Burned Roast

A little bird told me that someone named Wiesel has a birthday today and this weasel is turning 29..

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes?

This episode of brain fog is getting very bad. Take your meds with some wine and try again.

Sheesh! NOT AGAIN. Oh, I see my mistake. Thanks.

Let me try this again.

A little bird told me that someone named Diesel, from Mattress Police, and the grunt behind Humor-Blogs.com, has a birthday today and this old dude is turning 49.

Ha! He's older than me. I love it!

Anyhowser, what goes with a name like Diesel? My first thought was of a thirsty 18-wheeler and then I started thinking about corn and beans and other sources of fuel. Then I farted.

Sorry. It must have been the beans. Hubby and the cat are giving me a funny look. What? What? Did I grow an extra head?

Because of this guy's birthday, this week's cooking experiment will be a little early or Tuesday's post is a little late. Pick one and let's move on.

I dusted off my Paparazzi camera and put on my best stalker's cap and went searching for the dirt on Diesel.

It seems he has struggled all his life. He just never quite fit in:


He was "colored" in a world of white. Oh,my. Say it ain't so.

By the way, is anyone surprised that Diesel is a black penguin?

After a less-than-angelic childhood and a few prison terms, it appears Diesel went into hiding. It was difficult to find out any real blackmail material (pun intended) so I sent in the big guns:


Yeah. I know that is a silent black (yep, pun intended) helicopter but it's the best I could do in this economy. Even the Paparazzi are short on funds.


I did learn that you don't want to piss off this guy. He fed his brother Liesel to the wolves Orcas. Apparently Liesel just wouldn't shut up. You know the type.


Yummy...for the whale.


Well, that's it. This Diesel guy is all cooked up and ready to serve. Pass the salt and hand me that bowl of beans.

Seriously, I love reading Diesel's blog Mattress Police with that subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle humor flavored with ass-kicking sarcasm. Great stuff! I noticed one of his tags recently: "Full of himself". That's funny but it's not true. He's a good guy. Now go sign-up for Humor-blogs.com if you have not already!

Happy Birthday, Diesel!



Actually, this looks kind of like Benjamin Linus as a baby....

Photo credits: black penguin: istockphoto.com, black helicopter: geocities.com, hungry orca: some email, baby Diesel: some email

St-st-st-stuttering Salutations

Another round of some "interesting" spam has recently hit my mailbox and provided blog fodder. How do these people think of these things? I received an email from someone in Africa with the following salutation:

dedear shtiwe

Is this a stutter?

Did someone sneeze?

Is "shtiwe" really a name in any of the African languages?

Maybe they meant:

Dear Shitweed

After shifting a few letters around, I'm a shitweed, whatever that is.

Um...thanks.

I wasn't surprised to find that this dear friend in Africa needed so much of my personal information. I drafted a reply:

1. Name in full: FRefoUrmLingGeLek
2. Address: Will a skirt do?
3. Nationality: I'm a woman. I'm from Venus.
4. Age: Yes, most liquor is better that way.
5. Sex: Not with you.
6. Occupation: I wasn't alive then.
7. Marital status: You mean like "rawks", "meh" or "sucks"?
8. Phone no: Phone yes.
9. Fax: No, lies.
10. Your photo picture: I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours.

Oh yeah. I expect to receive my money any day now.

In other news, Mother Nature needs an update to her meds.

She brings us spring beauty:



but she can be downright nasty sometimes:


Look at the variety of shapes of hail in this photo. These are some of the smaller stones than the clouds pooped on us a few weeks ago. The stones with the jagged edges are particularly nasty. I can find corresponding shingle damage on my roof.

Photo credits: ReformingGeek's Hubby. He's good like that.

Cooking Up the Thursday Trio

My grocery delivery was late this week and the recipe preparation took longer than expected so Thursday's roast is a bit late this week. Oh, wait. That's sounds like a normal day around the ReformingGeek household.

Hubby and I usually blame the cat for anything that goes wrong around here.

Yep. Cat ate some of the ingredients and I accidentally dropped a frying pan on his paw so I think the blame is appropriate.*

I had to dig deep and pull out my best stalking skills and Paparazzi photography techniques to get the goods on this week's trio.

You are not going to believe this but Bee from Bee's Musing's is really a gangsta. I know. She claims to be of Hispanic heritage but she rarely talks about tacos so I just didn't buy it. Then I finally got a picture of her in the wrong part of Chicago Town:


Man is it ever HOT in here! No wonder Jean Knee has claimed this women as her own. But what was Bee doing in the questionable part of town?

That's right. She was waiting to meet The Godfather to discuss terms for the sale of her niece. SHEESH! That is NOT aMUSing, Bee. Do you know the real reason behind her brother's recent mishap? Bee found out that it was him that broke her dolly when she was four. This little muse blew a fuse and brother Rick** "went for a ride".

I sure hope this next blogger is better behaved. I was optimistic until I found out Kirsten's shameful, behind-closed-doors hobby. That's right, folks. Kirsten, from The Soccer Mom Files, is, well, see for yourself. I was appalled and then I peed my pants anticipating sharing this with you:

Hey, isn't that Bee on the right?

All this stuff about rednecks and these weekly caption contests were set up to misdirect us so we wouldn't find out. Ha! Nice try, Kirsten. This is one soccer mom I don't want to meet in a back alley.

These first two made another big mess for me to clean-up. Just let me kick the cat out of way so I can get back to the stove.

Now I have to get the cat hair off the stove top....

Ok. I'm ready now.

Next up is Sweet Sue from Farvel Cargo. Far go what? Where? Is there a carnival or did I miss a shipment of some special sweet-smelling cargo? I'm really having a hard time here. From my stalking, I think Sue is the girl next door, and, sorry guys, she's taken. Don't even try. She and her hubby seem to get along well but remember I'm a really good stalker. Here's that useless slob of a husband sleeping on the job:



Take him to the cleaners, Sue, or at least to the vet.

But what's she really up to? There are several retail business linked on her blog. I was out nosing around and I found out what she really does. There is no way she has enough time to run those businesses and look this fresh while slaving in a hot kitchen:



Oh, wait. That's what I'm doing. I hope the result is just as tasty as Sandra's Sue's stuff.

You guys were obviously not tenderized well. You were tough to cook but after a little salt and a lot of red pepper, you are ready to serve.

*ReformingGeek did not hurt any animals while cooking these bloggers.
**Bee's brother was injured in an attack. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Photo credits: Sandra Lee, aka Sue: gourmetbutterfly.com, Dog in bowl: some email, drag queens: jps246 on flickr.com, Creative Commons (see sidebar), Gangster girl: istockphoto.com

It's Not a Bucket but I May Get Wet!

"Happy Almost Earth Day!"

I started to do the "I Do NOT" meme but I kept wanting to do double negatives and I know that would drive everyone, including me, completely insane so I shoved that idea. Next, I thought about my bucket list. Well.....I don't really want to work that hard so I've decided to go with a just a few tidbits of things I'd like to do.

First up is more of a short-term goal. I've run a half-marathon (OK, 2 half-marathons) and I'm still undecided about a full marathon. I'm having some issues with injuries that will make training for this long of an event very miserable so I'm looking for other options for this here cardio junkie.

Next up is a triathlon. Good. Now I've said it so I need to commit to it. There is one problem: SWIMMING. I could swim like a fish when I was six but as an adult my crawl is anything but efficient and even though I'm in good shape, swimming laps kicks my rosy white ass.

I have access to a pool so I'll guess I will be putting on this hokey headgear and figuring out how to get from one end to the other:


Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes?

Your goggles aren't black.

Yeah, well, so they're pink, OK?

And you don't have those shoulders, Yoga-Girl.

Well, OK. Fine. Just rub it in.

That reminds me. I need a massage.

Another small issue with triathlons is this outfit. Swim, bike, and run without changing clothes? OK. But a visit to the cute potty box? Not OK.

I'm thin but with no boobs. I'm curious as to how much padding will be needed here. I guess kleenex will be really icky when its wet, huh?


Yeah. I know. I'm crazy.

I like purple though!



Now it's on to the bucket list. Where's that bucket? I just saw it.

Oh, there it is. Oops. It looks like the cat......oh never mind.

• I want to visit all the National Parks and avoid dining with a bear. Afterall, I realize that I would be on the menu. Speaking of bears, if you encounter a black bear, which are sometimes brown, don't run away and don't climb a tree (They will come up the tree after you.) Fight back if attacked. If you encounter a grizzly bear, you'll know it. Don't run. Don't fight back and play dead. Oh, wait. I just heard not to play dead. It just makes it easier for them to eat you. So, in the end, if you end up in a confrontation with a grizzly, you're screwed. Nice knowin' you.

• I want to go to Australia and New Zealand. I want to see the Great Barrier Reef. Yes, I've heard about the poisonous jelly fish and the other lethal sea creatures and critters in the Land Down Under!
  

• I want to climb a mountain; at least a fourteener. Or better yet, maybe Hubby will carry me!
  

• I want to hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and up the other side. Hubby just said I would be carrying him on this one.
  

• I want to learn to cross-country ski.
  

• I want to visit Russia. Hubby may banish me to Siberia.

That's enough. I like to keep my bucket list open ended.

Photo credits: Swimmer: istockphoto.com, Zootsuit: Some triathlon clothing retailer, Pink rose: ReformingGeek

Amateur Antics and Fat Balls

My job at the gym is winding down. At least I think it is. I'm never really sure what's going on. My current employer has way too many irons in the fire so it's very difficult to know where things stand.

I've enjoyed interacting with people on a daily basis, even if I get a dose of insanity and craziness while I'm there. I thought I would share a little of the craziness with you as I wouldn't want you to feel deprived.

Keep in mind that the members at this gym are primarily worker bees exercising on their lunch hour.

First up is the Gym Lizard:

What's up ReformingGeek?

I've talked about him before. This guy is ALWAYS at the gym. Every day. Without fail. He stays for a long time and you wonder if he really has any work to do or really has a desk somewhere?

He turns a fan on himself while he works his favorite Nautilus machine because he doesn't like to sweat. He wears the same clothes every day. He never does any cardio and is skinny as a board. Disgusting. He doesn't like it if you want to use HIS machine.

He makes up cute names for everyone and he enjoys seeing their reactions when he uses the made-up monikers. He absolutely hates another member and makes no bones about it. Hum....I just realized how many weapons are in the average gym....

Or maybe I should be worried if I see the recipients of all his jokes bring in a weapon...

Next is Creepy Guy. Short, broad shoulders, no legs or butt, thick-glasses, vacant facial expression, and just plain weird. He shows up, signs in, and takes a walk around the facility. Sometimes he will then go into the men's dressing room and get dressed to work out. Sometimes he leaves. WTF? Did he see the Gym Lizard and run away screaming? Was someone using his machine? Was the girl or guy he is secretly in love with not there?

Shiver Me C R E E P Y!

But wait. There's more. One of the things I do is update a marker board with supposedly helpful health and fitness information. I'm doing a series on Superfoods. This week is berries. Creepy Guy shows up, signs in, notices the board and starts quizzing me. At first, I'm encouraged that someone actually wants to talk about this stuff and then he gets stuck on strawberries and how much he should eat. I'm starting to loose interest as he goes on and on. He then hits me with "If you get a chance, can you look up strawberries for me?" as he was walking towards the elevator, choosing not to work out afterall. Again, WTF?

His request for research rubbed me the wrong way. About that time, Gym Lizard approached and asked me if Creepy Guy was bothering me. Gym Lizard and I go way back. I can make fun of him all day and vice versa and, well, we're good.

Back to Creepy Guy. I'm thinking "Don't you have a computer at your desk and can't you spell GOOGLE?" Truthfully, I probably would not have minded this request had it come from someone other than him.


In other weirdness, my SIL sent me a reference to this article about exploding balls. I guess the issue is that the poor sod that walks into class that day has no clue whether his ball is over-inflated.

To limit possible explosive mishaps or embarrassing accidents, don't stand on your balls, folks.

Also, for a safe, effective workout using your balls, find balls that are the right size for you. While sitting on your balls, your upper legs should be parallel to the floor. If you're a big dude, you can handle one of the larger balls. If all that is available are big balls and you're a petite woman, don't bother.

You DO know what's being discussed here, right?

Photo credits: Creepy Guy: istockphoto.com, Gym Lizard: Luca5's Photostream on flickr.com Creative Commons license (see sidebar).

Cooking Up the Thursday Trio

The stove is warmed up and ready to go. Today I'm roasting three more suckers bloggers and they are starting to smell yummy! I've got the camera charged up and ready for some more horribly damaging wicked crazed-paparazzi photographs.

My evil twin has made an appearance this week and has not quite left the building so.....

I won't be holding much back.

When I grow up I want to be Georgie, aka "heart georgie" from her cute signature on her blog comments. Her blog is Decisionally Challenged. No really. That's the name.

She is amazing and keeps up with 2 other blogs.

ReformingGeek, you're at it again. Keep the brain fog at bay. Georgie keeps up with over 200 blogs!

Oh.

She lives in Oklahoma which blows away at least once a year, either by tornado, dust devil, blizzard, or is so covered in red dirt you can't see it. There is nothing between Oklahoma and Canada so we Texans are glad that Oklahoma keeps most of that red dirt!

Anyhows, all this stuff about raising kids and going to church and family outings. Sheesh! She has fooled us all this time. She's a SPY! Here she is in disguise for her latest covert Op. Her handsome hubby is in on it, too. I can only imagine what the pillow talk is about:


You just can't put much past me. Snicker. Snicker.

Next up is Dani from This Ain't No Effin' Mom Blog. Those itty bitties she talks about? Just a bunch of hogwash. I found her in her "itty bitty" and her leathers out having some fun in the sun:


Guys, I hope you enjoyed that special photo.

Then I saw her other self. She's obviously very religious and feels that it is important to show her beliefs in public:


Another head turner for you guys.

She says she's a nurse. Uh huh. Maybe in the Psychiatric ward.

She has 6 kids. She should probably be committed. I spotted her youngest posted on E-bay. He must be really proud of mom's commitment to the church:


Wow! That was some serious cooking mess. I've cleaned the roasting pan and greased it up for the mysterious Jean Knee from Put Some Polka Dots On It. Huh? Jeannie? Jenny? I'm confused. Who is this woman? She hides behind chickens and is in love with someone named Etsy and has this unnatural "thing" for Al Gore. And those dots? I'm getting dizzy.

Maybe she needs to get with Dani and take a trip to the psych ward.

Or maybe I do.

After my excursion to find out more about this mysterious lady, I've realized that she and Bee (the one that muses) have something going on. I caught them out on the town together, a couple of hippie chicks on the loose:


I'm not sure what happened to their heads. Maybe Zombies? Sorry about that ladies.

Seriously, these folks are great bloggers. I love their stuff. Check them out when you can!

That's all the ingredients I have for this time. That one that muses will be in my frying pan soon.

Please keep Dani's family in your thoughts and prayers. Her hubby was injured in an accident at work.

Photo credits: Baby playing with nuns: thus spake drake, flickr.com Creative Commons, Baseball nun: ginsoak, flickr.com Creative Commons, Hippie girls: wallg's photostream, flickr.com Creative Commons, motorcycle lady: istockphoto.com, Mr& Mrs. Smith: wikipedia.com

The Theft of an Era and Some Eggs

Today, my blog name is Rantings of a Never-to-be-Reformed Evil Easter Egg Thief Geek.

That won't be a permanent change as that name is much too long and on those days when the brain fogs hits (No, it's not EVERY DAY), it will be impossible to manage!

Remember that we have an airstrip as part of our neighborhood. Back in the day before our neighborhood was slapped in the face with a lawsuit, we used to have a big Easter celebration. The Easter Bunny would buzz the neighborhood and drop eggs on an open field. Beforehand, neighbors would put candy in the eggs, tape them very tightly, and put them in a big burlap bag ready for the bombing runs. After the Easter Bunny made several passes and spread eggs almost everywhere except the open field, the Easter Bunny would land and greet pint-size or adult-size kiddos*. Just about anybody and everybody was welcome at this celebration although it was primarily the neighbors and their extended families.

*Note that the bunny wasn't the pilot. Some other sucker had to be blamed for the missed targets.

It was fun. Some of the other pilots would have their planes out and give rides to the pint-size or adult-size kiddos (see the pattern here). It was a great day to be outside and enjoy spring!

So what happened?

I think it's called PROGRESS and the trend that very few people actually take responsibility for their actions and are always looking for someone to blame. And for the lawyers that support them:


Remember this is rant day and thank you Chris Wood for the photo I stole from your recent post.

So back to progress. A large tract of land near the airstrip was sold. A new development moved in just south of our neighborhood. As a gesture of good will, we had a party to introduce them to their new neighbors. We offered plane rides for the kiddies or anyone who wanted one. We had a great time.


ReformingGeek is in the photo and apologizes for her choice of clothing. I'm a geek, remember! Hint: She's not wearing black.

Back to the story. Unfortunately, an unsupervised young child was playing with a golf cart and was injured. You'd think if anything happened, it would involve an airplane but, no, that's not what happened. There were no incidents involving an airplane or any apparatus that you might possibly think could injure a child.

Did I say unsupervised child?

Long story short. The child was not seriously injured. The parents made a very big deal out of it and pursued legal action. Everything has been settled but there are no more parties involving "outsiders".

Neighbors continue to enjoy Easter with their families. Sunday, once the weather cleared, we had planes buzzing around and cars were parked all over the place. It looked like another day in paradise!

Hubby and I kicked back for a relaxing day. We ventured out in the afternoon and as we passed a house down the road, I noticed Easter eggs all over the front yard. The family was in the back. I could not get Hubby to pull over so I could do a quick grab of all those eggs! Heehee. ReformingGeek's evil twin makes an appearance. Can't you just imagine the looks on their faces when it came time to start that Easter egg hunt?

"ReformingGeek stole my eggs. I will cast a spell upon her."

Photo credits: Piper Cub with a ReformingGeek sandwich: Steve Johnson, Unhappy child: istockphoto.com

Do Re Mi Mi Mi Mi...

Let me just clear my throat from that high note I was trying to hit in that title. I've been working on that high note all week and I finally hit it. After I put the broom away from sweeping up the broken wine glass, I'll get on with the post.

Uh ReformingGeek?

Yes?

You're supposed to be doing a meme. There is no singing required.

Oh. I'm so embarrassed.

So it's been another exciting Saturday at the ReformingGeek household. Yep. I started off running a 5K and it just didn't stop from there. I am very proud to report that my driveway is now free of tree poop. This will last for about 5 minutes or until the next storm arrives so that's why I took a picture. This is what my driveway is supposed to look like:


I'm getting to the real post. Please be patient.

I love blog fodder. You can thank Quirky for this post. I even sent her money just like she said in her post.

Sweetie, the check's in the mail.

I have to list things that are just plain wrong but there is one that is oh so very, very WRONG.

Quirky was right. This was a fun meme.

1. I believe in the 5-second rule. If food falls on the floor and is picked up within 5 seconds, it's edible.

2. I will occasionally use fake flowers outside (Don't tell my neighbors.)

3. I put off dusting as long as possible. When the cat starts pawing his name on the mantle, I get it done.

4. I put off washing my car as long as possible. When Hubby writes "Wash Me or it's MINE" on my windows, I wash it.

5. Recently, I collected road kill from all the squished wild animals that I've seen while out running (coyote, rabbit, bobcat, domestic kitteh, dog, possum, raccoon, armadillo, Nooter) and made road-kill stew. I told my guests it was a new recipe for my famous Mexican stew.

6. I don't enjoy talking to my mom on the phone. That's right. May lightning strike me down.


DANG! I was just kidding. I didn't really want that to happen!

7. I have watched the last 3 episodes of Star Wars more than most sane people. Oh, wait. I'm not exactly sane so this is totally irrelevant.

That's all I have for now. That wasn't too bad, was it? Please feel free to sing this meme if you're in the mood.

Happy Easter and think nice thoughts about this little bunny. No bunny stew, OK folks?



Photo credits: Lightning: Brian Auer, flickr.com Creative Commons, bunny baby: unknown, ReformingGeek driveway: Real Cat. No rights reserved.

Cooking Up the Thursday Trio

It's that time again. It's time for ReformingGeek's roast. That's right. ReformingGeek, aka Wicked Paparazzi, has been in the kitchen again preparing dinner. Tonight you will dine on Deb, Marissa, and Marvel Goose eggs. Side dishes will include grilled asparagus and mashed potatoes.

While I was out looking for pictures of my meals, I got distracted by a little spring color:

Photo: ReformingGeek, No Rights Reserved

Ah...nice bluebonnets, ReformingGeek. Now get back to the meal.

Sigh.

First in the oven today is Deb from Debbie Does Drivel. She has described herself as dark-headed with dark eyes frowned upon by skinhead neighbors. Obviously, her neighbors have been taken over by aliens just like most of the other folks in Maine. She is also in love with ME. No, not ME as in ReformingGeek, but ME as in the state of Maine. From wild and crazy sledding races to yaaaaachting to what to do during mud season, you'll enjoy her driveling yarns (yeah, the knitting kind). Ha! She also has a dog, Nutjob, that truly must be possessed.

Be careful if you are invited to dine with her as she serves up some very interesting "food" items. She doesn't like cats and I snapped a picture of Nutjob doing Mom's dirty work. I bet he got lots of treats as his reward.




Next up is Marissa from WhaHappen. She is the little sister I never had. She's a pretty lady with a tough-ass daughter in the military but you might want to avoid an elevator ride with her. Also, do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT call her a mail-order bride even if she is totally confused about what "race" she is. ;-) We all know she's a hot-blooded Americano, right? I caught this picture of her as she was hailing a cab in Los Angeles one day:


Now for some serious egg cooking. Would you prefer scrambled or over easy? Well, Marvel Goose over at the The Daily Egg can dish out goose eggs however you want them and I sure hope one of them is golden. His blog is very funny. He has a history in radio and a bow-tie fetish and if you were around in the 70's, you might have caught him streaking. Hum....

Unfortunately, he's been a bit water-logged lately due to flooding in the Deep South but we hope he comes up for air soon and can get back to his hilarious blog. In the meantime, I found some crazy eggs for us to poach in his honor:



I hope you enjoyed your meal. Please feed the tip jar on your way out.

Other photo credits: Dog squishing cat: Who knows? It arrived via email. Crazy golden eggs: jefito, flickr.com Creative Commons, Minnie Mouse: Wikipedia

Can I Have Your Keys Next Time?

Last week I did a post on student drivers. Now it's time to look at my own driving. Yes, it's confession time here at the ReformingGeek household.

Wait...

It's always confession time here. QUIT STALLING AND FESS UP, GEEK LADY!

Wow. Sounds like one of my personalities is getting a bit rough there, huh?

OK. I hope you're ready.


1. I caused a car accident. I know. It's unbelievable that sweet little innocent me would do something like this. He's the story:

I was a teenager and I was driving with three other silly girls as passengers. We had one of those little hand-held flip signs that had corny phrases such as "You're cute!" or "Honk if you can read this!" or other such nonsense. Basically, you flipped to the sign you wanted to post and and held it up to the window. Yeah. Things were exciting back then.

My friends spotted a car full of....you guessed it, BOYS! They were cute of course and they were already glancing our way. So my friend finds the "You're cute" sign and flashes it. The guys held their glance a bit too long and rear-ended the car in front of them. Oops!

I floored it and was gone in a flash. I always wondered what they told the cops.

2. I will occasionally turn the wrong way on a one-way street. DERN IT!

3. I have locked my keys in the car. It was a LONG time ago!

4. I opened a passenger door and a moving car hit it. It was a LONG time ago!

Watch out, Others. ReformingGeek's driving.

That looks like Hurley ReformingGeek.

Um....yeah....well....weird things happen to him, too. I'll get back to the list now.

5. I don't normally run red lights but a cop thought I did one time. He was wrong of course.

6. I don't normally speed much more than 10 miles over the limit but again, some silly cop thought I was going 45 in a 30. Unfortunately, he was right. I was trying to slow down. Really, I was. After being incredibly rude to me, he let me go. Dude. I'm old enough to be your mama or at least your auntie. BE NICE or at least BE POLITE! I really wanted to kick his.....er....you get the picture.

7. I once scraped another car's door while parking and didn't leave a note. It was just a wee bit of a scratch; hardly noticeable.

8. I scratched my side mirror on a post in a parking garage.

9. I was stopped at a red light and a motorcycle rear-ended me. Poor guy. I think he had just picked up his bike from the repair shop. He buzzed away uninjured but with a dented fender.

Here's a few things I'm proud of:

10. I don't flip anybody off (or at least where they can see it). Afterall, I live in Texas and I know some of these folks are packing heat.

11. I don't scream obscenities out my window (just a little Gosh Dern It under my breath).

12. If you see my windows fogged up, it's not because there is funny business going on in my car. It's just me, breathing deeply trying to stay calm.

And appropriate for #13:

13. When I was in college, I ran over a squirrel and cried all the way home. ;-(


Anybody want to go to lunch? I'll drive.

Photo credits: Confessional: Mars Hill Church Seattle from flickr.com Creative Commons, Dharma van, Lostpedia.com

It's RACSAN weekend!

It's race weekend around here. That's right. NASCAR. Um....I think I got it backwards in my title.

Oops.

I'm hearing a loud roar from my house which is about 7 miles from the racetrack (as the crow flies) and I can't believe these little cars make so much noise!


Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes?

Those are toy cars and some are still in their packages.

Oh. Ok. I will take my *wine and go play with them.

Fast forward a few minutes.

Ok. That was fun [hiccup] but I need to finish this post so let's get back to the races.

I hear that the best part is the crashes. I also hear that there are some people that never actually enter the stadium. They just wander from party to party. Attending races must be a very dangerous hobby because all I hear about is the "red necks". What are they doing that makes their necks red?

Uh, ReformingGeek?

Yes?

You're not getting it. "Redneck" is a slang term. Wiki defines a redneck as:

An uneducated, unsophisticated, or poor white person, typically used to describe residents of the rural Southern US. A redneck can be a man or a woman.
From the red bandana worn around the neck by West Virginia coal miners during the Red Neck War (1921).

Hum....so the entire state of Oklahoma comes down to Texas for the event?

Apparently.

The worst part of race weekend for me is the traffic. The traffic does not stop on Monday morning. That's when all the RV's leave and head home or to the next race. Didn't anyone explain that they don't have to leave the racetrack in a caravan?

In other news, the grim reaper has been a bit too busy lately. Hubby and I lost a neighbor. My friend lost a cousin. Recently, another blogger passed away. Bizarre things happen every day.
It seems to me that lots of folks go to their final destination in the spring time. What's up with that? Could it be that the grim reaper union allows many of the reapers to hibernate and and get caught up on their quotas when they wake up? SHEESH!

Warning: ReformingGeek is entering sappy mode.

Life is short. Do something fun. Spend time with your friends and family. Don't work too much. Live in the moment (not in the past or future).

Sigh.

Enough of that. Enjoy your weekend! May you not be down on your hands and knees repairing tile in your mother's bathroom.

Photo: istockphoto.com

*Honest, Officer. I wasn't drinking and writing.

Cooking Up the Thursday Trio

Time flies when you're having fun, or so they say. I'm "working" at my part-time job every day so I almost feel like I'm back in the daily grind.

Alas, poor ReformingGeek.

I know that I'm not getting much sympathy from you guys...


It's Thursday again and I'm ready to "cook up" something.

Uh....I mean ROAST!

Before I get started on that, we had our first hailstorm of the season Monday evening. Although the hailstones weren't much larger than golf balls, they made a "Gosh Dern" awful noise hitting our windows and siding.

Gosh Dern, ReformingGeek?

Yeah. That's mild cursing here in Texas.

Fortunately, the storm didn't do much more than leave tree poop all over the driveway and yard.


As soon as you guys get over here with your brooms and sweep up, I'll finish this post.

Waiting.....

Waiting....

Waiting.....

OK. FINE! (That's more mild cursing.) I waited. You didn't show and I had beer.

Cleanup can wait. I've got a post to write.


So it's on with the roasting business:

Jacki from Moving at the Speed of Life cooks up a storm and her concoctions always look so yummy! She is now the owner of a new Money Pit home so I'm wishing her the best on getting her house and household ready for the big move. So in honor of Jacki, here's a nice batch of homemade Spanish Rice. I wish you and yours could have been her to enjoy it. It was delicious!



Tracy from Rambling Thoughts of the Neverending Mind is next on the stove. Notice the "rambling" part of her blog name? Well, she does write long posts and leaves long comments although I'm not sure I would really call it rambling. Not knowing what Tracy really looks like (I've looked on all the porn sites and couldn't find her), I'm thinking she has long hair, like Rapunzel:



Be careful. Do not forget to send her a question for her Tuesday special "Ask Tracy" or else she may wrap you in her golden threads and strangle the last little bit of life out of you! Also, DO NOT offer her any unwanted pets. She may serve them back to you on a platter.


Last in the roasting pan today is Dizzblnd from Soggy Doggy Bloggy. Obey her commands and do the Sunday special, folks. She's a funny lady with great stories from her family's adventures (like loading trash cans into a small car) and from long days answering the phone and talking with idiots intelligent people planning to dig and avoid utility lines. I found this picture of her letting her boss have it one day:


Or maybe that guy is one of her dumbass callers!

That was three. No extra roast today but I'm planning on having roasted cat tonight!

Just kidding.

It would be too messy and it probably doesn't taste like chicken.

Photo credits: ReformingGeek's driveway quickly snapped by ReformingGeek Tuesday afternoon. No rights reserved. Spanish Rice quickly snapped by ReformingGeek while distracting Perspective Cat and Hubby. No rights reserved. Rapunzel: Wikipedia. Dizzblnd: Who knows? It arrived via email.