Thursday, July 16, 2009

Where in Tejas is Carmen "Chris" San Diego?

A roast by any other still a roast.

Welcome to another edition of Um, Um Geeky Good, a roast of a carefully selected random blogger. Since it's summer, I've been attempting to develop new recipes for the grill. I just learned that Nooter hides behind grills so I'll make sure I'm careful next time I'm out there. Chris, the Elementary School Principal from Maugeritaville has been seasoned and is now sizzling on the grill.

Chris recently told us that he and his wife went to Mexico on a cruise and that they left out of San Diego on a fun ship. Obviously, that's not what happened.

About a month ago, a few of you visited me here in Cowtown as part of the Virtual Road Tour (see sidebar) sponsored by Humor Bloggers Dot Com. Some of you apparently got lost here in Texas and have not been seen or heard from since. Being the super-sleuth that I am, I've discovered that Chris was one of the lost bloggers.

We apparently misplaced him at the zoo on day two of our tour. He was enthralled with the white tigers and was separated from the group. Some guy that looked like Chris joined our group so we didn't catch on until it was too late.

Chris boarded a bus and ended up a few miles south at a local brewery. He took the tour and sampled some ugly dog I mean butt ugly beer. No, that's not right either. Never mind. Let me check the website. OK. Ugly Pug.

Anywhatsit, he imbibed with a bit too much enthusiasm and he fell asleep out back. A few bums took mercy on him and shoved him into the cab of an 18-wheeler heading south.

"Yes, Ms. Geek. Chris rode with me and the boys south on I-35 until we had a pit stop."

When they stopped to use one of these:

Chris made a run for it. (I think he was very tired of

He eluded me for awhile but I found him at the Blue Bell factory in Brenham, Texas, sampling Blue Bell ice cream. I have no idea how he got there. Poor Chris did not realize he was lactose-intolerant. He had a VERY rough night. I gave him some Ex-Lax and went to get my own samples of ice cream.

Yum! Southern Blackberry Cobbler ice cream, where have you been all my life?

While I was enjoying my treat, Chris disappeared.

Don't worry. I found him.

Fortunately, some of his former students recognized him hitchhiking and picked him up in their car. They headed south.

Being young men and women with champagne tastes on a beer budget, they were making a side trip to Shiner. There just happens to be a brewery in Shiner.

Poor Chris. You already know what happens when Chris visits breweries.

Yep. That's right. Shoved into the cab of an 18-wheeler, he finally made it across the border. Si Habla Taco?

After fighting off a few thieves and drug cartels here and there, Chris enjoyed a nice vacation in Mexico. Somehow, he ended up with a terrible sunburn.

Finally, his wife arrived to pick him up and return him north of the border.

Now THAT'S what really happened, folks!

By the way, this headline from Chris's hometown
got my attention:


Oh, my, my, Chris. Is that why attendance is down at your school?

Chris is a great writer. For putting up with this debacle, Chris is welcome to display the roasted badge on his blog. Check him out over at

Yes, there are other bloggers that got lost in Texas. When I find them, they're toast (pun intended)!

To read about other previously cooked bloggers, look for the
Um, Um, Geeky Good badge on the far right sidebar. Click any of the links on the list and enjoy your meal!

Photo credits: Outhouse: some email, cow truck: maxDug on, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).


Hit 40 said...

You need to volunteer for all school field trips!!! You wouldn't let any kid slip away to have a quick joint.

Chris - you may want to check if blogger has any stalker rules???

Marvin D Wilson said...

LOL. I once did a post on ridiculous headlines. That one was on it and I had found another one that read, "When Making Cookies Don't Forget to Include Your Children!"

The Old Silly

Mama-Face said...

Haha. Good detective work on finding the lost blogger. White tigers are enthralling; so that part is understandable...but the rest?

So many bloggers. So very many lost bloggers.

ReformingGeek said...

@Hit 40 - I'm afraid I might eat the children.

@Marvin - I can see how they would make good posts!

@mama-face - Thanks. I hope I'm not found. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Where have all the tigers gone? Long time passing.

heh heh

Nice roast. Lickity good, now where be the napkins? *smile*

Nooter said...

'kids make nutritious snaks' or 'kids are nutritious snaks'? i want to be sure im clear on this

im in my new hiding place working on a short story entitled 'the mysterious case of the missing pork chop from the grill'. publishers mouths are watering

oh, and mmmm... shiner bock...

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - Glad you liked the grilling today! Just wipe your face on your sleeve, Sweetie.

@Nooter - Kids are nourishing treats (for the soul). ;-)

I just ate that pork chop. Sorry.

Yeah. Shiner is good stuff.

Anonymous said...

Oh and I forgot...I'll be sure to send a memo ASAP to the zombies regarding the kids making delicious snacks.

Heh heh heh

Leeuna said...

Kids are great. They taste like chicken. Or so I've heard...

Chris said...

I was hoping that information never got out. Oh, and regarding the sunburn, there's a great explanation for that . . . as it turns out, Tecate beer makes lousy sunscreen.

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - Um....make sure your own kiddies have been seasoned with something the Zombies don't like.

@Leeuna - That's right. They do!

@Chris - No secret is safe with me!

And, no, beer does NOT make an effective sunscreen.

Suzanne said...

You'd think Chris would be able to navigate his way around Texas and not get lost. He's a teacher isn't he? Hmmmmm........


Mike said...

Ahhh! Kids, fry em' up with a little peppers and onions, makes a hearty meal! LOL!

ReformingGeek said...

@Sue - I think it was the beer and the heat. His brains were fried.

@otin - Sounds a bit gassy to me. LOL!

Unknown said...

I want to know who forgot to count heads when boarding the bus.

Jean Knee said...

those white tigers will bite yer hand off. especially if you taste like beer

ReformingGeek said...

@ettarose - Chris was supposed to count heads and when his look-alike boarded, he gave us the thumbs up.

@Jean - I bet they like chicken, too.

honeypiehorse said...

I always wanted one of them patriotic outhouses.

Maureen said...

Maybe they mean "kids" as in goats?

Naw, that's not right either....

ReformingGeek said...

@honeypiehorse - Yours for only $19.99

@Maureen - Well....maybe.

Skye said...

This was hilariously delicious! Now I've got to go and snack on the rest of your roast posts :D

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"