A Snarky Chat with the Geek Girl - Part 2

What's up, RG?

Oprah's here at the State Fair of Texas over in not-Fort Worth.

Do you mean Dallas?

Um, OK. Yeah. Dallas. Oprah ate the Fried Butter and exploded into a million pieces while riding the Ferris Wheel.

Oh dear. That sounds awful. Was anyone hurt?

I think a few of the patrons were splashed and a few were impaled. It was nothing serious. Bleh.

Um....let's move on. How's Hubby?

Lemme think....Oh yeah. He had a birthday Monday and I wrote a poem for him. FaceBook butchered it when I tried to post it. Here it is:

Happy Birthday to Hubby
Celebrating the half-century milestone
With love from your silly wife
Struggling with the last line of this poem.

(When you're from Texas, "stone" and "poem" rhyme).

Also, Hubby says thanks to all of you that commented on his (not the tortured fedex guy's) legs in the previous post. His knee is better and he's almost up to full cat-kicking speed.

Hum....well. You are such the poet... I guess the kitty should keep his distance, huh?

Yep.

Anything else you want to share today, RG?

Of course there is. I won! I won! I won the Golden Phallus!

The Golden WHAT?

Yeah. It's a Golden Chinese Restaurant. I ate there last week.

That would be Golden PALACE, RG.

Whatever. I guess that's why it doesn't look Chinese. I got it from Me-Me-King for winning her caption contest:



Also, that sweet Carolina Girl Ettarose gave me this because I give great bloggy hugs (and real life hugs):



OK. OK. Get off yourself ReformingGeek!

Aw, Gosh Dern It. Can't a girl have some fun?

**Yawning** Sure. OK. WHAT ELSE?

I told Nooter I'm sending him my *cat. He has a bird problem:


**Rolls eyes** Nice. Is that it, RG?

Yep. All done. Thanks.

*Believe it or not, this poor kitty is not my useless beast. It showed up via email. I think it must be a clone, though.

A Snarky Chat with the Geek Girl - Part 1

Dang! The Paparazzi have found me.

Wait. Don't leave. It's me. ReformingGeek. Don't you want to interview me?

No? You were looking for someone famous and important?

Oh. Um..those Jonas Dudes live somewhere around here. I think you missed a turn somewhere.

Sigh.

Fine. I'll just interview myself with this set of unrelated, totally insane questions:

Q. The Grim Reaper has designated you to die providing a meal for another creature. You get to choose the creature from the list below:

a. Bear
b. Shark
c. Zombie
d. Feral Cats

None of the above.

That was one crazy question. I hope the rest aren't near that bad....

None of the above was NOT a choice.

Sorry. No comment then. That's really gross. Who made up these stupid questions anyway?

Sheesh!

What's the next question?

Q. Your husband has told me that you....er....pass gas too much. Why do you think that you have this problem?

Bathroom humor? How creative.

Oh. You want me to answer that.

Hum...I guess he's saying I fart more than he does. Fancy that. He's probably right. What can I say? I like beans, onions, garlic, and vegetables.

Sheesh. What's that smell?

Oh, sorry. I couldn't help it. I had onions on my sandwich at lunch.

Let's just move on, OK?

Q. A former co-worker mentioned that you talk loud on the telephone.

Oh, you ARE kidding, right? I have a soft voice with a southern drawl.

Oh, you're serious? Well.... I guess I get louder when I get excited and I remember some very exciting conference calls. Also, I teach fitness classes. I GOT USED TO RAISING MY VOICE.

OK. OK. Take a deep breath and we'll continue.

Q. What is your favorite color?

Seriously?

No. I'm kidding.

Ha! Fooled you.

[ReformingGeek glares at interviewer.]

Er.....why don't we just continue. OK?


Q. Why do you blog, RG?

Heck if I know. What does my profile say? See it? It's right there on the second sidebar. That is, Abdul's second sidebar. That's right. Abdul developed the template. He even signed his name at the very bottom of the page. Actually, I'd like to have a little chat with Abdul. He left a few things out. Simple things such as how do a list that actually shows the bullet points and comment code that actually works and changing the font back to the default after you use block quote....

REFORMINGGEEK?

Yes?

Can we get back to the interview?

Oh, sorry. Sure. Go ahead.

Q. Are you doing anything special for your blogiversary?

Is that like an adversary? I don't want to be confrontational. I get in trouble for that.

Um, no. You don't have to worry about that. It's the anniversary of when you did your first post.

Oh, that. I don't know. It's in September, right before I go on vacation. My brains will be totally fried by then. Maybe I'll post a picture of a balloon and a cake or something.

Um, yeah. That's sounds exciting. Snicker.


Q. Are you going to take the next step in social networking where you can video yourself blabbering on about whatever?

Heck, no. I know I'm narcissistic but not THAT much. Besides, the camera might make my butt cat look big. Also, I'm still trying to figure out 2Facebook.

2Facebook?

Yeah. You know. That social networking tool that both me and my evil twin can use with the same account. I love it. I never know who I'm gonna be that day. Tic. Tic.

Um, yeah. Sweetie, did you take your meds today?

Tune in some other time for the next set of questions whenever I think of them.

My Interview and My Two Cents!

Quirkyloon, one of the super-duper humor bloggers and the sweetest girl I know out of Mesa, AZ (Yeah, I know. She's the only girl I know in Mesa), interviewed me and wrote this post with my answers. But, hey, I'll take an easy way to create part of a blog post (I'm not proud) so here it is:

The first thing I thought when I opened my eyes this morning was ___________.

I woke up. I get another chance......er......another chance to be funny of course!

What do you like on your pizza?

Let's fold that sucker up and make it a calzone loaded with mushrooms!

I want to be reincarnated as a ________________ so I can _____________.

Let's see. In my last life, I must have been a turtle as it prepared me to be a slow, determined runner in this life. Next time, well, um, I wouldn't mind being Wonder Woman.

Would you prefer to have $10 million dollars right now or $1 million a year for 10 years? Why?

Give me the million every year. That way if I blow it, I know I have another million coming next year. If you give me the $10 million up front and I make a bad decision.......OOPS!

What do you want right now (last Saturday)?

Besides World Peace and Group Hugs and Rainbows and Puppies? Well......I'll take a nice dinner with Hubby (it's our anniversary) and some friends. Wish you were here, Quirky!

When I turn 50, I plan to be _____________.

Uh....50? That's way too close to have to "be" blank. Oh....I get it. Think of something for the _______. Um....I think I need a little more time. When I'm 60, I want to be retired living in paradise.

Do you like your hair? Is it straight and sleek? Wild and unruly?

My hair has a natural wave which frizzes easily. I'm always trying to tone it down which disappoints my mom who claims I used to have such pretty curly hair........Thanks, Mom.

Use three words to describe yourself.

Only 3 words? That can't be done. One Sleeve Short of a Straight Jacket on good days.

David Letterman or Jay Leno?

I'm going to have to go for David but Jay has more hair so....um......No. I'm gonna have to stick with David.

True or False: It's okay to pass gas in public?

Yes. Absolutely. Did I mention I like beans, onions, and garlic? Seriously, if you're alone, go for it, and make sure you're going to be alone for awhile after it oozes out. Otherwise, run for the potty, please, and wait there until the smell is out of your clothes!

I really confused myself on that last one. Just beware if you're around me after I have had a large serving of Pinto beans loaded with onions, garlic, and cilantro. If I could figure out a way to use ass gas as energy, I'd be rich.

Quirkyloon came up with some great questions, didn't she? Believe it or not, I don't think I lied on any of the answers. Of course I would never lie.

Maybe just little tiny ones like whether or not I really have any tattoos.

In other news:

Awhile back I mentioned I would be working a part-time gig in February. I won't bore you with the details of the work I'll be doing but let's say it should be slow enough at times that I will be catching up on my reading, taking cat naps, writing blog posts, improving my Sudoku skills and maybe even looking for a real job.

A real job you say?

Yeah, right.

I went in today to fill out paperwork and get this, they take a mandatory 7.5% out of your part-time salary for an investment alternative to FICA and they still take out for Social Security. I can see how this is going to go.

Hubby: First paycheck, huh?
Me: Yeah. Here it is.
Hubby: Where is the amount?
Me: I think it is in the debit column. Somehow I owe them money.

Or at least that's they way it seems to me.

My two cents on some recent events:

• Oprah's Birthday - Who?
• In Austin, Hackers Change Sign to Warn of Zombies Ahead - I like it! What a great way to describe some of us Texans!
• Mike Phelps Admits to Smoking Pot - OK; could be worse. It's your business but can't you do that behind closed doors?

Tune in Thursday for a caption contest. Win the remaining souvenir from my trip to Maui (assuming the cat doesn't puke on it or I have to sell it to buy shoes).

And, get this? I'm not asking for votes on humor-blogs.com. Can you believe it? It appears that the site has been up and down since the weekend and the javascript inside my template linking to the site was causing my blog to load very slowly waiting for the site to time out or explode or whatever sites do when they die, so enough already. Goodbye. Maybe it will come back later. Maybe not.