back onto her left arm.  I looked like one of those silly human babies, cradled in her arm with a goofy expression on my face.  I was most offended but I soon remedied the situation, righting myself, raising my nose and strutting off like I owned the place.

I do, don't I?

Oh My Eyes and Oh My Word!

While sitting at my part-time gym grunt job last week, I had some time to think.  No,  I didn't prove geometric theorems or write the next top-selling iPad app.  I thought of things that amuse me and what my neighbors have been up to lately.

You should never have to see:

• A stranger's underwear in a public place.  No, I'm not talking about kiddos with their pants down low, but an older, heavy women sporting a giant white "O" between her legs.  She was sitting in a booth at a restaurant.    Lady, please sew those pants or at least close your legs.  Those of us on the lower level are getting an eyeful.

• Your mom's diaphragm on the bathroom counter.

• At a tender age, a guy you have a crush on smooching another girl.

• Boobs that touch the floor.

• Most of the photos on peopleofwalmart.com.

• Feminine product commercials.

Evil Twin's latest perspective on neighbors:

Well...  SOME neighbors. 

• The one that looks like a caveman seen exiting his cave wearing no shirt, baggy shorts, and flip flops, his massive hair wild and a beard that hasn't been groomed in, well, never.  Also, he gets his house rolled.  Really people?  I didn't know this was still the thing to do.  The question is will he ever clean it up?   

• The one that asks "Do you have crabgrass?" several times within the course of a few minutes and goes on with "I've NEVER had it and NOW I've got it all over the place.  I wish I knew where it was coming from."    Um, yeah, well, crabgrass happens,  Pesky Neighbor.   She drags me to see her plants out front pointing out crabgrass along the way.  Um, yeah, I know what it looks like, Irritating Neighbor.  She continues with another question for at least the fourth time, "Do you wants some shrubs to line the back of your property?"  Gee, like I said last time....and the time before and before and before, thanks, not now, but I'll let you know if I do, 'K? 

• The one that thinks you've stolen cats from your friend's house you are sitting because she hasn't seen you at the house recently.  Yes, of course.  It was a stealth mission in the middle of the night.  I finished rolling Caveman's house and went straight for the furry creatures.  I am currently holding them for ransom.  I'll return them for a piece of my friend's apple pie.    Mrs. Kravitz,  put those binocs down and find a new hobby.

 Whew.  I'm feeling much better now.  Thanks.

Life as a Cookie - Chapter One

Hello out there.  I'm new around here.  My humans call me Oreo Cat:

 Click to see my big pink ears.  I will not eat you.....just yet.

Reffie, the girl human, has gone for a run.  Evil Twin, the girl human's alter ego with the superpowers, asked me to write about my experiences here in this crazy household cat kingdom.

I was excited about this Oreo thing until Evil Twin explained that the humans were saying "blizzard" not "gizzards" and "filling" instead of "fileting".

DANG!

I guess Oreo Cat is better than....

What?

Oh, I can't say those words here.

First of all, these humans are EXTREMELY hard to train.  They are intolerant, lazy, and very slow to learn.  Perhaps they are retarded.

There is NOT enough food around here.  Where are my juicy bits of dead animal and crispy crunchy rodent tails?  I've only seen a few bugs here and there.  I took care of those quick enough.  I finally found a loaf of bread waiting for me on the countertop.  I took it to my secret hiding place.  The girl human caught me.  She was muttering something about how that was HER breakfast, not mine.

See?  How dumb is that?

The sleeping situation is tolerable.  I fit very well in the male human's lap but he fusses when I try to sip his drink before settling down.  The girl human makes a nice back rest during the night although she doesn't handle things well when I try to play with her during the wee hours.   I must work harder with her on this issue.  Cool flat surfaces such as coffee tables and hearths are available for when the humans make me too hot.

They keep saying that my backside looks like a dog and that I "wag" my tail.  I don't know what a backside is but I have heard that evil word "dog" before.  Evil Twin tells me they have the spelling backwards.  They are saying I'm a "god" of some sort.  Cool.  Maybe they aren't so stupid afterall.

That's all the time I have now.  The girl human is about to return from her run.  I shall help her clean up.  She tastes good after she's been outside.  I also help her cleanse her hands after she eats pickles.

 I'm in full play mode here but 

I might consider eating if food was presented.

A Creep, a Feast, and a Furry Beast

I stopped by an estate sale on the way to run some errands.  One of the estate worker-bees was sitting down on the couch using the previous occupant's foot massager.  He started flirting with me, admiring my girlish figure (Ahem!) and convincing me I needed to try this contraption.  (Oh yeah.  I was excited to do so after seeing his ugly bare feet on that thing.)

But I did.

I left MY shoes on!

BuzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ!  It felt nice on my feet for about two seconds then I thought my teeth were about to fall out of my head.  "Gee", he said.  "It's only twelve dollars!"  Yeah, I thought.  As huge and clunky as that thing is, that's about all it's worth.  

"No, thanks.  I really don't need anything this big."

He kept jabbering at me.  I jabbered back, telling him I was hoping to find some large containers for my garden.  Finally, he went out and looked for some.

That would have been a good time to run to my car and quickly dash away.

But, no, that's not what I did.  I went outside.  He started jabbering again, asking me how I stay so thin.

Ugh.  Goodbye Creepy.  Got errands to run.

We attended a funeral service for Mark's uncle.  His life was cut short but he died happy and fulfilled.  The ladies at the church had lunch for us after the service.  I noticed a homemade Coconut Chess Pie, got a piece before the minister saw it, and sat down to enjoy.  I was moaning louder with each bite until my sister-in-law told me to stop making those noises.  They are not allowed in the Baptist church. 

Hee Hee.

I'm fairly certain the minister was moaning louder.

One of our neighbors was given a stray cat.  Their other cat (the cat in the flower bed in my previous post) would not tolerate it and they called Hubby and me practically begging us to take the beast. 

Ahs.  After hearing how friendly, clean, and well-behaved this cat was, we had to go see it. 

Yes.  Yes.  It was time.  It is now taking over our household:

 I think I must have been a dog in my past life. 

I act like one and I have a tail that looks like a poodle tail.   

Evil Twin and I will become great friends. 

So far, we haven't settled on a name.  We've called him Cat, Lump, Dufus, Goofhead, Oreo, Domino, Stubby, Pinky (big pink ears), and Rex/Wrecks because he acts like a dog and is a bit spastic sometimes!

A neighbor found him.  We think someone turned him out once he grew out of the cute kitten stage or maybe he didn't fit it well with other cats and dogs.

Geek Returns from Space Wearing Dirt and Cat Hair

I'm back.  The alien probing wasn't bad this time.

What have I been up to?

Oh, you didn't ask?

Too bad.

It's been nothing but excitement around here.

I'm cat-sitting:

 My talents are looking cute and lovable and sleeping.

I can be used as a dust mop.

My talents are purring, sleeping, and sitting on my grooming comb.  

Yes, I DO see the toy, 'K?

Neither cat was receptive to me trying to sit on them.

Kidding.  Kidding.

I built a wall:

 The wall-building efforts caused much distress to 
Giant Lizard living in the hole.

I made a new sun bed and planted another rose bush:

 Reffie's sun bed was not designed for the neighbor's cat, 

obviously enjoying himself is his primary "pet-me-now" position.

Sheesh.  He probably pooped in the mulch as soon as I turned my back.

 First bloom from the new addition to my rose family. 

If I see the deer approaching this gem, it's venison for lunch.  

Kidding.  Kidding. 

 

I cooked for Mother's Day.

This photo intentionally left blank because we ate all the food.  
Oink.

I'm training for the Wounded Warrior Half Marathon in June.

This photo intentionally left blank because I melted.
The temps are rising but not quite approaching 
"fried egg on the sidewalk" extremes.

Photo credits:  Reffie with a little help from a few sweet kitties!