Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Past, the Pleasant, and the Neighbor

First of all, I want to thank Laura from Thoughts of a Career Woman for giving me this Sisterhood award:

She's a sweetheart and the baby sister I never had.  Yeah, I know she looks nothing like me, but work with me here, 'K?

Over at Diane J's blog, Contentedly Neurotic, Diane was responding to a tag that had questions about the past, present, and future.  Evil Twin and I decided to steal the question about the past:

What were you doing five years ago?

Me:  I was working a corporate IT job and was assigned to a project to "re-invent" the company's website. 
Evil Twin:  Yeah, I remember you talking about your boss.  Remember the time she....
Me:  Shhhhh. 

Me:  Hubby and I were working at my mother-in-law's house cleaning and clearing up piles of clutter while she was in a rehab facility after back surgery.
Evil Twin:  Gotta match?

Me:  I was teaching yoga at our corporate fitness center.
Evil Twin:  I can do yoga.  Watch this:

Me:  Whoa!  WHAT happened to your head?  Did you open the door to the cellar?  Remember I told you never to do that!

Me:  Hubby celebrated ten years at his company.
Evil Twin:  I'm speechless.
Me:  Good.

Me:  Hubby and I booked a cruise to Alaska.  We took our moms.
Evil Twin:  Wait.  I don't remember this.
Me:  Yep.  That's right.  You weren't invited.  Hee Hee.

Me:  At the end of 2005, I had my distance vision corrected via LASIK!
Evil Twin:  Yeah.  You were afraid of letting me come with you.  I was wanting to see what they did with the discarded eyeballs.
Me:  Um.....

If you're still awake, let's move on to the latest rendition of "Good Neighbors".

Neighbor: I see you had someone work on your trees.  Why didn't they take that bent limb out of your pine tree?

What I wanted to say: What?  Does the bent arm bother you because you can see it from your yard?   Wait.  How about you get rid of your gigantic rodent-attracting brush pile and numerous compost piles that are visible to us from just about everywhere.

What she probably meant:  That limb is broken and will probably die.  You had other dead wood removed and two dead trees taken down so why not that limb?

What I said: Um,  it's not dead yet.  We will just "let it be".


The photo is our pine tree with the broken arm.  It's hard to tell but our property slopes down.  I'm standing considerably "uphill" from this tree.  Knowing this makes this next exchange make more sense.

Same neighbor:  We are going to do something about this washout area here at the back of our property.  Doesn't the water that washes out my flower bed come from your septic system?

What I wanted to say:  **rolling eyes**  No. We've had this conversation before.  There is an underground spring that starts up the hill from my property, runs down my property and spews water out towards your property after heavy rains.  Why did you build a ##$%#$ flowerbed where the the water rushes out?

What I said:  Um, no.  The lines would not go this far.  There is an underground spring that starts up the hill from my property, runs down my property and spews water out towards your property after heavy rains. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

At least this is a neighbor I like.


Photo credits: Headless yogini:  Seven morris on, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), broken pine:  Reffie


MrsBlogAlot said...

Evil Twin is damn funny with or without a head (-:

We need to invent a Neighbor Get Off My Back spray.

I think we will be rich (-;

Unknown said... the evil twin...
congrats on your sisterhood award!

ReformingGeek said...

@MrsBlogalot - Thanks. She keeps me entertained. Yes, we will be rich but then what would we blog about?

@Georgie - Thanks. Sometimes I wonder which is which. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hey, hey, hey! Don't be hatin' on compost piles!

They love Mother Earth and so should ye!

Kidding! The only green I am is around the gills. Oh wait, I don't have gills. Hmm.

And boy that evil twin is sumptin! She actually rawks in my book.


meleah rebeccah said...

Ahahahah! Ahahahah!

I liked what you WANTED to say MUCH better than what you DID say!

but, like you mentioned, you LIKE this neighbor, so it was probably better to be polite!

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - I really don't mind the compost piles as much as I mind the huge rodent-attracting brush piles.

Go Evil Twin!

@Meleah - Thanks. Yeah, take the high road, right?

Leeuna said...

Congrats on the Sisterhood award. oh, and Evil Twin is hilarious. One of these days you just may unleash her on your neighbor.

Poor wittle bwoken arm twee. Did Evil Twin do that?! said...

Too bad about Evil Twin's head... but then, she IS much less bitchy if she can't talk. Congrats on Evil Twin's head going missing!

Deb said...

Neighbors like that are why I have a BB gun. She thinks your septic system drains on her property? Good grief what an imbecile.

A hideous street light-type thingie used to be on a 4'high cement post on my property abutting my neighbor's. The light is gone, the post remains. The neighbor asked "When are you going to take that cement post out?"

Attached to that post now resides a wooden whirly gig thing that was made for my son when he was little. When the wind blows, it spins around and the little wooden man with the axe chops a block of wood. It squeaks very loudly. The ocean is at the end of the street. Maine + ocean = heavy duty winds. Before said neighbor died, I used to decorate that whirly gig guy with gigantic multi-colored Christmas lights.

I love Evil Twin. We have a lot in common.

ReformingGeek said...

@Leeuna - Thanks. I have to watch Evil Twin every moment. I'm not sure if she broke that limb. She tells me she didn't.

@CatLady - If you see her head, don't bother to send it back.

@Deb - Yeah, you and Evil Twin are quite the pair. Christmas Lights? You go, Wind-blown Deb!

K A B L O O E Y said...

I like the evil headless twin very much. Maybe you can string her on fishing line and train a spotlight on her. She could dance and gambol (evil twins LOVE to gambol) over the border between your neighbor's and your property. Maybe to the accompaniment of taped lute songs or something. Really gaslight the neighbor. Sure, that'd be fun. Oh, wait. That's a neighbor you like. But then, evil headless twin has a mind of her own... or does she?

Marissa said...

All that backyard space makes me wanna do cartwheels on it. But not if it involves "water" from the septic system.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I also got LASIK in 2005, so does that mean you're going to give me a Sisterhood Award? I hope so, because then I think you and I could call each other up and coordinate our outfits, and talk about what we're having for lunch, and maybe bitch about your husband. (I'd bitch about mine, but I'm a man and don't have one. Just play along, okay?)

Anyway, I'm waiting for my award, sis.

ReformingGeek said...

@Kablooey - Yeah, headless Evil Twin and the border. Uh oh.

@Marissa - You can take a shower afterwards. Sheesh.

@Mike - I have an award just for you, Brother, and it doesn't involve coordinating our clothing. Stay tuned. ;-)

Mama-Face said...

I'm so happy that I'm not the only who has an entirely different conversation running through my head when talking with someone.

What's that you said? Something about a tree?

Lindsey Buck said...

Ok, the evil twin thing made me laugh. I'm pretty sure I'm primarily evil twin.

Jean Knee said...

I've got two extra sisters I'll let you have forever, for free

The Old Silly said...

Go evil twin! But I want a "sisterhood" award!!?! Oh wait - not eligible, sigh...

ReformingGeek said...

@mama-face - Focus. Focus. ;-)

@Lindzena - Don't let her get the best of you.

@Jean - One evil twin is enough for me.

@Marvin - Be patient. You'll get an award sooner or later. ;-)

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Man, Evil Twin is frigging FLEXIBLE!! Although, the headless part would definitely be a drag!

Thanks again for the smile! I love coming here!

honeypiehorse said...

Um.. is that your best neighbor? Bummer.

ReformingGeek said...

@Anything - Yeah, Evil Twin can adapt to almost anything. It's scary.

@honeypie - The one on the other side planted bamboo....

Ziva said...

Wow! Evil Twin is amazingly flexible - I bet she would be awesome in bed. Scary, but awesome.

I Wonder Wye said...

I think evil twin resides in my head as well....there's a reason I live in the country --NO neighbors...getting used to the laptop but I think I'm going to love it!

Mike said...

Is it sad that I have no idea what I did 5 years ago? LOL. My life has not been that memorable!

Unknown said...

I think Evil Twin put the compost pile on your neighbor's lawn just to irritate you. She wants to start a war. It's been a while since she witnessed a good bloodletting.

ReformingGeek said...

@Ziva - Evil Twin and the bedroom? You're scaring me, Girl!

@Wonder Wye - Sometimes a little more country and a little less neighbor would be nice!

@otin - I had a hard time remembering five years ago, too. Hubby told me that one of the events in wrong. I guess I don't find my life all that exciting so it's hard to get things in the right place!

@Lauren - I think maybe she buried something over there. It's starting to smell.

Tgoette said...

Congrats on your award! Loved this post! I had an annoying neighbor like that, but she died.

And yes, I had an alibi.

Evil Twin is great!

Ziva said...

I have something for you over at my place. ;) Bring Evil Twin and Cat.

ReformingGeek said...

@Tgoette - Evil Twin sends condolences for your neighbor.

@Ziva - Yippee. I'll come on over.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"