Where the WILD Chelles Are

This is so exciting. Humor Bloggers dot com is hosting a roasting event this week. Chelle, from The Offended Blogger, and Da Old Man, from Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars, will be cooked. After a little sleuthing, I'll be serving Chelle over rice today.

I love cooking. My kitchen is all organized, my seasonings are out in those cute little bowls, and I just finished watching Big Brother boot out the chef on Hell's Kitchen after the contestants whacked a pinata of Rachael Ray to bits. Wait. I don't think I got that quite right....

Sigh. It's probably best that I stick to the subject.

I put on my best sleuthing outfit and off I went to look for some dirt on Chelle. She gives us the impression that she is this blond chic from Idaho who likes horses and Jesus tacos and has a problem with her head. This woman is a few trees short of a forest but contrary to what we've heard she obviously loves trees and spotted owls and such:

I luv me some trees and owl is oh so tasty!

A few days later, I saw a different side of Chelle. She has a very strange hobby. That's right. She likes to play dress-up and the costume below must be one of her favorites. I followed her from her ranch one day. She grabbed her rifle, hopped on her horse, and rode into the forest. I lost her for a few minutes (that must have been when she changed into her costume) but I soon picked up her trail. I'm sure she intended to find food for the family (her rifle must be hidden inside the costume) but she was distracted by a device that claimed tacos were inside of it. Here's the photos:

Jesus? Tacos? Me want.

I need to spend some time in the weight room. This is tough.

It took her awhile to get the thing open and then.... THERE WERE NO TACOS! I've never seen a bear girl so angry. The photographers I hired were taken in two quick gulps. Dessert was the chocolate syrup inside the can.

I'll settle for chocolate to help with the digestion.

She was very convincing and since I'm afraid of bears, I crapped my pants grabbing the cameras before they could be eaten. I had to be excused so I could not confront her with this madness.

Now you know. I'm always amazed at what I find on my sleuthing trips.

I've had so much fun today. I think Chelle is about cooked and ready to serve. Would you like calf fries with that?

Check out Humor Bloggers dot com and Sanity on Edge for links to additional Chelle roasts.

Photo credits: spylady: istockphoto.com, treehugger: merwing*little dear on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Chelle/bears: Martha Simmons while on tour in Montana

A Fork in the Road...or Somewhere

It's been another exciting week around here. That's right. Here's the list of what I've accomplished:

• Re-organized sock drawer: Check
• Cleaned sports/junk/project/crapft room: Check
• Shampooed and vacuumed cat (Oh. I think I see where I went wrong. It was supposed to be CARPET. Oops.): Check
• Turned yoga students into pretzels: Check
• Faked an affluent social life on Facebook: Check
• Swam without drowning: Check
• Bought a Bicycle: CHECK CHECK CHECK!!!!!

Yay! I finally have a bike. Now I need to go ride it.

Enough of that. Didn't I say something about forks?

I'm convinced that someone else besides Hubby, Cat, and I live in this house. Lately, when I've opened the silverware drawer to pull out a small fork, I find that a large fork had infiltrated the small fork slot. WTF? I mean, WHAT THE FORK? Or, as some members of my Texas-born family would say: "WHAT THE FARK"!

Surely someone is coming in at night or when I'm not here and re-arranging my drawer. That must be it because I certainly wouldn't put the forks in the wrong slot while unloading the dishwasher, now would I?

Sigh. I've been feeling so good lately but I must have been fooling myself. I need another vacation.

While looking around for pictures of forks, I found this:


I get frustrated with my hair-throwing, dirt-rolling, clawed critter that looks like a cat but I would never do that to him. Then again, maybe he could use the pitch fork to get the moles out of our yard.

Then I found this picture:


so I poured me some wine.

Along with my wine, I pulled out Skye's granola. That's right. She sent me this photo for naming her harvest granola "Blue Skye's Harvest Granola":


So should I go for a career in Marketing?

Photo credits: devil kitty: geckoam on flickr.com, wine label: fotofill on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar)