Saturday, November 21, 2009

Injustice is Only a Few FLUSHES Away

I put on my best "unhappy" face and have another injustice for you today. Actually, it's a rant but work with me here.

You have Facebook and Jacki to thank for the idea. She sent me a "note" on Facebook and requested that the responses make her laugh. I gave it my best shot on Facebook but decided to revamp it a bit for you guys.

It's simple. It's a template for an open letter:
Dear _______,
I ____ you.
You have a nice ______.
You make my/me_______.
You are a _________.
You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me = ________.
If I saw you on the street I'd __________.
I want to ________ you.
I would build a _______ just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We should __________ under the stars.

Love, (or From)

(P.S. ______________.)

I can see some of you frothing at the mouth but, no, I didn't let my mind go to the gutter. It only made it as far as the bathroom:

Dear Low-Volume Toilet,

I loathe you.

You do have a nice shine.
But you make me waste my time.

You are a cold-hearted miser.
You should be replaced by a commode much wiser.

Someday I will conquer you.

You + me = aggravation.

If I saw you on the street I'd crack your shiny armor with my pickup truck.

I want to have more respect for you.
I would build a bathroom just for you.

If I could sing you any song it would be You're So Vain (you probably think this poem is about you..).

We should never ever meet under the stars.

Yours in frustration, ReformingGeek

(P.S. I'm going to go flush you again. Let's look like something actually happened this time, 'K?)

Have a great weekend and it's still not too late to get some help bringing home the this weekend:

Photo: Baby with ax: "Bad Parents" email sailing around the Internets.


The Old Silly said...

Love the form letter. I must pass this on - it will certainly do great things towards achieving world peace! LOL - I got a bit of an injustice rant of my own up today on my blog also.

Have a great weekend yourself, RG!

Marvin D Wilson

Me-Me King said...

Dear Tech Support Guy,
I am extremely allergic to you!
You have a nice long coffee break while you leave me holding as you "access my account".
You make me want to reach through the phone and strangle you.
You are a pimply-ass kid that thinks he knows everything.
You should go to charm school and learn some people skills.
Someday I will send you a letter bomb.
You + me = battle.
If I saw you on the street I'd kick your ass up between your shoulder blades.
I want to meet you in a dark alley.
I would build a cage just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be Shock The Monkey.
We should fight till the death under the stars.

Your #1 Caller

(P.S. I'm not kidding.)

Mike said...

Your mind is in the toilet! LMAO!

UberGrumpy said...

Great post! I thought a low-volume toilet was one that flushed quietly until I read this

ReformingGeek said...

@Marvin - Rants are so much fun sometimes!

@Me-Me - Between the shoulder blades, that should do it!

@otin - Yeah.....well....I have no excuses!

@UberGrumpy - Thanks. You learn something new every day!

Unknown said...

The 1960s phoned. They want their hairstyle back. said...

Love the do-it-yourself letter! Let's see now... who or what could I be hatin' on right now....

Nooter said...

say, have you seen the video where the little human throws whatever hes holding at his father and hits him right in the nuts?
yeah, neither has this guy.

ReformingGeek said...

@Crap Blog - Um...yeah. Mary Tyler Moore and I are buds.

@CatLady - Thanks. Go for it. I'm sure you will think of something.

@Nooter - Yeah. That guy looks like a real winner.

I Wonder Wye said...

Clever. I think form letters should be the way to go if they were all as funny...

Anonymous said...

"looks like something happened this time."

LMBO! (pun intended?)

LMBO! That was a good one GF!

And for the record I hate low volume toilets too. Give me industrial strength ANY time! hee hee

ReformingGeek said...

@Wye - I love to play with form letters!

@Quirky - Thanks. Yeah. It's rare than one flush will do it with those dern things!

Mama-Face said...

Time for a new toilet??? That's the vibe I was getting from your post...I'm pretty intuitive.

I hope this form letter reaches me on FB. I'd be a fan of that.

Unknown said...

I hate those economizer toilets. By the time you get everything flushed, you have wasted more water than you would in a regular toilet.
Don't know how I'm going to use the letter yet, but I'm sure I can find something evil to do with it! LOL

ReformingGeek said...

@mama-face - The problem is those ARE new toilets! Feel free to start the form letter yourself on Facebook.

@Collette - Amen!

Deb said...

First it was memes. Now it's form letters. Talk about injustice!

Bee said...

Hahaha! I love it!

My husband is notorious for his uh clogging talents so he hates it when he goes to fancy houses with loflushies.

Anonymous said...

Where did he find a baby with such an enraged look on his face?

honeypiehorse said...

With very little rewording one could write that to one's boss.

ReformingGeek said...

@Deb - It's a tough job but someone has to do it!

@Bee - Thanks. My Hubby's sentiments exactly.

@blurts - Maybe the baby is pooping in its diaper. ;-)

@honeypie - Yeah. Good one. I like that idea.

United Studies said...

And it did make me laugh!

Maureen said...

Hmmmm... methinks I need to save a copy of that form letter. It could come in handy one day.

And hand an axe to a baby? Yeah. Smart move.....geeesh.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

It would have been so easy for you to turn this into something dirty, but you managed to turn it into something dirty in a different way. Kudos! And I share you misgivings about low-flush toilets, which often seem like no-flush toilets.

ReformingGeek said...

@Jacki - I'm glad!

@Maureen - You should see some of the other photos!

@MikeWJ - Thank. Yeah, they are quite useless!

K A B L O O E Y said...

I also hate that little "presentation shelf" they sometimes have, that says to me "here's your poo!" Why.

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