That's me. It's time for me to let go of a few recent irritations.
**Entering rant mode**
Is everyone on the road operating in slow motion or am I the only one with ALL SYSTEMS GO? Yeah, people, move it along. Yes, at least somewhere close to the speed limit. Can you do that for me today? Pretty
Dear Brain,Where were you when I sent Hubby to the store to get mozzarella cheese for the lasagna only to leave it out?Signed,
Dear Laptop Battery,What the flying flip do you mean "Battery Power Depleted" and then showing me a black screen followed by a cease and desist of all whirring? I am feeding you power. Yes, it's plugged in and the outlet is functioning.Signed,
Geek Making Do Using Hubby's Computer
Dear Elderly Lady Behind Me at the Grocery Check-Out Line,Crowded GeekI'M NOT DONE YET. The mentally-challenged bagger is still bagging (yes, horribly, but he IS bagging). I'm still paying and I'm waiting on Hubby to return from the bread aisle, unharmed by the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and with an unholy loaf of bread. You can move your buggy back a little bit, K?Signed,
Please wipe that silly smile off your face. You look a bit like a clown and I'm not very fond of clowns.
Dear Maintenance Guy with Plumber's Crack and Staff Member Accompanying You at the Gym,The room is dark and full of ladies trying to wind their bodies into pretzels. I am instructing these ladies into a complicated yoga pose. Must you walk in and begin discussing potential punching bag repairs? Must you ignore me when I tolerate your conversation for awhile and then ask you to take it outside? I did say please.Signed,
One of you apologized and left but YOU proceeded to walk thru my class and survey the punching bag. OK. At least you shut up. Thanks for that.
Oh yeah. To the moron that stole the hair dryer from the gym: It's your fault that my hair looks like this today:
Dear Swifter Mop,You are a smelly turd! You broke as I was just getting started. Yes, I know you are plastic and have lasted umpteen years but I'm in no mood to hear your excuses!
Ok. Ok. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. One more time. Let. It. Go.
Ah, forget it.
CAT, QUIT PUTTING YOUR DEAD BIRDS IN THE EXTRACTOR AND BRING ME SOME CHOCOLATE!
Photo credit: hair: pindec on flickr.com, Creative Commons license (see sidebar).