Thursday, January 21, 2010

Today's Deals: For only $19.99...

Welcome, folks! I'm so excited to be here today. You are about to hear the greatest news and have the opportunity to be the first to purchase......

Questions, already?

OK. OK. OK. Let me explain a few things before I continue.

No, you won't speak a new language in two hours.

No, you don't have to join my religious group where we eat Tex-Mex food and fart by the campfire every Saturday evening.


No, you won't lose 120 pounds in four months.

No, your penis will large grow to inches 12 not.


No, your breast size will not increase by four cup sizes after applying our product.

Whoa. Wait a minute.....

DANG!

I digress. I'm trying to tell you that my opportunity is amazing. It has the potential for real change in our country.

I have solved our energy crises. We won't need Ahab's oil or the oil from the Alaskan Preserve. We won't need nuclear power. I'm so happy about this part. I'm tired of hearing folks butcher the pronunciation by calling it "nu-cu-ler".

I have invented the ultimate device. Energy creation will be immediate, clean, and renewable.

Without further adieu, here it is:

The PURR-EXTRACTOR 2010!


Just put a kitty in the collection chamber, close the lid, and press the button. Purr energy will be siphoned and sent immediately to your home's electrical system. When the lights dim, insert a new cat. When you're out of cats, grab your neighbor's cat or contact your local animal shelter.

But wait. There's more. Options for cat collection and a breeding farm start as low as $19.99.

I shall be rich.


Fine print:

- Silly blond woman misusing the device not included.
- Cats not included.

I wonder why Cat has been avoiding me lately.


Super-fine print:
-I think Evil Twin must have come up with this scheme. I would never hurt a kitty.

37 comments:

Quirkyloon said...

Whoa!I thought to meself...is this the Refster or Da Evile-Refster?

You wrote an anti-cat post?

What is this world coming to?

hee hee

GregoryJ said...

The Saturday nite Tex-Mex fart sessions could probably produce a lot of energy, if we could only harness farts. There you go. A fall back plan.

Jean Knee said...

I don't know about cats but I have several neighborhood dogs I'd like to donate

Me-Me King said...

Sounds awesome! I really not a cat person; so, I'll gladly do my part to help with this important environmental issue.

Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

honeypiehorse said...

Wow, that is a new idea. Now, if it was a fat extractor people would line up for miles and we'd never run out of energy!

Leeuna said...

Wow. Cat energy. Reffie you're gonna be rich! There's enough cats in our neighborhood to power the whole state for a year.

K a b l o o e y said...

I;m covering my cat's eyes as I type (no small trick). I have to say, the price is right, but there's no "wait, there's more!"

There's got to be a "W,TM!", doesn't there? Ginsu? Free steak knives. Sham-wow? More Sham-wows. See? Just trying to be helpful.

ReformingGeek said...

@Quirky - I think Reffie forgot her meds.

@Gregory - **farting** Nice idea!

@Jean - I will work on the conversion.

@Me-me - Your expenses should be low.

@honeypie - Let's work on that together.

@Leeuna - See. Like I said. Cheap source of energy.

@kablooey - I'll make you a special deal.

Marissa said...

Wha?! Did you get a new dog? I'm pretty sure an evil dog wrote this post. :)

AmyLK said...

Cute! but I am still going to go and hide mt kitties in case you need to do some more R&D on the unit.

ReformingGeek said...

@Marissa - Evil Twin does seem to like dogs. Hum.....where is Nooter?

@AmyLK - Good idea. Just in case.

Purrfectly Amazed Marv said...

Now that IS a good deal! I just upgraded my cell phone for $19.99 and got internet, navigator, keyboard and all kindsa smart stuff - figured it was the best deal goin down ... but THIS. Purrrfect!

The Old Silly

VE said...

Nice...

How often do I have to change the hairball filters?

ReformingGeek said...

@Marvin - Thank you. When can I expect your check?

@VE - Shhhhh.

otin said...

If the 12 inch penis thing would work, I think that we could generate some purr energy! LMAO!!!!

Nooter said...

a few questions, please:

1. does it have a double locking lid?
2. is there room inside for more than one cat at a time?
3. does it have casters or wheels to facilitate rolling it out to the curb, oh, say on monday mornings for example?
4. the human wants to know if the woman in yellow is available for in-home demonstrations?

The Constant Complainer said...

Happy New Year, Reforming Geek. I am sincerely sorry for being MIA. But I'm back with a vengeance, baby.

I'm attempting to catch-up on some of your back posts as we speak.

ReformingGeek said...

@otin - I'm sure it wood....er...would.

@Nooter - I'm working on a version for puppies. No wait. That's Evil Twin, not me.

@Constant - It's good to have you back!

Random Chick said...

Whoa! That's awesome. I have some cats I'd like to donate to your cause.

Fine print: I would never hurt a cat either but sometimes my two cats really annoy me.

Lauren said...

Damn! I only have one cat, although she's a heifer. Maybe she'll be good for several loads of wash and a dishwasher cycle. Sign me up! Here Kitty, Kitty.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nooter said...

ha ha! that last comment was dump!

CatLadyLarew said...

The purr-fect use for cats! I love it! Sign me up for one!

ReformingGeek said...

@Random - Yeah. Cats were invented to drive us nuts.

@Lauren - Maybe you could find some strays.

@Nooter - And it has been dumped.

@CatLady - Just send me your money and your all signed up!

Donna said...

HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY CAT!!!!!!!

TINKERS! OH TINKERS!!!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Great idea!! Only problem might be a terrible allergy to cats...Has this issue been addressed?

ReformingGeek said...

@Donna - I found Tinkers. The device rejected him.

@Mary - I'm working on a version to siphon squirrel energy.

UberGrumpy said...

Does it do pigeons? I hate pigeons

Debbie(singlemom;complicatedworld) said...

hee hee! NO wonder the cat is avoiding you!! although its really NOT a bad idea!LOL!

Deb said...

Who do I send my check to? I would like four, please. I'll UberGrumpy know if it accepted pigeons, too.

ReformingGeek said...

@UberGrumpy - Hum....a pigeon attachment. Great idea!

@Debbie - Thanks! It would nice if we really could siphon that energy!

@Deb - Me, me, me!!!! Pigeon attachment is in the works.

Skye said...

Too bad I can't see the pic, oh well, the post is descriptive enough. I have to admit, this idea must have come from Evil Twin, I just can't see sweet you coming up with this kind of an idea. Unless of course the kitty is being snuggled and cuddled in that box. Somehow though I don't believe that is the case. Although, with a bit of tweaking the device could be made to do that in which case the cat would purr more and you'd get more power output. Just a thought :D

Maureen said...

Ahhhhh! No... Although I would invest in a Stupid People instead of cats version. There are far more of those around you know.

ReformingGeek said...

@Skye - Yes, it was Evil Twin but I'm trying to come up with a more healthy use for it. I love your idea!

Welcome back!

@Maureen - Stupid version. Yes. I like that.

Mrsblogalot said...

Is it wrong that I cracked up at this?

My cat better not even look at me funny!

Anonymous said...

What a great resource!

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

There are two ideas here that I really, really like: compressing cats for energy (brilliant!); and a religious group that eats Tex-Mex while farting around a campfire. You're a genius, Reffie!


"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"