You have Facebook and Jacki to thank for the idea. She sent me a "note" on Facebook and requested that the responses make her laugh. I gave it my best shot on Facebook but decided to revamp it a bit for you guys.
It's simple. It's a template for an open letter:
I ____ you.
You have a nice ______.
You make my/me_______.
You are a _________.
You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me = ________.
If I saw you on the street I'd __________.
I want to ________ you.
I would build a _______ just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We should __________ under the stars.
Love, (or From)
I can see some of you frothing at the mouth but, no, I didn't let my mind go to the gutter. It only made it as far as the bathroom:
Dear Low-Volume Toilet,
I loathe you.
You do have a nice shine.
But you make me waste my time.
You are a cold-hearted miser.
You should be replaced by a commode much wiser.
Someday I will conquer you.
You + me = aggravation.
If I saw you on the street I'd crack your shiny armor with my pickup truck.
I want to have more respect for you.
I would build a bathroom just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be You're So Vain (you probably think this poem is about you..).
We should never ever meet under the stars.
Yours in frustration, ReformingGeek
(P.S. I'm going to go flush you again. Let's look like something actually happened this time, 'K?)
Have a great weekend and it's still not too late to get some help bringing home the bacon....er....turkey this weekend:
Photo: Baby with ax: "Bad Parents" email sailing around the Internets.