Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Because People are Stupid

I got a CD of guided meditations for Christmas. You're probably thinking HUH? It's a long story about one of my other lives....


Anyway, I'm reading the information on the back cover and it explains how the meditations may make you very relaxed or that you may even fall asleep. OKEY DOKEY. I understand. I get it. And then the last line:
Do not listen to these meditations while driving.
WTF? Why did they have to say that?

Oh yeah. It's because someone will do this, fall asleep, crash their car and kill someone or themselves. In other words, trying to become one with their car and a tree or something like that.

But wait. There's more.

I was cleaning a drawer (yes, I do this every few years) and noticed the instructions for my hair dryer. Insert plug into outlet. Read all the directions before using the product. Do not plug too many items into one outlet. Yada yada. And then:
Do not use while bathing.
WTF? Why did they have to say that?

Oh yeah. It's because someone will do this and die. Well-deserved. Maybe there's hope for the gene pool yet.

Other ingenious ways to kill or maim yourself:
  • Ladders, power lines and you trying to occupy the same space. EEEEEK!
  • Stepping on the sheetrock while up in the attic. SPLAT!
  • While driving, turning around to look in the back seat taking your eyes off the road and/or moving the steering wheel with you as you turn your body. YIKES!
  • Pull up at the gas station pump, get out of the car, and light up a cigarette. Pump gas. KABOOM!
  • Substitute something unstable for a ladder because you just don't want to go get one. WHAM!
Fortunately, so far, none of these things have happened to me. My dad has stepped thru the attic and my aunt used a bar stool as a ladder and ended up in the ER, on Christmas Eve. Sounds like it might be in my genes. Uh oh.

We all hope that we won't die because we did something stupid. If this happens to me, I hope that whoever writes my obituary will kindly omit the details.

Hope you have a great New Year. See you on the other side for more fun and games!

Let's bring in the new year with some smileys over at


Anonymous said...

oh yeah humans are really stupid i could tell you about the time when the human .. wait, i better not tell or i wont get any snaks for a while. sorry.

Bee (the one who muses) said...

That is not fair. The times I want to meditate and mellow out is when I'm driving. Road rage can kill to you know.

Happy New Year!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

You seem like the geek girl who can remix these meditations and harmonize it with the Best of Slayer soundtrack over it. Both are quite soothing.
I think you will be fine in the new year. I will predict some severe carpal tunnel in 2009 as your worst. Happy New Year.

ReformingGeek said...

@nooter - Yeah, dogs are supposed to be man's best friend. Don't tell all the secrets.

@Bee - My thoughts exactly!

@Self-Deprechaun - No, please not carpal tunnel!!!

Anonymous said...

Ah, just no shortage of stupid people is there. I swear it just amazes me some of the warnings you find and you are right -- the warning is there because somewhere, sometime, some idiot tried something stupid!

I have to admit though...I do that whole grab whatever you can so you don't have to go get the ladder thing.

Anyhowser, hope you have a wonderful and happy New Year! :o)

Deb said...

I love the directions on shampoo bottles. Directions? Wet hair. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Thank God they are on the bottle or I would forever wonder how to use those damned complicated shampoos!

Happy New Year!

ReformingGeek said...

@AngieSS - I admit I've used a 3-legged chair more than once. Maybe I'll rethink that. ;-)

@Deb - Yeah. Shampooing is very complex; wouldn't want to mess up now would we?

Unknown said...

LOL! Hope your new year is off to a great biz peaked on new years eve...yanno having a beauty salon,chainsaw shop and gentlemans club is loo-cra-tive!!!

Happy 2009

ReformingGeek said...

@georgie - Thanks. Glad to hear things are going well with the new biz. Happy 2009 to you too!

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"