Sunday, April 19, 2009

Amateur Antics and Fat Balls

My job at the gym is winding down. At least I think it is. I'm never really sure what's going on. My current employer has way too many irons in the fire so it's very difficult to know where things stand.

I've enjoyed interacting with people on a daily basis, even if I get a dose of insanity and craziness while I'm there. I thought I would share a little of the craziness with you as I wouldn't want you to feel deprived.

Keep in mind that the members at this gym are primarily worker bees exercising on their lunch hour.

First up is the Gym Lizard:

What's up ReformingGeek?

I've talked about him before. This guy is ALWAYS at the gym. Every day. Without fail. He stays for a long time and you wonder if he really has any work to do or really has a desk somewhere?

He turns a fan on himself while he works his favorite Nautilus machine because he doesn't like to sweat. He wears the same clothes every day. He never does any cardio and is skinny as a board. Disgusting. He doesn't like it if you want to use HIS machine.

He makes up cute names for everyone and he enjoys seeing their reactions when he uses the made-up monikers. He absolutely hates another member and makes no bones about it. Hum....I just realized how many weapons are in the average gym....

Or maybe I should be worried if I see the recipients of all his jokes bring in a weapon...

Next is Creepy Guy. Short, broad shoulders, no legs or butt, thick-glasses, vacant facial expression, and just plain weird. He shows up, signs in, and takes a walk around the facility. Sometimes he will then go into the men's dressing room and get dressed to work out. Sometimes he leaves. WTF? Did he see the Gym Lizard and run away screaming? Was someone using his machine? Was the girl or guy he is secretly in love with not there?

Shiver Me C R E E P Y!

But wait. There's more. One of the things I do is update a marker board with supposedly helpful health and fitness information. I'm doing a series on Superfoods. This week is berries. Creepy Guy shows up, signs in, notices the board and starts quizzing me. At first, I'm encouraged that someone actually wants to talk about this stuff and then he gets stuck on strawberries and how much he should eat. I'm starting to loose interest as he goes on and on. He then hits me with "If you get a chance, can you look up strawberries for me?" as he was walking towards the elevator, choosing not to work out afterall. Again, WTF?

His request for research rubbed me the wrong way. About that time, Gym Lizard approached and asked me if Creepy Guy was bothering me. Gym Lizard and I go way back. I can make fun of him all day and vice versa and, well, we're good.

Back to Creepy Guy. I'm thinking "Don't you have a computer at your desk and can't you spell GOOGLE?" Truthfully, I probably would not have minded this request had it come from someone other than him.

In other weirdness, my SIL sent me a reference to this article about exploding balls. I guess the issue is that the poor sod that walks into class that day has no clue whether his ball is over-inflated.

To limit possible explosive mishaps or embarrassing accidents, don't stand on your balls, folks.

Also, for a safe, effective workout using your balls, find balls that are the right size for you. While sitting on your balls, your upper legs should be parallel to the floor. If you're a big dude, you can handle one of the larger balls. If all that is available are big balls and you're a petite woman, don't bother.

You DO know what's being discussed here, right?

Photo credits: Creepy Guy:, Gym Lizard: Luca5's Photostream on Creative Commons license (see sidebar).


Queen-Size funny bone said...

I've fallen off many times because I was using the wrong size ball.

Shawn said...

I saw a picture once of someone (apparently) doing squats on one of those plyometric balls. I so wish it had been a video.

Anonymous said...

Haha! I hate when I slip off those balls! It's embarrassing!

And now I know. The workers? ARE laughing at me!

heh heh

ReformingGeek said...

@Queen-size - Yep. That happens.

@Shawn - I've seen a guy that could stand on one but it's not something the average person can do. Bad idea! That video might have been funny.

@Quirky - I've fallen off a couple of times. All you can do is laugh!

Marissa said...

If the Lizard is as funny as Sawyer when he gives everyone cute names/monikers, then he's alright.

So you're also working the Librarian Desk for Creepy? Maybe he figured since you were already doing research on exploding balls...

Anonymous said...

I was wondering why you were talking about balls -- and yes, I knew what you were talking about...after a while. Whew! It finally dawned on me. "Oh, that's what she means." I'm slow like that.

ReformingGeek said...

@Marissa - He's not that funny but since I've known him "forever" I can overlook these things. Yeah, apparently I'm the Librarian.

@unfinished - I'm usually the last one to know anything.

Bobby Allan said...

I'm glad I don't belong to a gym anymore. I was paranoid enough THINKING that the employees were judging me. Thanks for reassuring me that they were! :-)

the cubicle's backporch said...

You forgot the guy who grunts and talks to himself while lifting weights. It's better if sad guy is lifting less weight than I can lift. hee hee.

Thank you for the ball-info session. You are ever-so-helpful! :)

ReformingGeek said...

@Chrissy - I would never just YOU!

@cubicle - Oh yeah. I can hear that all the across the gym.

Unknown said...

The nerve of nervy creepy guy asking YOU to do research for him. How RUDE and utterly lazy.
Luckily, I don't have or use balls, so I do not have to worry bout over-inflating or blowing them up.. but I have bookmarked this post in case I need future reference

The Constant Complainer said...

I enjoyed Chrissy's comment. That's exactly what I was thinking. LOL. I always wonder what the employees are thinking as I work out. LOL.

Creepy guy sounds like a freak.

The local gym here is what I call a 50/50 club. 50% of the members are muscle-head steroid freaks who belong to a cage fighting group. The other half is the meat-market group who is looking to find the love of their life there or at least get picked up. Yikes.

Good post!

ReformingGeek said...

@dizzblnd - My thoughts exactly and I hope you never need ball advice!

@Constant - Don't worry. I don't have pet names for very many people.

Suzanne said...

Ohhhhh! Those balls.

Chris said...

Ahhh. The gym. The last refuge of fat and the skinny alike - where people share a common goal and a subtle snigger at people in worse shape than themselves. Good times.

Funny Videos said...

Very nice post

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"