28 Days of Writing - And then my head exploded

In the beginning, I was so innocent.  Then she said it is ONLY 28 days of writing.  It will be over before you know it.  It was like the Olympics, only without all the repetitive commercials or Bob's eye infection, or blabbering figure skating commentary....or Johnny Weir wearing Tara Lipinski's underwear.  They just kept going.  I was sad during the closing ceremony, though.   I loved that bear, that bunny, and that giant KITTY!  I was glad the kitty didn't try to chase the bunny.  Mine would have.

What was I saying?  Oh yeah.   Those cheesy folks were LIARS. It was 28 days of labor. Thank goodness I wasn't delivering a baby. On the other hand, it was 28 days of fun and laughter.   I enjoyed reading everyone's posts and those that wrote stories deserve all the gold in Canada.....or was that California?

Anyway, it had to be aliens that allowed me to post for 28 consecutive days. 

And then my head exploded and Cat ate my brains.

Sigh.

We were fooled in more ways than one.

Cat is a Zombie.

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Some of the others may be Zombies today, too.  Enjoy the brainz.

Thanks to the Cheesy folks for hosting this challenge!

Photo borrowed from this site.

28 Days of Writing - How did you find out?

We've got everything ready, all of our ducks in a row.  Cat has groomed himself six times for the occasion.  Our guests know the drill - pick up Reffie for a birthday drink but instead drive to the bungee-jumping park.  Reffie will be so surprised.

I AM NOT GOING BUNGEE-JUMPING!

Hey, how did you know what we were planning?

Oh, please.  We are the same person, you dufus.

------------

Enough already.  ONE. MORE. DAY.

Sigh.  Where IS that bottle?

Go find out if these folks are plastered yet.

28 Days of Writing - Naked and Lost

Let's check in with Reffie and her hiking group one last time.  It looks like the folks in the tent are stirring......


Alice: It feels wonderful to have slept so well last night. 
Joe:  Ugh.  Keep your voice down.  My head hurts.

Alice:  Pffft.  You hogged that rum we had last night.  You have a hangover.
Joe:  Sigh.

Alice:  Um....anybody seen Reffie?

The others start looking around inside the tent, turning out sleeping bags, stepping on legos barefooted, and calling out to her.

Reffie?  REFFIE?

Reffie (or maybe it's Evil Twin) comes into the tent.  "What?"

Alice:  Um...
Joe:  Hubba.
Cat:  ME-OW!

Reffie:  Yeah, I'm naked and lost my clothes in a round of Texas Hold'm downstream.  Does anybody have something I can wear?  Oh, and where did that cat come from?

Our story ends as Reffie and her group sloshed their way down the mountain.  They found the nearest IHOP and ate their fill in pancakes.  As they checked into the Holiday Inn, they made sure there were no rattlesnakes in their rooms.

These people may or may not be nekkid today.

28 Days of Writing - Social Media

I've noticed I spend quite a bit of time using social media, specifically Facebook.  In general, I like it.  It's a good way to stay connected with people I don't see often and for me to be exposed to different types of people that I've "met" through blogging.   I enjoy seeing my friends' photos and knowing what's happening in their day-to-day lives.  A few jokes and videos here and there make it fun.

Of course there are things I find bothersome:

• I don't need to know about every meal you've had today.
• I don't need to know about your religious or political views over and over again.  In other words, that is primarily all that you post and it comes across as if you are trying to convert people to your way of thinking.
• I am somewhat bothered if I make an effort to comment or "like" your posts but you rarely do the same for me.
• I roll my eyes when you frequently use Facebook to promote your business interests on your personal page.
• I know your children/grandchildren are wonderful but I don't need to see photos of them every day.

I realize, though, that it's your personal page, and I respect that you can post what you want.  Just keep in mind that you risk losing your audience if you don't show some discretion.

Finally, Facebook is a tool.  Use it and don't let it use you.  Don't let it replace personal contact with real people.....only fake people.   Ha!

Um....Evil Twin?  What ARE you posting on my page?  Step away from the keyboard, NOW!

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See what the others have to say about social media today.

28 Days of Writing - And then she said

And then she said "Go swim in your own pond!" and threw me and my fishing pole out.

What did you do?

I forgot Valentine's Day.

Ugh.  That's bad.

No.  I have an excuse.  Last year I brought her a huge mahi-mahi to make for our dinner and she spouted sewage at me for a month.

Um....most women don't like to cook on Valentine's Day.  They want to be wined and dined.

In our pond, it's too much whining and not enough dining.  Last year,  I drank all of the wine waiting on dinner.  I finally cooked the fish myself while she went to soak in the hot lake with her girlfriends.

Dude, you are still not getting it.  You need to show her you love and care for her.   Actually, you need to do that every day, not just on Valentine's Day.

Well, um.....Oh, I see.  Sigh.  I guess I could gut those fish I caught and clean up my messes in a more timely manner.

Now you're catching on a bit.

Ok.  Ok.  I'll make those repairs to our nest and replace all the wine I drank.

Good job.  I gotta go.  Waddle back to your little stream and give her a big feathery hug.

Quack.  Quack.

--------------

Spend some time with some of the other animals today.  It's survival of the fittest with this darn writing challenge.

28 Days of Writing - There are things

We rejoin Reffie and her group of hikers spending the night on the mountain.....

"Ok, folks, let's settle down.  It looks like Joe is already out for the night.  After his scare with what may or may not have been Bigfoot,  let's just let him sleep it off.

Thanks to Alice for finding that bottle of rum in her pack.  Most of you will be sleeping well.

Evil Twin, stop talking like a pirate!

Hiccup.

Excuse me.

It might be a rough night.  I'm hoping Bigfoot is also sleeping it off but we've all heard the expression there are things that go bump in the night.  Out here, I'm pretty sure it's not an urban legend.

If you here any bumps, thumps, or kerplunks out there, let me know.   Oh, and I'll need a volunteer to investigate, 'K?  You don't expect me to go out there, now do you?

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I hope it's safer over at Nicky's today.

28 Days of Writing - It's only a dream

My weird dreams seem to get more weird as I get older.

What's with the multiple versions of the classic "fear of failure" or "lack of control" dream?

• You signed up for a college course but forgot to attend and it's time for the final. 
• You're out walking around without any pants.
• You really didn't graduate from college because there is a problem with your diploma.
• You're up and getting ready.  You're in the shower but the water is heavy.  You're trying to get dressed but your arms won't work right.
• The stairwell you are on becomes a technical climbing expedition and you just can't get to the exit door.

I've also been plagued with some strange nightmares.  My most recent night scare involved exploding fireballs headed towards the building I was working in, a building I have not been in since the late 90's.  I was using elevators and stairs during the attack. Weird stuff.  I woke up shaking, telling myself the classic "It's only a dream.  It's only a dream."  I certainly wanted to be back in Kansas with Toto.

I'm wondering if perhaps Evil Twin has anything to do with these dreams but I think that nightmare may have been the fault of a warm night and a hot cat snuggled against me.

Actually,  I have no clue.

Oh, and those stairs?  Maybe I watched this video too many times:

Stairway Illusion

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Climb the stairway to heaven with the others today.

28 Days of Writing - Yes, I made that

Reffie, Cat, and Evil Twin are relaxing watching the Olympics.  Reffie remembers she needs to write something for "Yes, I made that".......


Reffie: What should we do for this prompt, you'll?

Cat:  Meow.

Evil Twin:  I think he wants to show you something he made in the litter box.

Reffie:  Ew.

Evil Twin:  I made this:

Reffie:  In your dreams.

Evil Twin:  Yeah, well, you can talk about it in a couple of days.  Dreaming is one of the prompts for this crazy writing challenge you're doing.

Reffie.  Ah, the writing challenge.  Good one.  Yes, I made that happen....so far.

Snort.

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Hop on over to Canada to see what the other participants made today.

28 Days of Writing - Chaos

"So, how did it go with the snakes, Joe?"

"Are you kidding?  It was awful, a complete cluster eff, er, I mean it was CHAOS.  Just as I was about to snare a rattler, this huge creature came out of the woods.  It was dripping wet and obviously hungry.  It was chasing a rabbit but the rabbit got away.  He saw my snake, grabbed it and bit off...."


**retching noises**


"Ok, my stomach feels better now. Let's just say we aren't having grilled rattlesnake tonight."

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Oh my.  Poor Reffie, Joe, and the rest of that stranded hiking party.   I wonder what will happen to them next?

For more chaos, check in with the cheeses.

28 Days of Writing - Tastes like chicken

We join our heroes, Reffie and Evil Twin, on a mountain somewhere.  Reffie is leading a group of hikers.....somewhere.  And Evil Twin?  We aren't sure what has happened to her.

........

OK folks, it looks like we're stuck on this mountain overnight.  Let's get in the tent out of the rain so we can open our packs and turn out our pockets and see what we have for food tonight.

Thanks.

Wow.  This is an interesting pile of, er, stuff:

• $1.53 - I hope that's not all you have for my tip.
• 1 broken and crumbly granola bar - Ok, this looks promising.
• 3 used tissues - I sure hope that isn't from your last trip to the bushes, Joe.
• 2 dog biscuits - Well, um, Rover won't go hungry.
• Rover - No, we're not that desperate.  Keep him away from that granola bar.
• A pocket knife - Aha!

Here's the plan.  There is a reason this canyon is called Rattlesnake Canyon.  What do you think we've been hearing?  Joe, you're looking brave and I bet you're skilled with that knife.  You kill a few of those snakes.  The rest of us will see if we can get a fire going.

Cheer up, folks. They taste like chicken.

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More chickens are laying eggs here.

28 Days of Writing - Liars

When I was growing up, one of the worst things we could do was tell a lie.  That was very, very, BAD, and my brother and I were appropriately punished.  Well, the punishment worked.  I'm not much of a liar.

I'm not talking about white lies.  Sometimes, those are necessary in order to not hurt someone you care about or someone you need to respect, like a boss.  When your boss asks you if they look fat, what are you going to say?

Don't answer that.

The lies that people tell to cover up their mistakes are the ones that really get to me.  It bugs me that some people are not able to accept the consequences of their actions and lie in order to get out of trouble.

There are those that convince themselves that their perspective is truth.  I guess it is to them but it doesn't make it fact.

Enough of this serious stuff.  Let's find some funny.

One of the funniest lies I remember is from an episode of Red Dwarf where Lister is trying to teach Kryton to lie.

Hee Hee.  Stop hanging around on youtube and go check out the other liars.

28 Days of Writing - I faked it

Hm...."faking it" is not a strength for me.  Maybe I need to work on that.

Wait.  That could imply that everything I've written on this blog is true.  Ahem.  Well, ok, maybe I'm better at "faking it" than I thought.  When it comes to blogging, let's not call it "faking it".  How about embellishment?  Or exaggeration?    Yeah, that's better.

No, Evil Twin, I'm not misspelling "fake."  The post is not about "effing it", 'K?  I think that would be an easy post to write as I'm sure must people have wanted to say that about something in their lives at one point or another, usually involving an employer.

Most of us have also "faked it until we've made it" a time or two, knowing that we need to appear confident and "with it" when we really feel completely clueless and afraid.  I know I've had to do that a few times in my corporate days when I was standing up in front of group of people leading a IT requirements analysis session.  Not that I didn't have the skill, I just didn't have the confidence or was learning a new part of the business.  It still happens, occasionally, when I teach fitness classes, usually when I have to teach a different format or face a room full of cold stares when I'm subbing for a favorite instructor.

Oh, and I bet some of you think that Evil Twin is fake.  Well, er, maybe.  Then again, maybe not.

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Find other fakes (not flakes) at Nicky's.

28 Days of Writing - Shakespearean English

A couple of nights ago, I was awakened by something.  I wasn't sure what.  I had been hopeful for a restful night of sleep after all the late nights of writing.

Haha.

YEEGADS!  What IS that smell?  Did the cat....?

Nope,  no stinky messy cat packages seem to be the issue.

It's an overly sweet smell.  Hey, what happened to my body spray?  It seems to have sucked the life out of the air. 

"Here's the smell of blood still:  all the perfumes of Arabia 

will not sweeten this little hand.  Oh, oh, oh!"

It was Evil Twin, of course, studying MacBeth, practicing her delivery using my body spray as blood.  Oh dear.  I think our late-night activity with the axe and that succubus might have damaged her in some way.

Sigh.

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These people write Shakespeare better than Shakespeare himself.


 

28 Days of Writing - My ears are ringing

"That is one strange ringtone."

"What?"

 "I SAID THAT IS ONE STRANGE RINGTONE!"

"Oh. I didn't hear you.  My ears are ringing."

"Yes, I know that, you twerp, and those mobile phones look stupid clipped on your ears."

"Well, you said today's topic was 'My ears are ringing" so I thought would help you find something to write about."

"Thank you, but ringing in the ears is a medical condition, Silly."

"Oh."

"Um, if you put some tin foil on your head,  maybe you could.....  Nevermind.  Here's a banana, you monkey.  Go back to your closet.

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Head on over to the cheese place and see what's ringing over there.

28 Days of Writing - It had to be aliens

Each night I hear a low rumble outside our window.  Hubby says it's just a freight train.  We have tracks nearby.    "I'm tellin' you.  There is an indention in our grass the size of a large saucer."    It's dark when he leaves and gets home.  He never sees it and it's gone by the weekend.

I'm convinced Evil Twin is helping them erase the evidence of their visit.

I've had several out of body experiences.  I'm sure I was inside that ship being tickled, er, probed.  Ouch.  Folks around town are acting strange, driving like they are possessed and weaving like they're avoiding something in the road.

I'm setting up a web cam to capture what is truly happening out there.

......

Pfffft.  I was convinced it had to be aliens but it wasn't. It's Evil Twin out there herding cats, coyotes, and the deer, making crop circles.  Oh, and the tickling?  Um, never mind.

I need to stop eating right before bedtime.

--------

There might really be aliens writing about themselves here.

28 Days of Writing - Incommunicado

Exactly.  Cat, Evil Twin, and I are finalizing our report on the Aliens.  Their pie holes have been open and I'm pulling my hair out.....and breathing in cat hair.  Sigh.  I'm hoping Cat will get laryngitis, have lunch with a vacuum cleaner, and settle in for a long snooze.  Perhaps Evil Twin will fall into a soundproof hole.  I could use some peace around here.

If that doesn't work, I'm locking myself in Evil Twin's closet or transporting myself to a black hole.

May your day be filled with the beautiful silence of space.

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For more of the silent treatment, check in at Nicky's.   There might be a CheesyMike spotting.

28 Days of Writing - One Bite

1101101_

Oh dear.  Those bits don't even make one byte.  One bit short of a byte.

A few bricks short of a load.

A taco short of a combo platter.

The elevator never makes it to the top floor.

One piece short of a jigsaw puzzle.

A deck with an extra joker.

Well, ok, so I just made some of those up but they fit with living with Evil Twin.


One Bite = False:

• Can I have just ONE bite of that cake you're having?
• I'll just have ONE of those cute little candies.
• I'll just have ONE slice of that delicious sourdough bread.
• I"ll have ONE small chunk of that yummy Cheddar.

I'm sure none of you ever took a bite out of each piece of candy in the box putting the half-eaten piece back in its slot.  Oops.

Stop by and visit Nicky.  She may or may not bite.

28 Days of Writing - Succubus

"Riddikulus!"

"RIDDIKULUS!!!"

Sigh.  Not working.

"STUPEFY!"

Klonk.

"STATUFY!"

Stiff. Much better.   I'm going to get this thing out back and practice my chopping skills.

"Hey, Evil Twin, have you seen my axe?"

Thanks.

"Help me carry this thing. Be very, very quiet.  I don't want to wake up Hubby.  This thing was making some strange noises hovering around him in there.  It sounded a bit like a vacuum."

Go see what is making sucking noises over at Nicky's.

28 Days of Writing - Zombies

It was a dark and stormy night.

No, really, it was.

The thunder and lightning kept waking the cat....and me.  Little did we know THEY were advancing under cover of the storm.  I was looking out the window.  Somehow the lightning flashes did not show them.

The doorbell rings.  Cat jumps sky high and then runs for cover, bouncing off Hubby's crotch.  I can fell my heart pounding as I throw on a robe and some shoes.  Hubby stirs and reaches for the shotgun.  Ever since we heard about the herd of mutants living in the forest nearby, we have started preparing ourselves for their attacks.

I look out the peephole.  I don't see anything out there.  I slowly and carefully open the door.

"Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?"

Um....

Girl Scouts.  Phew.  Glancing at the clock, I realize it's only 8:30 pm, a little late for these midgets but it was an early night for us.

Perhaps the mutants will get a quick snack and leave us alone for awhile.


I hope I didn't ruin your craving for Peanut Butter Patties.  Stay indoors at night and safely check out the other Zombies.

28 Days of Writing - Dylan

Huh?  As in Bob?

Well, um, let me do some checking.

.....

What is that noise?

Oh, Evil Twin is singing.  I can't understand the words or the melody.  Gasp!  I think she is singing Blowin' in the Wind.  I love that song that she is butchering.  The cat could probably sing better.

Yep.  That's all I've got.  I'm off to find my Peter, Paul, and Mary's Greatest Hits CD.

"Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea...."

YEEGADs, stop trying to sing, PLEASE!  Dylan didn't write that one.

If you've still got some ears left, go see what the others have Dylanized today.

28 Days of Writing - Damn

Dam.

What a silly topic. Maybe I should write about the Hoover Dam.

Maybe not.   Oh, beavers.  I'll write about beavers.

The animals, of course.  What were YOU thinking?

A picture tells a good story so I went searching for a damn, er, dam photo.  Then I remembered our hike to Beaver Dam Lake at Yellowstone.  There were no beavers (or bears!) and I didn't even photograph the remnants of a dam, damn it.  Then I saw this photo from Firehouse Falls:

Yeah, that's right.  There's a dam.   Hubby said those folks didn't have any darn damn sense.  That was a steep incline.  I hope they counted all the kiddos when they got back to their car.

For more hell and damnation, go to Nicky's place.

28 Days of Writing - Hint, Hint

Get a clue.

Red

I was sure it was Mrs. Peacock with the lead pipe in the library.  It wasn't.  Evil Twin deliberately mislead me.  Now she wants to play Password.  There is no telling what kind of clues I'll be getting from her.  I don't think we will make a good pair.

Sweet

I always liked $25,000 Pyramid.  Having to come up with those clues under the gun seemed a bit nerve-wrecking, though.

Dark

There were and are some crazy game shows out there.  Another one I remember watching was Hollywood Squares with the same boring celebs every time.  I'm pretty sure they had an almost empty bottle out of sight of the camera.


Juicy


Hm...I see Evil Twin is dropping some hints about what she wants for Valentine's Day.  I'm having some trouble here.  What do you think she wants?

Click here to find participants with a clue.

28 Days of Writing - Scatterbrained

A friend of mine now calls it "chemo" brain but when her kids were toddlers, it was "mommy" brain.  She's being treated for breast cancer and seems to be doing well.  What is my excuse for this brain fog, this cruel torture?  I'm going with middle-age.  I love the knowledge and experience of being older but dern it, I don't like this sudden head full of air.

It's the difficulty focusing and the inability to go directly to the car in a full parking lot.  I wish I could blame Evil Twin for moving the car around while I shopped.  A few years ago, I was sure I lost my car.   I was searching for it in the wrong parking garage.  Oops.

Has everyone seen the Super Bowl commercials?   I particularly liked the RadioShack commercial about the 80's wanting their store back.  Hee Hee.  Along those lines, the 80's called here.  They found my brain, scattered in pieces in the university overflow parking lot.

Finally, some answers.

I've heard there are brains over at Nicky's.  Don't tell the Zombies.

28 Days of Writing - The Empty Bottle

It's such a hard life.  I am more than just a bottle you know.   I have purpose but I am trapped in this void of nothingness.  Glass ceilings have never been more real.

Daylight gives me hope as I can see the transparent world in action around me.  I love the sun shining through me.  It feels so warm and soothing.  I am a beautiful vessel.  The dark of night is brutal, though.  I yearn for the reflective power of just a bit of light.  It's exciting when someone has to turn on a light to get to the headache medicine during the night.  Ha!  Serves them right.  They shouldn't have emptied me so quickly and put me in this state.

I call out to them to release me.  They ignore me.  WAIT!  Something is happening.  I'm being approached.  Oh, oh, MY!  This is wonderful.   I have been turned upright.  Thank you so much.  I can live again.


Wait.  WHERE are you taking me?

--------------------

Sheesh.  Talking bottles.  What next?  Thank goodness the recycle bin goes out tonight.

There are others out there bumping into things because of empty bottles.

28 Days of Writing Challenge - When Hell Freezes Over

Hell HAS frozen over, folks.  The devil has replaced his pitchfork with a snow shovel and has taken up ice carving.  If you find yourself sentenced to the place down under, your punishment might be to carve the likeness of Justin Bieber's mug shot.....FOREVER. 

Since the "hot" place is now frozen, why I am not getting all those things I asked for and was told "When Hell freezes over?"

Mystery solved.  I've been lied to all my life.

Other lies:

• Spring will be here soon.
• This won't hurt a bit.
• It won't leave a scar.
• Try it, you'll like it.
• "You have won..."
• This way is shorter.
• I know exactly where I am.
• Your face will stick that way.

I just realized I say that last one to Evil Twin all the time.

Go directly to Hell and read the other frozen entries.

28 Days of Writing - Temporary Insanity

Well of course, it's this writing challenge.  What was I thinking?  I've got things to do, a life to live, cats to feed, and Evil Twins to soothe.  Wait.  I think I have just one Evil Twin, thank goodness!

My creative mind needs work, so I write.  A life needs balance after all.

It's just like when I signed up to run a marathon and then signed up again to do one the following year.   I lost my marbles and some cartilage along the way.   We runners are probably more than temporarily insane, though.  Yesterday, I  did an 11-mile run with sleet pellets bouncing off my sunglasses.  At least the temps were above freezing (barely). The sunglasses were to keep the pellets out of my eyes.  Snort.  Oh, and yes, there was/is plenty of snot.

I think the cats have the right idea:  train an insane human to feed you, fetch your toys, and to provide a warm lap for your bath and naps.  With pets, temporary insanity is the new permanence.

I hope you are enjoying this writing challenge as much as I am.  ***Bangs head against wall*** There are more crazies in the asylum.

28 Days of Writing Challenge - It was no accident

I'm not sure how much I agree with the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy although I will admit that looking back I can see how some things fell into place.  Or is that just hindsight?  It's easy to find connections in an analysis of the past.  Is it like the folks that look back at things that someone said and make it fit as a prediction because it somewhat resembles something that actually happened?  Like looking back now and finding that someone predicted Hitler.  Yeah....um....doubtful.

Whoa.  That sounded deep.

Maybe it's the Aliens.  According to some folks on TV, everything unexplained that happened a long time ago had to be the result of an alien visitation.

Following the clarity of the past, I can see roadblocks here and there, as can Hubby, and perhaps because of these roadblocks, we ended up working together and meeting.  Isn't it possible that we could have met even if those roadblocks did not happen?  Let's talk quantum physics.

Ok, let's not.  I'm already lost.

Evil Twin is a believer that is is no accident that she is here to guide me in life.  That's right.  The Aliens made sure of that.

For accidents waiting to happen this month, go directly to cheese.

28 Days of Writing Challenge - Gouda

"Just be", said the Buddha.  Actually, I have no idea if he said that but I love that expression.  I say it to Cat and Evil Twin frequently but they must be deaf or brain-damaged as there is no change in their behavior.

This Buddha guy figured it out.  It was a struggle but he found enlightenment and peace and before his statue could blink, he had Groupies.  Even in current times, he has lots of followers, unlike Gouda, who only has a few followers, primarily a Canadian named Nicky who came up with this crazy writing challenge.  Poor Gouda (and Nicky) must feel so under-appreciated.  On the other hand, I bet I could down some wine with Gouda and be perfectly at peace.

Click here for more Gouda writing slices.

Peace out.