Evil Geek Top Five!

Finally, my brain has recovered enough from the zombie poem and boomer brain fog that I'm able to accept a blog award and decipher the instructions. Collete, from My Babcia's Babushka gave me this award:


I love it. You know I like hats and cats and yes, I know that's not a cat! I wonder if I the award could be altered to show this dog on the leash:

I eat small yappy dogs in one gulp.

I just LUV that big puppy.

OK. OK. Moving on....

The instructions are to list five obsessions and to pass the award to five bloggers. As with most blog awards, I don't exactly follow the instructions.

Evil Twin enters the room and bumps ReformingGeek off the couch and takes over the grey lap beast. She starts typing:

My Five Favorite Things
by ReformingGeek's Evil Twin

1. Beating up on ReformingGeek: That's right. Along with guilt trips, it's me that makes her run all the races and swim all those laps. She did a race last Saturday, a 10K, finishing with a 9:03 mile pace. She needs to run faster and get that time down under 9:00 minutes for the 10K. I'm kicking her butt in gear next week.

2. Smacking rude and/or snotty people with the backside of my hand: ReformingGeek has a big heart is too nice sometimes but every once in awhile, I get in there and make her lose it. Hehe. Then she feels bad. See #1.

3. Selling parts of ReformingGeek's body to science for money: Silly girl. She continues to look for her missing kidney.

4. Digging large holes to hide the bodies: Well, somebody has got to do it. "We" don't want to go to jail, right?

5. Working on the landing pad for the aliens: Each time they take me, they ask for a progress report. I'm trying. Sheesh! Give an evil twin a break. I spray paint the big "X" but then it rains or somebody mows.


ReformingGeek returns but Evil Twin won't let her see what was posted.

Sigh. Well, I sure hope she did OK. I don't want to lose followers.

Back to the award. I will pass it on to five great bloggers. Glancing over at my topless commenters, I grabbed a few of you and then had Cat find his favorites. (Remember that Cat is hard to please. You may be his favorite today, but tomorrow, you're food). I wave my wand upon the heads of:

Ettarose, from Sanity on Edge - A fabulous funny redhead!
Quirkyloon, from Musings of a Quirky Loon - A hilarious, loony flathead!
Otin, from Wizard of Otin - Head of story-writing class!
Hit 40, from Sane Without Drugs - Funny lady that leads a classroom full of blockheads math students!
Betty, from My Life in a Multi-Level - Her funnies will cure any headache!

At least I'm not serving head cheese today, 'K?

Enjoy your reward and if you need blog fodder, feel free to do the list of five whatever!

And for the rest of you, just so you don't feel left out, I brought you a flower:


One little vinca I planted last summer came back after recent rains. I'm impressed.

Geek Morphs into Zombie Poet

My BBFF (Best Blogging Friend Forever), Quirky, is having a contest this weekend. She is challenging her readers to write a poem about zombies. She said something about prizes. I'm hoping that the prize is a place in her climate-controlled bunker out in the Arizona desert. We need someplace to hide from those ferocious Arizona tornadoes...

OK, maybe it's more likely that we need to hide from the zombies. Cat would be very helpful in the bunker. He would make sure it is kept clear of all small rodents and larger bugs.

I think I'm off topic here....

The problem is that I've been zombie fodder for awhile now. Bits and pieces of my brain seem to have disappeared. I've already forgotten what this post is supposed to be about.

Oh yeah. A novel about zombies.

No, ReformingGeek, no. A POEM!

Oh. Right. Here goes:

O howz I love thee, letz me countz zee vays.

No, ReformingGeek, no. Quirky already did that one.

Oh. Right.

OK. Consider yourself warned. Here's my final answer:

Roses are red, violets are blue (great start, huh?)
The undead of the night are wanting for you.

Creatures known as zombies with bodies craving
Without a spirit to guide them, they are certainly misbehaving.

Count your fingers, count your toes.
Oh Dearz, have they taken your nose?

Where's little Johnny and his pet sheep Dan
Oopz! It looks like Johnny's in the frying pan.

ENOUGH, REFORMINGGEEK, ENOUGH!

OK. OK. Sorry, and no, I wasn't drinking.

Contest details can be found here. I hope you enjoyed your weekend poetry reading.

Is Your Jailer a Bank?

Do you think your credit card company has your best interests in mind?

Um, sure, and pigs fly and cows really do jump over the moon.

You probably believe that Santa Claus is fat, wears an uncomfortable-looking red suit and shimmies down your chimney (with plenty of lube of course) on Christmas Eve. Everyone knows that's not true. Folks, Santa is not fat. He gets plenty of exercise up there at the North Pole chasing cute little elves and swimming with the dolphins.

ReformingGeek?

Yes?

The dolphins like the water a bit warmer.

So Santa lives at the South Pole then.

Um, no, ReformingGeek, no. Get on with your rant.

Sigh.

Twice in one month, we've had our credit card account "frozen" because of suspected fraudulent activity. This activity was from Hubby and me. That's right. WE bought stuff. Sorry. Excuse us, Bank, for using your credit card with the painful yearly fee just so we can accumulate airline miles that aren't worth the paper used to print them.

Wait. Paper? Print?

OK. That's an exaggeration but the cost of an airline ticket using miles has gone up just like everything else and would you believe there is a FEE to talk to an agent? YIKES! Don't get me started.

Let me explain this path of disenchantment with Bank. The first incident occurred because of an online transaction, followed by a couple of errands involving fuel and junk healthy food purchases. During the time it took for me to get back home, hear the phone message from Bank, and call to confirm the transactions, our Internet provider attempted to process our automated monthly payment.

DE-NIED.

Thanks, Bank.

Lets me out, Bank. I can has geeks....or maybe shoes or small wienie dogs?

The second incident occurred because we had the audacity to go on vacation and buy something in Texas (at the airport), in Boston, Massachusetts (a meal), and somewhere in Maine (bear repellent and Diet Dr Pepper), all within 24 hours. Oops. SHAME ON US!

When we travel, we rely heavily on credit cards. It's a good thing we had a spare from another bank. Yes, we did call Bank and straighten things out.

A couple of months before these transactions were flagged, we received new credit cards in the mail because Bank had some sort of compromised data problem and "to protect us" they had to re-issue our cards. Thanks, Bank. We appreciate having to change almost a dozen automatic payments and we usually forget one or don't get it done in a timely manner (Yes, there is now a list because this is not the first time we have had to do this.)

There are probably more specifics that went into whatever magical formula Bank uses to search for potential fraud, but, PU-LEEZE, stop already, 'K? When Bank sent us the new cards, they asked us if we wanted to buy credit card fraud protection insurance. WTF? Um, no. I have a better idea: I'M ALREADY PAYING. PROVIDE SERVICE.

In other news, this hilarious and crazy blogger from Utah with a poultry fetish gave me this award:


Thanks, Betty. I'm reviewing my chicken recipes. I've never cooked a zombie chicken, though. I hope they aren't too tough.

This lady reminds me of someone. Yes, someone that might be one bubble short of level.

Um, ReformingGeek?

Yes?

Betty explains "multi-level" over on her blog, My Life in a Multi-Level. You are talking about yourself again, aren't you?

Um, yeah, probably.

I did receive another award and I have not forgotten it. It involves me actually having to think so I will post about it next time.

BTW, this post is way too long and I'm feeling lazy so I'm not naming bloggers to receive the Zombie Chicken Award. Besides, I couldn't catch that greasy, slimy cat to pick out his favorites. I bloggy love all of you great people, zombies, and aliens. Please take the award if you would like it.

Photo credit: jailed big cat: Manuele Hoffmann, flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

As the Weird Spin Around Us Eating Stew and Seeing Ghosts

If you haven't eaten, keep reading. I've got something that I'm sure you will enjoy.

Curious?

Good.

Remember all my talk about animals chasing me and animals that I encounter flattened on the road?

That's right. Roadkill. Yum! I was working on a stew recipe but someone beat me to it:

Yep. Made in Maine but I'm sure Texas has their own version!

EEEEWWWWW!

That is Moose Pee in the background and will serve as your beverage. Enjoy. Be sure to click on the photo to see all the gory details (and Hubby's hand).

My humblest apologies for that awful meal but please blame VE. After reading one of his recent posts, I remembered I had those photos.


Waiting for the Weird

If you get bored waiting for your flight, plant yourself just outside the security checkpoint and you won't have to wait long for entertainment. Seriously, a girl went through security wearing these shoes:


I didn't see how long it took her to put them back on after she was done.

A Ghostly Encounter

I was at a fitness instructor training workshop awhile back. I usually meet up with people I know from previous workshops. Sure enough, I see several folks I know and we start talking as we are signing in and meeting the instructor. Then the instructor's assistant looks up and the conversation goes about like this:

Assistant: "Hi *Carol!"
Me: Giving her the "I think I know you" look.

Assistant: "I remember you from last year in Austin."
Me: Continuing to give her the "I think I know you look" and starting to grunt things like hum, um, er....

Assistant: "You look my my mom."
Me: Changing the look to "WTF" and making faces and grunting trying to find an excuse. Surely, I need to pee or something.

Assistant: "Yeah. She's dead now but...."
Me: Finally responding with "Um, Wow!" and mumbling "Is there a bar nearby?"

*That's what my mom named me. If my dad had named me, I'd be Leticia. Hum....

What's the strangest thing someone has said to you recently?

Photo credit: Roadkill: ReformingGeek at a "homemade" shop in Maine.

A Rant With a Slant

While on vacation in Maine, Hubby and I went shopping. Yes, I know. You don't believe it. It's true. We do that occasionally and Hubby comes with me rather than sleeping on the park bench like some of the other husbands we noticed. The poor sods most likely followed their wives off the ship but really just wanted to sleep off the buffet breakfast. Yeah, like that guy. Really.

As long as we keep the shopping timeframe/threshold/parameters to within a couple of hours, we are OK. Otherwise, we start to morph into shop zombies and start buying refrigerator magnets and plastic wind chimes and think that lobster claw Christmas ornaments would make great gifts. Then we eat fudge and ice cream and swim naked in the Atlantic. Wait. That didn't happen. I promise. We had cinnamon rolls and brownies.

Anyhowsitwhatever, we were in a cute little "natural/alternative" shop and I decided to purchase some locally made jams. Keep in mind this is in a town where there is a cruise ship docked at the harbor. That's right. TOURISTS shop here. I take the jams to the cashier and ask for a bag and packing materials. I hand her my credit card. She starts looking at me like I've sprouted another head and gives my credit card the evil eye and holds onto it for dear life. After I sign the receipt, she compares my signature to the card signature. So people REALLY do that? While she was waiting for the credit card approval, she pulled out one small paper bag and puts my four jars of jam into the one bag. Yes. Really. No padding. No nothing.

I ask again for packing materials. She offered me a couple more small bags. Sheesh! I had to wrap and pack the stuff myself. Folks. I'm an obvious tourist. Did she not get that I have to get this stuff home somehow?

She got under my skin faster than the the last splinter I got from my old wheelbarrow and you don't want to know what I did to that one-wheeled monster. It took some deep breathing to stop me from jumping over that counter. This girl was starting to resemble Anne Boleyn and I was thinking about heads on platters for some reason.

Maybe I was getting hungry?

Later, Hubby reminded me we were in a "natural/alternative" shop with a bunch of tree-huggers. Oh. Right. Now I remember. I believe in taking care of the earth but I'm sure they didn't want blueberry jam all over their store because their Nothing-Between-the-Ears cashier only gave me ONE bag to hold FOUR jars?

Hubby had to help me with the perspectives in this situation. He nicely suggested that I was supposed to have my own canvas bag, like the locals do. Um, OK. Yes, I have those. HERE. IN TEXAS. WHERE I LIVE. No, I don't take them with me on vacation.

Well. Teach ME a lesson. Maybe I should.

That's right. The "bag" can serve multiple purposes while away from home. Not only will it hold multiple jars of jam, it will keep the sun and rain off your face and with those handles, it could possibly be used as a weapon.

Hum...

Photo credits: bagged geek: ReformingGeek self-photo, check flickr.com for more of my inspired self-photos........KIDDING, sleeping off the buffet: troyperkins on flickr.com, Creative Commons license, see sidebar.

Decoration Day...

Well, at least for my blog.

My award sidebars are very happy today as I'm celebrating the receipt of two very special awards from two very whimsical and nearly always wacky bloggers.

First, ettarose from Sanity on Edge, honored me with this award:


Thank you so much, Etta! It's so pretty and I love green elves maryjane.

Next, Christa, from The Star Celeb, presented me with this cute Bloggy Love Bear.


It's so nice to see a bear that isn't hungry and/or chasing me on the hiking trails in Hawaii or Maine but I'm a little concerned that his eye appears to be missing.

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes?

There are no bears in Hawaii.

Are you sure about that?

Yes.

Then what was chasing me on the trail?

Um....maybe it was your shadow.....or a zombie.

Sure. OK. Yeah, right.

Getting back on subject (decorations, remember?), I have to give this bear to three of you. I love you all, of course, so I had Cat draw names. He groomed himself, stuck a sticky paw in the entry basket, puked, and then pulled out the following entries:

• My BBFF, QuirkyLoon from Musings of a Quirky Loon
• Bee from Bee's Musings
• Dizzblnd from Soggy Doggy Bloggy
• Maureen from I'd Rather Be Blogging
  

Yeah. I know. That's four but who's counting?

But wait. There's more. Here's an interesting decoration from a lawn in Winter Harbor, Maine:

The Claw decides who will stay and who will go.

Also, I'm thinking of doing some Halloween decorating around the Geek household. What do you think of the following possibilities?

Outz! Outz! Iz hungries!

YIKES! Is BatKid included?

Yeah. I can see that thing blowing all over the place around here.

It's been raining since I got back from Maine. I'm telling everyone I left the sun on the east coast. I'm starting to gather the animals and the wood for the ark. There will be no bears on my ark, though, 'K?

Snacks on the Maine

Well.....not exactly. It's actually Snakes on the Maine but I didn't want to scare anyone away. You can thank Hubby for the name of the post.

So, Hubby and I are up here in DrivelLand...er....Maine and true to ReformingGeek form, I'm being pursued by critters, just like in Texas. This slithering little thing tried to cross the trail in front of us as we were hiking:

Eastern Garter Snake stalking ReformingGeek

Earlier in the week, I had to defend myself against a huge Maine Bear:


You do see the bear don't you? For some odd reason, Hubby insists there was no bear.

I was beginning to do some serious worrying when this thing followed me back from Canada:




Check out those teeth and stand back away from that tail!

Today, Hubby and I went down to Bar Harbor (Bah-Hahbah) and I consoled myself with more seafood and a walk on the shore path. Flowers must like me as this "rose" was trying to give me a smooch:


But then my ship came in:


and I bought this house:


and we lived happily ever after.

Yeah, right.

For those of you that were really hoping for some snacks, here's a treat for you:


That's right: Organic/Natural Ginger Snaps (YUM!) and Chocolate Covered Blueberries (also YUM!)

So I ate all that stuff and topped it off with a trip to the Atlantic Brewing Company. They have a Blueberry Ale that I really liked. There were about 12 beers to sample. I think I passed out after #5 or #6 or #2. Heck if I know...

Speaking of DrivelLand, Hubby and I met Deb from Debbie Does Drivel and her Mr. Man (who just happens to have the same initials as Hubby). We had delicious popovers and laughed at life in general and shared ideas for some blog fodder. Deb is just as funny in person as she is on her blog and gave us some great hints about some special places in the area. If you're familiar with her "Why I Love ME Series", she's right. It's beautiful up here!

We're having a great time. We have a couple more days here but then it's back to the real world.

Photo credits: critter stalker, bear defender: Hubby, all others: ReformingGeek

Happy Scribbly 1st Blogiversary to Me!

Today is my 1st blogiversary.

But before my ego takes over this post, I want to thank my BBFF (Best Blogging Friend Forever), Quirkyloon, for superior scribbling....er..... I mean for giving me this Superior Scribbler Award:


She is such a cunning, cooked loon, sweet thing for honoring me with this award. It comes with a few rules, though, and I'll be a cooperative blogger and list them here:

Superior Scribbler Award:

*Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 however many ReformingGeek wants most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

*Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

*Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.

*Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

OK. That's done. Now who shall I pass this on to?

I'll pick on some of you newbies (to my blog):

The Inadvertent Farmer
Wizard of Otin
Mad Science (Jamie)

If you hate awards, then I humbly apologize but if you love them, enjoy!

Now, on to MY BLOGIVERSARY celebration post. That's right. One year of gibberish, country life sagas, and geek craziness from this barely baby-boomer. I hope I've managed to keep you awake during my posts and have made you giggle a few times.

Now isn't this a cool cake? It's perfect for a Star Wars fan like me. I hope it tastes good.

Anywhatsit, I have a few of my favorite posts on my sidebar if you're looking for something to read today and someone has stopped by to ask me some questions.

ReformingGeek, will you keep this blog going? I hope so. At least for awhile. I'm still having fun.



What are your plans for the blog?

I wish I could say that I'm Dooce and I'm going to run ads and make megabucks. Nope. That's not my style and I will never have that many readers! I'm sure I'll change my template again at some point. YeeHaw.

Will you be writing a book or publishing blog posts as a book?

Doubtful. I can't imagine anyone wanting to read my blog posts in book format and I don't have ideas for actually writing a novel. Hum...... How about "Crazy Geek Yoga Instructor and her Perspective Cat fight off Zombies only to be eaten by Coyotes". Wait. That might happen. Scary.

I just want to entertain. It's a hobby. It's fun.

OK, ReformingGeek. Thanks for answering the questions. Enjoy your blogiversary and save a piece of cake for me, 'K?

Thanks, but, um, fat chance on that cake.

Thanks to all of you for your hilarious comments, your support, and for you lurkers, feel free to pipe in every once in a while. Oh wait. Did you say that there are no lurkers? Oh well. A girl can dream of being lurked blog stalked.

**HUGS**

It's also time for geek vacation. Hubby and I are headed to the northeast tomorrow. That's right. The other coast, the "right-handed" coast, the one with the freezing water. We will make our way all the way up to Maine with a quick swim to Nova Scotia. Wait. Hubby just said he's taking the ferry. Hum....

I plan to eat enough seafood to continue my metamorphosis into a fish. We'll throw in a few hikes and some biking to burn off some calories pretend that we're fit and trim. I'm sure I'll purchase more than my share of souvenirs and I'll save a few of the kitschy best ones for my blogging buddies. Stay tuned for blog giveaways!

Cat will stay home in the care of his nextest favorite humans. Wait. I think the caregivers are his favorites. Hubby and I are the also-rans.

If I get a chance, I'll read your posts and leave witty, or maybe silly, comments for you. I also hope to have some photos to post.

In the meantime, have a great holiday weekend!

Photo credit: R2D2 cake: princessrica on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).