I came home from work the other day and saw this little show going on in my living room:
I quickly kicked the cat out....
and asked the pool guy when dinner would be ready.
What? Did you think I had something else in mind? Shame on you.
Seriously I have finally figured out what to do with my life. It's become painfully apparent that I should transform into a domestic house cat in a house full of stupid humans.Said humans will not have dogs or any other gods before me. Said humans will not own or operate a vacuum in my presence.
What a life. Everybody but a cat knows how easy it is.
From a cat's perspective the day is filled with activity:
- Sleep (I needs at least 2o hours of sleep in order to have energy for these other activities.)
- Eat (I gets my own or lower self to what Stupid Human puts out.)
- Drink (I prefers tequila but Stupid Human provides really awesome liquid refreshment in porcelain bowls.)
- Poop in the sandbox (I removes most of sand as Stupid Human puts too much sand in box)
- Poop outside (I likes me big sandbox aka Stupid Human's flowerbed.)
- Pee (I likes to make pee-pee a big event. I squeaks loudly to announce that I'm taking a break from eating to go the sandbox. Once there I remember that I'm eating so I pee fast and runs back to my food.)
- Suck-up (The female human seems more kind and patient than the male of the species so I snuggles close to her and purrs loudly.)
- Go out (To do this I squeaks at human or pathetically whines at door.)
- Come in (When stupid human exits house, I follows it, squeaks, goes to door; any door will do, even it it isn't the one human came out of and is locked)
- Play games: My favorite is "Trip the Stupid Human" (To do this wait until Stupid Human has hands full and is carefully walking up or down the staircase and then race human to the top or bottom of the stairs. This is so much fun!)
- Run away from smaller cats (I know I'm bigger but I like to let the human think I'm afraid and will need comforting.)
- Tease a rodent (I don't understand why it stops playing with me.....)
- Look cute and cuddly (I curls up or stretches out and goes to sleep and purrs. Stupid human falls for this trick every time.)
- Roll in the dirt (Stupid human must love this as I'm immediately consoled in the form of heavy stroking once I come in).
Repeat, changing the order of things just to keep it amusing.
WHAM!
That was my head hitting the keyboard. I must have fallen asleep. I dreamed I was a domestic house cat having an exhausting day.
Maybe I'll get a dog and stir things up around here.
Humor me. Any silly pet post is worth a smiley, right?
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9 comments:
I would like to add:
"I rolls on my back showing my soft fluffy tummy for Stupid Human to touch. When Stupid Human tries to pets me, I grabs her hand with my claws and bites. This is fun for both of us!"
@Jenn - Oh yeah. Can't forget that one. That's my kind of fun!
I use to play with the cat with an oven mitt on my hand. He's a fierce competitor. No way I'd try that now!
Being a lazy house cat is sooooo my dream too! Of course I'd hog the stupid humans bed and beg for treats to nom in between other chow-downs. :)
@Chat Blanc - We had to kick kitty out of the bedroom. He's too much a bed hog and kept biting hubby's toes.
I just can't warm up to cats 'cause they're smarter than me but geeze, they have THE life, don't they?
@Deb - Absolutely. Mine is again curled up next to the gray kitty (laptop/me). It got cold last night and the poor thing only stayed outside 5 minutes....Humph!
Cats like Tequila? I didn't know that. Honestly, they are so high-maintenance!
@Tiggy - I'm sure they think it takes like mouse....
Uh Refgeek? What about the hairballs...come on now. Do they enjoy the hairballs? tee hee
On second thought they probably do, kind of like puking and having that feeling of relief that the nasty is out.
I wouldn't know anything about that though.
:)
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