Welcome, folks! I'm so excited to be here today. You are about to hear the greatest news and have the opportunity to be the first to purchase......
OK. OK. OK. Let me explain a few things before I continue.
No, you won't speak a new language in two hours.
No, you don't have to join my religious group where we eat Tex-Mex food and fart by the campfire every Saturday evening.
No, you won't lose 120 pounds in four months.
No, your penis will large grow to inches 12 not.
No, your breast size will not increase by four cup sizes after applying our product.
Whoa. Wait a minute.....
I digress. I'm trying to tell you that my opportunity is amazing. It has the potential for real change in our country.
I have solved our energy crises. We won't need Ahab's oil or the oil from the Alaskan Preserve. We won't need nuclear power. I'm so happy about this part. I'm tired of hearing folks butcher the pronunciation by calling it "nu-cu-ler".
I have invented the ultimate device. Energy creation will be immediate, clean, and renewable.
Without further adieu, here it is:
The PURR-EXTRACTOR 2010!
Just put a kitty in the collection chamber, close the lid, and press the button. Purr energy will be siphoned and sent immediately to your home's electrical system. When the lights dim, insert a new cat. When you're out of cats, grab your neighbor's cat or contact your local animal shelter.
But wait. There's more. Options for cat collection and a breeding farm start as low as $19.99.
I shall be rich.
- Silly blond woman misusing the device not included.
- Cats not included.
I wonder why Cat has been avoiding me lately.
-I think Evil Twin must have come up with this scheme. I would never hurt a kitty.