Geek's Guide to Nude Cruising

Did that title get your attention?

Do you think I went on a nude cruise?

Well......

**Sighs**

Alas, I did not but there was a ship docked in Cozumel that was rumored to be a "Clothing Optional" cruise. Hum....I don't think I'd want to sit down anywhere on that ship. Also, cruise lines make a small fortune selling you photos staged by their photographers. Can you imagine being one of the photographers on that particular cruise?

You didn't hear this from me but you might want to include the word "Miracle" in your youtube search....

Although we had some seriously party-hardy folks on our cruise, most of them were from Texas where beef and homemade pie is plentiful. The skin we saw was whatever was hanging out/over/around the swimwear and we were happy that the other pieces and parts were not visible.

To put it bluntly, most of our passengers qualify for a new website I'm designing. Surely you've heard of peopleofwalmart.com. If you have not, you must have a life or something. Anywho, you must go there but come back. There's more. My new site will be peopleofcarnival.com.

Oh, wait.

We had a cross-dresser on board (or maybe it was an East German swimmer from the 1980's). We think "he" was traveling with his mom. His photos displayed in the photo gallery were entertaining to say the least.


No, that wasn't him but I think that's the look he was attempting to put together.

Somehow we missed the triple margaritas at Senor Frogs in Cozumel. I'm still kicking myself although Hubby and I were enjoying ourselves at the beach with an open bar. Hubby had some Mexican beer but I was taking it easy. Yeah. I'm sure my Diet Coke was better than those margaritas. We met up with some of our travel companions coming out of Senor Frogs and they were weaving on dry land trying to make it back to the ship. It's a good thing the ship was "parked" just outside of the restaurant.


We visited a Mayan ruin. Apparently, one theory is that the Mayans sacrificed the winner of their sports competition along with a few kiddos and adult males here and there. I was standing next to one of our friends while we were looking at the sacrificial altar. I gave him my best evil look and told him he had been deemed worthy of sacrifice. I think I scared him and he was looking suspiciously at my backpack. Maybe he thought I had a knife.

Beware of geeks carrying packs near sacrificial altars in Mexico.


I wonder if any of the peddlers at the ruins have been reported missing?

If you've made it this far, you deserve a gold star or at least a pin shaped like the cruise ship. This next section tells you what you've known all along. There is STUPID everywhere.

On the next to last day of the cruise, the cruise director gives a debarkation talk informing guests how to get the Eff off his boat. That's not what he said but I think that's the general idea by the end of the cruise. Part of the presentation is the director's top 10 list of the craziest/most stupid questions guests have asked over the years. I love hearing these. I remembered eight and I threw in my own two cents.....of course!

1. Does the crew live on board?
[No. The helicopters deliver them every day.]

2. Is there a generator on board?
[No. We have a very long extension cord.]

3. What do you do with the ice sculptures once they melt?
[Um.....]

4. An older woman gets on an elevator, notices the cruise director, and asks him if this elevator is the one that goes to the front of the ship.
[Yeah, and the transporter room is around the corner.]

5. A group of older women were staring at the floor/deck indicators above the elevator. When the cruise director approached them to ask if they needed help, they asked "How the heck are we supposed to reach those buttons"?
[Um.....just push the up/down button that's in front of you, 'K?]

6. A guest asked the cruise director if the water in the pool is fresh or sea water. The director didn't think that was too bad until he answered the question with "It's sea water" and the guest responded "That must be why the water is so rough then".
[Um......could it be that the boat is MOVING?]

7. A guest called Guest Services and an employee answered the phone identifying herself by saying her name and her native country, "This is Joanna from South Africa". The guest hung up and when asked why later, the guest said "I was wondering how in the heck I got through to South Africa. I didn't want to pay for that call."
[Moan.]

8. A woman called Guest Services complaining that her microwave isn't working. The Guest Services agent was concerned that someone had somehow brought a microwave on board and called Security. Security goes to the woman's stateroom and when shown the "microwave", they discovered two pieces of pizza in the room safe.
[Oh. My. Gosh Dern It. Unbelievable.]

There you have it. Cruise ship antics. People are such easy fodder, aren't they?

Photo credits: Geek packing heat: ReformingGeek Hubby, Cross-dresser: some website, Mayan sacrificial alter: ReformingGeek.