Sunday, April 26, 2009

St-st-st-stuttering Salutations

Another round of some "interesting" spam has recently hit my mailbox and provided blog fodder. How do these people think of these things? I received an email from someone in Africa with the following salutation:

dedear shtiwe

Is this a stutter?

Did someone sneeze?

Is "shtiwe" really a name in any of the African languages?

Maybe they meant:

Dear Shitweed

After shifting a few letters around, I'm a shitweed, whatever that is.


I wasn't surprised to find that this dear friend in Africa needed so much of my personal information. I drafted a reply:

1. Name in full: FRefoUrmLingGeLek
2. Address: Will a skirt do?
3. Nationality: I'm a woman. I'm from Venus.
4. Age: Yes, most liquor is better that way.
5. Sex: Not with you.
6. Occupation: I wasn't alive then.
7. Marital status: You mean like "rawks", "meh" or "sucks"?
8. Phone no: Phone yes.
9. Fax: No, lies.
10. Your photo picture: I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours.

Oh yeah. I expect to receive my money any day now.

In other news, Mother Nature needs an update to her meds.

She brings us spring beauty:

but she can be downright nasty sometimes:

Look at the variety of shapes of hail in this photo. These are some of the smaller stones than the clouds pooped on us a few weeks ago. The stones with the jagged edges are particularly nasty. I can find corresponding shingle damage on my roof.

Photo credits: ReformingGeek's Hubby. He's good like that.


Anonymous said...

And when you get that moolah, you're gonna share with your blog BFF? (Um, that would be me, no?)

heh heh

I actually like reading my spam these days. It's always good for a chuckle or two.

Unknown said...

That'll teach em to mess with you. Very clever of you replying like that and putting "full" in your name.. brilliant!

Jean Knee said...

I don't know, if they can't even spell shitweed right I wouldn't trust them

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - Absolutely

@Dizzblnd - Thanks. Yeah. Don't mess with me. I'm so tough. Ha!

@Jean - No kidding.

Shawn said...

This was hilarious from "shitweed" on down. I think I'm going to start using that word, actually.

Marissa said...

HILARIOUS!! And that Mother Nature is so creative, dropping hail formed like golf balls.

I love the Meerkats!

ReformingGeek said...

@Shawn - Thanks. I'm glad there is new word for you to use.

@Marissa - Thanks. Yes, it is amazing that the grooves are perfectly formed.

Elizabeth said...

Ha ha! I love your replies!! "phone no: phone yes" Too funny!
And I can't believe the size of that hail. I hope your car wasn't damaged.

Chrisco said...

Haha. Nice. Oh - loving the Meercat photo btw.

ReformingGeek said...

@Elizabeth - Thanks. The trees helped us.

@Chriso - Thanks.

Nooter said...

sometimes i get emails from africa too theyre really friendly and i want to help them all

Suzanne said...

Golf ball size poop from the clouds in your shitweed - awesome!

ReformingGeek said...

@Nooter - You are such a sweet pup for wanting to help!

@Sue - I don't ask for much.

United Studies said...

Oh I am so going to do that next time I get one of those spams in my inbox!

And WOW, that hail is something else.

Unknown said...

I agree! Shitweed is a great word, and it goes into the Official Wood Profanity Selections list.

Nice one!

ReformingGeek said...

@Jacki - Have fun with it!

@Chris - Thanks. I love that word now. I'm starting to use it more and more

Deb said...

We get hail here in Maine, but never any that have words written on them and dimples, which just reaffirms your state motto: Don't mess with Texas.

Bee said...


I need spring to get here now please.

For some reason I have been getting a ton of spam. I don't know why and it's getting to the point where I'm going to Zimbabwe or wherever and kick some ass!

ReformingGeek said...

@Deb - Yeah. We're special like that.

@Bee - I'm sending some spring your way!

Anonymous said...


"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"