Delusional Dissolutions

It's that time of the year again.  It's time to make those New Year's Revolutions.

What?

Oh.  It's not "revolution".

Yeah, good catch. The only thing revolving around here is my head after a bit of wine.  

Let me try again.  

Resolutions.  Goals.  Yeah, that's it. 

They should be SMART goals:

S - Sarcastic

M- Memorable

A - Antagonistic

R - Retarted

T - Tasty

What?

Oh, sorry.  I was hungry.  Maybe "T" shouldn't be for Tasty.  How about Tempting?

Example:   I will win the lottery (sarcastic, memorable, tempting) but will not share any of the winnings with my bloggy buddies (antagonistic).  I will do this by not purchasing a lottery ticket (sarcastic, retarded). 

Pffft.

AnyMeasurableGoal, I hope you had a great Christmas.  Did you have any awkward Christmas moments?  My mom had one when my brother opened a gift.   It was a shirt.  Underneath the shirt was a pair of white silk long johns.  Oops.  Those were for me.  

No.  I will not model them for you.

I hope you have some kind of plans for bringing in the new year.  Me?  Hubby and I hope to have a winey dinner at the house and watch movies. 

SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-bound.  Go for it.  

H A P P Y   N E W   Y E A R!!!

On the 4th Day of Christmas, The Gift of Song for Thee

I have Jenn over at "Christmas Cabbages" to thank for this post.   I was going to buy more virtual gifts but I noticed my credit card was maxed out.  I'm sure this is because of Hubby's gift purchases for me.

Today, we have a game to play.  It's easy.  Fill in the blanks using the words from Christmas song titles.

There's too much _______ up north and in Europe. Travelers are upset because they may not be _____ for Christmas and that Santa cannot come into ______. There was an incident at the London airport where one stranded traveler punched a guy for singing _____________.

It doesn't feel like Christmas as it has been warm here and it's not because of _____ roasting over an open fire.

It's also allergy season. I resemble poor _____ with the ____ nose but by this weekend I'll be ____ because of colder weather.

When I was a wee tyke, I saw Momma ______ing Santa Claus. I had come downstairs to remind her that I wanted to be a drummer. Momma said a boy played a drum for the baby Jesus in the hangar. (I think Momma meant manger. She'd been drinking). On Christmas, Momma and Daddy disappeared into their bedroom while I watched The Christmas Story. Momma must have been praying because I kept hearing her shout "Jesus". "Howlay", and someone name "Louyah" must have needed a lot of blessing.

I look forward to seeing your answers in the comments.  Feel free to make up something.  The sillier the better.

Also, Evil Twin wanted to let you know that she found the perfect gift for anyone that shares a bed with another person...or a pet:

Save Your Marriage Blanket

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

On the 3rd Day of Christmas, This Geek Gives to Three or More

Evil Twin, Hubby, and I had a great time at the company Christmas party Saturday night.  I told myself I was only going to eat seafood (Shrimp Cocktail and Crab Claws) and salad but a plate of stuffed turkey, yams, and bread appeared in front of me and I couldn't be wasteful, now could I?  Then, the dessert table beckoned.  No.  I think it screamed for me.  A ramekin of freshly heated Apple/Cherry Cobbler and a tiny bite of Chocolate Fudge Cake found its way to my plate, mouth, and tummy.

Oink.

Got TUMS?

For entertainment, we watched ballerinas twirl themselves in tapestries and we laughed at white guys (Hubby's co-workers) swaying and jiggling off-beat on the dance floor.  Everyone knows that most white guys simply cannot dance!

Evil Twin tried to get me to take photos of outfits we labeled "WTF - WHAT THE FROCK?" but I couldn't get Hubby's phone in focus and that annoying flash kept drawing attention.  Sigh.

Oh. You're here for the virtual gifts for my bloggy buddies?

I almost forgot.

Here we go: 

When I think of you, crafty polka-dotted Jean Knee, I think of....

 Yes, indeed.  Flying Monkeys!

A creative superhero mammal with a cape and a tail, mischievous and carefree at the same time.  I hope you can keep them from throwing pooh at each other.

Oh, Yippee!  Here's something for my favorite American-made German blogging buddy, Honeypiehorse:

That's right. Hours of entertainment for you and your family.  Wait.  Didn't you mention that YOUR tummy was getting bigger?  Hum........Maybe you need a cleanse to free yourself of all that you have eaten.

What?

You're pregnant?

You're not old?

Oh.  Oops.

For Dana, my frozen Indiana friend with the cute white furry beast and her very own first novel:

Bacon, Bacon, BACON scarf!

What?  Beau will love it.  I can see him peeing on the rug in excitement.  Not what you expected?

Sheesh.  OK.  I have something else for you:

Yeah. Cookbooks.  Joe told me you could use some help.

Oh, wait.  Maybe he meant that you could use HIS help.

Oops.

Oh Joan, sweet Anything Fits a Naked Man blogger.  How could I not find something special just for you?  Wait.  Evil Twin is interrupting me saying SHE has the perfect gift.

.....

"That's DISGUSTING.  Put it down.  We will get this for Joan instead":

Every girl needs magic, right?  Who needs Hermione when you have these?

Finally, a lovely gift for hard-working Mrsblogalot.  She has a real job where she is required to pay attention and work at the same time.  Wowie. 

Just in case you have a problem with drop-in company now and then, this gift just might do the trick:

Hum....but if it doesn't work out, you can always re-gift it next year!

Tune in next week for one last "day" of Geek giving.

For 2nd day gifts, go here.

For 1st day gifts, go here.

Photo credits:  Monkeys: Plow&Hearth, All others:  Wireless.com

On the 2nd Day of Christmas, This Geek Gives to Three Or More

Welcome to the 2nd day of Christmas here in Geekville.   Evil Twin and I have been out shopping and have once again found the most wonderful gifts for some of my bestest bloggy buddies:

For Lauren over at Think Spin,  you won't believe what I found:

You guessed it.  Star Wars cupcakes.   

Amuse your guests with Luke and Darth Vader playing who has the biggest and most deadly wand.   On another tray, Han and Leia may need to be supervised.  The all-knowing, backwards-speaking Yoda will guide you as you complete your shopping.  "Best gift for me choose".

Also, what's up with the placement of those little sticks holding up the figures? Oh, my, my.

Next is my gift for Ziva at Ziva's Inferno.   She says she has cooties cookies on her blog.  I hope they aren't burning. 

EEEEEK!  Our teeth are too white and we match!

Who can resist these Look-alike nighties modeled by these very happy people?  I hope you enjoy your sleepwear that oddly resembles kitchen curtains.  

I hear it's freakin' cold up in Finland so these garments should come in handy.  Don't have a little tyke?  No problem.   Get one for your significant other or for your girlfriends and have a slumber party.  Don't forget to invite me!

WOWIE!  Look what I've found.  It's a gift for Sue at Farvel Cargo.  I'm so jealous.  I wanted this gift for myself:

These little dolls are pulling at my heartstrings.  I hope you enjoy playing with them.   I DO NOT want to see photos of them hanging by their necks or positioned in the guillotine.  I DEFINITELY DO NOT want to see photos of your dog puking red yarn. 

Last but never least is my present for Leeuna, at My Mind Wandered.

I'm so sorry, Leeuna.  I didn't have enough money so the guy only sold me 1.5 boots.  I know that you are disappointed that one foot will be getting a bit cold the next time you go dancing. I'll do something to make it up to you.

Just in case your dogs are not doing all that they can do to keep you warm, I got you this:

I don't think the girl, her ring, the remote, and thankfully, the couch, come with the Camo Snuggie.  Sorry....again.

Wait.  There's more.  I made one last trip to the store today and found this for 00dozo at When I Reach:

Ah, the perfect gift for someone living in the Bahamas.  I would love to be there with you and warm-up from this chilly weather we're having here in Texas.   Ummmm.... 

Excuse me a sec.

YEE-OUCH! 

Sorry, one of them escaped and stung me before it shriveled up and died but I assure you that your gift is safe.

CRASH!

Sigh.

That's all for now.  Tune in next week when there may or may not be more gifts!

The 1st day of Christmas selections are available here:

Photo credits:  Camo Girl: Stolen Internet Photo, Williams-Sonoma catalog (Star Wars cupcakes), Vermont Country Store catalog (gowns), all others are from Signals.com

On the 1st Day of Christmas, This Geek Gives to Three

I'm told it's "The Holidays", that wonderful time of the year that brings out the best in everyone.  We feel all tingly inside, frolicking about in shopping malls, graciously handing over the last of the latest fad toy to the person behind us.  We eat and drink moderately at parties and we don't make fun of crazy Uncle Earl at family events.  We reach out to those in need.

Let's all sing Kumbaya around the nuts chestnuts roasting on an open fire......

SCCCRREE-EEEECH!

*removes needle from record*

Oh my.  I don't know where that came from.  Let me try again.

Humbug, bah.  Holidays.  Again?

SIGH. 

Yippee.

SCCCRREE-EEEECH!

*removes needle from record*

Let's give it one more whirl.

Cookies.  Rum balls.  FUDGE.  Virtual Shopping for Bloggy Buddies!

YEE-HAW!  It's "The Holidays!!!"

That's more like it.

I'm kicking off the season with a few special gifts just for you, my loyal readers.*

For my BBFF (Best Blogging Friend Forever) Zombie Queen Quirky, I have found the most delightful gift:

Our favorite Zombie Loon will never be at a loss for a thought brainz again. Quirky, if possible, please share with us how much you enjoyed your meal gift!

For Boom-Boom, aka Cat Lady Without Cats, aka Super Camper Paula,

 

May they light up your life or at least a dark hallway.   I hope to hear that you now sleep with them on your bedside table and they comfort you.

Today's last gift is for Driveling Deb, my nearly always frozen pal up in coastal Maine:

I'm expecting Deb to wear these while walking to her mailbox and taking Nutjob, her crazy ferocious beast she calls a dog, for a walk.  I'd like a report from Mr. Man and the neighbors.

*I hope to find gifts for all of you but I reserve the right to run out of time, energy, and interest.  Yeah, like regular Christmas shopping.  Snort.

Tune in next time for the 2nd Day of Christmas gifts, knowing that my definition of day may be different than yours.  It will probably be next week.

Photo credits:  Scanned from Wireless and Signals catalogs

Of Flying Hats and Passing Wind

We are having a warm windy day on the eve of this Thanksgiving.   It's the last warm day expected for awhile so I had to get outside and enjoy it. 

I went for a bike ride.  Because of the wind, I felt like I was going backwards while trying to go up a few of our rolling Texas hills. I tried farting a few times to see if that would give me a burst of propulsion but it didn't help.

It was so windy I'm sure I was playing catch with sombreros blown in from Mexico.  

At the apex of my longest hill, my top blew off, exposing my itty bitties to the world.

Kidding.  Kidding.

My boobs are huge.

Kidding.  Kidding.

Sorry guys. No clothing was lost or abused while I was riding my bike, much to the disappointment of the street workers, gardeners, roofers, and other laborers fighting Mother Nature's latest bout of PMS.

Fortunately, the wind blew me back to my house with all pieces and parts intact.  Wait.  Maybe I should go for a TSA body scan to make sure. 

Sheesh.  Was it good for you?

AnyTMIforTSA, after a quick trip to the gym for a swim, I put my oven to work.

This pumpkin pie was very popular last year so this year I made two:

It calls for cream and maple syrup, something you don't always see in a pumpkin pie recipe.

One for me and the rest for the others.

Burp.

Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Don't hog the dark meat.  Be safe and be nice to your siblings, 'K?

Photo credit:  Two pies on a table:  Reffie

Turkey Chit-Chat and a Meer Meow

I can't believe this year has gone by so fast.  Here were are almost a week away from Thanksgiving.  I know this not because I checked a calendar or noticed that some folks have already decorated their homes for Christmas, but because the last time I tried to pass the time of day with a local turkey, he gobble-hopped away from me.

Sheesh.

Maybe it was because I was carrying an axe.  Really, I was only chopping some wood.  I  wanted to tell the turkey he looked juicy healthy and ask if he'd lost weight lately.    Isn't that a good conversation opener?

Anyturkeysoup,  Texas is showing a bit of color.

Colorful crepe.  No turkeys were axed to get this photo.

Also, I want to introduce you to my new friend, Les Miserable the Meerkat.  It was a very hot day at the zoo when we snapped this photo.  This little guy was off by himself.  Maybe he was caught passing gas in the burrow one too many times.

 "So bored.  So wery, wery bored. I luvs my tail, though."

For those of you who asked and even if you didn't, the photo in my header is also meerkats with a bold domestic orange tabby pushing himself in on the action.

It's the baking season around her in Geekville.  I've got State Fair Yeast Biscuits rising on the stovetop.  You've got me, BakingGeek, so who needs Rachael or Sandra or any of those silly folks that make cooking look easy on TV? But my kitchen is a mess.  It's never messy for Rachael or Sandra, is it?

Sigh.

I've got an extra hole in my yard.  I think I mentioned that we are getting new water lines.   Yippee.  My neighbor and I decided that the new hole could be the start of a swimming pool.  Interviews for lifeguards and pool guys will commence in early spring.  That's plenty of time for you guys to get into shape.  Good Luck.

Photo credits:  Bored meerkat:  Reffie Hubby, Fall color:  Reffie

Saturday Centus: There is a Better Way

Uh oh.  The geek's back and participating in the Saturday Centus.  Yeah,  I know it's not Saturday but I lost a couple of hours traveling and I'm a bit behind.

No, Evil Twin, I did not say I have a Big Behind.

Sheesh.

Anyway, the mission is to write a short story, 100 words or less, using a prompt.

This week's prompt starts my travel-related story:

There is a Better Way 

It was the 11th anniversary of the destruction of the World Trade Centers.

Airline travel is no longer a huge hassle.  Food is again "free" and it doesn't cost you to check your bags or use a pillow or blanket.  Gate agents and flight attendants are pleasant and happy to see you.

Airplanes are loaded from the rear door in order by row.  Passengers are not allowed to take over-sized carry-on bags onto the airplane.

Security screening is simple.  There is no special service for first-class passengers.  Everyone must pass inspection by the robots.  I will say, though, that their hands can be a bit cold.

For more stories, click over to Jenny Matlock's blog.

Geek Kidnapped and Kept in Zoo

You are probably thinking that is where I belong.

You may be right.  I feel at home in the zoo.    Instead of being surrounded by crazy people, I would be in a small version of my habitat on display as entertainment.

Hum....

Maybe not.

Anyway, I've been away this week at a fitness conference is sunny San Diego.   Yes, I have been lax about keeping up with your blogs.   I'll get caught up soon.  I promise.

Although I have a wonderful zoo in my hometown, I had to visit the San Diego zoo while I was here.  Who can resist pandas and polar bears?

You're welcome.  I knew you would enjoy meeting my new friends. 

I just caught Hubby on the phone with the zookeeper.  I think I've been given a job.  He said it involves a shovel.

Evil Twin will be thrilled.  She loves digging.

Photo credits:  Momma panda:  Hubby, Playful polar bear:  Reffie

Your Marbles Called....

They want to go back to your brain where they belong.

Or maybe it's the zombies nibbling peoples' brains.

People are acting crazy and I'm getting scared.

Evil Twin is having a wonderful time, though.  Sunday is Halloween and we still have candy left.  I know I haven't bought any yet but work with me here.

Evil Twin is all into the decorating.  She wants to put out a candy bowl with a child-size hand in the middle.  When kiddies reach to grab some candy, a recorded voice will say "Be careful there.  Look what happened to the last kid."  This would be followed by evil laughter.  I think she has already recorded the laughter.

Hum....

Maybe we will just answer the door and hand out candy like all the other folks.

Anyway, back to the craziness and people missing parts of their brains.

Yesterday, while I was running, a car nearly hit me and sent me into a ditch, minus a limb or two.  It came up behind me on a two-lane road.  I didn't hear it as the wind was blowing sound away from me. There was traffic coming the other way.  This car didn't even slow down or move over an inch.  I think that's all I had between my arm and that car.   Evil Twin is digging out back.  I'd best go check to see if the hole will be big enough for that car and its driver.

Yes, I know.  I should have been running towards traffic but I usually wait to cross over until I top the hill...right about where I nearly hit the ditch.  Sigh.

Hubby channeled Evil Twin while driving when a grizzly-faced super-sized redneck cut him off in order to turn into the local barbecue joint.  Evil Twin told me later that she was sure that pig-man was a cannibal.

I was nearly sandwiched yesterday while driving home.  The annual airshow is in town.  The airport is close to the freeway.  The Blue Angels were practicing and they maneuvered right over the freeway causing everybody in front of me to slam on their brakes.  One of the pilots was wearing a yellow undershirt and had blue eyes.  The Mustang behind me nearly became one with my rear door.  I think his undershirt was white but I'm sure his pants were brown.

Are you scared yet?

All in a geek's week.

Photo credits: Blue Angels: David Newberger on flickr.com, Creative Commons License (see sidebar),  Jack-O-Pansies: Reffie.

Mouse in Place for World Series Bid

It's been an exciting week here in Geekville.  Our very own Texas Rangers are finally going to the World Series.  For those of you that are professional sports challenged, I'm talking about BASEBALL, the game where guys try to whack a round thing with a stick, run around in circles when they do, and when they stop running, they make adjustments to their protective undergarments.    

Seriously, it can be loads of fun, and even more fun when your local team WINS!

I credit part of this success to me, Hubby, and our friends NOT attending the playoff games as they lost every playoff game we attended.  Some credit also goes to none other than Bicentennial Mouse:

Yes, Ms. Mouse has been around since 1776 1976 and is still going strong.  She wears her cap well, don't you think?

She has been hogging her seat in front of the tele for about a week using rally towels (hand towels with the team colors handed out at the playoff games) as bibs and eating us out of house and mouse.  She is enjoying our cat-free environment although Evil Twin has been slinking around hissing at her.  

Ms. Mouse will stay in place through the World Series, silently cheering for another first for the Texas Rangers.  

I'm not so sure Ms. Mouse is as innocent as she seems. I've noticed a few beers missing form the garage fridge....and there are some mouse turds near the door.  Hum.... is that candy corn in those turds? 

Ew.

In other news, we are having new water pipes installed in our neighborhood.  Basically, this is because our city wants to "improve our infrastructure" and have the opportunity to accept our hard-earned money each month instead of us paying a neighboring city for water service.

Yeah, thanks, City.  We won't be excited about the price increase, either.

It's a mess and yesterday the excitement was a blue pipe went walk-about and crashed into a brick wall, a bulldozer nearly ran my friend off the road twice, and an extremely accident-prone neighbor fell into one of the pits. 

Oops.  He wasn't injured and fortunately, neither was the pit or the concrete.  

I think the neon-vested worker bees were hitting the beer thermos during their lunch break.

Tune in next time for more exciting and/or treacherous events here in Geekville.

Photo credits:  Bicentennial Mouse:  ReformingGeek, Pipes and pit:  Reffie's nearly pancaked friend and neighbor.

Saturday Centus: All Hallow's Eve

In keeping with the season, I'm doing this week's Saturday Centus.  It's a Halloween theme and Evil Twin is tingling with excitement.   I can't wait to see what she does with this week's prompt.


The Centus, originating from Jenny Matlock's blog, is a short story, 100 words or less, using a prompt.



This week's prompt is:  “Trick or treat!" they shouted as the door opened.

I hope you find a bit of humor in my Evil Twin's story:

 Seasoned for the Season

“Trick or treat!" they shouted as the door opened.

There was nobody there but they saw the large bowl on the table.    Expecting to be startled by the weird old lady dressed as a witch or Oprah, they mustered their courage and walked toward the bowl.  The collections from the other homes ranged from bags of organic granola to a Rachael Ray cookbook so they were hopeful for chocolate.

In the kitchen, the oven was heating and the kitchen tools and seasonings were ready on the counter.

Cate and her brother Cody had argued about their costumes all week and finally agreed to go as Hansel and Gretel.

Gulp!


Oh my. I can't believe she did that.  Those poor children.


Sigh.


For other Centus stories, click here:

Blinded By The Light But Not By The Punch

It's a bright sunny day and there will probably be numerous traffic accidents from folks running a red light because they simply DID NOT SEE the light.

I get this.  The bright sunshine was playing tricks on me this morning.  Here's how I interpreted the following signs:

RIGHT SHOULDER CLOSED AHEAD  as  BRIGHT SHOULDER HOSED A HEAD

   I like my version better.  Even though it's nonsense, it's much more entertaining.

MERGING TRAFFIC as MURKY GRAFFITI

  I kept looking for the non-signaling, unclear graffiti.  I was so confused.

 I'd let this guy merge.

and then my mind went into silly Geekgirl mode:

SERVICES AVAILABLE:  MCDONALD'S, BUFFALO WINGS, FU EXPRESS as

  SERVICES AVAILABLE:  FRIED CLOWNS, BUFFALOS F*CKING, FAST WINGS

Speaking of clowns, I found this black-eyed Bozo....

 who seemed to fit well with our afternoon on Sunday:

People are crazy.  We were seated in the nosebleed section at the ballpark for the Rangers vs. Rays playoff game yesterday and about halfway through the game, the guy in the seat next to me punches the guy next to him in the face.  Everyone's jaw dropped as we watched the scene unfold.  The guy doing the whopping said that his neighbor was cussing too much.   None of us heard any cussing but we were paying attention to the game.  

The guy that was supposedly cussing had been drinking quite a bit but he and his buddy were not loud or obnoxious.  The guy sitting next to me, Mr. Whopper, seem to have been in a sulk the entire time.  He was with his mother who was the person who was actually seated next to the accused foul-word-spewer.  The hitting did not occur until Mom went for some nachos.  Maybe the home team losing was just too much for Mr. Whopper or he walks around life with a very short fuse.  Scary.

The situation resolved when the punched guy's buddy convinced Mr. Whopper to leave or they were going to go get a cop. 

All in a geek's life.

Photo credits:  Graffiti: Akbar Simonse, Bozo: Chris Denbow, courtesy of flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Something Wicked this Way Scares..

In honor of the season, a few decorations:

Ms. ScarecrowGeek looks quite cozy sunning herself in my window.

 I can't believe Halloween is coming soon.  Do you have a costume yet?

Oh dears!  It seems Ms. ScarecrowGeek has disappeared.

Has she been Scare-napped?  If so, I hope I can afford the ransom.  You guys will help me, right?

RIGHT?

Sigh.

I wonder if Evil Twin has something to do with this.  I just saw her headed to her closet with some duct tape and a pair of scissors.

Maybe the garden gnomes from next door have her in their lair, slowly eating her stitch by stitch.

Hum....

We have a crew of workers installing new water pipes in our neighborhood.  Maybe she levitated out of the window and fell into one of their pits, scarred (maybe I meant scared?) for life dead from viewing too many visible butt cracks?

Perhaps one of the hawks grabbed her for their nest.   If I look closely, I may find an eyeball or two scattered about the yard.

Tisk.  Tisk.

No.  I'm sure it was Nutjob, Deb's infamous dragon-toothed beast she calls a dog.  It devours Jehovah's in a single gulp.  Poor Ms. ScarecrowGeek wouldn't have a chance.  

I hope Nutjob poops fabric for a week!

But where was Nutjob when the Mormons came to the door a few days ago?

Just kidding.  They were such nice young men. 

Now WHAT is that NOISE?  I think it's coming from Evil Twin's closet.  It's funny that it started just after those nice young man knocked on the door.....

Photo credits:  Geek decor:  Reffie, Gnomes:  kissabug on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Saturday Centus: Birthday Edition

It's time for another Saturday Centus here in Geekville.  This one is in honor of Sophisticated Lunacy's author, Tom, as his birthday is this week. 

The Centus originates from Jenny Matlocks' blog and the instructions are to write about 100 words using a prompt as part of the story.  This week's prompt is "He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake...".

I hope that Tom, being a blogging buddy and a good sport, appreciates this story I wrote this week.

Hee Hee.

Wake-Up, Fate Awaits

 

Tom was thinking about how tired he was from his crazy day with his impossible-to-please boss.  He liked his project team, though.  He was still clutching the unopened envelope his team had given to him for his birthday.  They had laughed as they handed it to him, joking that this could be his lucky day.

"Happy Birthday, Tom", his friends sang, snapping him back from his thoughts, the envelope forgotten.  His buddies were making up silly words to the song and were starting to stagger. 
 
He never dreamed when he blew out the candles on his cake...

Actually, he never dreamed at all.  It all seemed so pointless sometimes...

Later, Tom finished cleaning up from the party halfway listening to the TV in the next room.  The winning lottery numbers were being announced.

If you'd like to read more short stories with this prompt, check Jenny's blog for the links.

Have a great week!

 

The Little Things That May or May Not Amuse Me..

While on our vacation in Montana, we were driving on a road that was part of open ranch.  Two freezers full of steaks and six smaller milk trucks were blocking the road. I was amused by a young couple going the opposite direction on the road, holding the camera outside their open car window, taking photos. I guess they've never seen livestock.

Snort.

I got another summons for jury duty in my city.  This is traffic court, folks, and my city actually has bored officers and no convenient donut shops so plenty of speeding citations are issued.    I was just called for duty back in May so I called my city to see if they would reschedule me.   I've done this before (at least I thought I had) so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal.  Apparently, it was.  I was asked to fax in the affidavit with my reasons for the request.  The court clerk wasn't rude but she wasn't overly pleasant about it.

It occurred to me that I live on the wrong side of the tracks.  If I lived in the sub-division with the rocket scientists, brain surgeons,  and ex-football stars, maybe I would have been treated differently? 

Hum.....

Fax?  Yeah, right.  I don't have a fax machine and time was a factor so I couldn't wait to send it to work with Hubby the next day.  I live 10 minutes from the court.  I drove it over there.

While I was waiting to see a clerk, a man was yelling at the clerk I spoke with on the phone.  YIKES!  If this is her life, maybe it explains her mood.   He had obviously requested a trial and was furious about his citations.  I think most of the issue was his inability to prepare his case for trial in a timely manner and he was trying to pass the blame to the court clerk.  I tried not to listen and stare but I wanted to make sure he didn't pop a blood vessel.  If he did, I didn't want to get hit by spewing liquids.

Mom had her shoulder surgery.  She is doing ok but is not very comfortable, as expected.  I've been driving her to her doctor visits.    Yesterday, her surgeon's office felt like a morgue.  We waited at least an hour in the cold room with putrid lighting to see the doctor.   I kept leaving the room to walk around looking to see if the doctor was really there.  He was but we found out that he was on call and had to squeeze in several ER patients.  I'm sure these folks broke bones just to inconvenience us, right?

Snicker.

We had a near flood last week.   Fortunately, I did not have water in the house.  My garden is in heaven with a few late summer blooms:

Everything's just peachy.

That little hole under the overgrown shrub is the door to the 

lizard community. I'm afraid to trim these shrubs.  

I don't want to disturb the slithering critters.

Hibiscus and Lantanas:  Hummingbird snacking area.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Oh, Those Montana Summers!

What I Did on My Summer Vacation  

A "poetic" description of our trip to Glacier National Park in Montana.

A Montana summer is like a Texas winter.

Snow at the mountain pass on Sunday

Bright sunshine, shorts and flip-flops, on Monday.

 Hidden Lake, near Logan Pass

Reffie DID NOT skinny dip.

Bighorn sheep and furry mountain goats

Bambis, Chipmunks, and Marmots

Hummingbirds and Drangonflies

Assorted wildlife amused as the Japanese toured in the little red buses.

Cute little tour buses run on propane.  

Historical reference to the original method of touring the park.

Huckleberry Pie and Rocky Mountain Trout filled my belly

While long day hikes turned our legs into jelly.

The sky amazed us with storm clouds and rainbows

Avoiding hail storms and flying cows kept us on our toes.

Double rainbow at sunset, Whitefish, MT

Jesus may be able to walk on water but I can walk thru trees.

Fit to be tied or harnessed for safety

Bet you haven't done anything like this lately.

Our guides test the ropes and call the first team to the boardwalk.

The grizzlies were out and about but not for geeky homosapiens 

They weren't even "oot" and "aboot" because they weren't Canadians.

Some folks we talked to peed their pants on their hike.

Teeth and paws close, they feared for their life.

Momma Bear decided the human porridge looked too hot

She continued on, little cubs on her heels, moving at quite a fast trot.

The glaciers are shrinking so get close to them now

After a 1200 foot climb, though, our calves were screaming YEE-OW!

 Yes, that little snowfield is what remains of Grinnell Glacier.

I hope you enjoyed my vacation.

Photo credits:  Redbus and Glacier Lodge: bruce_fulton on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), all others:  Reffie and Hubby

Sleepless in Seattle....

Yeah, I know that is the title of a movie but it fits my day Saturday thru Sunday morning perfectly.

That's right.  Hubby and I are back from Montana and we did not get eaten by bears or mountain lions.  We weren't even asked to play with them.  Sheesh!  Evil Twin was very disappointed.

We had a great time and I will post some photos soon but I thought I would share our sleepless story today.

Yesterday (Saturday), as we were attempting to fly from Small-Town, Montana, to Seattle, Washington to pick up our connecting flight to Texas, our plane had a mechanical problem.  The plane was a prop plane seating about 50 people. The "mechanical problem" occurred after we were all loaded and buckled, and had watched the flight attendants show us how to buckle our seat belts and how to find the lavatories.  Don't you think it's funny that they show you how to buckle your seat belt after they tell you to sit down and buckle your seat belt?    

They let us off the plane and back into the terminal while they attempted to contact a mechanic on a holiday weekend.  They were estimating about an hour delay.    Hubby and I knew better.  

About an hour later, they unloaded our bags and started re-booking passengers.  It was obvious that nearly everyone was going to miss their connecting flight in Seattle.  At least we had some sunshine and beautiful mountains to look at while we waited.

Apparently, no mechanic certified to work on our aircraft was available so they had to fly in a couple of guys from Seattle.  They were placed on a flight that was headed to Another-Small-Town, Montana but had to be diverted to Small-Town so they could work on our plane. 

Back in the terminal, several hours later, we were bored and our bellies were full from our airline-provided pizza.  Burp.

Excuse me.

We giggled as we saw a plane land and a couple of guys with plumber's crack hop off and make a beeline for our plane. We supervised them making a repair somewhere deep in the plane's belly, hoping that since they had re-loaded our bags onto the aircraft that the plane was repairable and we would soon be on our way. 

We made it to Seattle with the mechanics in tow.  Hubby and I were fortunate that there was a redeye flight to Texas.  Most of the other folks were sleepless in Seattle, having to find lodging with their hotel vouchers and continue their travel early on Sunday.  We were sleepless, too, sitting in the terminal waiting for our connecting flight listening to some jerk play videos on his laptop for over an hour.  What IS it with some people?    Evil Twin was about ready to make this guy have a "mechanical problem".

That's all for now.  I need a power nap.

Have a great holiday!

Off to See the Lizard...

Hum....something about that title just isn't right.

I don't have to go anywhere to see lizards.  I have several of the little critters in my house (Geckos) and dozens of the Texas Spiny Lizards outside under rocks.

Of course they're under rocks, Reffie.  Where ELSE would they be?  SHEESH!

Sorry about that.   Evil Twin hates packing and I'm having her do that for me today.

That's right.  It's time for Hubby and I to head to Glacier National Park in Montana.  While there, we hope to see glaciers, lakes, and other beautiful scenery.  I hope to see some wildlife but the emphasis is on the WILD.  I prefer my wildlife to be at a distance and not expect me to be food.  If I see this guy, I'm not joining him:

 

I must get to that packing.  I'll be finding some warmer clothes and rain gear as they may have a few storms up there.  Hopefully, I'll be able to post a few photos while I'm away.

Fishing for Gingerbread People

It's amazing the things you find right under your nose.  Um, no, not boogers or snot although there is plenty of that, but inspiring architecture and postal creativity within a few miles of home.

Huh?

Deep in the heart of the D/FW metroplex, there are pockets of country living at its best.  Country living is a lesson in self-expression in designing your home and yard, letting your vibrant personality shine through. You are probably not even aware you have neighbors.

One would think some of these folks have been transported to an alternate universe or at least to an episode of the Twilight Zone with Rod Serling's ghostly manifestation hovering around them.   I think I saw Ron this morning on my run....

when I thought I must have transported into the CandyLand game but with rednecks and cars up on blocks as the game pieces:

OK, so this isn't the actual house I saw.  My photo did not show the real beauty of the abode so I borrowed that one.  Now, picture a pick-up truck out front and a Shetland pony out back.

Evil Twin is salivating all over the keyboard, muttering something about icing.

Further down the same road, I saw a fish mailbox.    My photo doesn't do it justice but I like the log cabin house:

Fish.  It's what for dinner (Well, maybe at THIS house!!)

I was glad when I returned to my neighborhood, sans hovering Ron, and was welcomed by Evil Twin's best friend hanging around in my neighbor's yard:

I'm pretty sure this guy is using a machete to whack the bamboo so he can creep closer and closer.

YIKES!

Photo credits:  Yummy house: Chick Dastardly on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), Fish mailbox and Gnome, Reffie.

Centus: Sitting on the Rainbow

I'm glad you stopped by today.  Yes, it's still hot in Texas and we are all a gooey mess down here.  Please send ice cubes.

I'm playing Saturday Centus again this week, writing a story, 100 words or less, using a prompt.

This week's prompt:

I listened to them from my perch on the top step and didn't know whether to laugh or to cry...

I hope you giggle or crack at smile at my little story today:

Sitting on the Rainbow

I didn't know it would be this good.  My first full day in heaven has been nothing but glorious.  The feeling of being totally connected with all living things is indescribable.   You would never believe, though, what Jesus is wearing up here.

 

Feeling light and ethereal, I wandered over to a stairway.  I smiled a bit, remembering the song Stairway to Heaven.  Haha.  There really is one.  

I noticed a group of confused domestic house pets talking amongst themselves.

Climbing without effort, I listened to them from my perch on the top step and didn't know whether to laugh or to cry...

I did both, rejoicing that our beloved furry creatures are here with us.

This week's prompt is from:  Deckside Thoughts

Other stories can be found at this blog: Jenny Matlock

Have a great week!