Cover Me Not

Yesterday, while scanning through a few pages of Facebook status updates and photos, I noticed my closest largest city had posted something about an upcoming event:

It’s bathing suit season, but the gym routine is wearing on us. We’re taking advantage of naturist-led hikes at the Fort Worth Nature Center Camp & Refuge to get in shape. Care to join? 

 Well, now......hum....

Yes, it's hot here folks but I don't want to have to apply sunscreen to sensitive areas so I can jiggle stuff that nobody really wants to see.

"Nekid" people hiking in the woods.  Just think of all the places you could get a mosquito bite.....or a tick?  Beware. The rattlesnakes might aim for the jiggly bits.  

OUCH!

Um, no.  I'm not going even though I'm fairly certain they meant NATURALIST!

Speaking of hail-damaged butts, jiggling pieces and parts, and swinging boobs that could choke their owner, I did a quick Google search for nekid-people resorts in Texas.  

My humblest apologies but I bet you can't resist taking a quick peek.

Oh, my, my.  

They have a photo gallery!  WARNING!  WARNING!  DANGER TO YOUR EYES WILL ROBINSON!  DANGER!  DANGER!  

It's one thing to go to a resort and be naked.  It's another to have your naked self as part of the photo gallery.

Weird.

But what really got my attention was the Christian Nudists meetings.  Hum.... I don't think Jesus preached in his birthday suit.

Whatever.

Be my favorite student!

I teach group fitness classes and thru the years I've seen some really weird behavior in the classes. I currently teach yoga but I've taught my share of step/cycling/aerobics classes in the past. Unless you want to be a topic at the next Fitness Instructor Happy Hour, avoid the following:

1. Competition for Position - This person sets up camp in the same place during each class. This is usually OK. Obviously this person likes the spot for some reason. But this can become a problem if they are challenged by a newcomer for the "spot". Girl fighting may commence.
2. Puddles (not a dog's name, folks) I know. You guys can really sweat and some of you ladies can too. Bring a towel and wipe it up before somebody slips and falls. I don't want to practice my First-Aid or CPR skills. If you used equipment, please wipe it off. Last but not least, deodorant and clean clothes (at least to start) will make class a little more fun for all of us.
3. Stare-Off - This is the participant that sets up directly in front of the instructor. Each time the instructor looks up, there they are. OK, I'm not scared up there anymore but this can be really nerve-racking and makes it harder for me to see anyone else......hum....maybe that's the point.
4. Look at My Hot Bod! - For the ladies, real, fake, whatever. I don't need to see their outline in that tight-fitting top or popping out of whatever you thought was appropriate attire today. And, guys, loose-fitting shorts in yoga...commando..need I say more? And guys, contrary to popular belief, tight thin bike shorts outlining your anatomy do not turn me on.
5. Independent Thinker - Hey, this is usually a good thing but in step class with the instructor giving direction, showing off your own moves can be very distracting, especially when you fall doing that reverse-turn-hop-straddle thing ;-).
6. Leave it at the door - Your phones, pagers, and other technology that can make cute little noises during class. Even worse if you answer the damn thing.

I'm sure we've all been guilty of weird behavior at one time or another and if you see yourself as one these characters, roll your eyes and have a little laugh at yourself. If you don't, I will.