Sunday, March 8, 2009

When the Wind Blows.....

We've been having some nice weather down here in Texas. It's been really windy, though. There's crap blowing all over the place and I'm digging some very strange things out of my flower beds.

It's windier than being on the 99th floor of the Sears tower in Chicago and feeling the building sway back and forth.....back and forth.......You get the picture.

ReformingGeek pictures herself running for the stairwell and making it down to the 1st floor in 15 minutes flat........Then she pukes.

I'm scared of heights. I'm not sure I could go to the 99th floor of any building much less one that is moving back and forth.

Anyway, the nice weather blew THE YARD NAZI out from under her rock. Now before I rant about the NAZI, I will say that we have some great neighbors and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else right now.

This neighbor is always in her yard. Her yard is nice but she always has advice and I've heard it least six times. She "loaned" me gardening books last fall. No. I didn't ask. She just brought them over. Hum.......

She is also a drama queen.

Late last summer, I'm all comfy on my sofa reading your blog posts. Hubby is watching TV. I hear a very fast-paced "knock, knock, knock, knock......knock, knock, knock,knock,knock" on my back door. It was loud and almost staccato. I recognized the knock. It was either her or Chicken Little as it sounded like the sky must be falling.

I was hopeful that it was the pool guy or at least Kiefer or even Jack the Ripper.

DAMN! It IS her and she's got a wild, panicked look on her face.

Neighbor: "Do you have water running?"
Me: "Um, no."
My Evil Twin: Yeah. I'm in the shower with Hubby. Do you mind?

Neighbor: "I've got a puddle near my backdoor and I thought it must be coming from your house/yard since you're uphill."
Me: Um, no. [Insert plastic smile.] Maybe next door. Let's go check.
My Evil Twin: I thought your yard looked dry so I ran a fire hose to the property line and turned it on.

It was my next door neighbor's hose, accidentally left on all afternoon, and she was in her house oblivious to the "drama" unfolding around her.

I breathe a sign of relief. Another life-altering crises avoided.

So she gave me gardening books. I looked at the books and then they sat in my bay window all winter. Oops. It looks like my evil twin took over.

When I do training runs, I pass YARD NAZI'S house. Of course she's outside. She's always outside. I have my ipod on, earbuds in place, and it's playing some rawking tunes as I labor my way past her house. She calls out. I call back "Hi" and something about the nice weather and keep on running. As I turn my back, I wipe away my "smile" and I hear her say something about her books. I also hear her husband coming up to her. He's probably calling her off. I mumble a thanks to myself and make a mental note to bake him a casserole or something.

Yeah, right.

Fast forward to Saturday. I'm all comfy on the couch reading your blog posts (Do you see a pattern here?) Hubby is watching TV and I hear "knock, knock, knock, knock......knock, knock, knock,knock,knock" on my back door.

I say nothing. Hubby gets up to answer.

DANG! She asks for me (She saw me outside earlier - must remember to wear disguise next time.)

I give her the books. She tells me a story I've heard before. She starts talking about the drainage issues (again). Hubby and I walk her outside and she finally blows away. I was about ready to use the "I've got something on the stove" excuse.

Actually, it wasn't that bad this time. Maybe because it's been 4 months since I've seen her.

I think I'd better get busy in the yard.

This post reminded me of the very funny Britcom Good Neighbors. I really liked Barbara and Tom and wanted them to do well. What's your favorite British Comedy?


Unknown said...

I just hate busy-body neighbors. Thankfully, all of my neighbors stay to themselves as I have learned that if I introduce myself, their problems become my problems. I love the way you insert your evil twin everywhere! That's pretty funny.

I don't watch any British TV, so I can't share anything there

Anonymous said...

Note to self: Do not lend Reffie any books!



Funny girl! Funny evil twin! (I like her!)

ReformingGeek said...

@dizzblnd - She is definitely the busy-body type but she's OK in small doses.

@quirky - Yeah. My evil twin may eat the books next time. ;-)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

if she has so much time on her hands tell her to feel free to clean your yard up too.

Deb said...

You have a Nazi neighbor, I have a skinhead neighbor. Twins? Mine's 86 years old and hates the fact that I have dark hair and eyes as I am not of the perfect race, oh damn. How old is yours?

ReformingGeek said...

@Queen-Size - I agree. I'm reaching for the phone to call her.

@Deb - She's 70 something. Maybe she's the skinhead's niece. She has the light coloring.

Bee said...

Sounds like Mrs. Cravitz or Crabitz or whatever the name of the neighbor on Bewitched was.

Anonymous said...

Oooh. She sounds lonely. You should invite her in for a nice lemonade and some cookies. Do your part for your community.

heheh Like I do. ... Haven't you learned to HIDE yet????

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

Yeah, see that's why we moved out of the neighborhood settings. I couldn't stand my neighbors knowing all of my business.
When I was extremely pregnant with Emma and it was the middle of August so not only was I as big as a house, I was hot as hell too, we had this neighbor who always seemed to be outside when I came out and he would always say "You STILL haven't had that baby yet, huh?"
It wasn't ever funny but it got even more un-funny when I got to be two weeks overdue and the freakin kid wouldn't come out.
There was one time he asked me and instead of answering him, I waddled myself into the garage and grabbed the hedge trimmers and was going to go after the guy before the hubs stopped me.
That was my breaking point.
I don't do well with neighbors.

ReformingGeek said...

@Bee - That's just about it.

@dana - I'm working on a few master disguises.

@Tracy - Hedge for me!

Anonymous said...

you should pee on her bushes, thats what i do when i want to send a message...

Ed & Jeanne said...

O.M.G. Is that a gnome in your post? I feel so proud...

ReformingGeek said...

@Nooter - My cat does that!

@VE - You should be honored. My other neighbor has gnomes and with these winds, I'm surprised when they don't blow in my yard.

Chat Blanc said...

I love it when the cats go and poop and pee in the nosy neighbor's yard! Sweet justice! :) P.S. get more cats! ;)

Anonymous said...

I haven't checked out any British comedies lately, but way back I LOVED Benny Hill and Monty Python.

Anonymous said...

I think there is a Yard Nazi in every neighborhood. I enjoyed this post!

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