Sunday, December 14, 2008

Do Rei Mi Fa So La Ti Do

I'm being dragged kicking and screaming into the season but I'll be damned if I'm going to go to a "Christmas pageant, bazaar, or concert" or whatever you call them these days. That being said, let me explain.

When I was in college, I still thought I was Baptist (I grew out of that and I won't bore you with my take on organized religion). Our church put on a Christmas "event" every year. This was a kitchy song-and-dance thing with Baptist-style choreography set to some of the traditional songs (Sleigh Ride is ruined for me because of this).

OK. That was Act I. In Act II, they woke you up with the Hallelujah chorus. By my third year of this I was very glad to hear the final note and to see that exit sign. I know that I didn't have to go, but my BFF and the guy I had a crush on were in the show so I really couldn't miss it.

Baptist-style choreography is some of the simple steps you would see in a basic Jane Fonda Aerobics video from the 80's. It's gets very boring by the third song. Remember that strict Baptists aren't into dancing or drinking or just about anything that might encourage sex folks to have fun.

I don't have kiddos, but if I did I'm sure I would have cringed listening to them sing their little Christmas songs at the school concert. I can remember my mom with the fake smile plastered to her face as she attended as few of these little events as possible. I'm sure my kid would have had a great voice and all the other little brats darlings would have sucked.

I will say that there are some very talented church choirs and vocalists out there and I don't intend to offend anyone who is into this kind of thing. I really do enjoy nice music and beautiful voices. But I'm not into kitchy. And since I'm trying to be funny here please just play along.

Another thing I remember from church holiday celebrations is the "opera lady". It seems she was always called "Wanda". This is the lady who is always asked to solo in church and was obviously trained by a cat or in the traditional sing-real-high-notes technique of screech, scream, and shake. When she was singing, you start looking around to see if there is an earthquake or if the stained glass is about to shatter. OMG! Literally.

OK. Feeling better now. I think that must have been a rant.

Yesterday, Hubby and mulched up all the leaves from Canada that blew in 2 weeks go. This must have been an act of stupidity. Mexico has now sent me all of their leaves and the south-facing backyard is starting to look like it did before we started. DAMN!

Photo: ReformingGeek backyard 30 minutes after mulching - Elf You Mexico

As for Canada, I hear that you guys are sending us some Arctic air. Brrrrr. Can you just keep the air and send rain instead?


Anonymous said...

If you're getting our cold air, tell me if you notice a funny smell. My car's fan belt seems like it's burning a little bit, but no one else but me seems to smell it.

Deb said...

"Trained by a cat": LOL! I was dragged to church by mother kicking and screaming when I was a little kid. My mother, myself and Nana sitting in the same pew. Nana can't sing to save her soul, but she was always the loudest. I would always be shaking from laughing so hard, which would get my mother laughing, which would get the people around us laughing. Nana was oblivious and had the time of her life singing every Sunday.

I have lots of scarves, mittens and fuzzy socks should you need some!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gawsh RefGeek! This is hilarious! And I just want you to know that I long to be a Wanda! I want to screech and belt out those Christmas hymns!

And for a few bucks I'll even dance too!

hee hee

ReformingGeek said...

@Poobomber - yeah, I smell it. Thanks for that!

@Deb - My BFF must know your Nana.

@Quirkyloon - Thanks. I would love to hear you sing. I'm sure that YOU DO NOT screech!

Marvel Goose said...

to paraphrase Will Rogers...

"I belong to no organized religion. I am an Episcopalian."

Did those leaves really come from Mexico or was it just the Mexican Leaf Blowers?

ReformingGeek said...

@Marvel - You're on to me. It's the neighbor's leaves from a lot they don't maintain. It so open out here I feel like I get stuff from Canada and Mexico, though.

Anonymous said...

Damn Canadians!!

Meg said...

The other day a local church had a live camel in front of it. I asked my kids if they knew the reason. They didn't. Ever hear of Bethlehem? Nope. I guess when it comes to church and religion, I'm a D+ mom.

But I do like me those Celtic Christmas songs.

ReformingGeek said...

@Prefers - Yes, the Celtic music very nice. Not much screaming. That's funny about your kids.

"1.00s, 1.50s, 1.75s for the short arms. If you know what I'm talking about, you're probably old, too."

"Boomer brain fog: What was the last, middle, and first part of what you just said to me?"