Worst Gifts EVER!

Now that I've gorged myself on delicious traditional Thanksgiving food, it's time to start thinking about Christmas shopping. I know. You're not ready. Neither am I.

BTW, was anyone served a dish they couldn't identify on Thanksgiving?

I thought about being a scrooge this year but Hubby won't let me and after all it's Black Friday and I have to do my part to help the retailers make some money. So I won't be a scrooge. Instead, I've pledged to find the tackiest gifts I can for my gift recipients this season. To get myself in the mood, I made some cookies, opened a bottle of vino and started searching the Interwebs. It only took a few minutes to choose from the wide selection of tacky gift suggestions and I'm sure none of these selections were influenced by the 3rd or 4th glass of wine:


For Cousin Harriet who sometimes whines about shopping for me:

Yep. It's a grocery bag vase. Enjoy Sweetie. I'm sure this will fit right in with your decor.


For Uncle Bubba who is really very nice and will probably like this gift:

Bobble. Bobble. Great for any redneck's hearth.

And I heard that some distant relative was experiencing some problems with garden pests so I found this pest riddance device:

That's right. It carries those pesky gnomes right out of your yard. Good Luck with this, Joe!

All the vegans on my gift list will get one of these:

They're meat-lovers, right? Hiccup. I'm starting to feel a little woozy here.

Finally, this year Hubby told me he wanted a "Super Model" for Christmas and Google didn't let me down. I found this great model. I know he will like it because he's really into jeeps...

Am I a great wife or what?



Wait minute. Something tells me this isn't what he meant....Oh well. Good thing I saved the receipt.

Smiley needs a little help this season.


Happy Shopping!

Oh No, Not Again - Happy Thanksgiving!

To commence the "eat until we pop" season, let's review a few of the food disasters that can make any cooking/baking endeavor pure hell.

Please note that MOST of these DID NOT happen to me. Somebody else was the sucker.

• Get out the 20 pound turkey for thawing Thanksgiving morning expecting to eat by 2:00 PM. Uh, no. Trust me. You won't be eating that turkey at 2:00 PM. I hope you have plenty of sides.

• Toasted Turkey Pieces and Parts: This is the classic stinky and messy disaster of cooking the turkey without sticking your hand you-know-where and pulling out the you-know-what. It only takes one forgotten orifice for this disaster to occur.

• Catering Malfunction: This is similar to a wardrobe malfunction but depending on how many hungry guests you have, I think it beats the slight showing of boobage. This is where you show up to pick-up your catering order and they are a) closed, b) got it terribly wrong, or c) forgot you.
  

• Egg Salad in a Box: Blow up eggs in the microwave, more than once. Yep. After doing this and scraping them from every corner of the microwave, just add your seasonings and your egg salad is ready....
  

• Molten Lava Cake That You Don't Want to Eat: Make a cake following the recipe in detail, noticing the symptoms of runny liquid goo being put into the oven and not realizing the problem. This happens twice. Call the person who gave you the recipe and review. YOU ARE THEN REMINDED THAT FLOUR IS A KEY INGREDIENT. DUH!
  

• Not so Yummy: Bake a cake that looks delicious. Serve your guests. They take huge bites and they all start gagging at once. What happened? YOU GOT THE SUGAR AND SALT MEASUREMENTS MIXED UP. OOPS!
  

• The Disaster Magnet. This is the guy you don't want to have lunch with for fear that his bad luck will rub off on you. This is the buddy that is always the recipient of bad luck at the restaurant. Either his food is a) forgotten b) dropped, complete with loud crashing noises and cursing, or c) completely and thoroughly screwed up. So when you are at lunch with this guy and you hear a crash of dishes, it's at least an 80% chance that it was this guy's meal. Poor guy.

• The Drowning Effect: I will confess that I have spilled a large Iced Tea on a friend or relative at a restaurant twice. I promise that I'm feeling better now. We really worked on this at the hospital. At first they wanted to shorten my long arms but then they encouraged me not to talk so much with my hands. It's much better to talk with your mouth, even if it's full of food and someone makes you laugh and.......

Sorry, that was a problem with my time machine. I was back in 6th grade with my BFF sitting at the table, eating crackers and making jokes.

Mom wasn't smiling but maybe we can give her one for putting up with the family for Turkey Day this year.

I know there are more disasters out there. Let's hope none of them come your way this season.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Screw me once, shame on you.....

After being strangled by our local cable company (pun intended), I got to thinking about how often we get trapped or conned into something that we want to kick ourselves for later.

As for the cable company, our bill for Internet service seemed kind of high but Hubby really took notice when he logged on to their site to see what service level we have and noticed that we seemed to be paying about $15 more than expected per month. Say what? Who knows what B.S. is actually going on, but after a few threats we are back down to the "original" rate.

Our issue is that we are stuck between a rock and a hard place for high-speed Internet service. We can't get DSL. We had a service using microwave technology that was expensive and unreliable, and satellite is way too expensive. Once they finally laid cables in our neighborhood (just a few years ago), we finally opted for cable.

Before they laid the cables, we kept getting advertisements in the mail for high-speed Internet cable. We finally called them and say "Hey come on out and get us hooked up". We were fairly certain that there weren't any cable lines but they said they would be right out. We just smiled and waited to see events transpire. The poor guy came out and looked around and finally asked "Uh....where is your cable hook-up?". Ha! After numerous neighbors kept calling wanting the same thing, they finally came out and laid the cables.

Anyway, I remember a time when some "friends" invited Hubby and I to lunch at a local restaurant on a busy weekend. We had a nice meal enjoying some chit-chat and then it was apparently down to business.

"We'd like to talk to you about a great business opportunity."

"Uh... Um [throat clearing]. Huh?" said while slowly starting to get the deer in the headlights look.

"Yes, my wife and I have had great success selling SCAM-WEI and we would love for you to join us."

"Uh, we're not really much into selling stuff" said while trying to hold back the I can't believe I fell for this look.

"It's a great opportunity. Our products are extremely popular and we've

• put our kids through school
• paid off our house
• taken luxury vacations
• been inducted into the cult
  

all because of SCAM-WEI."

You get the picture. This went on for awhile until we finally made our excuses and left. At least they waited until the meal was in progress and nearly over to start their spiel, unlike that commercial where the couple has been invited for dinner and the host and hostess pull out the flipchart as they arrive. OMG! I think I would have thought of some catastrophe to get me out of there fast.

I had this boss that was such a manipulator that after having a chat with him, you would leave to go about your business with a smile on your face and with a pile of additional work. Later you realized you'd been told you're full of shit and to go to Hell and somehow you volunteered for more work. WTF?

If you've been trapped into something that you'd like to share, please do so. I'd love to hear I'm not the only sucker out there.

Smiley would never fall for a scam.

My face is so RED!

Oh, no. I've been tagged again. I know I said I wasn't going to play these games but I couldn't resist another opportunity to embarrass myself now could I? This time the tag came from VE in his post with the "ever so cute" picture of him as a teenager. OMG! Where was he when I was 14? I could never release any photos of me as a teenager except maybe my senior picture when I was sporting a Dorothy Hamill wedge (I almost typed widget) for my senior picture and I was actually wearing makeup.

I even tried to bribe VE with cookies to get out of this but he was unrelenting.

OK. Back to what I'm supposed to do here. I'm supposed to embarrass myself with songs I'm ashamed to have liked/owned. VE made fun of the lyrics and himself. I sort of did this but I think the songs will speak for themselves.

A few of these are even on my iPod (GASP!)

Sugar, Sugar by the Archies

"You are my candy, girl" and "I can make your life so sweet". This is just so 60's. When I was about nine, I loved to dance and this was a fun song to play while doing the little go-go thing.
I had never seen this video. It's hilarious. Be sure to watch the whole thing. The cola can does something even more rude later in the video.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight by Robert John

This is a classic song that kids seem to like (this is way before The Lion King folks). I liked Robert John's version better than the Token's version. His has the trombone interlude in the middle of the song. Maybe that's why I wanted to play trombone when I was 11.

This is a nice video with a slide show of different lion photos. I was somewhat surprised to only see a few lions actually sleeping. The rest of them looked hungry. My cat and I were starting to get a little scared.

I still like this song.

Top of the World

I wanted her voice; so pretty. It's back to a time when life seemed so much easier.

I know. On a lame scale from 1 to 10, this is about a 12. Sorry.

The Streak by Ray Stevens

Oh yeah. Go Ethel Go. ROFL! No really. You have to at least smile. When it first came out, it was pretty funny and do you remember that people started a streaking streak? Hahahahahaha. I can't believe I just said that.

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us by Starship

This is serious "sing in the shower" stuff. I loved singing in the shower until the neighbors called to complain about the gosh-awful racket coming from the upstairs window (guess I should have shut it).

Yep, this one is on my iPod. It helps me get through those long runs.

Let Me Be There by Olivia Newton-John

I don't know why. I think I fantasized that I was blonde and cute and could sing like her. And that guy singing bass on the chorus, wow! As for this video, it's from 1974 and guys there are a few shots of her legs if you're into legs. She must be a distance runner......not much in the boob department ;-)

I did not realize this song was from the 70's. I was just a kid. No really.

I tried the karaoke version on youtube. Hahahahahahha! That was funny. The phone rang and it was my neighbor complaining about the noise again. Oh well.

Islands in the Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

It came out when I was a young adult wanting to find "love" and I was really into country/rock crossover music (I can't believe this was over 20 years ago). Almost everyone knows the words and starts singing (or lip-syncing) when they hear it. Just watch the video.

Take note of that mound of white hair on Kenny's head. But if you really want to see Kenny age, watch the one with Carrie Underwood. Sorry, Carrie. You sing pretty but for this song, only Dolly will do.

Hubby hates this song. I think he would maim himself if he actually had to listen to it.

Hang on guys. I know you have probably barfed by now but there's just a few more to go.

Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede

Ouga Chaka Ouga Ouga Ouga Chaka Ouga Ouga Ouga..... Huh? Whatever. I still bob my head when I hear this one!

Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks

OMG! Why in world does anybody listen to this song? The guy's dying. Please stop singing about it! I couldn't bring myself to include a video.

Bee Gees Greatest Hits

I can't believe I still like some of these songs. In the summer of 1980 (yes, the summer with 60+ days of temps over 100 here in Texas) I worked at Six Flags and I carpooled with a friend who lived close by. She got the cassette (yeah, cassette) for her birthday and played it over and over again as we drove over 20 miles to and from the park every damn day. I think I all of the songs by heart and it was a long time before I could listen to any of them again. For awhile I wanted to maim myself when I heard these songs.

Almost anything ABBA. Classic stuff from Swedish singers that don't know English (They didn't at the time). You've got to give them credit for that. And hats off to them for being one of the first groups to do "videos".


OK, that's enough. I love music and there are more songs that could really embarrass me, but I actually wanted you to finish reading this post. I'm totally red in the face and those of you who know me, please don't rub it in.

Sing me a smiley, would you?

Pop quiz #1 - Winner announced!

Thanks to everyone that took the quiz. To those of you that stopped by and didn't play, I'll find you and.....

Just kidding. I'm way too nice to do that and I'll stop crying from the rejection by this weekend, I promise.

There were 2 outstanding responses from VE at VE's Fantastical Nonsense and quirkyloon at Quirky Musings of a Loony Mama and although I love VE to death, I'm going to have to go with quirkyloon as she got some of the answers correct and her answers also showed imagination and creativity.

So I present to quirkyloon the ReformingGeek Perspective Cat Award. I designed it all by myself though I will admit to being at the Neanderthal stage with some of this stuff.

Congrats quirkyloon!

Now for the correct answers and a bit of explanation.

1. I graduated _______ in my high school class.

1. You graduated?
   
2. First
   
3. Fifth
   
4. Eleventh
5. Too far down to count
   

Believe it or not. I didn't realize what my ranking was until the spring semester of my senior year. Everybody was talking about the Top 10 and I'm asking "the Top 10 what"? Then they explained and told me I was at #5. I remember being surprised and a little proud. I don't know how I did it besides showing up and doing the work and that English and Math were easy for me.


2. After college, I almost became a/an __________.

1. Nurse
2. Pharmacist
3. Air Force Officer
4. Real Person

Yeah. Jobs were scarce when I graduated so I took the exam to join the Air Force as an Officer. I did real well in English and Math but the Engineering questions might as well have been in Chinese.

3. I wore ________in sixth grade.

1. braids
2. glasses
3. a training bra
4. all of the above

I was a goofy near-sighted kid with long wavy hair and no boobs. What did you expect?


4. My very first job was a _________________.

1. Trash Specialist: flirting with boys sweeping up after slobs at Six Flags
2. Hollywood stunt double
3. Sales clerk
4. Bean Counter

At age 16, I was boy-crazy. Duh. Six Flags was a great place for boy-crazy girls and girl-crazy boys. My BFF and I worked there all summer. Sweeping trash meant I was mobile and could yak flirt between sweeps.

5. I have had my _________ surgically altered.

1. face
2. eyes
3. boobs
4. all of the above

I had Lasik in 2005. Yippee! No more glasses or contacts to correct my distance vision. Reading glasses are an entirely different matter and a subject for another post. In a few years, I'm probably going to want the face lift and I'm taking donations for the boob job. ;-)


6. I went to the principal's office in 7th grade because I got caught __________.

1. fighting
2. stealing
3. setting my English teacher's beehive hair on fire
4. being late for school one time too many

Blame it on hormones or whatever but me and this mean ugly boy got really mad at each other. I shoved him and he kicked me. Oops.

7. I met my husband ________.

1. at a bar
2. at work
3. stole him from my sister
4. at the mental hospital

Ahhhh. How sweet. When I first started working 20+ years ago, there were a bunch of single folks. Quite a few of us ended up as couples and about 1/2 as many of us are still together. ;-)

8. My cat's name is _______.

1. Vader
2. Snookums
3. Tuxedo
4. FatLazyDumbassHairball

Hubby calls him FatLazyDumbassHairball or FuzzBall or DumbCat but his official name is Darth Vader. He is a Tuxedo cat with a patch of black hair covering one eye and a patch of white hair covering the other eye. We probably should have gone with Phantom.

9. Ages ago, I had a job interview with _________.

1. Time Magazine
2. Wally-World
3. Sears
4. CIA (Central Intelligence Agency)

No really. It was in Fort Worth and I had a hard time finding the entrance. Gee, you think? It didn't have a big sign that said CIA in black bold letters. I had just finished college. The position was in IT and I got the formal "eff-you-very-much" reply of "We are looking for someone with more experience".


10. My mom's family did which of the following to make ends meet during the Great Depression:

1. made/sold booze
2. grew/sold pot
3. sold their children to the highest bidder
4. lived as gypsies
   

Yep. They were Bootleggers. If you are anywhere near Mansfield, Texas, there may still be some barrels buried out there somewhere (or there may be a Wal-Mart built over it).

Have mercy on me for revealing these things. A smiley goes a long way.

Just ahead this weekend, I will be getting red in the face by revealing songs that shame me, a tag from VE. Don't miss it.

Home Improvement Craziness #1

If you thought I was crazy before, rest assured, I still am.

What now ReformingGeek?

Here's the story. Several years ago we remodeled our kitchen. No, we didn't just change out the wallpaper. We replaced all the cabinets, the ceiling, 1 wall, the countertop, tiled the floor, and re-arranged an outside wall adding a bay window. We also added wainscoting, new molding, and re-textured all the walls and painted. Yeah, we're nuts.

So that took about a year.

Then we had a party.

Yeah, I wish that was my backyard and no, we didn't foot the bill for this one!

A few notes about home projects:

1. Each project will require the purchase of one or more power tools.
2. Each project will take longer and cost more than you expected (just like everything else).
3. If you are remodeling a house you did not design or build, there will be one or more occurrence of "WHAT EFFING IDIOT INSTALLED/BUILT/DESIGNED/PLUMBED/WIRED THIS!!"
4. If your project involves plumbing, be courteous and warn the neighbors that they will learn new words from the LOUD CURSING that is coming from your house.
5. If your project involves taking out frustrations by tearing out sheetrock, warn the neighbors that there will be piles of trash on your property that will sit for long periods of time. If they complain, tell them to "KISS MY ASS" politely ask them to help you haul it off.

As our house must have been built on quicksand and we have lots of trees, we have foundation issues that resulted in cracks in our walls in the den and in the dining room. After the kitchen project was finished, we had our foundation jacked up so the cracks in the walls can now be repaired.

A few years later we started the dining room. No walls came down but we replaced the ceiling to match the kitchen, changed the flooring, trimmed-out the windows, repaired walls, adding wainscoting, new molding, and painted. Yeah, we're still nuts.

So that took about a year (maybe not, but it seemed like it).

You see a pattern here?

Then we took another break and talked about doing the den. Then we kind of/sort of started the project. It's been in this state for over a year. The entire project will eventually involve....you guessed it... a new ceiling and new flooring in addition to the repaired walls and painting.

Since I'm home quite a bit and spend way too much time in the den on the computer, I'm tired of the disheveled look. And with the possibility of entertaining too many relatives this Christmas, it's time to at least make the wall repairs and paint.

Guests can easily ignore a gutted ceiling. And who really notices bits and pieces of insulation flying around in the air?

Just kidding. We didn't gut the ceiling.

I do the painting around here. Hubby doesn't like the mess. It's not pretty if Hubby has to paint though I will say that he doesn't mind so much when there is a power tool (like a paint sprayer) involved.

But we have to pick out a color. Yes, it has to be a real color. I've had it with white/off-white walls. Fortunately we can usually come to agreement without raised voices, evil looks, rolled eyes, or storming off in a huff. It's easy. Hubby says "unless it's absolutely hideous in my opinion, you can pick, dear."

Wow! What a guy!

So now I have sample paint splats all over the wall in all sorts of colors that looked good on the sample card but not so great on the wall. Ick! Bring me the KILZ!

Fast forward a bit. We made a decision. Forget the paint. Forget the repairs. Take this job and shove it.....you get the picture. We're out of here!

Yeah, I wish. Back to reality.

I've been given the go-ahead on a color. No more breaks and I have to stop procrastinating.

Let's let Smiley do the painting, OK?

By the way, I threw a party yesterday. I guess most of you have lives to lead or real jobs or something because I didn't see you and the rejection is really getting me down (yeah, right). I'll leave the door open for a few more days. I hope you get a chance to drop by and say Hi!

Pop quiz #1

I almost titled this Poop quiz just to get your attention. I've read several posts on poop lately and they were funny and I know that I can't top them so I won't try. This one's about pop not poop.

Soda pop you say? Uhm, no (as I'm adding the Mentos to the Diet Coke....).

OK. That was fun but it made such a mess. [sigh]. Now back to the post.

Actually, it's a test. I hope I'm not scaring you. There is no pass or fail but the person who gets the most answers correct or has the most creative answers will win a one-of-a-kind ReformingGeek Perspective Award (as soon as I finish designing it!)

Aren't you thrilled?

Well you should be.

Just to let you know me a little better and have some fun while doing so, I've created this easy multiple choice quiz. For those of you with test phobia, take a deep breath now.....

Please put your answers in your comments. Remember, creativity will be rewarded! Correct answers will follow later in the week.

Ready.....GO!

1. I graduated _______ in my high school class.

1. You graduated?
   
2. First
   
3. Fifth
   
4. Eleventh
5. Too far down to count
   

2. After college, I almost became a/an __________.

1. Nurse
2. Pharmacist
3. Air Force Officer
4. Real Person

3. I wore ________in sixth grade.

1. braids
2. glasses
3. a training bra
4. all of the above

4. My very first job was a _________________.

1. Trash Specialist: flirting with boys sweeping up after slobs at Six Flags
2. Hollywood stunt double
3. Sales clerk
4. Bean Counter

5. I have had my _________ surgically altered.

1. face
2. eyes
3. boobs
4. all of the above

6. I went to the principal's office in 7th grade because I got caught __________.

1. fighting
2. stealing
3. setting my English teacher's beehive hair on fire
4. being late for school one time too many

7. I met my husband ________.

1. at a bar
2. at work
3. stole him from my sister
4. at the mental hospital

8. My cat's name is _______.

1. Vader
2. Snookums
3. Tuxedo
4. FatLazyDumbassHairball

9. Ages ago, I had a job interview with _________.

1. Time Magazine
2. Wally-World
3. Sears
4. CIA (Central Intelligence Agency)

10. My mom's family did which of the following to make ends meet during the Great Depression:

1. made/sold booze
2. grew/sold pot
3. sold their children to the highest bidder
4. lived as gypsies
   

Thanks for playing. Wasn't that easy? A smiley goes a long way towards winning the contest!

Coming later in the week, songs that will totally embarrass me, a tag from VE. Don't miss it.

A Cat's Life

I know the Internet and the Blogsphere is over-loaded with pet pictures and posts, specifically about cats, but I'm a relatively new blogger and I insist on having my turn. ;-)

I came home from work the other day and saw this little show going on in my living room:

I quickly kicked the cat out....

and asked the pool guy when dinner would be ready.

What? Did you think I had something else in mind? Shame on you.

Seriously I have finally figured out what to do with my life. It's become painfully apparent that I should transform into a domestic house cat in a house full of stupid humans.

Said humans will not have dogs or any other gods before me. Said humans will not own or operate a vacuum in my presence.

What a life. Everybody but a cat knows how easy it is.

From a cat's perspective the day is filled with activity:

• Sleep (I needs at least 2o hours of sleep in order to have energy for these other activities.)
• Eat (I gets my own or lower self to what Stupid Human puts out.)
• Drink (I prefers tequila but Stupid Human provides really awesome liquid refreshment in porcelain bowls.)
  
• Poop in the sandbox (I removes most of sand as Stupid Human puts too much sand in box)
  
• Poop outside (I likes me big sandbox aka Stupid Human's flowerbed.)
• Pee (I likes to make pee-pee a big event. I squeaks loudly to announce that I'm taking a break from eating to go the sandbox. Once there I remember that I'm eating so I pee fast and runs back to my food.)
  
• Suck-up (The female human seems more kind and patient than the male of the species so I snuggles close to her and purrs loudly.)
  
• Go out (To do this I squeaks at human or pathetically whines at door.)
  
• Come in (When stupid human exits house, I follows it, squeaks, goes to door; any door will do, even it it isn't the one human came out of and is locked)
  
• Play games: My favorite is "Trip the Stupid Human" (To do this wait until Stupid Human has hands full and is carefully walking up or down the staircase and then race human to the top or bottom of the stairs. This is so much fun!)
  
• Run away from smaller cats (I know I'm bigger but I like to let the human think I'm afraid and will need comforting.)
• Tease a rodent (I don't understand why it stops playing with me.....)
• Look cute and cuddly (I curls up or stretches out and goes to sleep and purrs. Stupid human falls for this trick every time.)
• Roll in the dirt (Stupid human must love this as I'm immediately consoled in the form of heavy stroking once I come in).
  

Repeat, changing the order of things just to keep it amusing.

WHAM!

That was my head hitting the keyboard. I must have fallen asleep. I dreamed I was a domestic house cat having an exhausting day.

Maybe I'll get a dog and stir things up around here.

Humor me. Any silly pet post is worth a smiley, right?

Life comes at you fast..

Do you ever have those days where you feel The Grim Reaper is siting you with his sniper rifle? I had that feeling Monday - twice.

The first time was in the morning when I was driving to my part-time job. I got on the freeway and it was one of those situations where the traffic should have been moving at close to posted speeds and everyone expected traffic to be moving at posted speeds. It wasn't. There's that one person who is creeping along confusing everyone and causing people to hit their brakes.

All of a sudden I saw brake lights in front of me. I hit my brakes hard and looked in the rearview mirror and cringed. The guy behind me was coming fast. Fortunately he had room to swerve to the shoulder to avoid reshaping my car into this:

I exhaled. The Grim Reaper had fired a shot and missed.

Later, storms rolled in. We saw heavy rain we have not see in months. Flash flood warnings were in effect. Smart people were at home watching Heroes with a six-pack.

But I had to go to work. The drive is only about 6 miles and I made it to work uneventfully. I should have known that something was up when the power went out at the health club where I was working. Fortunately this happened after I finished my class.

Coming home is when the Grim Reaper re-loaded.

It's still raining hard. It's dark and it's hard to see. I'm driving along and hear CLUNK, CLUNK, THUD, RUMBLE, RUMBLE......

OH SH*T! What just happened? You have to understand that I just finished a yoga class so I was very mellow at this point and my brain was very slow to react.

I'm asking myself did I run over a cat or dog? It sounded like I hit a bear. I thought I saw a cat running on the other side of the street but my brain says that if I hit that cat, it wouldn't be running.

But I'm still moving. No tires blown out. Car is functioning.

I continue to slowly process thoughts. Did I hit a PERSON?

I don't think so.

After hearing the racket I had checked my mirrors and didn't see anything in the road laying motionless. I finally come to my senses and turned around to take a closer look.

As I was driving back to the "scene", I started seeing remnants of tire tread in the road. As I turned around again I saw larger remnants in the area where I "hit" something. I know. That's not very exciting. I ran over an effing tire tread.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief. I didn't want to kill or maim anything or anybody, especially myself. Fortunately The Reaper missed again.

When I got home I walked around the car and didn't see any damage but later I noticed a little bit of "out of place" plastic on the front left side. [Sigh] Don't they make anything out of metal anymore?

It's really not that noticeable.

This whole thing reminds of an episode of Red Dwarf where Rimmer kicks the Grim Reaper in the nuts. ROFL! I think it's the last show of the last season.

Give my poor little car a smiley, won't you?

From Cricket to Pie to Kidneys

Phew! I'm exhausted after this one. Thanks to DEBBIE DOES DRIVEL and dad - thedude for tagging me. OK who am I kidding? Why am I thanking them? This was hard and involved a lot of typing.

Seriously I was tagged with listing random crap facts about myself that most people don't know (and probably don't really want to know). I tried to make this as entertaining as possible and I want all of my 3 readers to thank me that I'm not tagging them to do this. I think I was supposed to list 7 but I have 8. You got a bonus!

As you read these you might get the idea that weird stuff happens to me. Maybe it's just me. My dad, may he rest in peace, for all his good qualities spent about half of his adult years one sleeve short of a straight-jacket. Mental issues can be hereditary so who knows?

1. I have an autographed cricket ball from a British celebrity.

No I didn't get it off EBay and unfortunately that picture isn't it. Mine has seen a few games. I was there when it was signed. In the height of my geek period, hubby and I made a trip to a SCI-FI convention. That's right. Geekville; where folks (not us) come dressed up as their favorite characters from the movies and TV shows. This convention was focused on the British SCI-FI show Doctor Who. I won a raffle to have breakfast (yes, just breakfast) with one of the actors. It was Peter Davison (who also played Tristan on All Creatures Great and Small) and I had my cricket ball for him to sign. He is a big cricket fan and played in leagues for years in England. He was nice flashing me his pretty blue eyes, but he laughed at my sorry excuse for a cricket ball or maybe that he had to write on a round surface ;-)

2. I've been on a commercial airline flight that had to make an emergency landing.

I was 16 and Mom and I were on our way to London to meet my aunt and her kids for a European vacation. The plane lost an engine and we had to dump fuel and land somewhere in Kentucky. Poor Mom was really freaked out. I was thinking it was kind of cool. There's more. Believe it or not we were seated next to a young women named...get this: Pumpkin Pie Span.

You really won't believe this but several years later I was watching the Price is Right (I was really bored) and guess who is called down to play the game? Yep. Pumpkin Pie Span. Really. It was her. How many folks with that name are out there? Weird, huh?

3. Even as geeky kid, I had to be different. I insisted on playing trombone in 6th grade.

It lasted 2 days. I was a wee little thing and finally gave in to mom's nagging me about "you won't be able to carry that thing around". Duh. I had to take the bus to school everyday. I came to my senses, allowed myself to be a girly girl, and got a flute.

4. I fell off a a mountain in Austria.

No really. In Europe ski trails go for miles connecting ski areas and towns. It was the end of the ski day and I was attempting to get down the mountain to take a train back to Badgastein where we we staying. It was snowing that wet icky snow and I guess the trail was slippery. Or maybe I just tripped over my own two skis. I was close to the side of the trail so when I fell I fell over the side about 3 feet. I was so tangled up with my equipment and the trees that I had to be helped up by some other skiers. I was so embarrassed. I knew a few German words but it just sounded like a Texan trying to speak German.

5. Like dude, I am also afraid of heights.

Occasionally I try to overcome this fear. When I was a teenager I worked at Six Flags Over Texas. I would go to the top of the Oil Derrick (300 ft.) for breaks and I would take 1 step towards the rail each day. I finally got to the point where I could lean on the rail. This was before they added extra wire to the rail to make it @12 feet high. I'll admit that there is no way I could do that now. Yes that's THE Oil Derrick in the picture.

Sometimes I have to take a deep breath when I'm on a high overpass. I can't walk to the very top of some of the hikes hubby and I do if they have cables for you to hold on to or if it's a narrow trail with a drop on both sides.

This is one of the weird phobias. If I'm sitting down and partially enclosed, I'm usually OK. Airplanes don't bother me. Most chair lifts at the ski areas don't bother me. Roller coasters don't bother me although I will sometimes close my eyes and scream loudly. ;-)

6. I'm related to Daniel Boone.

My Mom and her sister traced our family line back to Edward Boone, Daniel's brother. They published this genealogy in the 80's.

7. I live at an airport.

Literally. My neighborhood has a 1500 ft. grass airstrip. Yep. That's it. Most of our neighbors have small planes and corresponding hangars.

8. I only have 1 kidney.

I was born with the normal 2 but when I was a year old, my right kidney became infected, burst, and had to be removed. Since I was a baby, I couldn't effectively communicate beyond constant screaming and simply point to my lower back and say "IT HURTS!" It took the doctors awhile to figure out what was wrong with me. My poor mom ;-( Guess that explains the over-protective childhood I endured.

Sorry folks. No stories about my other life as a double-agent. Since that's top secret stuff, I can't elaborate much.


Seriously I can only dream about being Sydney Bristow.




OK, now I can breathe. Have mercy on me and give me a toothy grin please!

Resistance is Futile

Yesterday I completed my assimilation into the Borg. I have become a FOODIE and have been designated 7 of 9 in the Foodie Cube.

You're probably asking yourself if maybe ReformingGeek is on a sugar high? Or has lost her marbles? You're afraid that she is about to commit "harry carry" with her apron strings or something? ReformingGeek surely needs counseling.

OK. Here's the story: I feel like a geek foodie and maybe those terms are synonymous. The reason I feel this way is that when you don't work full-time you have more time to do things like enter your favorite cookie recipe in a local newspaper's cookie contest. Yep. I did and I made the finals. Me and a whole bunch of other ladies and 2 men. One of the guys was very intense about this competition. He looked like he'd been thru it before and was very proud of his cookie!

Making the finals means that you get to bake two dozen cookies and take them to the judges on the designated day. That day was yesterday and me and the other foodies took over their yummies for judging. There was also an associated little "party" in another room. One plate of everyone's cookies were put out on a table along with the recipes. After some quick announcements the hostess yelled "GO" and it was a free-for-all.

WTF? It was like the day after Thanksgiving 5:00 AM sale at the local department store (not like I'd be there shopping that early) or a bunch of pre-teen girls that just found out that the Jonas Brothers were outside signing autographs (or living next door*).

I am so glad I have long arms! Some folks weren't so lucky. Most of these were short little-old-ladies. Poor things. They probably got squished in the crowd. Move it or lose it, Grandma.

Just kidding. I didn't stomp on your granny.

I brought a large baggie and filled it up with just a few of the cookies that I thought looked tasty.

Just to wet your appetite, here they are (minus a few that I ate on the way home...it was a long drive OK!) The iced cookie is supposed to be a fire hydrant. It broke while I was rummaging for my driving home snack. Oops. The white cookie is a coffee meringue. There are a few bar cookies, a chocolate-cinnamon biscotti, a yummy carrot cookie and a few others.



Later there was a raffle for stuff like cookbooks and shopping bags; fun goodies but nothing fancy although they did give away a nice stew pot. There was one lady that screamed when she won a Cupcakes cookbook. OMG! I guess she doesn't have a zillion cookbooks like me. Let me make sure I'm out of earshot if she ever wins the lottery!

Finally it was time to announce the winners. We were holding our breath waiting for our cookie and/or name to be called. My category was announced first. When they started with 3rd place and I had already sampled her delicious cookie, I knew that was it for me. Of course my cookie is great but it really was a tough competition. 2nd place came and went. I didn't remember what cookie won 1st place since it wasn't me.

My cookie is called a Margarita Mac-Nut Cookie and it's made with lemon and lime zest, lemon juice and a shot of Triple-Sec. It has tons of macadamia nuts.

After all winners from all categories were announced, I thought one of the male finalists was going to pop a vein. He really looked upset. I guess he was sure he was going to win. Sorry dude. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

I'm so very sorry for that last sentence. It seemed so appropriate at the time ;-)

The event judging party was fun and I know I will enjoy making these treats for the holidays. Maybe next year I can boast in a post as the winner in my category.

*The Jonas Brothers recently purchased a home within a few miles of where I live. Whoopie.

Please feed smiley a cookie!

I Love You Man

It's an emotional day here at the ReformingGeek homestead. We finally have a new president and I'm all choked up.

No. That's not it. I'm happy the election is over but I'm now preparing to hear folks whine that their candidate didn't win and down here in the Bible Belt I'll hear how the country's taking a fast trip to the hot place.

Actually I'm all choked up because Kirsten over at The Soccer Mom Files gave me this award and just like the folks who turn into mushy drunks and start telling everyone that they love them, I'm LOVING EVERYONE today.

Wait. Hold on. Hubby just stopped me and asked me to check those instructions again. [SIGH].


Fast forward a few minutes.


I reread the instructions and that's not what Kirsten meant. Sorry, folks. I didn't mean to mislead you. So I guess it's not THAT kind of sharing that is expected.

Seriously I have to share 6 THINGS and 6 BLOGS I love. Of course I have to do this with my own perspective and style or else you might start to wonder if I've been taken over by the aliens or something.

Since this required some serious brain power, I cranked up my speakers with some great tunes and called for alcoholic reinforcements.

Fast forward 10 minutes (or maybe 5 minutes).

The wine glass is empty and the task is complete.

I came up with 6 songs that I love to listen to that have "LOVE" in their title:

1. I Love Rock and Roll -- Joan Jett
   
2. Love in the 3rd Degree -- Alabama
   
3. Love Potion #9 -- Herb Alpert (Lame I know but I first heard the instrumental version of the song in elementary school and it stuck.)
   
4. Love is All Around -- Wet, Wet, Wet
   
5. If You Love Me (Let Me Know) -- Olivia Newton-John (or Elvis....)
   
6. Gimme All Your Lovin' - ZZ Top
   

This was harder than I thought it would be. Some of these really show my age and the music style is all over the place. In the few seconds it takes to write a comment, can you think of at least 2 songs with "love" in the title?

As for naming 6 blogs I love, first I have to say that I love all the blogs I read. But to name 6, I've gone back to the ones I first started reading and that lead me to other great blogs. Thanks to all of you!

dad - the dude - Life as a former Marine redneck dad trying to avoid the inevitable conversion from Dad to Dumbass, ROFL-fun!

Two Seconds - A lot can (and does) happen in two seconds; interesting writer dealing with parenting and life trying to avoid going nuts.

Texas Machinist - Moved from CA to Texas and loves it! Check him out for some great perspectives on hot topics.

Wit's Bitch - Regular hilarious doses of snarky wit!

DEBBIE DOES DRIVEL - Her profile says something about "warped life and warped blog". It's life's craziness roasted. Laughter guaranteed.

Just wandering through - Great writing about anything and everything. Check it out!

Also, If you've already been tagged for this, please don't feel obligated to repeat the exercise unless you really want to.

Here's the songs if you want to hear them:

I'm always up for a rockin' smiley.

Race Day! My first Half

If you're not into running, you're probably saying "half of what"? It was my very first half marathon. That's right - 13.1 you've-got-to-be-kiddin'-me miles.

*Yesterday I forced myself out of a not so restful slumber at 5:00 a.m. and was on the road by 6:00 a.m. headed to Dallas's White Rock Lake. After dealing with the snoozing cops working the traffic and parking and the long line at those cute little potty cans, I made my way to the starting line.

What a beautiful day! Temperatures were in the 60's as the race started and in the 70's a little over 2 hours later when I crossed the finish line with a slight lump in my throat. I'm not sure why the lump appeared; probably swallowed a canary. Or maybe I just so very happy to be finished!

Although I've lived in this area all of my life, I have never been to this lake. It's gorgeous and what little fall color we are experiencing down here was out in full force. Part of our course was through a neighborhood with nice homes and gardens including little kiddies and folks in bathrobes waving us on!

There was one guy that may have been a wee bit stressed out over the event. He was attempting to cross the course in his recently washed and shiny convertible but the cop at the intersection stopped him as the street was full of runners (well duh). OMG! I thought he was going to have a stroke and then I think he "bumped" the cop! DUDE, WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN? She called for back-up. Several of us joked that maybe he was late for church ;-)

I saw a tree full of hawks scouting the race participants for their next meal.

Later there was a bridge that felt like the earthquakes we've had were still going on. It wobbled from the pounding of dozens of runners. Then, there were some confused non-race runners that decided that our course was now their course.....going opposite the pack. Hum.....why not just turn around and join the crowd and draft off a few of us?

Earthquake in Texas you say? Yep. We had several late last week. They were about 3.0 on the Richter scale and the tremors are still happening. Unfortunately I've missed them all as I'm a bit north of the main shaking area.

Back to the race: I felt great although there was much less bounce in my step during the last 3 miles. There were several ambulances at the finish line and one poor guy was being loaded up on a stretcher. He was soaked in sweat and shaking. Maybe he was hanging out with some of the humor bloggers the night before and had a wee bit too much liquid refreshment?

Seriously I hope he is OK.

Other racers are usually very entertaining at these events but there wasn't much spectacle at this race. I didn't meet Mr. Stinky, Miss Fall-Out-Of-Her-Clothing, Mr./Mrs. Weird-Outfit (except the guy wearing his afro wig and tie-dye shirt) or Mr./Mrs. Dumbass (idiots that won't let you pass them).

In support of the upcoming election, I even let this patriotic mouse wear my medal! No, I didn't WIN anything but you get a medal when you finish. Now that's my kind of race! Surely Mr. Mouse is cute enough for a smiley.

*Now for the "Ah-So-Sweet" mushy stuff: Hugs and kisses to poor hubby who got up and accompanied me to the event and hung-out for 3+ hours with no beer and only a limited number of hot babes to check out.

For more craziness from really warped folks, check out humorbloggers.com and humor-bloggers.com.

Halloween party pictures - Everyone is COMPLETELY......

DRESSED (up). Ha! Fooled you. What, did you think I meant NEKID or DRUNK?

As promised, here are a few pictures from the Halloween party at hubby's office. By the way, we had Babe's Fried Chicken. For those of you north of the Mason-Dixon line, you're really missing out. This is southern cookin' at it's best: Fried Chicken, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Biscuits, Creamed Corn and Green Beans. YUM!

OK stop salivating. I'm going back to the costumes. Mine was Pebbles Goes Punk. Kuddos to my hairstylist.

Just kidding. It's a punk wig and I took my old Pebbles costume and a pair of scissors and had way too much fun cutting it to fit. I also had to make it look somewhat more uhm.....womanly (In its previous life, it looked like a maternity outfit with Granny's bloomers). I couldn't resist the addition of the fishnet stockings and the jewelry. There is a bone in my hair but it's hard to see.

I'm afraid of the camera so please excuse the "deer in headlights look".

Hubby's costume was a take-off on their company logo which was a great joke for his company but it was very small and most people didn't look at it long enough to get it. Since logos are obviously top secret stuff, I can't show you the detailed picture.

I was given the OK to show this picture of hubby having an nipple discussion with his buddy (which would have made a good picture for a caption contest).

To keep peace in the family, he is actually reviewing how he made the label with his buddy.

Finally, these folks won the costume contest. They did a great job with Shrek and Fiona.

I had fun. I hope you enjoyed your Halloween. Doesn't Pebbles deserve a big smiley?