Sunday, January 10, 2010

Blog-Off 2010: Criminal Intent

Thanks again to all of you that voted for me last week. I made it through to Round Two in Blog-Off 2010. I must beg you again to vote for me over at Knucklehead this week. Polls will open as soon as Knucklehead wakes up out there on the west coast and are open thru Wednesday. More information about the contest along with my first entry can be found here.

This week's topic is a childhood anecdote. It's supposed to be true....

***Clearing throat***

I'm spilling the beans today. I'm usually a nice person and reasonably well-behaved.

Uh oh. My other persona, Evil Twin, is giving me stink eye. I guess she's not agreeing with my opinion of myself.

I may have some people fooled. Others have taken off their rose-colored spectacles and are seeing a different side of me.

Uh oh. Hubby is starting to get a bit uncomfortable as he reads this post.

There was a time in my life when I feared I was developing into a hard core criminal. You may be surprised to learn that by age 13, I was a hoodlum. Keep reading for details of the shocking chain of events leading to my disgrace.

When I was one, my mother brought me a little brother. What the sibling and what do you mean it's not all about me anymore? I proceeded to become deathly ill in order to be the center of attention once again.

When I was four, I was sure I knew everything. I thought I could beat the laws of physics while playing with my mom and brother on the swing set. I was fussing at my brother when I heard the snap.

OUCH! I broke my leg. My brother laughed. I started thinking evil thoughts and this may have been the birth of the Evil Twin persona.

When I was five, I was tickling other kindergartners in the back seat of a car and I was pushed towards the door. I fell out at the next stop sign.

Things were quiet for awhile although there was an incident in the school library when I was eight. I have been sworn to secrecy on that one, though.

In general, I was a little munchkin with wild hair and buck teeth; thin, but not under-nourished. I wasn't very fast and was seldom able to dodge the ball or the bully. I got bored with the Brownies and Blue Birds after about five minutes.

At age 10, Mom spanked me for being sassy. It was the only whooping I ever received but it obviously damaged me for life.

Uh oh. Evil Twin is rolling her eyes.

Puberty in all its glory showed up early for me. I will spare you the details of WTFs when the Wicked Witch of the Aunt Flo visited at age 11. My BFF at the time was mad at me because she was already 12 and had not been visited.

I got the curse but not the boobies. I had to do something to get attention so I resorted to shameful behavior. That's right. I stuffed my bra and started saying DANG! and GOSH DERN IT! all the time.

I was SO cool! My BFF and I puffed a cigarette my dad through in the grass.

**Coughing**

Next came the braces for my teeth and I was sporting few curves here and there. I kissed a boy after church one day. Mom would have spanked me again had she known.

With the full force of hormones taking over at age 13, that's when it happened. I got into a shouting match with a boy in my class. He got in my face. I shoved him. He kicked me.

We got caught. He went to the boys' principal and got "licks". I had to go talk to the girls' principal but she did not punish me. I reminded her that I saw her outside of school last week kissing another woman.

Oops.

Yes, indeed. It begins. A hoodlum is born.

Tune in some other time to find out how I turned my life around.

Photo: Yeah. that's really me at about age six.

46 comments:

Quirkyloon said...

The Geek! A Geek Not Yet Formed! hee hee

I knew you had it in you baby. I just knew it.

One more reason why you are and will continue to be my BBFF!

Shouting match? Wowzer.

Quirkyloon said...

But wait. I thought geeks never got into trouble?

So when exactly did you become a geek? Inquirkying minds want to know.

*smile*

CatLadyLarew said...

No wonder you're such a BadAss! I knew there was something devilish lurking behind that mild exterior!

UberGrumpy said...

:)

Satisfyingly wicked! Consistent lifelong chicanery! Respect

Jaime said...

the evil twin makes for some entertaining stories.

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - I think I became a geek when I joined the band.

@CatLady - Hee Hee

@UberGrumpy - Oh yeah. Watch out for geeks bearing crayons.

@Jaime - Yes, she's amazing and so much fun at a party.

Brian Miller said...

haha. wicked tale...i think i had an evil twin.

screwdestiny said...

That last part about the principal was the funniest. XD But who ever heard of a school having two different principals? That's strange to me.

Deb said...

Evil. Pure evil...and it's great!

ReformingGeek said...

@screwdestiny - Thanks and yeah, around here, there are separate principals.

@Deb - Thanks!

Chaotically Calm said...

Bom Dia (pronounced bon gia) Reforming,

I'm giving you a virtual fist bump for bribing the authority and getting out of "licks".

otin said...

So that is how you became you? It explains a lot, now put down the keyboard and back away from the computer! LOL!

ReformingGeek said...

@Chaotic - Fist bumping back at you!

@otin - Make me! ;-)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I totally love your mugshot and that last bit about using leverage against your principal. You were indeed a young hoodlum! And a manipulative one at that! Love it.....

Mr. Knucklehead said...

A boys' principal and a girls' principal? Interesting concept.

Good luck in the voting!

honeypiehorse said...

At my school the boys got swats but not the girls. I always thought that was reasonable.

Geek Lover Marv said...

Once a geek always a geek, but twice geeked? And evil twin at that? You got it bad, Reffie. Ok, off to vote. You DO need help! (wink)

The Old Silly

ReformingGeek said...

@MikeWJ - Hee hee

@Knucklehead - Thanks.

@honeypie - Yes, that's reasonable.

@Marv - Thanks. I always need help. ;-)

Jean Knee said...

oh my gack. we have so much in common. I was buck toothed with wild hair and far too skinny.

but I had the added horror of having to wear glasses--big geeky awful glasses

Maureen said...

Ha! So you learned the fine art of blackmail early eh? Good for you.

ReformingGeek said...

@Jean - I had the glasses but I was lucky enough to get wireframes!

@Maureen - Hee hee.

dana said...

Just call the THE SECRET TO LIFE: "Once you learn to fake sincerity, you've got it made"

Always address everyone with a "honey" at the beginning of a sentence.........and they'll never suspect you of being evil.

Random Chick said...

I voted for you. And you are not a hoodlum...in the serial killer kind of sense. You are just a rebellious kinda person and that's a good thing, right? Uh oh, if it's not then I'm a hoodlum too. ACKKK!!! I need to hear how your turned your life around. Help!!!

Meadowlark said...

Blackmail!!! I am indeed proud of you!

Jenn Thorson said...

Wow, you were really living on the edge there, weren't ya? :)

I can't imagine what you must have gone through to reform yourself... y'know other than blogging.

Mrsblogalot said...

Sly, sneaky and manipulative...greatness was born

ReformingGeek said...

@dana - Honey, you are just so sweet!

@Random - Thanks. That's right. There are no bodies buried in the backyard. Ahem.

@Meadowlark - You made my day!

@Jenn - You betcha!

@Mrsblogalot - Hee hee.

nonamedufus said...

Well I guess High school really IS good training for later in life...you manipulative little bitch, you. ;)

Funny post. Good luck.

Jean Knee said...

from our geeky beginnings we sure turned out hawt

Collette said...

WOW! Who would've thunk it? Our Reffie a hoodlum. I am so proud. (a lone tear falls down my cheek) It sounds like we may need an integration & get you reunited with your evil self...muahahahahaha. Ok, maybe not. We still love you the way you are! (((HUGS)))

ReformingGeek said...

@noname - Thanks and hey dufus, no name-calling. ;-)

@Jean - You bet!

@Collette - Thanks. I was afraid of losing friends after this one. ;-)

unfinishedrambler said...

So there are things we didn't know about your library too, huh? ;)

I smell a series. :)

Me-Me King said...

So, you were Sassy Girl before you were Geek Girl...seems like a natural progression.

Bee said...

Voted!

Mn, I can tell you stories about my childhood that would make you thank the lord I never had children for fear of another kid like me walking the Earth. Good luck! :o)

Leeuna said...

I loved your story and you were such a cute kid!

ReformingGeek said...

@unfinished - That's right. "Donna Noble has left the library."

Yeah, that was a Doctor Who reference.

;-)

@Me-Me - Absolutely a sass!

@Bee - Thanks. I feel the same way about not having kids!

@Leeuna - Thanks!

VE said...

Nice...you could have milked her for some cash while you were at it...

Jacki said...

I can't imagine you a hoodlum.

mama-face said...

LOL. Your future was written in stone when your mother betrayed you. Parents are terrible. I should know.

Ha. I have you beat. I was 10, YES,TEN years old when, you know...

At least I beat someone at something.

ReformingGeek said...

@VE - Dang. Another missed opportunity.

@Jacki - Thanks. I really do appreciate that.

@mama-face - I'm sorry you won that race.

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I'm not joking when I say that you blog is absolutely one of my favorites. And I supported you in the contest (and appreciated your reminder, because you know my memory). :)

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