Summer Camp - Homesick Geek

Dearest Hubby and Cat,

I hope this day finds you with blessing from God. My name is Deria from Nyberia. I am inform you of 1.5 trillion dollars of British pounds for you. I musts needs your account number to transfer make.

Oh, wait. That's the wrong type of letter. Sorry about that.

I've been at summer camp all week and I'm tired, sunburned, and my brain is all fogged over. So far, all I got to show for it is this doll I made on Monday, which was craft day. Some people may have called it crapt day!

The guys here are pretty hawt, well, except for Nooter, and he's just a hot dog. The poor thing kept getting overheated during the outside activities. Or maybe it was the beer that RedRaider kept putting in his water bowl.

And for the cat, yes, there are other kitties here and strangely enough, there are no mice.

On Tuesday, we did a sing-a-long. I somehow slept through this. I think Kathcom drugged me after hearing me practice on Monday evening.

Wednesday, it was campfire stories. I was in the latrine all evening and missed the fun. Apparently, I'm allergic to alligator (Remember the swimming on Monday? Well, we had that sucker for lunch!)

During the story-telling event, Quirky got carried away with the smores and caught several tents on fire. Nooter tried to put out the fire but he ran out of pee. Fortunately, Quirky was able to sacrifice a few of her Diet Dr Peppers to save our camp.

Thursday was survival day. I survived so I guess I get a gold star for this one. Oh, wait. I don't think that's what yesterday was about. Or maybe it was.

I'm not sure what happened with the others. I was given a map, one bottle of water, and a walking stick. I was blind-folded and shoved in Rambler's dang wooden bus and dropped off in the middle of nowhere. Nonamedufus puked on my map so it was kind of hard to make out the trails. I got lost six times but I made it back to camp with all limbs intact.

The mosquitoes ate me alive. I spent the evening soaking in calamine lotion and now I've got a funny itch in my.....

Finally, we have a remote camper with a birthday today. Dana, one of our hilarious humor bloggers, is currently marooned in Florida and she is turning 60 years young today. This calls for a special celebration. My apologies but the only cake I could find was this monstrosity:


Yes, this cake satirically explains my sentiments about that dang bus.

Happy Birthday, Dana!

That's about it. I had a great time and can't wait to come back next year! A special thanks to camp chief thinkinfyou and the following counselors for their hard work this week:

mizzdrake - Capft queen
quirkyloon - Supermarket singer and lyrical genius
spaz - King of Kumbayah
redraider - Be careful if he hands you a leafy plant.
white shark - It's not safe to be in the water, folks.

Coming next week, long, boring, blog award acceptance speeches. Well.....I hope the post won't be boring but I have a couple of special awards from very special folks. I bet they thought I forgot. ;-)

Photo credits: On the trail: ReformingGeek (Bandelier National Park in New Mexico), cake: Hysterical Bertha on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar), doll: ohsohappytogether, flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Summer Camp - Crafty Geek

I'm in summer camp this week, a special event organized by Humor Blogger's infamous thinkinfyou. I'm very excited. I've never been to camp....er.....unless band camp counts. I remember this time at band camp when I was rooming with my best friend and she kicked me out of the room during open house...

ReformingGeek!

Yes?

Get on with it. This post isn't about your experiences (or lack thereof) at band camp.

Oh.

So back to the camp thing. It's craft day. Today's counselor is Mizzdrake, the crapt finder. She reminds me of the Catholic nuns on TV. She swatted my fingers this morning after I got caught running with scissors during the first session. Then she made me take the leftover supplies, including last year's kitchen curtains and an ink-stained mop. I think I did pretty good with my project given the circumstances. Time ran out before I could finish her face!

I've heard of blue-hair old ladies, but ???

The next event was swimming and there are some really cute guys here so I didn't want to miss out.

Wait a minute. Why are you guys..... Nobody told me NOT to wear swimming attire. Sigh. I'm always the last one to know.

Um, hang on guys. Is that a crocodile or an alligator?

So much for the swimming.

Is there anything to eat around here?

Photo/craft credit: That evil ReformingGeek, she didn't make that doll. I did. I'm ohsohappytogether.blogspot.com. The photo is on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Coons, Crazy Eights, and Cool Award!

Remember the Crazy Eights card game? Well, neither do I.

Actually, I do remember something like that and the eights wreaked all kinds of havoc. But that's not what I'm posting about. I'm scribbling about the "eight things" meme that I got tagged with awhile back. I'm still working on it and I may be working on it until the zombies come for us.

Recently, in the land of Geek:

1. I've discovered that this thing called CURRENT when swimming IS NOT a good thing. The last time I went to practice my freestyle, HairyApe and his family were in the lanes next to me. HairyApe was a lightning bolt in the water (I'm not sure I like the thought of that...) but he sure made some waves. Or maybe it was the little kids over by the slide or maybe it was just the way the moon, the stars, and the planets were aligned or that poppy seed muffin I ate. Whatever. I had a very hard time swimming the line on the bottom. If that's anything like "walking the line" I would have been in big trouble.

2. I do not like having raccoon eyes from wearing swim goggles:

"Is you rat?"

3. Young people are not as flexible as they should be. Recently, some high school and college students have attended my morning yoga class on Tuesdays. These are girls that are thin and look healthy but they are surprisingly lacking in flexibility. Touching their toes? Um, no. Raising their arms over their head with straight elbows? Um, no. Fatiguing after just a few reps of abdominal exercise? Yes. This scares me and I think it may be related to a lack of focus on fitness in schools these days.

4. I'm beginning to wonder if I do have a twin. My former boss called the other day and finally realized she was talking to the wrong person. She moved to a different fitness club so I'm not even on her list of instructors.

5. Kharma sometimes presents itself as Murphy: When the weather is nice, I have to sit at a desk inside a freezing gym all day.

6. I've never been on a four-wheeler but I plan to give it a try in a few weeks. I have been on a wave runner and if I had my choice, I'd rather do that but giving the absence of a large body of water at the planned outing, I guess I'll try the four-wheelers.

7, 8 and beyond is an update on the neighbors:

• The Peckers (yeah, you read that right):
  

• The new neighbors seem to be thriving although I saw the neighbor's cat hovering outside the pen a few days ago. Hum.....I have not seen that cat in awhile and I was wondering what the chickens were eating.....

• Mrs. Parker: Nosy has been away for awhile. Last week, I saw the RV in her drive and then she was gone. Note: It's just an assumption that the RV took her. It could have been zombies or aliens.
  

• Mr. Slither: The FEDEX driver just told me she ran over a huge black and tan snake last week. She said it was headed away from my yard. Hum.....how did I miss that thing slinking through my yard and were you brave enough to click on that link?
  

• Ms. Jailbird: There is a zebra that has moved in a few miles south of me. It's being elusive behind its white picket fenced yard. I'll try to get a photo soon.

• Stan Stinger: I saw a scorpion in the shower area at the gym. It's a good thing I planned on showering once I returned home!

Now for the award. I love awards. I've got plenty of space here. Bring them on!

Kidding. Thank you Funnyrunner for this award. I'm honored when someone thinks of me. Notice that this award has text describing its origination. I had to go and check because I did not know what that phrase meant. I'm still not sure but that's the name of the blog. Anybody know Filipino? Good luck with the google translation.

The instructions are to give it to 15 other bloggers. I don't play by the rules. Anyone is welcome to this award. Enjoy.

Coming up next week: Humor Bloggers Dot Com Summer Camp. I'm attending so expect a couple of posts about the activities! These people are a few squares short of round so you never know what's going to happen.

Photo credit: baby raccoon and dog: evenparerogers.com on flickr.com, Creative Commons license, see sidebar, chickens: ReformingGeek).

Run, Run, Run Away

Yesterday, I survived another race.

NASCAR you ask? Um, no. I'd probably crash at the first turn.

So you're an Indy girl? Um, no, but THAT would be cool.

I used my own two feet and ran.

Yes. I'm crazy just in case you were confused. We've had a break in the weather so we had temperatures in the 70's during the race instead of already hitting the mid-80's by the 7:30 am start time. They had sprinklers set up every few miles to cool us off, just in case we needed it.

This race was a 15K., 9.3 miles of screaming hamstrings bliss. These races can be somewhat entertaining. It's the people, of course. There was also a 5K event. Some of the folks you would think had never put on a pair of running shoes and these were the folks that think they need to line up in the front of the pack. You spend the first part of the race trying to get around them only to have one of them stop suddenly right in front of you. EEEEKKK!


Others you can tell had done this a thousand times. One girl was telling me about her last race, an Ultra-Marathon which is just way too many miles to talk about at this point. I wanted to whop her upside the head but I just smiled and said "wow". I'm nice like that sometimes.

While running these races, I leave the iPod and ear buds at home. I enjoy the sights and sounds of the course. The course was beautiful. It was basically a large loop around White Rock Lake in Dallas, including a construction area that smelled liked they dug up Hell's septic tank. I didn't see any dead bodies in the water, just a few old tires and some quacks ducks.

Nobody wore a funny hat or costume.

This is wrong in so many ways. Now where is Batman?

Nope. Not even that.

Most of the folks were wearing as little as possible, expecting very hot weather. Folks, let me tell you that there are some VERY SKINNY runners out there and many of them have boobs smaller than mine! THIS, I like. And, yes, there are guys out there with boobs larger than mine. Let's not go there.


Now for the sounds. I've noticed that woman will sometimes run in pairs. The first conversation I heard was all about caring for your infant. Zzzzzzzz. I tried so hard to tune it out and I was very happy that they passed me before they started talking about the poop.

Next, it was a group of about 5 people that were playing trivia. One guy asked the incredibly lame question of "Pick 5 people you would have at your dinner party" and the girl answered Oprah as the first person on the list. I starting feeling sick to my stomach. I'm sure that was the reason why. It can't be having to come to a complete stop to grab water at the inadequate water stops and then climbing a hill and starting to realize my meager breakfast had run out. Nope. I'm sure that wasn't it.

I bet you can't wait for what was next. Remember that this area of the U.S. is called the Bible Belt. That's right. One girl was telling another about her church, the minister, and studying the bible. I thought they might pray right there on the course. Hum, maybe they could put in a few good words for me.

It's not that I was offended by any of the topics but I felt like these people were talking to each other like they were having a drink or a cup of coffee. They did not seem to realize (or care) that everyone around them could hear their conversations. That just struck me as odd or maybe I just wasn't in the mood for it.

And what is it with the idiots that set up at mile 9 and play "Running on Empty" on their boom box? If looks could maim...

I finished the race and got my food goody bag but passed on the beer (remember the stomach thing). Ironically, this beer truck was from that same brewery that Chris found in Fort Worth when he got left behind last month. Maybe it was good that I didn't sample any. I settled for a Diet Dr Pepper and some crackers for the longish drive home.

The race benefited an animal protection agency and they had puppies on display for adoption. I wanted to take them all home. I didn't. Cat would not be happy and might decide Puppy would make a good meal.

The results were finally posted and I finished 18 out of 41 in my age group. I wasn't overly excited about my 1 hour and 31 minute finishing time but I'll take it. Training has been very tough lately with the intense heat we've had and my disinclination to run on a treadmill.

I stopped short of jumping into an ice bath but I did sit on an ice pack to temporarily soothe the whining hamstrings.


Some of you may remember that I want to do a triathlon but that I have not done any serious swimming since I was, um, let's say 10. I have been going to the pool and swimming a couple of times a week. I have not drowned yet so I must be doing OK.

Photo credit: vikings: NoHoDamon on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar)

Where in Tejas is Carmen "Chris" San Diego?

A roast by any other name....is still a roast.

Welcome to another edition of Um, Um Geeky Good, a roast of a carefully selected random blogger. Since it's summer, I've been attempting to develop new recipes for the grill. I just learned that Nooter hides behind grills so I'll make sure I'm careful next time I'm out there. Chris, the Elementary School Principal from Maugeritaville has been seasoned and is now sizzling on the grill.

Chris recently told us that he and his wife went to Mexico on a cruise and that they left out of San Diego on a fun ship. Obviously, that's not what happened.

About a month ago, a few of you visited me here in Cowtown as part of the Virtual Road Tour (see sidebar) sponsored by Humor Bloggers Dot Com. Some of you apparently got lost here in Texas and have not been seen or heard from since. Being the super-sleuth that I am, I've discovered that Chris was one of the lost bloggers.

We apparently misplaced him at the zoo on day two of our tour. He was enthralled with the white tigers and was separated from the group. Some guy that looked like Chris joined our group so we didn't catch on until it was too late.

Chris boarded a bus and ended up a few miles south at a local brewery. He took the tour and sampled some ugly dog beer...er.. I mean butt ugly beer. No, that's not right either. Never mind. Let me check the website. OK. Ugly Pug.

Anywhatsit, he imbibed with a bit too much enthusiasm and he fell asleep out back. A few bums took mercy on him and shoved him into the cab of an 18-wheeler heading south.

"Yes, Ms. Geek. Chris rode with me and the boys south on I-35 until we had to...er...make a pit stop."

When they stopped to use one of these:



Chris made a run for it. (I think he was very tired of smelling....er....cow.)

He eluded me for awhile but I found him at the Blue Bell factory in Brenham, Texas, sampling Blue Bell ice cream. I have no idea how he got there. Poor Chris did not realize he was lactose-intolerant. He had a VERY rough night. I gave him some Ex-Lax and went to get my own samples of ice cream.

Yum! Southern Blackberry Cobbler ice cream, where have you been all my life?

While I was enjoying my treat, Chris disappeared.

Don't worry. I found him.

Fortunately, some of his former students recognized him hitchhiking and picked him up in their car. They headed south.

Being young men and women with champagne tastes on a beer budget, they were making a side trip to Shiner. There just happens to be a brewery in Shiner.

Poor Chris. You already know what happens when Chris visits breweries.

Yep. That's right. Shoved into the cab of an 18-wheeler, he finally made it across the border. Si Habla Taco?

After fighting off a few thieves and drug cartels here and there, Chris enjoyed a nice vacation in Mexico. Somehow, he ended up with a terrible sunburn.

Finally, his wife arrived to pick him up and return him north of the border.

Now THAT'S what really happened, folks!

By the way, this headline from Chris's hometown got my attention:

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

Oh, my, my, Chris. Is that why attendance is down at your school?

Chris is a great writer. For putting up with this debacle, Chris is welcome to display the roasted badge on his blog. Check him out over at Maurgeritaville.

Yes, there are other bloggers that got lost in Texas. When I find them, they're toast (pun intended)!

To read about other previously cooked bloggers, look for the Um, Um, Geeky Good badge on the far right sidebar. Click any of the links on the list and enjoy your meal!

Photo credits: Outhouse: some email, cow truck: maxDug on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

A Snarky Chat with the Geek Girl - Part 1

Dang! The Paparazzi have found me.

Wait. Don't leave. It's me. ReformingGeek. Don't you want to interview me?

No? You were looking for someone famous and important?

Oh. Um..those Jonas Dudes live somewhere around here. I think you missed a turn somewhere.

Sigh.

Fine. I'll just interview myself with this set of unrelated, totally insane questions:

Q. The Grim Reaper has designated you to die providing a meal for another creature. You get to choose the creature from the list below:

a. Bear
b. Shark
c. Zombie
d. Feral Cats

None of the above.

That was one crazy question. I hope the rest aren't near that bad....

None of the above was NOT a choice.

Sorry. No comment then. That's really gross. Who made up these stupid questions anyway?

Sheesh!

What's the next question?

Q. Your husband has told me that you....er....pass gas too much. Why do you think that you have this problem?

Bathroom humor? How creative.

Oh. You want me to answer that.

Hum...I guess he's saying I fart more than he does. Fancy that. He's probably right. What can I say? I like beans, onions, garlic, and vegetables.

Sheesh. What's that smell?

Oh, sorry. I couldn't help it. I had onions on my sandwich at lunch.

Let's just move on, OK?

Q. A former co-worker mentioned that you talk loud on the telephone.

Oh, you ARE kidding, right? I have a soft voice with a southern drawl.

Oh, you're serious? Well.... I guess I get louder when I get excited and I remember some very exciting conference calls. Also, I teach fitness classes. I GOT USED TO RAISING MY VOICE.

OK. OK. Take a deep breath and we'll continue.

Q. What is your favorite color?

Seriously?

No. I'm kidding.

Ha! Fooled you.

[ReformingGeek glares at interviewer.]

Er.....why don't we just continue. OK?


Q. Why do you blog, RG?

Heck if I know. What does my profile say? See it? It's right there on the second sidebar. That is, Abdul's second sidebar. That's right. Abdul developed the template. He even signed his name at the very bottom of the page. Actually, I'd like to have a little chat with Abdul. He left a few things out. Simple things such as how do a list that actually shows the bullet points and comment code that actually works and changing the font back to the default after you use block quote....

REFORMINGGEEK?

Yes?

Can we get back to the interview?

Oh, sorry. Sure. Go ahead.

Q. Are you doing anything special for your blogiversary?

Is that like an adversary? I don't want to be confrontational. I get in trouble for that.

Um, no. You don't have to worry about that. It's the anniversary of when you did your first post.

Oh, that. I don't know. It's in September, right before I go on vacation. My brains will be totally fried by then. Maybe I'll post a picture of a balloon and a cake or something.

Um, yeah. That's sounds exciting. Snicker.


Q. Are you going to take the next step in social networking where you can video yourself blabbering on about whatever?

Heck, no. I know I'm narcissistic but not THAT much. Besides, the camera might make my butt cat look big. Also, I'm still trying to figure out 2Facebook.

2Facebook?

Yeah. You know. That social networking tool that both me and my evil twin can use with the same account. I love it. I never know who I'm gonna be that day. Tic. Tic.

Um, yeah. Sweetie, did you take your meds today?

Tune in some other time for the next set of questions whenever I think of them.

Airport Hugs and Chickens?

While sitting at the airport waiting for a friend's flight to arrive, I started people watching. It's always so entertaining. The flight from Orlando had obviously just arrived. How could I tell?



Well, it was the young girl wearing a Minnie Mouse costume and the other kiddies holding stuffed Mickeys. Grandma was watching the carry-ons and mom and dad were hauling luggage with "heavy" tags off the carousel. In other words, it was a brilliant deduction.

Then there were the others waiting on the flight from Boston with us, including a youngish woman dressed to the nines. Her reaction to greeting her guy (it really was sweet) prompted Hubby and I to discuss the transition of a couples meeting each other at the airport:

1. The woman meets her guy wearing a super short dress, high heels, full face of make-up, with hair styled. Guy is greeted with a french kiss or at least a lingering kiss of some sort.
2. The woman is still excited to see the guy but the honeymoon's over. She's wearing reasonably nice clothes, some makeup, but nothing out of the ordinary. There might be a hug or a quick kiss upon greeting.
3. This showing up at the airport to meet the guy is getting old. She's wearing sweats, shorts, or whatever. Her hair might be combed/styled. Make-up? Ha! Very funny.
4. The couple is set in their routines and having to fetch the guy from the airport is becoming a royal pain. The woman waits for the guy to call and then shows up outside the terminal area. She may or may not get out of the car.
5. GET A CAB!
6. Oh. You. Back already?

So where do you fit?

I think I mentioned that the property behind us as sold but nobody is living there. This week we discovered that someTHING is living there:


That's right. It's a chicken pen. Obviously, they don't read my blog. If they did, they would know that any chicken will not last long out here with all the cats, bobcats, and coyotes. Sheesh! Even my old cat could get a chicken.

Finally, we got new gutters this week. Some rain to test them would be even better. We are also getting a long awaited sprinkler system for our yard. That's right. My poor plants and grass are taking even more abuse in this heat but at least it's for a good cause. BTW, I will soon be opening an Ebay store selling body parts to pay for this endeavor. Oh wait. I only have one kidney. I guess that organ won't be part of the product assortment. Hubby suggested selling something else but I said there is no way in Hades I'm selling my shoes.

Photo credit: Mice and Chicken Pen photos taken by aspiring still life photographer ReformingGeek

Thumbing a Ride on the Eight Ball in the Corner Pocket

Yep. It's still hot here (although it rained yesterday!!!) and the heat and the dry weather has caused one of the roller coasters at Six Flags Over Texas to be shut down. Don't worry. It wasn't the ride we were on when you guys were here for the road trip. You guys didn't break it. It's the giant wooden roller coaster next to it that throws you around like a whip. YIKES!

In other news, the landscaping is started to talk back to me. I received this note from one of my garden plants:

Dear ReformingGeek Thumb,

Get off yourself! Your ego is overgrown, unlike ME. You must be colorblind. You think you're green? Ha! You are brown and pasty, you withering, pale, sorry excuse for a digit. You don't even curve correctly.

You are disgusting. You can't even make ME grow. That's right. Me. I'm ivy, for Heaven's sake. Yeah. Yeah. I know I was purchased off the clearance rack but you planted me in unhappy soil and angered Mother Nature so that she turned the fires of Hell upon me. You let Abdul and those other roofers rest shingles upon my vine and trod upon me.

You do not deserve to continue gardening. Step away. Now.

Signed,

Your New Ivy.

How rude. I can't just turn the other cheek. That was very insulting. I countered with the following:

Dear New Ivy,

Same to you (sticking out tongue). You can't even grow in a nourishing environment next to your relatives. You brown, pasty, sorry excuse for a plant. I shall feed you to the compost pile to punish you for your insults. I will visit with my other plants that actually grow and that don't write me nasty notes.

Signed,

ReformingGeek Finger (you know which one)

There. Take that.

But wait. There's more.

Quirky has tagged me with a meme. When I read her post, I thought she had discovered a new fruit as she described being given a lemon and making memelade. Somehow, this sounds appetizing. This meme has a bunch of eights in it. You will be seeing lists with eight items here and there or you may just see 8's or eight-liners, eight-balls, or Eight is Enough reruns.

Sorry. I got carried away...again.

Eight things I did yesterday:

1. Watched it rain and enjoyed a break from the heat!
   
2. Let the cat in and out and listened to him whine at us for making his world wet.
3. Made breakfast burritos. YUM!
   
4. Shopped for groceries and parted with way too much money for just a few bags of food.
   
5. Had dinner with Hubby family.
6. Ran 8 miles at the park and then had to wring out my shorts before I could get back into the car. I forgot my towel so I had to sit on a canvas grocery bag to drive home.
   
7. Laundry, including my running clothes. Got bleach?
   
8. Watched part of Ice Age 2 on TV while checking in with the Texas Rangers and Tampa Bay Rays baseball game. The Rangers won!
   

Woot. Yippee. It gets exciting 'round these parts sometimes.

Photo credit: ReformingGeek digit: ReformingGeek

Out of THIS World

I don't know what you like to do on Saturday mornings but I enjoy "sleeping in" and some quality time with Hubby. This is where you actually talk to each other instead of being glued to Blogger, Facebook, Sudoku, or Ogle...er...I mean Google. You get the picture.

Saturday mornings are obviously great times for canvassers to stop by. They love our neighborhood. They park their cars on each court and get out and walk up and down stopping at each house. Most of our neighbors don't answer the door as they are older and scared of strangers. Also, a few years ago, some folks got burned by the "hard-luck" magazine sales person that hit our neighborhood. It was really a pathetic pitch. "Poor me. I'm down and out and this job is helping me [fill in the blank]". It was also high-pressure. They just wouldn't leave. Got shotgun?

Usually, though, it's a religious solicitation.

Ding-Dong.

ReformingGeek looks thru window, sighs, and opens door slowly..

Smiling Canvasser (SM): Good Morning! How are you?
ReformingGeek (RG): Um.....fine. You?
ReformingGeek Evil Twin (EvilGeek): OH CRAP!

SM: We are doing AWESOME! Isn't it a beautiful day that our Lord has given us?
RG: Um, yes. It's lovely today.
EvilGeek: Um, yes, and I'm enjoying it working in the garden, vacuuming, cleaning up cat puke, beheading my enemies... You get the picture.

SM: We'd like to talk to you about Jesus.
RG: 'K.
*EvilGeek: Um, yes. I know Jesus. I think he did my roof. He's also Chelle's friend. She talks about his great tacos.
RG: Yes, yes, thank you. I'm a believer. Thanks so much and enjoy this wonderful day.

ReformingGeek quickly closes door and returns to Blogger what Hubby was saying.


*I promise that my evil twin did not say that.

Last Saturday, it was folks passing out pamphlets advertising an "end of the world" discussion. Well, we already know that's going to happen in 2012. My warped brain started thinking about what we could possibly do about this situation and what does "world" really mean anyway?

Maybe we could leave.

I think I'll attend the discussion. Here's the description:

SAYING GOODBYE TO EARTH - FUNDAMENTALS- 10:00 am - 12:00 pm, Zombie room, led by the late Gene Roddenberry.

• Choosing a Universe and Class M planet
• Procuring space on a Galaxy Class vessel
• Preparing for cold storage during the trip
• Choosing what to take with you (e.g. DVD's, books, pets, family members, weapons, favorite junk food, Diet Dr Pepper, etc.)
• What to do if Dr. Smith takes over the ship (how to re-program the robot, etc.)
• What to do if you encounter alien life forms
• Religious guidance (e.g. in case the Mayan calendar is a day or two off and the world disappears before your ship was due to depart)

I'm sure I can get you into this seminar cheap.

Have a great holiday! Be safe.

Photo credits: Lost in Space Robot: drp on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar)