Injustice Exposed: And the Password Is...

Thanks to all of you that commented on my Veterans Day post. What a great response and shout out for veterans. Now I must look for some funny. I love to laugh but one can only look at so many cute animal pictures and watch so much Big Bang Theory and 2.5 Men and a Baby.

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes.

That's not the name of the show.

I know. I'm trying to make a joke. Would you just laugh already?


Do you ever feel you are on the outside looking for the inside? Are you wanting to know how to fit in or are you figuring out if you even care about finding your niche in life? Everyone else is a member of some special "club" and you are....er....well.....just you.

Well?

This post will answer none of those questions.

As part of the fight against injustice, I've joined forces with Humor Bloggers Dot Com to expose the greatest criminal organizations in the history of our country.

That's right. I've discovered that this country is full of secret societies and they all have some special means of communication that is baffling to the common geek:

1. Country Folk.

When you live in the country, and you encounter a neighbor while driving, you give "the country wave", a full wave if you're a plebe or a slight head nod or finger lift if you're an oldie.
That's right. A secret sign letting everyone know you're part of the club, just like them.

Wait. What club? I'm a little scared. I just watched the pilot of the new (new old show) V and we all now that there are zombies out there.


2. Jeep owners.

Apparently, all jeep owners have to wave or nod to each other while on the road. Hubby says "It's a Jeep thing. You wouldn't understand." Yeah, right. I think he stole that from a bumper sticker. Jeep owners seem to be part of a club that supports the tow truck industry.



3. Shrunken Car Red Hat Society.

Theses are the folks that drive Smart Cars and wear red hats.

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes.

Were they wearing purple with their red hats?

Oh, PU-LEASE! They weren't wearing red hats, OK? I'm just kidding. Let me get on with it, OK?

Anywho, these drivers are out of proportion compared to their cars, appearing as giants in too-small prisons. They look like they should be pushing those things around a Hot Wheels track. Not only do these folks wave or nod, they toot. No, I'm not talking about passing gas. They honk their horns at the other Smart Car drivers.

What the noise? They need to get over themselves before my mid-size SUV runs over them. What club are they in anyway? Some kind of hive? Are these just the scout cars I'm seeing?


4. The Masons

I have no clue. Like I said, it's a secret. I have no idea what these folks do behind closed doors. Maybe they try on women's underwear and take photos for Facebook.

Kidding. Kidding. Please do not throw mason jars at me, OK?

Yeah, I know that was bad.

5. Tree huggers.

Oh, wait. I should know this secret. I like trees and cute little animals and yoga, but I apparently didn't stand in the correct line to get the sign. I don't wear a turban, carry a PETA sign, or go around bowing and saying "Namaste" to everyone I meet.

Oh,well. I'm just a square geek in a round world.

**Sighs**

The injustice of it all.

Photo: The Internets coughed it up when I typed the secret code into the Google.

More Stuff You Didn't Want to Know

Just for shits and giggles...er.....I mean sheets and gaggles....um... maybe it's shirts and goggles....

ReformingGeek?

Yes?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. GET ON WITH IT!

Ok.

I'm sharing with you today. That's right. After summer camp and all that Kumbayah togetherness, I'm opening up my heart and bearing all the geeky weirdness for your pointing and laughing pleasure.

Crazy Things That Have Happened To Me:
(If you want the "good stuff", you'll have to read this post.)

• I broke my leg on a swingset when I was four. I stuck my foot in the slat of the swinging carriage. The carriage swung. My leg didn't. Mom freaked out, of course. One hospital trip later, I had a fresh new cast on my leg. I learned to scoot around on my booty and I'm sure I could still beat up my little brother with my other leg, two arms, and a plastic baseball bat.
  

• I had those silly little pajamas with feet when I was a kid. Mom reminded me recently that I wore them backwards so they were all twisted around. No wonder I was complaining about how uncomfortable they were.

• My first boyfriend (that I can remember) was six-year-old Bruce. I was 10. Ha! Kidding. I was also six and I don't think he knew I was his girlfriend.

• I had to wear braces twice as a pre-teen/teen. I don't think they really knew what they were doing way back then when we traveled to and from the orthodontist in our 1970 Ford Country Squire station wagon. (Yep. That's one in the picture. Ours was green, though.)

• When I was about 10, I leaned against a sharp brick at a neighbor's house and ended up with stitches in my shoulder.

• I have broken my left wrist twice, both times falling forward and becoming one with the ground. Apparently, the ground did not find me worthy.

• Now for the deep stuff. Get your shovels handy. I am a firm believer in the following but let's just say they are often only aspirations. You will notice that my evil twin could not leave me alone while I was typing:

1. Get over yourself.

What? No. That's just not possible. My blog. My blog.

2. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Bah Humbug.

3. Live in the present.
Dwelling on past events or always waiting for some future event isn't the key to happiness?

4. Let go of judgment; judgment of yourself and of others.
But. But. Wait. That can't be right.

5. Smile, laugh, and do something nice for somebody else every day.
You mean like telling your friend they have a hanging booger or spinach in their teeth? Or maybe not telling them? Hehe. I am very confused about this one.

6. OK.OK. At least do something nice for yourself every day.

Sheesh! That's enough of that. I'll leave you with this little "joke" I found in a recent email:

"I was walking down the road today and saw my roofer/template-author Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fu@#$ start?."

Now, where's my wine?

This weekend I will be at an event sponsored by Hubby's work, so unfortunately, no blog fodder. That is, unless I do something especially geeky and/or goofy which almost never happens.

I wish.

Photo credit: station wagon: desertm@worldnet.att.net

Vehicular Virginity and Pipe Dreams

I can see spring as the light at the end of the long, cold tunnel although Hubby just told me that it's only the reflection of the landing beacons from the black helicopters circling our house.

[SIGH!]

With spring comes my birthday and although I don't really enjoy adding one to my current age, the alternative....well....is not so good. Anyway, when I think of my birthday, I remember getting my driver's license at age 16 and that made me think of my first car. (Yeah, my brain takes these wild, weird jumps.)

That's right. There's nothing like that first car that is all yours (complete with you having to pay for gas!) When I graduated from high school, my parents got me a 1980 Subaru with the lousiest A/C ever invented (what, it doesn't get hot in Japan?) It was cute and blue and I really loved it but I thought I was going to die every summer.

Actually, Mom would have preferred that I drive around in this:


I'm sure she tried to find one but became disillusioned at the pricing and availability and she probably would have freaked out if I told her I really did want to drive one.

So what was your first car?

Hubby's first car was something like this (thank you, Wiki, for the photo):


But it probably felt more like this:



If I had a kid, he/she would probably get this and the child would call me a STUPID DUMBASS TREE-HUGGING HIPPIE MOM STUPID DUMBASS for the rest of its life:



Back in high school, rich kids had something similar to this:


Yeah, baby. Now we're talking. I'm thinking why in the heck did I not date the guys driving Porsches?


Enough of that. What's your dream car?

I've always been fascinated with Herbie. What a cute little bug. And the driver....well...Hubby told me NOT to dye my hair that color.



Ah shucks. I kind of like it.

Hubby's mid-life crises dream car:


Hubby seemed confused as to why there are strangers in his car. I offered to replace the driver with his face and the front-seat passenger with a blow-up doll, but he gave me The Look. Oh well. He had his chance at fame but he turned it down.


Hubby's real mid-life crises car....um....vehicle:


So that's what it looks like. It is often seen from this perspective:



And, finally, Perspective Cat's dream car:


WTF? I'm speechless. That is so Not Happening.

There is no space in the garage.


Cheshire cat photo courtesy of talljoe on flickr under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial license. Porsche, SmartCar and Volvo c70 photos were "borrowed" from car sales websites. Remaining photos are the property of ReformingGeek. Please do not use without permission.