Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Distressed but Dressed for Success!

Ah, the quiet of a country life.


No.  It can't be.  The construction of our new water lines has been complete for months. 


Apparently, my neighbor with too much time and money has decided that he didn't get enough of the noise.  He unloaded a front-loader yesterday afternoon (probably from Daddy's business), immediately reduced his mailbox to a pile of bricks, and has been running the thing almost non-stop since then.  

GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!  What ARE you doing over there?  

I see piles of dirt, most likely for practicing his Evil Knievel stunts on his dirt bike.  


What's a girl to do to avoid the noise?

That's right.  Go shopping.

I went to look for a dress at a local discount store.  I wanted one that will cover the appropriate pieces and parts, make me look incredibly sexy, and will not empty my piggy bank.  

It was quickly obvious that was a pipe dream.

After getting distracted by skinny jeans and laughing at the see-through blouses, I found the rack of dresses.  The poor things were crammed together with barely room to take a breath.  They were screaming "PICK ME!  PICK ME!  SAVE ME!" 

Oh, here's one!   
Um, no.  It looks like tapestry or furniture upholstery.

Oh.  Oh.  This is so cute!
$110 on final markdown?  Pffft, I think not.

Ooh, ahh.  Here's a cute little versatile black dress.
Ker-plunk!  The silly hangar broke.  Sigh.
I'll try it on any way.  It's soft and curvy.

Hey, here's a dark purple silky one that doesn't have a neckline down to my belly.  Put it in the try-on pile.

And a nice grey "formal/funeral/wedding" dress.  Yep.  In the pile.

Here's a another purple one that has a few curves.  Me likey.

And a pink/purple print that just might work.

This one looks like a skirt.  I could use a black skirt.   A bow?  How cute.  No, wait.  IT'S A DRESS! YEE-GADs!  There is NO WAY a person could bend over or sit down in that thing.  PASS!

Wait.  WAIT!  I can't pass on this one.  It's soft and black and dressy and tight-fitting.   It really is a dress and it's only $14.99!!!!  So what if the neck is too low.  What are camisoles for and I can always tuck in my cookie-belly or wear a girdle!  

Without too many further distractions, I made it into the dressing room.  I had no other choice but to start trying on the dresses.  My pile (my arm) was about to fall off!

I hate this part.

Too big.   
Too weird.  
The black dress on the broken hanger looked like a toga.   
The purple ones made my butt look big and wrinkled in funny places.
I liked the print but not that much.
Ah, finally.  The "old lady" grey will do and the soft black bargain dress was extremely cute with my belly tucked in.    Note to self:  Pilates, Pilates, Pilates....

Done.   Go directly to check-out.  Do not pass Go.  Do not look at shoes.

What do you think? 

 The lining is cream-colored.  
It looks short but it's not that bad.
The neck isn't THAT low.

The neckline has some pearl-like beads 
and the belt helps the fit tremendously.

What?  You thought I would be wearing them for you?  Bawahahahaha!


Madge said...

CUTE!!! The gray one looks velvety, if it is, it's a hair catcher, be warned, but if it's some sort of microfiber, nothing, I mean nothing will stain it...

Anonymous said...

Uhm, where is the rest of the dress?


Ready to show some leg, eh?

*wags eyebrows

Or is that Evil Twin.


Deb said...

Love the top photo of the top. It will look great with your red sweatpants and blue flippers from that decathlon/swim thing you were in a while back.

(Actually, it is a very nice dress! Evil Twin made me write that above paragraph.)

ReformingGeek said...

@Madge - Oh, I can stain anything! It's polyester and rayon. I'll probably be dragging toilet paper around. :)

@Quirky - If only me knees didn't look "old"!

@Deb - Evil Twin tossed the red sweatpants but I'm sure I could find some more at Wallyworld. I'll wear the flippers. I have less chance of falling down than when I'm wearing heels!

The dressed past the Hubby test so if I can get it on, I might actually wear it! :)

Marissa said...

Love the gray one with the bejeweled neckline. It looks soft.

You should rock that dress outdoors in front of your neighbor. Maybe he'll crash when he sees you and you can get some quiet.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I have the same problems when I'm dress shopping, especially in the rear-end department. Nothing looks right. You made two very nice choices, though. The gray one is the best, I think.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I have the same problems when I'm dress shopping, especially in the rear-end department. Nothing looks right. You made two very nice choices, though. The gray one is the best, I think.

honeypiehorse said...

I like 'em!

00dozo said...

With all the running you do, you probably have the legs for that first dress! Me - not so much. I'd prefer the second dress, although I rarely wear dresses.

ReformingGeek said...

@Marissa - Thanks. They are both very soft! My neighbor would probably run over me.

@Mike - Yeah, I'm sure it's tough on you to find a dress that fits. I'm ok with you being a drag queen. Thanks for coming out. :)

@honeypie - Thanks!

@00dozo - It's my knees that I'm concerned about. They look like "old lady" knees! Ugh.

I Wonder Wye said...

Oh, me like the gray one the would look cool with a wide black belt maybe studded to make it look a bit 'butched' up...or slim patent leather to make it lady-like (can you tell I sold Doncaster clothes at one time?) Sure hope mr obnoxious neighbor runs out of gas soon...

Unknown said...

Good thing you don't live here or you'd get a chest cold in that 1st! They are both great dresses & for $14.99, I would've made it work ;)
As for the neighbor, I'd go to the butcher & get some big bones & scatter them by the dirt piles. Maybe he'll think he dug up sacred land &! Have a great day! (((HUGS)))

Ziva said...

Ohh, pretty! I love dresses, but it's so hard to find one that will keep you warm in temps of -10F.. Sucky climate.

ReformingGeek said...

@Wonder Wye - Ah, someone with some fashion sense. I need that!

@Collette - I think the neighbor found where Evil Twin has buried the bodies!

@Ziva - Thanks. Um, -10F? Got flannel?

MrsBlogAlot said...

I'm sure you're gorgeous in those! Wish I could look hot in even half of one of those dresses!! (-:

Yes, I'd settle for half. said...

Wait... that first one is a dress? Uh... Reffie? Are you sure?

Unknown said...

But how will the dresses look with sneakers? I've got to find an outfit that complements a frontloader. Maybe a pair of ankle high overalls.

ReformingGeek said...

@MrsBlogalot - Which half do you want?

@Boom-Boom - Haha. It looks short, doesn't it?

@Lauren - I bought a pair of black sneakers. :)

Suzanne said...

That first none does have a plunging neckline, can you pull that off. I wouldn't be able to. I hate dress shopping. I can never find one when I go "dress shopping" only when I'm shopping for something else. Then I'll see the perfect dress and say "Damn I wish I would have found this when I was dress shopping." You know what I mean? I'm sure Mike does.

By the way Relax Max dissed you on my latest post. I'm going to yell at him know.

Jean Knee said...

there is nothing more vile than shopping for clothes

congrats, you lived through it and brought something home

Leeuna said...

Love the dresses. The second one is my favorite. I hate clothes shopping. I dress like an FBI agent most of the time -- black jacket/ black skirt or pants/white blouse.

Oh, and I hate noisy neighbors.

Ivy said...

LOVE THE DRESSES! Good choices!

I feel your pain on the construction. We're getting city sewage, and the construction crew has patched itself outside of our house for weeks. We now have no front yard or side yard. Our front steps and walkway are now surrounded by hay to keep the dog from tracking in mud. They are only half way done.

Unfinished Rambler said...

I like how you turned a negative here into a positive. I think many of us could do well to learn that lesson.

Sandra said...

Of course I thought you would be wearing them for us! But I like the first one.

ReformingGeek said...

@Sue - Maybe you and Mike should shop together!

@Jean - Yeah, I just want the cute perfect-fitting clothes to appear in my closet.

@Ivy - Thanks. Good Luck with that construction.

@Unfinished - I'm here all week.

@Sandra - Me, too. Thanks!

The Constant Complainer said...

Nothing is more fun than having your neighbor start doing construction, or in this case - bulldozing, in the middle of the day.

Nothing brightens my day more than when some jerk fires up the snowblower at 5 a.m. LOL.

The Constant Complainer said...

Wear the dress, the flippers and sign up for the Warrior Dash.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"