Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Wrinkle me not

Just when I thought I could get past the getting older posts, a friend sent me something today that just can't be left without comment. You may have seen it going around in an email but I feel compelled to add my own two cents. So here I sit with a glass of *wine and a belly full of my homemade lasagna conjuring up some perspectives (or sarcasm) on this "middle" part of life:

  • A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

Honestly, I don't care what anyone is thinking when I'm trying to sleep. The only time I nudge hubby awake is with my Bam-Bam club when he's snoring.

Truthfully this isn't very often as I'm usually snoring louder.

  • If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Hum...I'd actually like to watch the game. I like baseball and I can tolerate college and some professional football. If I'm feeling really aggressive, I can go for a cricket match! The whining is usually because I'm too busy doing uninteresting things.

  • Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
I'm not a very good shot. I'd probably make a mess of it.

  • Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
The magic words are "Here, let me do that for you honey"!
Flowers are a close second.

  • Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Yeah. We just let you think you've fooled us.

  • Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Wrinkles? Oh, no. Let's not go into this. The cosmetic industry won't let us forget about wrinkles. By the way we want be be considered sexy, hot, or at least attractive. Period. We don't want to hear "for her age" or "once you get past a wrinkle or two".

  • Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Uh oh. Better keep the face hole shut on this one!

  • Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants (or maybe a dude in an afro wearing platform shoes) making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Pathetic.

Oh, dear. If I was 22, I wouldn't even look at a old dude wearing yellow pants or the hippie with the psychedelic shoes.....Wait a minute. How much money did you say you made today? I like expensive shoes and I've noticed that hubby has almost as many pairs of shoes as me and that is so very very wrong.

  • For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Well said. I have nothing to add.

*All "mistakes" in this post will be blamed on said wine or my cat curled up beside me throwing hair on the keyboard.

I'm always up for some wrinkle-free smileys.


Kirsten said...

LOL! I like the sausage comment!

Ed said...

Ha ha. Having the fun reality of going through dating again in my 40s just a few years ago I can tell you...it's not only the old guys going for the young women, it's the women going for the young guys. I don't think there was very many women I dated that hadn't had their little "Mrs. Robinson" fling! Oh, and what's wrong with screaming at the opera?

ReformingGeek said...

@Kirsten - Thanks. If guys can make comments about boobs.....we can talk about sausages.

@VE - I can't imagine trying to date again. It's funny you mention women going for younger guys, I looked a few things up before I completed this post and realized there are a lot more "cougars" and MILFs out there than I want to admit.

Since I don't tend to frequent operas, you can scream all you want. I guess it fits in with some of the singing, huh?

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"