Souvenir Giveaway 1 - Winner Announced

PHEW! I'm breathing a sigh of relief. Deranged cat must of had one big belly-ache and the wads of hair swallowed by said beast obviously didn't help. Projectile regurgitation on the staircase, the banister, the wall, and the floor beneath was the result.

You may remember that the giveaway prize was on my staircase. Kitty completed missed it! Really. Bloody amazing! I'm also glad the partially digested meal missed my running shoes and some tax paperwork. Well, maybe I really don't care about that tax paperwork, huh?

So on to the important stuff. That's right. What I'm wearing.

Uh....sorry. No. That must have been brain fog. This is a "family" blog.

Oh, yeah. Announcing the winner of the giveaway is supposed to be what I'm doing in today's post. Here goes.

The answers I was looking for are as follows but question 3 was kind of confusing so I allowed for that.

1. What is the name of the island where LOST is filmed and also contains the city of Honolulu?

Oahu

2. Name a flower starting with an "H" that grows well in Hawaii. Hint: sort of sounds like "biscuits". Extra credit if you spell it right.

Hibiscus

3. What island did I visit last week and what island can be seen from the top of the Haleakala volcano most days?

I went to Maui and the island of Hawaii (or The Big Island) can be seen from the top of Haleakala. For those that answered Lanai, I'll give it to you.

4. In Hawaii, if you're eating Pipi (pee-pee) Pupu (poo-poo), what are you eating? No, you're not eating shit, folks.

1. chicken sausages
2. wild pig stew
3. beef appetizers
4. whale blubber

5. I recently spotted a _______ near my house:

1. moose
2. bobcat
3. bear
4. wildebeest

6. The excuse I use for anything that goes wrong for which I take the blame is:

1. I've lost it from spending too much time on the Interwebs.
2. My cat is deranged and drove me over the edge.
3. God spoke to me and told me to do it.
4. Brain fog.

But any of those will do for #6.

Special mention goes out to Quirkyloon who did a great job with the "Lost" related entries and to Tattoo Jim , Tracy, and David for their wild and crazy answers.

But the following people answered correctly so their names went into the hat and since they spelled Hibiscus correctly, they each got an extra entry. Dizzblnd got an additional entry for being first.

• dizzblnd from Soggy-Doggy-Bloggy
• Eudea-mamia from Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit...
• Jacki from Moving at the Speed of Life
• georgie from Decisionally Challenged
• Elizabeth from Elizabeth and Her Invisible Chinese Baby

Perspective Cat licked his paw clean and reached in, then he withdraw his paw and started licking it again and then began to wash his face. He reached in again. This time he withdrew his paw and scratched himself.

SIGH! DAMN CAT! GET ON WITH IT!

So I threw some more fish in the hat. That seem to do it. He reached in one more time and the fish stuck to an entry so out came the paw with the piece of paper that reads dizzblnd.

Good Job and Congratulations! I will send you the prize. Please email me your address at caroljean.fo@gmail dot com. Your prize is the cell phone beach chair!!!!!!



If you didn't win this time, tune in next week. I have one more souvenir and I think you will like it. I love caption contests so I'm going to find a truly bizarre picture for you to caption.

Thanks for playing. I really appreciate all of you!

Smileys from humor-blogs.com are always welcome.

Photo of ReformingGeek's real cat was taken by neighbor Steve Johnson but Projectile-Vomiting-Beast can be yours for.........Never Mind. You don't want him.

Win an Awesome Prize!

Now is your chance to win this wonderful souvenir from Maui. I think it was made in China or Indonesia or Finland or by local kids doing projects at Home Depot but at least it looks Hawaiian and I bought it over there. I promise.

Promises. Promises. Just like a politician.


Anyway. You can win this cute little beach chair for your cell phone or whatever else you want to put there. It looks great on my staircase but it will look even better on your desk or end table!

Here's how we'll play the game:

Read all questions carefully. Put your answers in the comments. A random drawing by Perspective Cat will be held from all the entries with correct answers. You can enter more than once as long as you have different answers in each entry.

This will be easy. The first commenter has to do all the work and you can copy from them (if you think they got it right). I'll up the ante. The first commenter gets 2 entries.

And if nobody submits a correct entry, oh well. Sorry. I get to keep the prize.

Just kidding. After feeding Perspective Cat the remaining fish we smuggled out of Hawaii, he has agreed to draw a winner.

1. What is the name of the island where LOST is filmed and also contains the city of Honolulu?

2. Name a flower starting with an "H" that grows well in Hawaii. Hint: sort of sounds like "biscuits". Extra credit if you spell it right.

3. What island did I visit last week and what island can be seen from the top of the Haleakala volcano most days?

4. In Hawaii, if you're eating Pipi (pee-pee) Pupu (poo-poo), what are you eating? No, you're not eating shit, folks.

1. chicken sausages
2. wild pig stew
3. beef appetizers
4. whale blubber

5. I recently spotted a _______ near my house:

1. moose
2. bobcat
3. bear
4. wildebeest

6. The excuse I use for anything that goes wrong for which I take the blame is:

1. I've lost it from spending too much time on the Interwebs.
2. My cat is deranged and drove me over the edge.
3. God spoke to me and told me to do it.
4. Brain fog.

Yep. That last one's a freebie. I just want to see what you come up with.

Good Luck.

The winner will be announced Friday and as soon as I have your address, I'll send you your prize!

Thanks for playing.

Smileys from humor-blogs.com are always winners.

A Whale of a Post

Everything you always wanted to know about humpback whales and sex. That's right. Sex.

Now that I have your attention, I will tell you how whales have sex. Whale sex organs are internal. Well, sort of internal. The male has uh...parts but there's not a lot of drag if you know what I mean. The female has a hole similar to an "innie" belly-button. Basically, the male whale gets frisky and his um....parts....become a little more defined and he "joins" with the female. Got that? I hope so. That was really embarrassing. There will be a quiz later.

But wait. There's more.

They swim around on top of each other. What fun! Just like the dolphins. Apparently, dolphins enjoy sex about as much as we do. They do it all day so now you know why they're smiling all the time. I know a lot of you (primarily you guys) are starting to think about why you can't do it all day and I'm not talking about taking a little pill to keep things up (pun intended). I guess if all we had to do all day was swim around looking for food while playing in the water, we'd have much more time for it.

Of course this is what the dolphins want us to think. The real story is that they have already achieved world domination. We just don't know it yet.

Hubby and I returned Saturday morning from warm Maui at the rude hour of 4:30AM. This was so very, very wrong as it was 36 degrees and windy. Hubby was glad to see his large bag on the carousel as it contained his leather jacket. I started sneezing at the airport and at home and I finally told Hubby that we need to move there as I wasn't sneezing in Maui.

We discussed what would need to happen. We would have to sell all of our assets so we can work 3 jobs and live in a dumpy apartment. I made it clear that my remaining kidney was not for sale and that goes for all my other organs and don't think I could make much selling myself on the streets. Besides, I think THAT is illegal and although jail may provide 3 squares and a place to shack up, I'm not sure I want to "friend" the other "ladies" in jail with me.

And how in the heck did two people generate so much laundry? And what's with all this sand in my luggage? I did make it home with some cute souvenirs for a blog giveaway so stay tuned for an awesome contest.

So back to the whales. Amazing creatures. All 45 feet and @40 tons. Go to Wiki for more details. On Maui, we saw babies with their moms. The babies wanted to come close to the shore and the boats. I don't think the moms were happy about that. They were so cute. Here are some more pics taken by Hubby of course:

This one was having a whale of a time (pun intended) splashing his fins around. Maybe he was trying for a tan or a little scratch on the belly.





And is he flipping me off or what?

This guy finally showed his fluke and dove down right under our boat. Our boat had a hydrophone that our guide stuck in the water. We could hear him singing. We could also hear the whale song from our boat along with a few blows here and there. Really cool.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow: We got this one on our last day walking along the beach path. The colors were very vivid. No, VE, you can't have my picture when your readers want rainbows and puppies.




That's all from Maui. There are more pictures (probably over 200) but I've got to spend time putting together a digital album so this is probably all I will post (I know that you're breathing a sigh of relief.) And for those of you waiting for the thong bikini photo, you'll be waiting a very long time. My apologies but hubby said it made my tattoos look big.

It's always raining puppies over at humor-blogs.com. How about a smiley vote?

Photos are the property of ReformingGeek. Please do not use without permission.

What You've Been Waiting For....

The poop post.

No. Not really. Maybe one of these days. But today I will discuss pee, piss, pee-pee, wee-wee, whiz, taking-a-leak or whatever else you want to call it.

We are still in the warm place, aka Maui. We planned a hike after a long drive yesterday. You know what needs to happen after a long drive. Especially if you consume beverages which of course you do because....well that's just what you do while you're driving one-lane roads while looking for whales in the ocean at the road driving safely! Anyway, we read the map and guidebook about where to find the trailhead for our hike. Then I mention the inevitable.

"Hon, I really need to pee." I imagine Hubby does too but he isn't the first to admit it today. We toss around a few ideas like going to a shopping complex just up ahead or stopping at a gas station. We find the turnoff for our hike and I said why don't we just go ahead and drive to the trailhead (hoping against all hope that they would have one of those cute little boxes or at least a bucket).

Ha! Nope. Nada. Not so lucky.

Fortunately, there are no other cars or people at this trailhead. Hubby suggests that I drop trou next to the passenger door. He has already unzipped and is taking care of his business next to the driver's side. OKEY DOKEY. I can do this. After all, been there; done that. I've peed off trail in Colorado, Alaska, and now Hawaii. My goal is to hit all 50 states and all the U.S. Territories. Now if you find a satellite image on Google Earth and it shows this lady decked out in hiking clothes with her pants down.........

Folks, the key is to pee with the wind and not splash your clothes and don't pee on you shoes. Got it?

A friend once told me that only Americans make a big deal out of taking a piss. If you've traveled to other countries (France and Japan come to mind), you're lucky if you get a toilet in a public facility, Ladies. Guys? I think you might get a hole or a gutter or a bush...I have not checked that out.

My last post talked about a tour to see the sunrise followed by a bike ride down the mountain. One thing our driver shared with us is funny questions people ask. I love these:

"Does the sun come up every day?"

"What happens if the sun doesn't come up?"

"Is the sun late today?"

Of course the guide has to keep a straight face and answer these questions.

My response would have been "Uh......" or "You're too stupid to be on this tour today. Please get out of the van and walk the 40+ miles back to your hotel."

I'll leave you with some memories from this week so far:

Bamboo forest: This was from our hike in Haleakala National Park from the south side of Maui up to a waterfall. I kept looking for panda bears. It was very dark and spooky. The bamboo was huge and made squeaking sounds as it cracked and shifted in the wind; very eerie.



West Maui mountains: More beauty from the diversity this island has to enjoy. Hubby snapped this one on our long drive mentioned above.




Sunset over Lanai: I actually took this one and caught the colors just right. This is our view from our hotel. Also, there was what looked like a teenage whale dancing for us in front of our resort, wowing the crowd with his fin and fluke and making big splashes. He was probably just hoping to impress a pretty lady whale and see some action tonight.




Our vacation is winding down. How about a smiley vote over at humor-blogs.com to cheer me up?

Photos property of ReformingGeek. Please do not use without permission.

Greetings from the Warm Place

No, I'm not in Hell.....yet.

I'm in Maui. The sun came out and I'm starting to thaw. Yippee! When we arrived Friday afternoon, they were having a "storm" and it was pouring down rain. Apparently, it's winter here, too, and they get storms where it actually rains on the entire island. Amazing! They had floods that washed out a road on the other side of the island and schools were closed Friday because of high winds and heavy rains. Seriously. High winds. I guess they were afraid Little Johnny might blow away to sea?

As I expected, traveling provides great entertainment. On our flight over, I was sandwiched between Hubby and Crazy Old Lady. Since I'm "small" and I'm such a nice person (no, really I am), I sit in the middle seat when we travel and we are not able sit on the outside sections with just 2 seats (depending on the type of aircraft of course).

Hubby's allergies were acting up and for the entire flight I hear SNORT, SNIFFLE, BLOW and then Crazy Old Lady starts coughing. Somebody shoot me now. This lady also talks to me off and on in a very loud voice, even when I'm wearing my headphones and have a book open. No, folks, this wasn't a family member as it's not common practice to have vacations from the penitentiary. I didn't know this lady. She's just one of those chatty types and she was really very weird.

This certainly wasn't the kind of sandwich I had in mind.Why couldn't Matt Damon, Daniel Craig, Kiefer Sutherland, or at least Will Smith have been in this lady's seat?

Oh yeah. They'd be in First class.

And remember that I said I wanted to thaw out on this vacation. Well, we got up at O'Dark-Thirty - 3 hours Saturday morning to go to the top of the mountain to see the sunrise. Yep, that's right. S U N R I S E! This is usually a very foreign concept for me. We went from sea level to 9000 feet and it was about 32 degrees with icy sidewalks and it was very windy! Apparently, I'm the crazy lady.

The sun finally make a spectacular appearance around 7:05 AM, starting with a liquid gold ribbon on the horizon. We stood out there for an hour or so before the sun woke up watching the twilight dance off the clouds. I know this is an overused word but it really was surreal.


Then we lost some altitude (and some attitude) and found some wet clouds. The next part of our tour was to ride bicycles down the mountain (on the road). Now I did say those clouds were wet and they proceeded to pee drizzle all over us for the first part of our ride. Yep. I was shivering and my feet finally dried about 3:00 PM. The 2nd half of our tour was awesome. It rained again during our break but by the time we got back on our bikes and headed down the mountain, the "storm" vanished and the day turned into the Maui that all of us want to know and love!


Yes, that's me. I'm wearing about 2.5 layers of clothing from the ride down the mountain. The waves were huge and the little dots in the water are surfers. This is on the north shore of Maui, known for its huge waves and hefty breezes for windsurfing.

Only one girl, a girl missing more one than one card from her deck, stayed in the sag wagon and didn't ride with us. Our guide told a story about giant spiders and she freaked out. She was also a little intimidated about riding a speeding bike down a mountain. She might break a nail or something. I don't have much sympathy. Although I've done some crazy things, I'm kind of a fraidy-cat sometimes so if I can do it......

We are having a great time. I'm wishing warm, sunny thoughts for all of you.

I can always use some smiley sunshine over at humor-blogs.com.

Photos are the property of ReformingGeek. Please do not use without permission.

Let the Thawing Begin....

We finally made it to Friday! I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm headed out of town on vacation and I hope to come back thawed out. This crazy weather has had me an ice cube one day and a melted blob (I typed blog) the next. The goal for this trip is to completely thaw out, chill out, and pig out eat healthy food and drink responsibly.

Well, maybe I'll eat some fish.

I hope to have Internet access and check in with you guys next week and I also hope to be able to post a couple of times. But just in case I don't, get ready for bombardment when I return assuming I'm presented with some great material while I'm gone. If it's like any other trip, traveling and watching people usually provides some humor. Or at least you need humor to get thru it all!

I love vacation but I hate packing. We are going to a warm place so why do I have 2 full bags packed?

Remember the geek thing? The "reforming" part has left the building. If you see it, please send it back inside. We have a collapsible cooler, hiking poles, and our own snorkel gear including cute little booties that fit in the fins. I blame this on Hubby. He's a diver so he's used to the booties and since I have tiny feet and can never really fit in the rental equipment, he convinced me to get the booties and some nice fins. And of course I have a diving skin because I absolutely freeze in the water, and a flotation vest, and a bag to carry all this crap. OK, so now I have to find room for some clothes.....

Clothes are overrated. Swimsuit? Check. All set.

I almost forgot. We will be hanging out at 10,000 feet to see a sunrise and it will be effing freezing and windy so guess what else has to go in the bags?

That's right. Another swimsuit. Got it. All set. Again. Let's go already.

SIGH.

I finally got to watch the first two hours of 24 recorded on our DVR. GO JACK GO! And for the guys, there is red-headed Renee. But think about it? Do you really want to be a female hanging around with Jack (or anyone hanging around with Jack)? It seems that they almost always get their heads blown off, go crazy, or get their hearts broken. Jack obviously has some serious issues. SIGH.

Think warm.

Hot smileys from humor-blogs.com are always appreciated.

Photo courtesy of ReformingGeek. Please do not use without permission.

Hump Day Howdy!

Sometimes life around the ReformingGeek household just isn't all that exciting. I know you're surprised and think I spend my days shopping for shoes, hunting wild animals, playing nosey neighbor and/or supervising trash receptacles, but some days I think my dharma is cat slave. Seriously, open door, close door, repeat. I guess I should bloom where I'm planted because my next life might be as a house cat (more likely a cockroach).

I know I spend a lot of time blogging and sometimes I know I'm still asleep reading blogs because I find that I've made a silly comment or commented on the wrong post. Oops..... I can always use the brain fog excuse or maybe I need the 12-step program.

So today I find myself creating a short post. Ha! I know you don't believe it.

No really. Here goes.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who never really lets you talk?

I met a friend for lunch recently and this is about how it went. I used to work with this friend and she's always been this way and I do like her but when I start thinking about how things usually go when we meet up, I laugh at myself.

RG (me, of course)
FTF (Fast-Talking-Friend)

RG: Hey, how are you?
FTF: I'm good. Remember my brother. Well he married so-and-so and last week they..........blah blah yada yada....What's up with you?
RG: Well, I'm....
FTF: And remember uncle Bob? He crashed his motorcycle..blah blah yada yada....So are you working now?
RG: I'm still teaching at ......
FTF: Oh yeah. My daughter and her friend are planning this trip....blah blah yada yada.....
RG: Sounds nice so how's......
FTF: Did I tell you so-and-so left the company? Yeah, she........blah blah yada yada......So you really don't make much money teaching, do you?
RG: Um.....
FTF: Anyway, so my other daughter.......

For an hour.

We part company. I think I got screwed and I'm wanting to snarkily shout out "Was it good for you?!?!"

Fortunately, I have other friends and they are not like that!

In other news, I actually had a GREAT experience talking to a customer service representative. This person was efficient, SPOKE ENGLISH (not Engrish), and took care of my request in record time. GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, THERE IS A GOD!

Coming up in February, I am scheduled to work a temporary part-time job to supplement that obviously inadequate income my friend described. More on that later.

Finally, to fully honor hump day, I leave you with a humpback whale showing off up in Alaska next to our cruise ship. *These photos were taken in September 2007 on one of last Inside Passage cruises of the season. If you want to see the whale in all it's glory, click on the photo and page down.





Happy Hump Day! How about a vote for the whale antics over at humor-blogs. Click here to vote and thanks!

*Photos property of ReformingGeek. Please do not use without permission.

Sanitation Citation

What's this?

No. Say it ain't so. This can't be ReformingGeek's recycle receptacle still up at the "curb" from last Friday?

SIGH.

I'm afraid so and it hasn't been emptied. As of a few months ago, we now pay more for TWICE WEEKLY TRASH AND RECYCLE service.

I'm sure that missing us was just an oversight. I'm sure they must have been having a bad day Friday and forgot to come down our court. I'm sure they weren't quitting early enjoying the nice weather and a little drinkie to jump start the weekend, right?

Well, fine. I refuse to bring my bin back down my long drive.

Maybe the neighbors will take care of it for me. Or the neighborhood association will issue a citation for disgracing the appearance of our court. Actually, we are off the hook on that one. Our association doesn't give a flying wad of trash about stuff like this. Fortunately, the primary purpose of our association is the maintenance of the grass airstrip that is part of of neighborhood (e.g. tractor maintenance, fertilizer, repairs from armadillo attacks).

From all the horrible stories I've heard about homeowners' associations, I have no complaints about our association but our city is doing a great job of giving all of us a wedgie. I picture the council members sitting around a table, closing their eyes, reaching into a bucket of nonsense, and pulling out the latest "code". Then they pay lawyers to write it in the most confusing, misleading language ever and they pay these guys to enforce these "codes":

Photo: iStockphoto.com

On second thought, we may not have anything to worry about...

The "code" that really got to me was created a few years ago after our neighborhood was annexed into the city. They started charging @$1200 for a permit to dig a well. Thanks a lot, folks. I want a well but I don't want to part with $1200. But wait, there's more. There are permits to get a sprinkler system or storage shed, rules about when to cut your grass, and you can only pee and flush into your septic system every other day.

Just kidding. We can pee all we want and flush every day at noon.

At least nobody is telling us that we have to have flowers planted in the flower beds and what color we can or cannot paint the house!

Our neighbors keep us in line, though. A few years ago, during the darkest days of winter, when Hubby and I were both working some longer hours, we did good just to get the bins up the long drive and ready for the trash trucks. Bringing them back in a timely manner after they were emptied? That was too much to ask. One day I arrive home from work a little early and noticed that our bins were brought down close to our house for us by kind, concerned neighbors. Now wasn't that sweet?

Uh huh.

We took the hint.

Then there is the neighbor that comments on what you threw away (This is before the privacy of the larger trash bins with the enhanced twice weekly service.) Um......so.....my response is please take what you want. We obviously don't want or need it OR IT WOULDN'T BE IN THE TRASH NOW WOULD IT?

Seriously, I couldn't ask for better neighbors. With the exception of the adult goof-off that sometimes lives up the street and occasionally shoots off fireworks into the wee hours or races his motorcycle up and down the street, these folks are great. Most of our closest neighbors are retired and home all day (when they are not out in their RVs). Unfortunately, you can't put much past them.

How about showing some neighborly smiley love with a vote over at humor-blogs.com? No citations issued. I promise.

Awards and Reformation

It's Friday and I'm not posting about wild animals or running. I'm happy about that. I hope you are too. Today, I'm ecstatic that my blog buddy, Quirkyloon, has bestowed upon me an award. She is such a nice lady. She loves fudge and diet Dr. Pepper which are at the top of my criteria list for great people and she writes hilarious blog posts!


Thanks, Quirky!

I'm supposed to pass this award on to other bloggers and here is how I will do it.

There is a game going around where bloggers are asked to post about things that start with the letter that is given to them. Well I didn't get a letter and I didn't ask for one so I decided just to take one. I don't usually play by the rules (Just ask anyone, they will tell you that this is true.)

I gave myself the letter "R" (for Reforming of course).

I will start by giving the award to some of my favorite blogs I've recently discovered that start with the letter "R" or that the letter "R" is a major part of their blog name or just because I want to pick them.

Tracy over at Rambling Thoughts of the Neverending Mind - Ramblings thoughts? Maybe. Fun? Yes!

Confessions of a Random Chick - Hilarious craziness. Visit her and lose the grumpiness. Be careful. She might already be wearing her straight jacket.

Nooter the Dog - GRRRRRR! Beware of dog. No really. It's a dog and your next life might be as a dog or a peanut. You just never know.

The Cubicle's Backporch - Country girl at heart blogs about life. Here's a funny story about technology and older folks.


Feel free to take your award and pass it on or come up with your own fun game!


As for the rest of the "R" words, here goes:

Roses - I would like to see some serious blooms on my rose bushes next spring. Let me make this clear. BLOOM PRETTY OR ELSE IT'S THE SHREDDER FOR YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME!

UH OH! I sound like a mom.

Reformation - No, not the time in world history following the Renaissance but the reformation from geek to non-geek that I'm perpetually working on. Wish me luck.

Robot - Get Will Smith out here. I think I have a robot gone bad trying to break into my house. It's red light is on. Will can be shirtless. Yeah, I know it's winter but he's tough, right?

Ridiculous - Think Harry Potter. How to turn something you are afraid of into something funny. I'm afraid of rejection and failure.

OK. Here goes. I'm waving the wand and shouting

R I D I C U L O U S!!!!

Thru the smoke it's made clear that I'm on a podium telling funny light bulb jokes and folks are throwing money at me.

OUCH! Wait a minute. That was a SHOE! OUCH! I guess I should have asked Hermione to do this spell.

Restitution - Uh oh. That's a big word. Better go look it up. OK. Got it. For all those people I have hurt in some way, I am truly sorry and I will come do your laundry for a week.........

Ha! You fell for that? You sure are gullible.

Ruler - All the better for measuring.......

No. That's not it. It's the ruler of the world thing. I've determined that the Interwebs rule the world.

Rack - as in I wish I had a nice rack. Actually, any rack would do. That's right. Something to catch crumbs on and bounce around when I run (maybe I should rethink this one). Actually, I have a nice Baker's Rack in my dining room. I guess that will do.

Riddle - Riddle me this:

What are the next two letters in the following series and why?

W A T N T L I T F S _ _

What? Did you expect the answer to be here? If you know it, you can put it in the comments.

Resolution - I resolve to get out of bed 6 out of 7 days a week and write a blog post at least once a week. I have to allow for hangovers, illness, writer's block, demands of family, pets, windigos and wildebeests and occasional real work.

OK. That's enough. Feel free to pick a letter and do what you want with it. Enjoy!

I can always use awards smiley votes over at humor-blogs.com.

Damn You Mother Nature and Other Weirdness!

I know that Monday was Amateur Antics day and my post was about running but weird things seem to happen to me on days that I run. Or maybe it's that weird things happen every day. Or maybe I'm just weird or that things happen.

Oh dear. I'm getting confused.....must drink more wine before continuing.

OK, I'm back.

Yesterday morning after surviving the grueling almost-annual squish of the boobies (I was supposed to do this last month), I come home to a sweet, innocent cat sleeping in the sun in the backyard. So I quietly creep into the house to avoid disturbing the beast and I glance out my front window and look across the street. It's a woody area and I see this gray thing coming up the hill.

Hum......what is that? Is it a dog?

No. Not a dog. It's got cat ears.

Wait a minute. THAT'S A BOBCAT! SHEESH!


Um, where's my camera?

And then it disappeared into the woods. Another great photo opportunity down the drain.

Just in case it was hungry, I encouraged sleeping beast to come inside for refuge.



OK, that was exciting. Now what? Oh yeah. Time to go run. I ask myself why we seem to be in this weird weather pattern lately. For the past month, it's freezing/effing cold on Mondays with/without rain, sleet, or snow. It's windy on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and warm on Fridays. Mother Nature is helping me into a straight jacket. YIKES!

That's right. Tuesday. Gale force winds out of the west/northwest. I brilliantly chose an east/west course with the Hill-that-Never-Ends headed west on the way back. I wasn't sure I was going to make it. First, I had to dodge trash cans all over the road, both empty and full. (See this post, my very first post, for my rant on this subject.) There was no paper or plastic option. You got both. I clumsily tried to get a neighbor's recycle bin upright and reloaded before the next gust. That was futile. Back to the run.

Anyway, I sure as heck didn't notice the advantage when I was headed east but when I started up that hill headed west, I was seriously looking for something to hold onto and hoping wild animals, dogs, cats, or anything else was not blowing up behind me. I think I actually ran in place for a few seconds during a particularly forceful gust. I wish I could say that this kind of run counts for double mileage. It sure feels that way.

Enough already, Mother Nature!

Also, here's some more craziness. The houses in the photos are just across from the south end of the airstrip that is part of neighborhood. They are actually in a different city (gotta love borders). I wonder if the developer and/or Realtor will mention the runway that's in their backyard and I'm sure they will freak out the first time a plane lands. For reference, the runway is parallel to the shadow in the first picture. You can barely see a windsock in the second picture. One of the houses is finished and the others are being worked on by really nice workers that talk to me when I run up and down the grass strip.





House photos courtesy of ReformingGeek.

Bobcat and trash can photos were purchased from iStockphoto.com. Any likeness to the real ReformingGeek or ReformingGeek's bobcat is purely coincidental.

How about a smiley vote over at humor-blogs.com to help Mother Nature get back on her medication and settle down.

Amateur Antics, How Not to Use a Public Trail System!

We've had some crazy weather down here in Texas. Seventy degrees Friday, eighty on Saturday. Everybody and their dog, cat, and pet iguana came out of the woodwork and they were all on the trail in the local park where I train (run or at least attempt to run) on Fridays.

I'm all for folks "going out to play one hour a day" and that statement should not be limited to kiddos but it must have been amateur day last Friday. So today, welcome to Amateur Antics hosted by ReformingGeek:

1. Pet leashes extend across the entire sidewalk. I really don't want to get killed tripping over Fido's leash folks.
2. Kiddos on pint-sized bikes circling other family members. Um....watch it there, Sweetie. I don't want to have to perform gymnastic maneuvers off the handlebars of your bike just to avoid a head-on collision.
3. Folks gathering on the trail for a chat with all family members in tow. Um.....CLEAR! COMING THRU! MOVE IT OR LOSE IT! Actually, I was very nice. In my best exhausted runner gasping voice, I said "excuse me, please". I think they took one look at my pathetic disheveled appearance crazed facial expression and ran for cover.
4. Forgetting to look both ways before crossing the sidewalk to get to the playground. I hate to break it to you folks but not only are there crazed runners like me trying to get thru but there are some serious cyclists on these trails. They may not even notice the thump thump of Little Johnny under their tires.
5. Feeling energetic and well-rested from your holiday vacation and walking/running that extra mile and then having to limp all the way back. Be careful folks. We don't want to carry you but if buff shirtless hot guys want to carry you (or me), I have no problem with that.
6. Guess What? You're just as clueless walking, running, or biking while talking on your cell phone as you are driving while talking on your cell phone.
7. If you pass me you'd better keep that pace up or I'll be passing you. Some people just have to be in front (you know who you are) but if you can't keep your pace, I'll be right there to light the fire under you. Doesn't this sound like drivers on the road?
   

I should be careful about #5. I can't imagine getting hurt on the trail. I would probably be rescued by this:

Photo: iStockphoto.com

I'm glad I got that rant off my chest though. Thanks for listening. It's cold again, local schools are back in session, and the de-zombied corporate folks are back at their desks. (I'm so very sorry.) By next Friday, it will be back to the "regulars" on the trail in the park.

Now for something a little more entertaining. What's up with this? If it's small enough to fit in a cup or you could lose it in your butt crack, it's not a dog. I don't know what it is but it's not a dog.

Photo: Some email floating around on the Interwebs

THIS is a DOG:

Photo: iStockphoto.com

Or maybe it's a horse or maybe it eats small pets for snacks. I don't know but I would not mind having one. I could use it for extra warmth while out on the trail!

Let's feed the pets today with a smiley vote over at humor-blogs.com.

Lost in translation

Happy 2009!

It's a new year so we all have clean plates but there is no reason to keep the plate clean too long. It's time to make fun of something. Today let's make fun of China, or at least the Chinese trying to speak or communicate in English.

First let's talk about "doomp-rings". A friend of Hubby's was led to believe for years that this was the correct pronunciation for the popular Chinese dish "dumplings". BTW, thank you Wikipedia for this appetizing photo. I don't know about you but that plastic fork doesn't add much to the dish, does it? How about some chopsticks?

Anyway, back to Hubby's friend. Poor thing. Her co-workers kept the joke going for awhile and then someone finally let the cat out of the bag. She was good-natured enough to laugh with them. I would have died from embarrassment. I'm good at doing silly things and getting embarrassed.

The rest of the story needs some setup. My mom plays poker slots at the casinos in Louisiana. This is about a 4 hour drive from her home so she goes fairly often. I'm convinced she does this to mess with my mind (make me worry). She enters tournaments and they nearly always have some sort of "prize" just for entering. For the most part, many of these "prizes" are next to useless and are usually pawned off to some hapless family member (meaning me). Some recent examples:

Wine and cheese picnic kit: This is a soft cooler that will hold a bottle of wine. It comes with 2 glasses, cutlery and a small cutting board.

Not too bad. Sure Mom, I'll take it.

Martini kit: Comes with a shaker, measuring glass, and a martini glass in a carrying case with the Casino logo on the front.

Hum....sounds like next year's White Elephant gift.

Red Serving platter shaped like peppers with silver leaves. YIKES! Yes, I do like bold colors but uh.....well....see for yourself:

Photo: ReformingGeek

Mp3 player: OK, now we're talking.

And then Hubby reads off these directions:

Battery is full on 3.7V. As time goes on, capacity indication will monish.

Indicator shows blank when battery almost ran out.

The player cannot be charged in case of power off.

It takes about 4 hours for the player with fully charge.

When connecting Earphone, The player FM Radio start working.

Um.....do what? Huh?

Gee, I hope I can figure out how to use it......


Please let me start the new year off with some smiley votes over at humor-blogs.com.