Fishing for Gingerbread People

It's amazing the things you find right under your nose.  Um, no, not boogers or snot although there is plenty of that, but inspiring architecture and postal creativity within a few miles of home.

Huh?

Deep in the heart of the D/FW metroplex, there are pockets of country living at its best.  Country living is a lesson in self-expression in designing your home and yard, letting your vibrant personality shine through. You are probably not even aware you have neighbors.

One would think some of these folks have been transported to an alternate universe or at least to an episode of the Twilight Zone with Rod Serling's ghostly manifestation hovering around them.   I think I saw Ron this morning on my run....

when I thought I must have transported into the CandyLand game but with rednecks and cars up on blocks as the game pieces:

OK, so this isn't the actual house I saw.  My photo did not show the real beauty of the abode so I borrowed that one.  Now, picture a pick-up truck out front and a Shetland pony out back.

Evil Twin is salivating all over the keyboard, muttering something about icing.

Further down the same road, I saw a fish mailbox.    My photo doesn't do it justice but I like the log cabin house:

Fish.  It's what for dinner (Well, maybe at THIS house!!)

I was glad when I returned to my neighborhood, sans hovering Ron, and was welcomed by Evil Twin's best friend hanging around in my neighbor's yard:

I'm pretty sure this guy is using a machete to whack the bamboo so he can creep closer and closer.

YIKES!

Photo credits:  Yummy house: Chick Dastardly on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Fish mailbox and Gnome, Reffie.

Centus Thief Strikes Again

Wow.  Saturday already?  

I hope everyone had a great week.

My mission today is to write a short story of about 100 words using this prompt in the story: 

Driving six hours is a long time on the road.  Six hours spent singing car-aoke and taking in the picturesque scenery, but mostly reminiscing about the good times.  But those days were long gone and my mind was in a different place now.  Or was it?  My pulse quickened as I passed the road sign which read "Medford 27 miles."

Evil Twin and I accepted the mission, watched the mission tape self-destruct, waved at the late Peter Graves and that Scientific Dude Tom Cruise, and got down to business:

Dinner Isn't the Only Thing Cooking

Driving six hours is a long time on the road.  Six hours spent singing car-aoke and taking in the picturesque scenery, but mostly reminiscing about the good times.  But those days were long gone and my mind was in a different place now.  Or was it?  My pulse quickened as I passed the road sign which read "Medford 27 miles."

Medford?

No.  Look again.

PHEW!  Stepford.  Yes, that's much better.   I can't get lost again and be late.  Dinner must be on the table by 5:30 pm or there will be consequences.  

All of the men have been so irritable lately.   I'll have to remember to talk to the other ladies about this at our next gathering.

I think we'll meet on Tuesday night this time, while the men are "bowling".  Yeah, right.   Bowling. Very soon, something else about 12 pounds will be rolling around here.

Take a breath.  Patience.  Patience.  I must make another call to Sally to see if she will join us.  After what happened last week, she may be more than ready to participate.

Tom, over at Sophisticated Lunacy, is a regular participant in the Saturday Centus.   Go check out his story.  It's a good one!

Too Quiet on the Western Front

The talking weather torsos are calling for some noise later.  I'll believe it when I see it.

I introduced you to Mrs Kravitz in my last post.   I fear I have become Mrs. Kravitz.  Well, not exactly, as she's in black and white and I'm in color but I when I'm home I find myself walking to the window and admiring the view.

To those on the outside, I may look like a nosy neighbor, craving excitement from behind the mullions.

Why am I gazing outside?

I like the little birdies and my fat squirrel that soak themselves in the birdbath.  The squirrel camped out there one hot afternoon, resting on the wet spot waiting for me to refill the bath.  The birds fight over their turn in the water.  Silly things.

I'm also hopeful that Cat, that crazy hair-throwing beastard, will come back.  He's been missing since Monday morning when he didn't appear to be let inside.  Clumps of fur were in the front yard but I can't locate the rest of him. 

Although we know there are coyotes around,  our cat has always managed to hide from them.  We also have owls.  YEE-OUCH!  It would take a rather large owl to haul off my 15-pound beast, though.

He has "left" before only to return a few days later, ready to eat and take a long nap.

Sigh.  Sometimes there isn't much "domestic" in this cat.

I certainly don't sit around all day staring outside.  I sometimes do it from an upright position.

Seriously, I'm in a bit of a holding pattern.  My mom has had some additional issues that need to be cleared up before she can have her shoulder surgery so I have not made any additional summer plans outside of my normal teaching schedule (my Yoga and Pilates classes).

I had to contain Evil Twin yesterday. 

Doesn't it annoy you when you need something and the person you asked responds with a forced smile and a mouthful of brush-off instructions when all they had to do was spend one minute getting you what you need?  Sometimes people make it obvious that you aren't worth their time.  I felt like the splashed dirt at the bottom of the totem pole. 

I smiled, said "thank you" and walked away.   I came back later, asked someone else, got what I needed and was gone in 30 seconds.

Unfortunately, I can look back and see myself behaving that way.  Sheesh.  Payback is a bee-otch!

Oh, who am I kidding?  I'm perfect, right?

Happy Hump Day!  Do a rain dance for me, please.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's.....

...just a car.

It doesn't even fly, unlike the drunk driver at D/FW airport earlier in the week.  This driver claims she was hit from behind causing her vehicle to become airborne near one of the toll booths.   Her "flying car" caused a bit of damage when she landed.  Car pieces and parts were scattered all around the toll booth area.  It was quite a story.  The video is probably on youtube and I'm sure it made for lively discussions at water coolers, coffee bars, and happy or unhappy hours throughout the day.  Fortunately or not, the intoxicated driver got out of it with only a broken wrist......and a trip to jail.

No, it wasn't a flying car that caused excitement in our neighborhood a few days ago...

My neighbors are primarily retired folks.  This is actually quite nice as when they aren't traveling, they are home keeping an eye on things,  anything from the state of your yard, to your beast disguised as a pet, to strange cars parked outside someone's home after dark.

My next door neighbor is out of town.  I received a call from another neighbor now known as "Mrs. Kravitz" asking me about a mysterious car parked in front of our mutual neighbor's house.  She asks if we were having company.  Nope.  Not us.  We were hunkered down inside with the A/C blasting watching our local baseball team attempt to run around the bases more times than their opponents.

"Mrs. Kravitz" called the police.

A police officer arrived to check things out.  The officer peeked in the backseat of this car and found......AMMUNITION.   

GASP!

I was hoping for a body or a couple having a good time or something.  Sheesh.

Ammunition.  Yippee. This seems to fit with the characters up the street that decided it was OK to take target practice in their backyard a couple of months ago.  The neighbors and police thought otherwise and two of the occupants of this residence were taken to the slammer on outstanding warrants.

Anyway, back to the non-flying car story.  After the police officer left, the mysterious car disappeared.  Just like that. 

Maybe it was the aliens.  I will check with Evil Twin as I heard her attempting to contact them again the other night.

 Oops. I think I need to have a chat with my headmate. 

Photo credits: Mrs. Kravitz - swiped from Tipper Gore's Internet, Ammo Guy - Cszar on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

The Long Nose Meets the Sun

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

What?

OUCH.  OUCH.

Ahhhhh.  Thanks, Evil Twin, for turning the hose on me.  This time it was the right thing to do.

So what is this about lies? 

Why is my nose growing?

Leeuna is on to me.  She gave me this award:

I will admit to the occasional little white lie, fib, or mild exaggeration, but BIG FAT LIES?

Never.

Well, almost never.

But maybe one of these is a WHOPPER:

1.  I played trombone.

2.  I am missing a body part. 

3.  I breathe fire.

4.  I can stand on my hands.

5.  I can program a computer but I have no idea how Hubby connected our entertainment system.

6.  I was invited to an art school one summer.

7.  I think I may have been a pig in a former life.  I sure do like bacon.

Which one do you think is an untruth?

Also, every time I visit Ziva's blog, I hope she has cookies for me but last time I visited, I got a load of sunshine instead:

Although not very edible, it IS bright and shiny and I like that.  Thank you, Ziva!

I was out in the yard over the weekend and was about to yell at Evil Twin for digging AGAIN (I think she is hiding alien artifacts) but then I looked a little closer..

 Click to see Ms. Tortoise Creature "hiding" in the shade of the canna.

 

Photo credit:  Reffie's got an eye for creatures...or maybe the creatures are government spies.  ;-)

The Past, the Pleasant, and the Neighbor

First of all, I want to thank Laura from Thoughts of a Career Woman for giving me this Sisterhood award:

She's a sweetheart and the baby sister I never had.  Yeah, I know she looks nothing like me, but work with me here, 'K?

Over at Diane J's blog, Contentedly Neurotic, Diane was responding to a tag that had questions about the past, present, and future.  Evil Twin and I decided to steal the question about the past:

What were you doing five years ago?

Me:  I was working a corporate IT job and was assigned to a project to "re-invent" the company's website. 

Evil Twin:  Yeah, I remember you talking about your boss.  Remember the time she....

Me:  Shhhhh. 

Me:  Hubby and I were working at my mother-in-law's house cleaning and clearing up piles of clutter while she was in a rehab facility after back surgery.

Evil Twin:  Gotta match?

Me:  I was teaching yoga at our corporate fitness center.

Evil Twin:  I can do yoga.  Watch this:

Me:  Whoa!  WHAT happened to your head?  Did you open the door to the cellar?  Remember I told you never to do that!

Me:  Hubby celebrated ten years at his company.

Evil Twin:  I'm speechless.

Me:  Good.

Me:  Hubby and I booked a cruise to Alaska.  We took our moms.

Evil Twin:  Wait.  I don't remember this.

Me:  Yep.  That's right.  You weren't invited.  Hee Hee.

Me:  At the end of 2005, I had my distance vision corrected via LASIK!

Evil Twin:  Yeah.  You were afraid of letting me come with you.  I was wanting to see what they did with the discarded eyeballs.
Me:  Um.....

If you're still awake, let's move on to the latest rendition of "Good Neighbors".

Neighbor: I see you had someone work on your trees.  Why didn't they take that bent limb out of your pine tree?

What I wanted to say: What?  Does the bent arm bother you because you can see it from your yard?   Wait.  How about you get rid of your gigantic rodent-attracting brush pile and numerous compost piles that are visible to us from just about everywhere.

What she probably meant:  That limb is broken and will probably die.  You had other dead wood removed and two dead trees taken down so why not that limb?

What I said: Um,  it's not dead yet.  We will just "let it be".

Sigh.

The photo is our pine tree with the broken arm.  It's hard to tell but our property slopes down.  I'm standing considerably "uphill" from this tree.  Knowing this makes this next exchange make more sense.

Same neighbor:  We are going to do something about this washout area here at the back of our property.  Doesn't the water that washes out my flower bed come from your septic system?

What I wanted to say:  **rolling eyes**  No. We've had this conversation before.  There is an underground spring that starts up the hill from my property, runs down my property and spews water out towards your property after heavy rains.  Why did you build a ##$%#$ flowerbed where the the water rushes out?

What I said:  Um, no.  The lines would not go this far.  There is an underground spring that starts up the hill from my property, runs down my property and spews water out towards your property after heavy rains. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

At least this is a neighbor I like.

Sigh.

Photo credits: Headless yogini:  Seven morris on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), broken pine:  Reffie

The Twin that Stole Christmas

Evil Twin has kicked a snoozing ReformingGeek (Reffie) and Cat off the cushy, comfy couch. She sits down with the lap beast and starts to respond to a Christmas *meme....

1. Have you started shopping?

Of course. I've bought the gifts for me already.

2. Tell me about one of your special traditions.

The Geeks leave the Christmas tree lights on for Santa Claus all night on Christmas Eve.

3. When do you put up your tree?

Whenever Reffie gets a round tuit. I've noticed that Hubby Geek must have one already as he stepped outside to search for outside decorations.

4. Are you a Black Friday shopper?

No, but I spray painted all the garland black this year. Does that count?

5. Do you travel at Christmas or stay put?

I'm not allowed out of the house.

6. What is your funniest Christmas memory?

Laughing at Reffie's attempts to become ONE with the decorating.

7. What is your favorite Christmas movie of all time?
Sybil

8. Do you do your own Christmas baking? What is your favorite Christmas treat?

Reffie does the baking as I'm not allowed in the kitchen after that unfortunate incident a few years ago. I have her make fudge and rum balls for me, though.

9. Fake or real tree?

The Geeks had to downsize to a smaller, fake tree because my toys (various books on mind-control, torture, and how to sell body parts on Ebay, etc.) take over all of the available areas in the den where a tree could be placed. They are disinclined to move furniture.

10. What is your favorite family fun time at Christmas?

Replacing Reffie's prezzies with lumps of coals, using Reffie to make snow angels, strategically placing whoopie cushions to surprise unsuspecting guests, playing with the kitchen torch near the Christmas tree, etc.

11. What is your favorite Christmas crapft?

Making Voodoo Dolls of Reffie wearing a candy cane ribbon (see sidebar). That silly little dog is listed on Ebay and somebody from Korea is already bidding on him.

12. What is your favorite Christmas song?

Send Reffie Away in a Manger.

Uh oh. Reffie is waking up. Gotta go....


**Yawning** I wonder what all of that was about.

Anyhowsit, I've done a little decorating.

First the decorations must be exhumed:


Yep. They are in the back of the closet under the stairs, with an almost fool-proof system for storage. Hubby made that wooden box that fits exactly in place under the stairs.

I got a few things out:


I love my little Taco Bell dog and I decided to let him catch the eagle this year. We all know it's usually the other way around. Yes, that is Cat sleeping off his exhausting day.

Here is my naked animal....er...naked tree. It takes less than one minute to put it in place:

We have another, larger tree but it was not playing nice during its photo session.

I think that's enough for now. Martha Stewart called. She said she is pursuing legal action against me.

*Meme found over at Blog Ignoramus. Mama-face is having a Christmas give-away. Get there quick because the deadline is Wednesday.

Photo credits: ReformingGeek's furry friends have Christmas: ReformingGeek

Let's Get this Season Started

Thanksgiving: PASS

So what's next?

Did you say Christmas?

Well, yeah, but I'll get to that later.

It's time to get my act together for the winter racing season. That's right. See Dick run. See Jane run. See Dick and Jane.....

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes?

Behave.

Dang.

What I'm trying to discuss is running. It's time for me to pick up the mileage and get ready for Cowtown 2010 in February. I'm planning on doing another half marathon. Finishing medal #2 of 5 has my name on it.

Well, not really, but it is part of a 5 piece set. I got the first one last year. These people know how to make money. If you miss a year, you can still order a "commemorative" medal for your collection.

Hum......ReformingGeek's brain is making clicking noises...



Anywhatsit, I told Hubby I was going to the park to run 8 miles. I offered him the opportunity of bringing his bike and riding circles around me screaming "Faster, Faster" but he declined. So what did he do instead?

He watched a movie. If you say anything about how he had time to watch a movie while I ran, I will throw something at you.

ReformingGeek sticks out tongue.

Sometimes, my evil twin makes appearances when I'm running.

We've had some nice weather lately and there were lots of folks at the park, including clueless kiddos on bikes. One of them passed me on his bike, giving me about six inches of space and then proceeded to stop right in front of me. AAAAAARRRRRGGGH!!!! Did this child not understand the laws of physics? I put my arm out to brace myself and it landed on his back. The poor thing probably thought I was shoving him. Evil Twin scolded him trying to quickly explain that one cannot do that and expect to survive.

ReformingGeek scolded me
and threw my bicycle in the creek.

No I didn't. Really. That's not even the same kid. He's too young to be on a bike. Sheesh!

Let's move on to Christmas, and yes, I'm OK with calling it Christmas. My friend and I went to see Santa. I know it's early but we were hoping to avoid the long lines. We sat in his lap and asked for stylish clothing and adult-sized bodies with boobies:


I can't wait to open gifts at Christmas this year...

Photo credits: sad child, theFrazers on flicker.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Santa's lap: Facebook application sponsored by RadioShack, Running Reffie, White Rock 15K July 2009

Evil Geek Top Five!

Finally, my brain has recovered enough from the zombie poem and boomer brain fog that I'm able to accept a blog award and decipher the instructions. Collete, from My Babcia's Babushka gave me this award:


I love it. You know I like hats and cats and yes, I know that's not a cat! I wonder if I the award could be altered to show this dog on the leash:

I eat small yappy dogs in one gulp.

I just LUV that big puppy.

OK. OK. Moving on....

The instructions are to list five obsessions and to pass the award to five bloggers. As with most blog awards, I don't exactly follow the instructions.

Evil Twin enters the room and bumps ReformingGeek off the couch and takes over the grey lap beast. She starts typing:

My Five Favorite Things
by ReformingGeek's Evil Twin

1. Beating up on ReformingGeek: That's right. Along with guilt trips, it's me that makes her run all the races and swim all those laps. She did a race last Saturday, a 10K, finishing with a 9:03 mile pace. She needs to run faster and get that time down under 9:00 minutes for the 10K. I'm kicking her butt in gear next week.

2. Smacking rude and/or snotty people with the backside of my hand: ReformingGeek has a big heart is too nice sometimes but every once in awhile, I get in there and make her lose it. Hehe. Then she feels bad. See #1.

3. Selling parts of ReformingGeek's body to science for money: Silly girl. She continues to look for her missing kidney.

4. Digging large holes to hide the bodies: Well, somebody has got to do it. "We" don't want to go to jail, right?

5. Working on the landing pad for the aliens: Each time they take me, they ask for a progress report. I'm trying. Sheesh! Give an evil twin a break. I spray paint the big "X" but then it rains or somebody mows.


ReformingGeek returns but Evil Twin won't let her see what was posted.

Sigh. Well, I sure hope she did OK. I don't want to lose followers.

Back to the award. I will pass it on to five great bloggers. Glancing over at my topless commenters, I grabbed a few of you and then had Cat find his favorites. (Remember that Cat is hard to please. You may be his favorite today, but tomorrow, you're food). I wave my wand upon the heads of:

Ettarose, from Sanity on Edge - A fabulous funny redhead!
Quirkyloon, from Musings of a Quirky Loon - A hilarious, loony flathead!
Otin, from Wizard of Otin - Head of story-writing class!
Hit 40, from Sane Without Drugs - Funny lady that leads a classroom full of blockheads math students!
Betty, from My Life in a Multi-Level - Her funnies will cure any headache!

At least I'm not serving head cheese today, 'K?

Enjoy your reward and if you need blog fodder, feel free to do the list of five whatever!

And for the rest of you, just so you don't feel left out, I brought you a flower:


One little vinca I planted last summer came back after recent rains. I'm impressed.